I don't work, my husband is full time (long shifts over 4 days). I do everything housework wise, he does DIY. Obviously that's 100% fair and I'm very lucky to be in this position, but I do wish I could split the cliché of the mental load sometimes.
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There’s 2 of us, no kids. He works from home, I don’t and probably work more hours than he does
I do the majority of shopping and cooking (all dinners, and most weekend cooking), he will cook/make his own lunches and breakfasts. Occasionally makes dinner when it’s hello fresh or something easy. He also always washes up/cleans up/ does the dishwasher after I’ve cooked.. and after he’s done it too.
in terms of cleaning,we do a ‘big’ clean once a week, I do downstairs he does upstairs (I also do a deep clean upstairs when he’s away but he doesn’t know this……….). He also does the bins and cat litter because he’s wonderful.
Ill generally put a load of washing on before I leave for work, and it magically gets dried and colder ready for me to put away
He would love it if I let him cook more but a. I’m a self confessed control freak an b. He’s rubbish
I think it’s pretty fair between us. I probably “do more” but he does the crappy boring jobs so it works for us
edit: DIY we share, he does the manual stuff (drilling, stuff like that I do the stuff requiring attention to detail like painting especially cutting in)
I do the majority of shopping and cooking (all dinners, and most weekend cooking), he will cook/make his own lunches and breakfasts. Occasionally makes dinner when it’s hello fresh or something easy. He also always washes up/cleans up/ does the dishwasher after I’ve cooked.. and after he’s done it too.
in terms of cleaning,we do a ‘big’ clean once a week, I do downstairs he does upstairs (I also do a deep clean upstairs when he’s away but he doesn’t know this……….). He also does the bins and cat litter because he’s wonderful.
Ill generally put a load of washing on before I leave for work, and it magically gets dried and colder ready for me to put away
He would love it if I let him cook more but a. I’m a self confessed control freak an b. He’s rubbish
I think it’s pretty fair between us. I probably “do more” but he does the crappy boring jobs so it works for us
edit: DIY we share, he does the manual stuff (drilling, stuff like that I do the stuff requiring attention to detail like painting especially cutting in)
No kids here. I work from home most days and he works long hours in the city. Tbh I would do more but my main mission in life is to not end up like my mother doing EVERYTHING for absolutely no reason or thanks so I play them at their own game and just don’t, or pretend I don’t ‘see’ certain things so he has to sort it out.
I did a lot more previously as was originally working a very low workload job I loved for tit pay so had a lot of extra time to help him out and do chores. Once I moved onto a well paid but very stressful role I realised he was taking the piss a bit, every day it was "can you take my car for an MOT" "can you go to the pharmacy for me" "can you post this letter for me" "my washing is in the machine can you hang it up" it was exhausting. It was essentially a second full time job just doing all of his life admin so I had to put my foot down - e.g. wet washing was left so now he only does it when he knows he will be there to hang it up, rather than just assuming I will do it.
I do all the cooking, shopping and meal planning. He does all DYI, gardening and takes the bins out (I pretend to forget when bin day is). Washing is 50/50. Cleaning is a bit of a Mexican standoff atm - but it's probably 50/50 in the end. Originally he cleaned the kitchen each night after I cooked which was probably unfair tbh but in the spirit of not ending up like my mum I tried to see how long I could make him do it... He stopped eventually though.
He did live on his own for a while which really helps in terms of the mental load as he literally had to set up his own mortgage and bills etc, but otherwise all planning falls to me. I really worry about if/when we have kids but I'm hoping this is a much fairer foundation on which to build a family and deal with all the associated workload (that will inevitably fall to me).
I did a lot more previously as was originally working a very low workload job I loved for tit pay so had a lot of extra time to help him out and do chores. Once I moved onto a well paid but very stressful role I realised he was taking the piss a bit, every day it was "can you take my car for an MOT" "can you go to the pharmacy for me" "can you post this letter for me" "my washing is in the machine can you hang it up" it was exhausting. It was essentially a second full time job just doing all of his life admin so I had to put my foot down - e.g. wet washing was left so now he only does it when he knows he will be there to hang it up, rather than just assuming I will do it.
I do all the cooking, shopping and meal planning. He does all DYI, gardening and takes the bins out (I pretend to forget when bin day is). Washing is 50/50. Cleaning is a bit of a Mexican standoff atm - but it's probably 50/50 in the end. Originally he cleaned the kitchen each night after I cooked which was probably unfair tbh but in the spirit of not ending up like my mum I tried to see how long I could make him do it... He stopped eventually though.
