@ZedsDead in reply to your question last thread….
I was brought up in a household where they let me have the odd bit of wine or baby sham if I asked but that meant when my mates got older and got into alcohol, I wasn’t bothered.
So fast forward all my twenties, two
crappy abusive relationships and I could take it or leave it, yet at that point you’d think I’d hit the bottle but it never arsed me.
I’d think nothing of going out clubbing and just drinking pop or water, but then mid thirties I kinda had an early midlife crisis.
Questioned everything including my marriage, went off the rails, i think I just rebelled against everything, and just drunk all the time.
I’d think nothing of walking in from school run and pouring a vodka.
Everyone was concerned about me and was talking to my husband (behind my back of course) but I couldn’t see what I was doing wrong. I was just enjoying myself after years of being repressed by people.
First relationship at 16 and he beat me senseless. Got with an older man at 19 and became a step mum, married to him at 21 and became his slave. Left him one day aged 26 and never looked back
Met my now husband 28 but even then we went too quickly and I think I never had any time for just me, just to heal etc.
Anyway it went on for a couple of years where I got slowly worse and my marriage was at its end.
One day, I was pouring a drink at 10am, I just stepped back and took a look at myself and thought wtf am I doing!? To myself and my family!!
I wasn’t even an evil drunk. I’d just get rat arsed and sleep.
I was spending loads each week on vodka.
Long ass story short, I stopped drinking for ages and ages as I proper scared myself and I hated who I had become
I do drink every now and again, but I can take it or leave it.
One night I’ll think oooo I fancy a cider and other nights I’ll want hot choc but I know it’s not a problem for me now. I’m in a much better headspace.
I’ve had help and support along the way to know the triggers and stuff.
But yeah; I loved and drink and probably still would had I not woken up before I lost everything for good.
I’m not happy about this part of my life but I woke up and did something about it.