Toddler advice thread #3

WhatABore · Nov 29, 2022

Jellybean093 said:
He’s been dry at night since July (this was him deciding)! I put him on the toilet at 10.30 last night and no accidents. Really don’t know why he’s regressed

I'd try not to stress about it and just pop a pull up on him.
Easier said than done to not stress and wonder why. But adding a big deal around it will just make it more stressful Most kids aren't actually dry until 5

Megatron1298 · Nov 29, 2022

@strawberrysunshine_x yep we do a bit of tv but it’s getting him off it, I think today I was just getting frustrated that I wanted him to play independently and it wasn’t happening. I think like most of my complaints on here I just get over the constant battles all the time, and I definitely pick my battles so I’m not dying on a hill between 1 biscuit or 2

@al255 what a superstar mum you are doing it solo! Although sometimes it does feel like I may as well be doing it solo with my somewhat useless husband he can be of use when I’m really desperate.
we got to go for a drive just the two of us today while my husband had the baby after he finished work, and the toddler had some great chat, so at least I can go back to saying I do like him

strawberrysunshine_x · Nov 29, 2022

Megatron1298 said:
@strawberrysunshine_x yep we do a bit of tv but it’s getting him off it, I think today I was just getting frustrated that I wanted him to play independently and it wasn’t happening. I think like most of my complaints on here I just get over the constant battles all the time, and I definitely pick my battles so I’m not dying on a hill between 1 biscuit or 2

@al255 what a superstar mum you are doing it solo! Although sometimes it does feel like I may as well be doing it solo with my somewhat useless husband he can be of use when I’m really desperate.
we got to go for a drive just the two of us today while my husband had the baby after he finished work, and the toddler had some great chat, so at least I can go back to saying I do like him

Aww bless him . Hang in there. He won’t be a little terror forever I hope haha. He’s probably feeling unhappy about sharing his mum? Boys are ultimate mummy’s boys. My fella can go for a bath for a hour & he doesn’t bat an eyelid. I go for a shower & 2 mins he’s coming looking for me. It’s nice to be loved but sometimes a wee in peace would be lovely .

WhatABore · Nov 29, 2022

Megatron1298 said:
@strawberrysunshine_x yep we do a bit of tv but it’s getting him off it, I think today I was just getting frustrated that I wanted him to play independently and it wasn’t happening. I think like most of my complaints on here I just get over the constant battles all the time, and I definitely pick my battles so I’m not dying on a hill between 1 biscuit or 2

@al255 what a superstar mum you are doing it solo! Although sometimes it does feel like I may as well be doing it solo with my somewhat useless husband he can be of use when I’m really desperate.
we got to go for a drive just the two of us today while my husband had the baby after he finished work, and the toddler had some great chat, so at least I can go back to saying I do like him

If you leave the TV on, will he just sit and watch it and not do anything else?
We actually have the TV on constantly in the background and always have. But because of that, all the kids have always played independently whilst the TV is on and they don't sit and just watch it because we've always had it on.
Is that an option to try?

strawberrysunshine_x · Nov 29, 2022

WhatABore said:
If you leave the TV on, will he just sit and watch it and not do anything else?
We actually have the TV on constantly in the background and always have. But because of that, all the kids have always played independently whilst the TV is on and they don't sit and just watch it because we've always had it on.
Is that an option to try?

This is us too. He doesn’t actually watch It unless really tired. He plays and listens to it

Megatron1298 · Nov 29, 2022

WhatABore said:
If you leave the TV on, will he just sit and watch it and not do anything else?
We actually have the TV on constantly in the background and always have. But because of that, all the kids have always played independently whilst the TV is on and they don't sit and just watch it because we've always had it on.
Is that an option to try?

He will happily watch tv all day unfortunately he turns into a little zombie. I might try audio books though i remember having some success with that before though!

WhatABore · Nov 29, 2022

strawberrysunshine_x said:
This is us too. He doesn’t actually watch It unless really tired. He plays and listens to it

Exactly.
They pick up a lot just listening to it as well.