He did live on his own for a while which really helps in terms of the mental load as he literally had to set up his own mortgage and bills etc, but otherwise all planning falls to me. I really worry about if/when we have kids but I'm hoping this is a much fairer foundation on which to build a family and deal with all the associated workload (that will inevitably fall to me).
He works full time. Approx 55-60 hours per week. I work part time, 22 hours per week. He has hybrid work so is home the 3 days I work but office the 2 days I don’t work.
2 kids who are busy
I do meal planning food shopping and all the cooking. I pre plan and have meals ready for the days I work. I do the house deep clean once per week.
He does most of the laundry, washing drying putting away. Same with the dishwasher. He does all the kids activities to and from training and games and generally keeps the kitchen space tidy and clean when I’m not around.
This allows us to be in a position that when evening/ weekends come the time is ours.
Garden work all him diy mix of us both.
2 kids who are busy
I do meal planning food shopping and all the cooking. I pre plan and have meals ready for the days I work. I do the house deep clean once per week.
He does most of the laundry, washing drying putting away. Same with the dishwasher. He does all the kids activities to and from training and games and generally keeps the kitchen space tidy and clean when I’m not around.
This allows us to be in a position that when evening/ weekends come the time is ours.
Garden work all him diy mix of us both.
I work part time (4 full days a week) and he works full time. We have a toddler.
I’d say I do 95% of it. He hoovers occasionally, will fold washing and do the dishes if I ask repeatedly. A lot of the time it gets left so I do it myself in the end.
I do all of the laundry, bed changes, bed making, actual cleaning and tidying etc. He puts away his own clean clothes but leaves mine and sons. I do all of the cooking and food purchasing as well.
I’d say I do 95% of it. He hoovers occasionally, will fold washing and do the dishes if I ask repeatedly. A lot of the time it gets left so I do it myself in the end.
I do all of the laundry, bed changes, bed making, actual cleaning and tidying etc. He puts away his own clean clothes but leaves mine and sons. I do all of the cooking and food purchasing as well.
I work Monday - Thursday 8-4 , he works 12 hour shifts , 4 on 4 off in the military so is usually away for those 4 days so I do 99% of all household chores. My son's dad takes him to school when I'm working. I set my son up for school before I leave for work , come straight home to start dinner . I do all the cleaning on my day off , change beads etc. Washing , all me , he will take it out if the washing machine and out into the dryer when he is around. He will wash up after dinner , but I do all the cooking.
I always say , I work 30 hours per week and then I have my unpaid work at home
. He finishes work and his free time is his own , whereas me , my " free time " is cooking , cleaning and clearing up after him and my son. I'm exhausted to be truthful , and fed up
I always say , I work 30 hours per week and then I have my unpaid work at home
. He finishes work and his free time is his own , whereas me , my " free time " is cooking , cleaning and clearing up after him and my son. I'm exhausted to be truthful , and fed upI feel the same, most of my free time is housework. If I complain about it or I’m tired of it i get the response of ‘don’t do it then’I work Monday - Thursday 8-4 , he works 12 hour shifts , 4 on 4 off in the military so is usually away for those 4 days so I do 99% of all household chores. My son's dad takes him to school when I'm working. I set my son up for school before I leave for work , come straight home to start dinner . I do all the cleaning on my day off , change beads etc. Washing , all me , he will take it out if the washing machine and out into the dryer when he is around. He will wash up after dinner , but I do all the cooking.
I always say , I work 30 hours per week and then I have my unpaid work at home
My husband and I both work, 40-60 hours a week (although currently on mat leave) and we have an 8 month old. We have always shared things 50/50 down the middle but we've kind of found a natural split. He likes to cook, so I'll wash up, I love doing washing but hate hoovering. It's neverreally been discused, just happened naturally.
My husband and I (no kids) both work Monday-Friday 9-5 and we pretty much split it down the middle. It’s just kind of happened naturally that way, we never really discuss who does what.
We have a cat and he does all the litter tray upkeep, he does the bins, any DIY he will do.
Food shopping, cooking and cleaning the kitchen afterwards we always do together. Neither of us can comfortably sit on the couch while the other cooks, so we always stay in the kitchen and help each other out.
hoovering is 50/50, unless the cat has made a mess with his litter, it’s usually me who will mention getting the hoover out, but most of the time he will take the hoover off me and do it himself.
washing, I usually get the basket out and put it in the washer (he doesn’t always think to do it), but he will help me put the washing on the line & radiators etc.
the bathroom, dusting etc probably wouldn’t get done if I didn’t start doing it, but he will always join in.
im lucky that he had a very good example growing up with his dad, who’s always done his share. I do sometimes feel guilty that he does a lot because he’s a manager and works harder than me, but he insists on doing things.
don’t get me wrong, he isn’t perfect, he is very messy and doesn’t understand we own a bin half the time and he can’t seem to clean the toilet after himself, but I ignore that because he does do a lot and he works hard.
