Thefatfunnyone #4

[TheWitchIsBack]

Reckon she’s giving birth?

No doubt something unbelievably dramatic will occur.

Sophia will be casually carving a pumpkin while JJ and Isabella deliver a Night at the Apollo worthy comedy routine and then suddenly all hell will break loose - the dog will deliver the baby because their newly employed dog trainer had been training it in hypnobirthing and there was no time for an ambulance.

Trev will of course, barely look up from his game of FIFA while new baby walks from his mother’s gaping vagina while she shrieks like a battery powered Halloween decoration because she’s got tOkOpHoBiA. Once the fear has subsided she will cross out “give birth” on her long to do list using her Bible highlighter… sadly “wash hair” will go unticked for yet another day.

 

[InstaFamousDoesntCount]

So Jess has supposedly cleared 25k debt, paid back the considerable deposit her in-laws gave them for a deposit for a house whilst paying her mortgage, popped out 3 (nearly 4 kids), got a dog, had expensive holidays and supported her workshy husband! Something doesn’t add up here!

 

[Basicbasic]

Jess: Ask me anything about pregnancy guys (I need the engagement for upcoming ads).

Followers: when did you get pg, when you due, how will you afford it, what about work, was it planned...

Jess: How dare you ask me about my pregnancy

Make your mind up you stupid greedy cow.

 

[urghmummybloggers]

"Someone messaged me this week saying how hard they are finding lockdown and if I had any tips since I seem to have it all together"

Well that never fucking happened Just get your bible highlighters, don't wash your hair for 3 weeks and say you're grateful for all the mundane shite possible

 

[Fanaff]

Woman who posts her life on the internet to make money and encourages people to ask questions to boost her engagement gets offended when said people ask genuine questions about how can afford another baby as she’s a woman who posts her life on the internet to….couldn’t make it up!

 

[HeyPorkSnacks]

All these people asking her how she does it all, the answers simple, she doesn’t

Her house is always a tip, her kids are always dirty, she goes days without bathing herself and the dog seems to have had absolutely no training

She’s not juggling plates, they’re all still in the cupboard

 

[Emsie]

Anyone else feel like the roses Trev got her were just a google pic one?

Makes me laugh when she says trev got her this that and the other. He doesn't work hun, you got yourself that. Trev just picked it up

 

[urghmummybloggers]

For someone who calls herself the fat funny one, she’s as funny as a kick in the fanny.

Am I just being a bitch sitting deadpan about her untrained dog, manky bra (which probably stank) and her kids shouting their mouths off?

You know, she could probably do a lot with that dog if she got off her flat arse every day and did something other than invest in box sets

 

[TheWitchIsBack]

Completely forgot about her after she blocked me on insta a while ago. Not much has changed I see (aside from a baby on the way)

Still fat, still not funny, still needing a good wash, still pretending she’s gods gift to Instagram.

 

[Serious_Susan]

I don’t care how inclusive you feel work should be - your kids shouldn’t be on your lap in a teams meeting.

Yes - last year things were different, but now there’s no excuse your usual childcare situation should apply. ESPECIALLY when they have a whole adult unemployed specifically for childcare reasons.

 

[urghmummybloggers]

DadlikeTrev has uploaded some pics. Theodore looks so much like Bella.

You mean Jess uploaded them on her alternative account - made sure she gave herself a little shout out there too

 

[Slothgang]

I used to know someone with tokophobia. She was that terrified that she used to cross the road if she saw a pregnant woman to avoid walking past them and it was causing problems in her relationship because she was so scared of accidently falling pregnant. Not saying I have doubts but won't this be her 3rd pregnancy in 4 years

 

[Fanaff]

“Omg we love camp bestival, it’s just the best ever, we come every year*

*because we get free tickets”

 

[TheWitchIsBack]

Advertising Boohoo who have been all over the news recently for their alleged use of modern slaves in their Leicester factory. Hypocrite much Jess???

“Pay your women of colour” she was bleating when BLM was being spoken about more frequently... a short few months later shes wearing jogging bottoms literally made in sweat shops by women of colour. She is so self-serving it’s mortifying. I just can’t get my head round why people don’t see through her? She is honestly one of the most infuriating people on Instagram and it baffles me why she’s in an influencing position... she is a mess( her life is a mess, her house is a mess, her children are a mess (as in unclean), her content is a mess... she is just a chaotic, narcissistic mess and for what purpose other than her own ridiculous need for validation and free £16 tracksuits?

 

[Horseyhelen]

If you have a diagnosis for fear of giving birth how the hell do you have 4 kids? I had a horrific first birth and left it 5 years to have my second as a result. She gets pregnant for fun!
I find it offensive every time she claims she's been diagnosed with it in the Q&A.

 

[urghmummybloggers]

Absolutely no need for your child to always be this dirty. I know they are only pictures but jesus! It takes 2 seconds to get a wet wipe and wipe your child's face. Jess is just honestly utterly disgusting. She needs taking off social media so she can focus more on those poor children.

I genuinely believe she does the bare minimum for those children, they only seemed washed when she has a Johnson’s ad or wants to put her daughter in a protective hairstyle when she remembers she’s black.

I think they are pretty much left to fend for themselves which is sad

 

[urghmummybloggers]

The state of the walls in that hallway. I know kids can be hectic, but drawing on walls man. Nah.

Proper crackhead energy. No reason when she sits filming boomerangs of herself and her fish face every 6 seconds and trev is a stay at home dad. Have some pride in yourself.

The constant pushing of Sophia as this comic genius it’s just too much - I’ll say it again - 9/10 your child is only funny to you….

 

[urghmummybloggers]

That’s a new carpet too... that’s deffo not the old scabby one it’s a new, already scabby one.

Does anyone else remember when she tried to be a home cleaning account? When she implied that she couldn’t get enough zoflora etc - well that fell by the fucking wayside didn’t it

 

[Emsie]

When she says "clean the house" what does she mean? If I clean my whole house it easily takes all day. Spring cleaning, Christmas clean etc can easily take the whole week. Does she mean general tidying that we all do every day without putting it on a to do list? Picking up kid shit is not cleaning the house. It's just day to day stuff.

 

[urghmummybloggers]

I can probably buy that someone told Bella she had lovely hair because adults say that to children but grown women don't say that to grown women unless it's 2am and your drunk in a nightclub toilet. Not rocking round Costco. The lies are ridic.

And then they all clapped and Jess walked out of Costco to fanfare.

Why does she tell stories like that man? Like no one said that to you, it was Costco on a Sunday afternoon in Milton Keynes, that shit is dog eat dog.

If you love your hair so much, don’t leave it for a month without washing it crusted in grease