But anytime I say we have the TV on constantly, people are like

They probably watch a total of 15 minutes out of the whole day though and don't see watching TV as a special thing so don't care about it.

Meg78 · Nov 30, 2022

I came to the realisation today that I get far more frustrated with my child when we stay at home than when we go out, which is so strange as I have a runner and I always assumed out would be more stressful! (She races off like a zombie from the walking dead at the first opportunity) Admittedly I only risk activities that involve cages nowadays (buggies/trollies) but a jaunt to the supermarket or garden centre to trot along pointing things out is significantly more enjoyable than being smacked around the head with a tambourine whilst crying over a broken biscuit. I feel rather guilty that I prefer the company of my child when she’s quiet and pinned down, but I also feel like I’m a nicer calmer parent in those situations, does that make sense?

Megatron1298 · Nov 30, 2022

Meg78 said:
I came to the realisation today that I get far more frustrated with my child when we stay at home than when we go out, which is so strange as I have a runner and I always assumed out would be more stressful! (She races off like a zombie from the walking dead at the first opportunity) Admittedly I only risk activities that involve cages nowadays (buggies/trollies) but a jaunt to the supermarket or garden centre to trot along pointing things out is significantly more enjoyable than being smacked around the head with a tambourine whilst crying over a broken biscuit. I feel rather guilty that I prefer the company of my child when she’s quiet and pinned down, but I also feel like I’m a nicer calmer parent in those situations, does that make sense?

That totally makes sense and I think I’m the same. I attempted the supermarket without said cage and omg disaster he sprinted off after I had paid and I had to go find him. Why are they so fast.

I am such a homebody I find it exhausting being out all the time but it is much more pleasant than being yelled at for tv and snacks at home

al255 · Nov 30, 2022

Meg78 said:
I came to the realisation today that I get far more frustrated with my child when we stay at home than when we go out, which is so strange as I have a runner and I always assumed out would be more stressful! (She races off like a zombie from the walking dead at the first opportunity) Admittedly I only risk activities that involve cages nowadays (buggies/trollies) but a jaunt to the supermarket or garden centre to trot along pointing things out is significantly more enjoyable than being smacked around the head with a tambourine whilst crying over a broken biscuit. I feel rather guilty that I prefer the company of my child when she’s quiet and pinned down, but I also feel like I’m a nicer calmer parent in those situations, does that make sense?

I am 100000% that parent who would rather be out all day, enjoying the outdoors or at a playgroup than my child trashing the house and annoying me cos she’s bored. Ever since she was young and we could go out to groups (inbetween covid lockdowns etc) I’ve done what I can. Everyone tells me how it’s great how much I do with mini A but it’s for my own sanity In a week it’s rare we have one full day inside. She wants to be outside in all weathers and I’m glad! I find it easier being outside and there’s less tantrums too

Magnolia4 · Nov 30, 2022

Could I ask from which age more or less you started going out regularly? I have a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old - the oldest goes to nursery since I work full time (we live in Germany, I’m now on maternity leave though) but I always struggled to take the oldest out since as a baby she was essentially crying 24/7 which I think just caused extreme anxiety and I’m still traumatized the baby now is fortunately calmer, only cries when hungry. Issue is he’s *constantly* hungry, like nurses every half an hour (he’s 8kg at 3 month old ) which again stresses me out to no end going anywhere with him. Thinking I’m at the supermarket, then he screams for milk and I can’t give it to him straight away, then all hell breaks loose I’ve gone out with him before obviously but then there’s always a 15min screaming session in the middle of Aldi with everyone watching and I can’t handle it, would rather stay in (last time even the cashier was like “oh maybe he’s hungry”. No shit Sherlock ). Basically every outing has to be planned to the second and this honestly stresses me out so much that I end up just staying home. Goes without saying that then taking both out is also not exactly a relaxing situation. Any tips? Simultaneously I’d like to go out more since I feel my mental health also struggles being home all the time can never find a perfect balance, oh being a parent

al255 said:
I am 100000% that parent who would rather be out all day, enjoying the outdoors or at a playgroup than my child trashing the house and annoying me cos she’s bored. Ever since she was young and we could go out to groups (inbetween covid lockdowns etc) I’ve done what I can. Everyone tells me how it’s great how much I do with mini A but it’s for my own sanity In a week it’s rare we have one full day inside. She wants to be outside in all weathers and I’m glad! I find it easier being outside and there’s less tantrums too