We have a cat and he does all the litter tray upkeep, he does the bins, any DIY he will do.
Food shopping, cooking and cleaning the kitchen afterwards we always do together. Neither of us can comfortably sit on the couch while the other cooks, so we always stay in the kitchen and help each other out.
hoovering is 50/50, unless the cat has made a mess with his litter, it’s usually me who will mention getting the hoover out, but most of the time he will take the hoover off me and do it himself.
washing, I usually get the basket out and put it in the washer (he doesn’t always think to do it), but he will help me put the washing on the line & radiators etc.
the bathroom, dusting etc probably wouldn’t get done if I didn’t start doing it, but he will always join in.
im lucky that he had a very good example growing up with his dad, who’s always done his share. I do sometimes feel guilty that he does a lot because he’s a manager and works harder than me, but he insists on doing things.
don’t get me wrong, he isn’t perfect, he is very messy and doesn’t understand we own a bin half the time and he can’t seem to clean the toilet after himself, but I ignore that because he does do a lot and he works hard.
There is husband & me, no children & 1 cat. We are both retired.
He does cooking, washing up dishes, hoovering(sometimes I do it), cat liter, taking bins out, putting clothes wash on & collecting grocery delivery from door of the building(we live in apartment on 1st floor with no lift, I am disabled & can't manage stairs).
I dust, clean kitchen, fold laundry on/off clothes horse, order the groceries, clean bathroom, brush the cat(daily, she loves it. When she hears me brushing my hair she runs in to get herself brushed. It's so cute & not really a chore). I'm the 1 who would wash the windows although it is rarely and inside only.
We change bed covers & put groceries away together.
I can't think of anything else. I feel it is 50/50ish split, although maybe he does more. He def does all the heavy lifting & anything that requires the stairs as I physically can't. We just kinda fell into this pattern. I feel we are both happy with how the tasks are divided & if we weren't we would just talk about it. Communication is key in relationships.
He does cooking, washing up dishes, hoovering(sometimes I do it), cat liter, taking bins out, putting clothes wash on & collecting grocery delivery from door of the building(we live in apartment on 1st floor with no lift, I am disabled & can't manage stairs).
I dust, clean kitchen, fold laundry on/off clothes horse, order the groceries, clean bathroom, brush the cat(daily, she loves it. When she hears me brushing my hair she runs in to get herself brushed. It's so cute & not really a chore). I'm the 1 who would wash the windows although it is rarely and inside only.
We change bed covers & put groceries away together.
I can't think of anything else. I feel it is 50/50ish split, although maybe he does more. He def does all the heavy lifting & anything that requires the stairs as I physically can't. We just kinda fell into this pattern. I feel we are both happy with how the tasks are divided & if we weren't we would just talk about it. Communication is key in relationships.
When we first moved out, the first 6-8 weeks I did EVERYTHING. It wasn’t until I mentioned it to him and he said ‘well you didn’t ask me to help’ I realised how this was going to work.
I literally tell him what to do now. We work the same hours etc so no excuse for him to not pitch in.
Was recently signed off work and went back to everything being left to me until I spoke to him… some people just need a gentle nudge.
It shouldn’t end in world war 3!
I literally tell him what to do now. We work the same hours etc so no excuse for him to not pitch in.
Was recently signed off work and went back to everything being left to me until I spoke to him… some people just need a gentle nudge.
It shouldn’t end in world war 3!
OH and me, 2 kids. I work full time but unsociable hours (wkdays 4pm-9pm and wkends 9am-7pm) so I usually have the day to do shopping, all the cooking and most of the admin work I.e bills, paperwork, kids schooling, appointments etc. I also do all the organising because husband has a tendency to just place things where he sees a 'gap' - i like to think everything has a place in the house but this changes quite often lol so he can't keep up! I tend to do a deep clean of the kitchen every couple of weeks. And a spring clean of all the rooms every couple of months.
OH works part time wkdays 10-2 so he does all the childcare, school drop offs/pick ups and all activities (including wkends). He does all laundry plus ironing, hoovers, mops, deep cleans bathroom, kitchen worktops (including all washing up) and bins. He's outsourced some of the laundry to the kids so they take the washing out to dry and also bring them back in to fold and put away (just their stuff, they fold ours and put on the side and I put away into the cupboards). He also pays them to help out with the deep clean at wkends and thats how they earn their pocket money (tends to be the tedious stuff like washing windows, dusting, wiping skirting/door handles/light switches etc).
