god I hate when people make excuses, had a feeling you would have because why tell him you had feelings if you weren’t hoping/planning to act on them.At that time if I'm being honest it would have been a 100% yes.Now after not seeing him for more then half a year and having had time and space it would be a solid no. I know that I was in a vulnerable place and I saw the version of him that I wanted to see.
I'm not an innocent wall flower, never claimed to be either, but it was the truth of how I felt which I had hidden from him for a long time and wasn't planning on telling him. We talked about it like adults without jumping into bed with each other. He accepted my feelings, normalized it. I don't feel any shame or feel like I've done anything wrong. I was vulnerable then and would probably be the same now as I still live alone away from any family or friends.god I hate when people make excuses, had a feeling you would have because why tell him you had feelings if you weren’t hoping/planning to act on them.
Im glad he was a good man, and I hope they’re still very happy together.
because…… he didn’t want to cheat on his wife?without jumping into bed with each other.
He still entertained the ego boost of it all though. May not have been physical, but I bet if the wife knew, she would be hurt.god I hate when people make excuses, had a feeling you would have because why tell him you had feelings if you weren’t hoping/planning to act on them.
Im glad he was a good man, and I hope they’re still very happy together.
Valid point, hard to know without knowing why he felt it necessary to bring it up at all. Only the OP can answer that I suppose.He still entertained the ego boost of it all though. May not have been physical, but I bet if the wife knew, she would be hurt.
Scummy.
I think this is a very mature way to deal with a situation, especially between colleagues.I'm not an innocent wall flower, never claimed to be either, but it was the truth of how I felt which I had hidden from him for a long time and wasn't planning on telling him. We talked about it like adults without jumping into bed with each other. He accepted my feelings, normalized it. I don't feel any shame or feel like I've done anything wrong. I was vulnerable then and would probably be the same now as I still live alone away from any family or friends.
I agree with this, by addressing it he was able to nip it in the bud and make sure the OP knew nothing was going to happen. If he’d said nothing the OP could’ve fallen deeper thinking she was in with a chance and maybe made a move that she’d regret and make working together a nightmare?I think this is a very mature way to deal with a situation, especially between colleagues.
Knowing that a younger, vulnerable and impressionable person has feelings for you can lead to a massive power dynamic shift. Acknowledging those feelings, discussing how the person feels and possibly why as well as putting boundaries in place and treating the other person compassionately is what more people should do. You can do that and still remain faithful, whilst also ensuring the other person doesn't feel hurt or rejected too.
People get feelings for others all the time. Making someone feel ashamed will lead to a horrible working environment and will have seriously negative impacts on everyone.
The OP admitted she had feelings. The man explained his situation and put a boundary in place. He respected his wife and vows but also ensured that the OP never felt humiliated or led to even more awkwardness etc.
That isn't a bad man and it isn't a bad person either (OP).
I get where you’re coming from but maybe he just didn’t want to hurt her? Putting myself in his shoes I honestly can’t say for sure what I’d do, ignore it and hope for best or try to address it in a sensitive manner? Neither is ideal I guess.Making jokes about what their kids name would be, and keeping her 'safe' in that bubble of having her feelings known, and admiring him for keeping boundaries.. nahhhh, he liked knowing he was wanted. He should have said sorry, but no thanks and not entertain it in the slightest.
Don't project on to this situation.Making jokes about what their kids name would be, and keeping her 'safe' in that bubble of having her feelings known, and admiring him for keeping boundaries.. nahhhh, he liked knowing he was wanted. He should have said sorry, but no thanks and not entertain it in the slightest.
Oh god what a pickle. Firstly, dating for 18 months- most people would want to be in a relationship by that time. Red flagThis is a perfect thread for me because I'm in a situation I could do with some outside advice over.
I've been dating someone on and off for 18 months. Didn't realise he was sleeping around at the same time in the manner it appears he has. Without going into too much detail, he's military, has gone away on deployment for a while and will now be uncontactable for months.
The situation I am in, is that we had spoken about going on holiday together when he was back, I was invited round his parents house, he had spoken about what house we would buy etc. But we weren't specifically exclusive because he wanted to enjoy his time away on deployment and not worry about anyone else etc. Which I accepted. He left for deployment. Then 2 weeks later, I got a message saying he was now seeing someone else. He has gotten a 20 year old, what I can only describe as a child, pregnant whilst he was at home, only a day between us. He wouldn't block my number as I requested and had to beg him to so there was no line of communication between us.
Now I'm in a pickle as i think this girl deserves to know the truth and I want to message her and tell her, as she has no idea about me. But I don't know whether that's the right thing to do. He is nearly 10 years older than her. Should I send the message? I'm not going to be nasty to her it's not her fault I just think she deserves to know, and I don't think I deserve to be kept a secret for his benefit.
HELP!
There is no pickle, you need to block him and cut contact completely to salvage your dignity. You don’t need to beg him to block youThis is a perfect thread for me because I'm in a situation I could do with some outside advice over.
I've been dating someone on and off for 18 months. Didn't realise he was sleeping around at the same time in the manner it appears he has. Without going into too much detail, he's military, has gone away on deployment for a while and will now be uncontactable for months.
The situation I am in, is that we had spoken about going on holiday together when he was back, I was invited round his parents house, he had spoken about what house we would buy etc. But we weren't specifically exclusive because he wanted to enjoy his time away on deployment and not worry about anyone else etc. Which I accepted. He left for deployment. Then 2 weeks later, I got a message saying he was now seeing someone else. He has gotten a 20 year old, what I can only describe as a child, pregnant whilst he was at home, only a day between us. He wouldn't block my number as I requested and had to beg him to so there was no line of communication between us.
Now I'm in a pickle as i think this girl deserves to know the truth and I want to message her and tell her, as she has no idea about me. But I don't know whether that's the right thing to do. He is nearly 10 years older than her. Should I send the message? I'm not going to be nasty to her it's not her fault I just think she deserves to know, and I don't think I deserve to be kept a secret for his benefit.
HELP!
You do not need to be asking him to block you, you need to block him.This is a perfect thread for me because I'm in a situation I could do with some outside advice over.
I've been dating someone on and off for 18 months. Didn't realise he was sleeping around at the same time in the manner it appears he has. Without going into too much detail, he's military, has gone away on deployment for a while and will now be uncontactable for months.
The situation I am in, is that we had spoken about going on holiday together when he was back, I was invited round his parents house, he had spoken about what house we would buy etc. But we weren't specifically exclusive because he wanted to enjoy his time away on deployment and not worry about anyone else etc. Which I accepted. He left for deployment. Then 2 weeks later, I got a message saying he was now seeing someone else. He has gotten a 20 year old, what I can only describe as a child, pregnant whilst he was at home, only a day between us. He wouldn't block my number as I requested and had to beg him to so there was no line of communication between us.
Now I'm in a pickle as i think this girl deserves to know the truth and I want to message her and tell her, as she has no idea about me. But I don't know whether that's the right thing to do. He is nearly 10 years older than her. Should I send the message? I'm not going to be nasty to her it's not her fault I just think she deserves to know, and I don't think I deserve to be kept a secret for his benefit.
HELP!
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