Megatron1298 · Nov 30, 2022

Magnolia4 said:
Could I ask from which age more or less you started going out regularly? I have a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old - the oldest goes to nursery since I work full time (we live in Germany, I’m now on maternity leave though) but I always struggled to take the oldest out since as a baby she was essentially crying 24/7 which I think just caused extreme anxiety and I’m still traumatized the baby now is fortunately calmer, only cries when hungry. Issue is he’s *constantly* hungry, like nurses every half an hour (he’s 8kg at 3 month old ) which again stresses me out to no end going anywhere with him. Thinking I’m at the supermarket, then he screams for milk and I can’t give it to him straight away, then all hell breaks loose I’ve gone out with him before obviously but then there’s always a 15min screaming session in the middle of Aldi with everyone watching and I can’t handle it, would rather stay in (last time even the cashier was like “oh maybe he’s hungry”. No shit Sherlock ). Basically every outing has to be planned to the second and this honestly stresses me out so much that I end up just staying home. Goes without saying that then taking both out is also not exactly a relaxing situation. Any tips? Simultaneously I’d like to go out more since I feel my mental health also struggles being home all the time can never find a perfect balance, oh being a parent

Our kids are the same age gap! It’s so so hard with two, and my first sounds similar to yours in that he cried all the time

are there any baby groups you can go to? Cafes, parks and libraries are good. Places with opportunities to sit down so you can feed but also keep an eye on the toddler?

I just wanted to post a small win as I’m always up in here complaining 🥲 I had a super productive day with the baby viewing new daycares and even managed a coffee and cake treat. But the real win was solo dinner bath and bed with the two kids! It went so well, minimal tantrums from the toddler and the timing all just magically fell into place thatthe baby went to sleep first so I could have a lovely 30 min bed time routine with the toddler and everyone went to sleep without too much complaint! I could only wish every night is like this as I am solo parenting all week next week… but taking the win here!

Anyone else have any small or big wins they want to share?

strawberrysunshine_x · Nov 30, 2022

Megatron1298 said:
Our kids are the same age gap! It’s so so hard with two, and my first sounds similar to yours in that he cried all the time

are there any baby groups you can go to? Cafes, parks and libraries are good. Places with opportunities to sit down so you can feed but also keep an eye on the toddler?

I just wanted to post a small win as I’m always up in here complaining 🥲 I had a super productive day with the baby viewing new daycares and even managed a coffee and cake treat. But the real win was solo dinner bath and bed with the two kids! It went so well, minimal tantrums from the toddler and the timing all just magically fell into place thatthe baby went to sleep first so I could have a lovely 30 min bed time routine with the toddler and everyone went to sleep without too much complaint! I could only wish every night is like this as I am solo parenting all week next week… but taking the win here!

Anyone else have any small or big wins they want to share?

Aww that’s lovely!!! Sounds just like what you needed. Are you feeling better now. Sometimes we need to get it off our chest. I’m glad you had some alone time with your toddler. I bet he’s really missing it you know!! Mine would absolutely hate to share me I know he would last night when he was going to sleep ( I always lie with him) and he climbed onto my chest and fell asleep there 🥹🥹. I had to move him after 5 mins cos he’s so heavy but it’s so sweet he does that sometimes
Does your husband / bf work away? Mine works long hours and often goes at 730 and isn’t home til 7pm so I do tea bath and bed on my own probs 6 days a week and it does take its toll can’t imagine doing it with a baby as well ! You’re doing amazing