He defo does a lot more than me because I take on a higher mental load. My job is more stressful and I travel a lot more. We will be changing our hours in the next few years so he will be upping his hours when school runs/childcare is no longer needed and I'll be able to reduce my hours so I don't have to work every weekend and potentially have a weekday evening off, but that will mean I will be given laundry/ironing job back and we will have to see what else!
OH works part time wkdays 10-2 so he does all the childcare, school drop offs/pick ups and all activities (including wkends). He does all laundry plus ironing, hoovers, mops, deep cleans bathroom, kitchen worktops (including all washing up) and bins. He's outsourced some of the laundry to the kids so they take the washing out to dry and also bring them back in to fold and put away (just their stuff, they fold ours and put on the side and I put away into the cupboards). He also pays them to help out with the deep clean at wkends and thats how they earn their pocket money (tends to be the tedious stuff like washing windows, dusting, wiping skirting/door handles/light switches etc).
He defo does a lot more than me because I take on a higher mental load. My job is more stressful and I travel a lot more. We will be changing our hours in the next few years so he will be upping his hours when school runs/childcare is no longer needed and I'll be able to reduce my hours so I don't have to work every weekend and potentially have a weekday evening off, but that will mean I will be given laundry/ironing job back and we will have to see what else!
Two adults, no children. We both work full time but his hours are longer and I wfh so I have no commute. When I used to commute I did most of the shopping and all of the cooking, he washed up and did the bins.
Now that I wfh, he does more shopping but only his stuff for work. I get everything for our meals and menu plan too, and all of the household stuff like toilet rolls, kitchen rolls, bin bags etc... I still do all the cooking and now I do the bins.
We each have our set weekly cleaning jobs, he does the bathroom and also the kitchen floor and he hoovers the hall and the spare bedroom. I do the kitchen from waist height up (I have bad knees so can't do the floors).
I do most of the washing but he does put away and he does his own ironing although he will occasionally ask me to iron something for him.
We clean the windows together about once every three months. I do the skirting boards about once a month, I don't think he'd even think to do them.
I feel like we have a fair distribution of tasks but I still moan about doing more until I remember he's out of the house for about 55 hours a week
Now that I wfh, he does more shopping but only his stuff for work. I get everything for our meals and menu plan too, and all of the household stuff like toilet rolls, kitchen rolls, bin bags etc... I still do all the cooking and now I do the bins.
We each have our set weekly cleaning jobs, he does the bathroom and also the kitchen floor and he hoovers the hall and the spare bedroom. I do the kitchen from waist height up (I have bad knees so can't do the floors).
I do most of the washing but he does put away and he does his own ironing although he will occasionally ask me to iron something for him.
We clean the windows together about once every three months. I do the skirting boards about once a month, I don't think he'd even think to do them.
I feel like we have a fair distribution of tasks but I still moan about doing more until I remember he's out of the house for about 55 hours a week
Hi, not really sure where else to ask this and looked around for suitable threads, this is the closest I could find.. I’m on maternity leave, have 10 week old twins.. Partner has recently gone back to work full time; 8hr day shift/12hr nights. When he’s on nights, he only helps with one feed before he heads out to work. He is absolutely hopeless with housework, and mainly because I have particular ways I want things done, and he does try his best but I end up doing it myself. When he’s on days, it’s not too bad, he’s an amazing dad and I can work away (I actually quite enjoy cleaning). But when he’s on nights it’s hard to get anything done and look after two babies. We’ve discussed getting someone in to help with the housework, but more than likely a local teenager who’s looking for a bit of pocket money.
I used to do this, and was lucky to get €20 for 2-3 hours work, but we’re talking 15 years ago and I’m wondering would you pay someone like this minimum wage? At the moment I do not expect this person to look after my babies, although it would be a great opportunity down the line for this person to also babysit, as we’re new to the area, and are options are very limited..
sorry for the long spiel, just genuinely curious… TIA.
I used to do this, and was lucky to get €20 for 2-3 hours work, but we’re talking 15 years ago and I’m wondering would you pay someone like this minimum wage? At the moment I do not expect this person to look after my babies, although it would be a great opportunity down the line for this person to also babysit, as we’re new to the area, and are options are very limited..
sorry for the long spiel, just genuinely curious… TIA.
If I had the spare money would I pay someone, yes of cource...... A teenager no, minimum wage also no. If it was a teenager I knew well perhaps. Same with babysitting, I'd need to know someone very very well to be around my kids. I had no family around when my son was born and that was that, you just get on with it.
You have to let it go or you’ll have a breakdown very soon (especially with two small babies!!!)