WhatABore · Nov 30, 2022

Magnolia4 said:
Could I ask from which age more or less you started going out regularly? I have a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old - the oldest goes to nursery since I work full time (we live in Germany, I’m now on maternity leave though) but I always struggled to take the oldest out since as a baby she was essentially crying 24/7 which I think just caused extreme anxiety and I’m still traumatized the baby now is fortunately calmer, only cries when hungry. Issue is he’s *constantly* hungry, like nurses every half an hour (he’s 8kg at 3 month old ) which again stresses me out to no end going anywhere with him. Thinking I’m at the supermarket, then he screams for milk and I can’t give it to him straight away, then all hell breaks loose I’ve gone out with him before obviously but then there’s always a 15min screaming session in the middle of Aldi with everyone watching and I can’t handle it, would rather stay in (last time even the cashier was like “oh maybe he’s hungry”. No shit Sherlock ). Basically every outing has to be planned to the second and this honestly stresses me out so much that I end up just staying home. Goes without saying that then taking both out is also not exactly a relaxing situation. Any tips? Simultaneously I’d like to go out more since I feel my mental health also struggles being home all the time can never find a perfect balance, oh being a parent

Tbh, I've never really gone out much. We've always stayed home a lot and I think because of this, my kids are happy to sit and play at home and luckily have never complained they're bored

When ive got a baby, if we do go out, like you say, it has to be calculated and its so much stress, making sure you've got bottles, times around sleep, times around feed ect.
My youngest has just stopped napping so it's only now we can just go out and do whatever without having to worry about time.
But usually I wait until theyre all at an age where I can give them snacks to keep them quiet/occupied

Magnolia4 · Nov 30, 2022

WhatABore said:
Tbh, I've never really gone out much. We've always stayed home a lot and I think because of this, my kids are happy to sit and play at home and luckily have never complained they're bored

When ive got a baby, if we do go out, like you say, it has to be calculated and its so much stress, making sure you've got bottles, times around sleep, times around feed ect.
My youngest has just stopped napping so it's only now we can just go out and do whatever without having to worry about time.
But usually I wait until theyre all at an age where I can give them snacks to keep them quiet/occupied

Thanks for this, it’s nice to hear It feels like as mums there’s so much pressure to do all the things but honestly sometimes I just feel like being home and not have to stress about schedules and places to be. You’re right, it’s also fine to wait until baby is at least a tad older and can also be distracted with snacks etc. I think a lot is also to do with the German culture and the whole “there’s no bad weather, only bad clothes” (I’m Portuguese, so complete clash of cultures there, when there’s 3 drops of rain everybody immediately stays inside ).
When I mention to my husband we stayed home and it’s also very cold etc anyway, he’s immediately like “well fresh air is very good etc” sure mate, that makes sense but you do that with a baby hanging from your boob and a screaming toddler demanding attention and then we talk For now I’m happy to go out here and then as baby allows and soon he also grows a bit and we’ll manage more easily
It’s in any case nice to hear all of your experiences and feel we’re not alone in this, motherhood can be tough sometimes 🥲

WhatABore · Nov 30, 2022

Magnolia4 said:
Thanks for this, it’s nice to hear It feels like as mums there’s so much pressure to do all the things but honestly sometimes I just feel like being home and not have to stress about schedules and places to be. You’re right, it’s also fine to wait until baby is at least a tad older and can also be distracted with snacks etc. I think a lot is also to do with the German culture and the whole “there’s no bad weather, only bad clothes” (I’m Portuguese, so complete clash of cultures there, when there’s 3 drops of rain everybody immediately stays inside ).
When I mention to my husband we stayed home and it’s also very cold etc anyway, he’s immediately like “well fresh air is very good etc” sure mate, that makes sense but you do that with a baby hanging from your boob and a screaming toddler demanding attention and then we talk For now I’m happy to go out here and then as baby allows and soon he also grows a bit and we’ll manage more easily
It’s in any case nice to hear all of your experiences and feel we’re not alone in this, motherhood can be tough sometimes 🥲

My oldest is nearly 10 and in the start, I would feel bad seeing all the Mums constantly going out every day.
But in the end, I've just not given a crap what others think. I've never been to a baby group. I've been to soft play once, hated it, left early
My kids don't know any different and are happy and content playing at home and I'm fine with that

strawberrysunshine_x · Nov 30, 2022

I think I only started taking mine out when he was like 2? We’d go to the odd place but frequented soft plays, parks and cafes when he was around 2. And now he’s gonna be 4 in April and we don’t go as many places now. Cos he’s at pre school all week. Usually at the weekend we go to football, he has started that a few weeks ago and if I’m off on a Saturday ( I get two Saturdays off every 4/5 weeks) we go somewhere like a woodland walk or a play centre .

al255 · Nov 30, 2022

Magnolia4 said:
Could I ask from which age more or less you started going out regularly? I have a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old - the oldest goes to nursery since I work full time (we live in Germany, I’m now on maternity leave though) but I always struggled to take the oldest out since as a baby she was essentially crying 24/7 which I think just caused extreme anxiety and I’m still traumatized the baby now is fortunately calmer, only cries when hungry. Issue is he’s *constantly* hungry, like nurses every half an hour (he’s 8kg at 3 month old ) which again stresses me out to no end going anywhere with him. Thinking I’m at the supermarket, then he screams for milk and I can’t give it to him straight away, then all hell breaks loose I’ve gone out with him before obviously but then there’s always a 15min screaming session in the middle of Aldi with everyone watching and I can’t handle it, would rather stay in (last time even the cashier was like “oh maybe he’s hungry”. No shit Sherlock ). Basically every outing has to be planned to the second and this honestly stresses me out so much that I end up just staying home. Goes without saying that then taking both out is also not exactly a relaxing situation. Any tips? Simultaneously I’d like to go out more since I feel my mental health also struggles being home all the time can never find a perfect balance, oh being a parent

I really struggled with it when she was a newborn I just felt like I couldn’t juggle taking everything out and having to faff around, but thankfully we were in lockdown. Once she was 1 it got better - no bottles during the day really so it was just nappies and wipes! I don’t mind it now as I can control why she’s upset and I can deal with a crying toddler normally cos I’ve said no! But you have to remember going to places / playgroups etc everyone knows kids cry and you’ll always get people that stare at you or make a comment! Just ignore them.

Our routine from when she was 1 has always been - Monday & Tuesday nursery as I’m at work, Wednesday a toddler group and Thursday outside somewhere! Then Friday she’s with family as I work again. When she was 0-1 year I found it stressful like I said but now she’s not as demanding it’s so easier

Meg78 · Nov 30, 2022

See if we stay at home my child very much enjoys a spot of parkour

https://giphy.com/P2eWE9KN62V3O
Far safer to use a trolley and spend an hour in the veg aisle naming things!

Megatron1298 · Nov 30, 2022

strawberrysunshine_x said:
Aww that’s lovely!!! Sounds just like what you needed. Are you feeling better now. Sometimes we need to get it off our chest. I’m glad you had some alone time with your toddler. I bet he’s really missing it you know!! Mine would absolutely hate to share me I know he would last night when he was going to sleep ( I always lie with him) and he climbed onto my chest and fell asleep there 🥹🥹. I had to move him after 5 mins cos he’s so heavy but it’s so sweet he does that sometimes
Does your husband / bf work away? Mine works long hours and often goes at 730 and isn’t home til 7pm so I do tea bath and bed on my own probs 6 days a week and it does take its toll can’t imagine doing it with a baby as well ! You’re doing amazing

Yup having the kids solo at night was a big mental hurdle for me but I’ve survived twice now so I know I can do it! My husband travels sporadically but normally only a night at a time, next week is the first time he’ll be gone for 5 nights

it’s really tough doing the dinner bed routine no matter if there’s 1 or more (I think I’d lose it if there was more than 2 haha), that must be really tough having to do it on your own so often! Sounds like
Your doing amazing too x

I did love when my toddler used to come into our bed and sleep on top of me like I was his personal mattress hahah, but damn they do get heavy pregnancy put an end to that unfortunately!

Toddler advice thread #3

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