The Neurodiversity Thread

[Meg78]

I do wish there was a company that hired exclusively autistic people in the office, it would make things significantly easier to navigate; no office politics, no water cooler small talk, we all say awkward things and enjoy never having team building events

 

[Cosytidy]

ADHD is far more easy to diagnose, and dare i say it, people with it function normal while people with autism do not.

I am not "neurodivergent" but I have an autistic family member. He's a lovely gentle giant of a man, but he genuinely struggles with routine changes, communication, hes 19 but only just getting to grips with managing money.

In my experience, all of the people I have met who have so-called ADHD are dragged-up brats whose parents were too proud to admit they failed as parents in disciplining them, so rather than dare say no to them they run them off the doctor and find something else to blame for their brattiness. The doctors, all too keen to line their pockets with money, give these brats placebo pills and mum has bragging rights in telling the world "look! I'm a good parent! He's just an ADHD free spirit!"

please leave this thread.

 

[shadowcat5]

This is going to sounds strange but I’m wondering if anyone else has this (very first world and pathetic) issue.

I really find it hard to find things to watch. I feel like there is almost too much option between TV with hundreds of channels, all the streaming services, on demand and YouTube. I spend most of the day just flicking between all of them. Now I’m pissed off because it is
4pm and I’ve wasted yet another “chill in front of the tv” day doing nothing.

 

[shadowcat5]

ADHD is far more easy to diagnose, and dare i say it, people with it function normal while people with autism do not.

I am not "neurodivergent" but I have an autistic family member. He's a lovely gentle giant of a man, but he genuinely struggles with routine changes, communication, hes 19 but only just getting to grips with managing money.

In my experience, all of the people I have met who have so-called ADHD are dragged-up brats whose parents were too proud to admit they failed as parents in disciplining them, so rather than dare say no to them they run them off the doctor and find something else to blame for their brattiness. The doctors, all too keen to line their pockets with money, give these brats placebo pills and mum has bragging rights in telling the world "look! I'm a good parent! He's just an ADHD free spirit!"

No hate but I strongly disagree. I have autism and function fairly 'normally' (hate that term) on the spectrum of society's view of normal (e.g I can hold down a job, communicate with my boss and work colleagues well, care for myself like eating and washing etc., drive, pay my bills, run a house, all the stuff you'd consider a 'successful adult' to be). That doesn't mean I don't have autism or don't struggle with aspects of life. I too struggle with routine changes, not absolute meltdown but it is jarring and anxiety inducing, supermarkets make me want to burst into tears, I often feel like I am missing something in a room full of people and I feel like an alien 99.9% of the time unless I am with someone who connects with me on my level.
People with ADHD do struggle and often don't function 'normally', or they function to a certain extent but it is a huge burden on them. I have a friend with ADHD who struggles to function on a normal 9-5 work schedule. I thrive off of that. She struggles to keep focus on a task, I thrive on that.
Her struggles are just as valid as mine.

 

[shadowcat5]

Hello

I have autism and as a result I have traits of adhd, dyslexia and dyspraxia, not enough to be diagnosed I wouldn’t say because they are cross over traits from the autism so I have been told anyway. I have really bad dyscalculia though. People laugh at me for it it’s that bad.

I really struggle socially which has become apparent recently with my new job. I just feel like I’m missing a whole language that other people seem to know. I can’t read facial expressions or body language. It’s really hard in a new environment

 

[Wowitsme]

ADHD is far more easy to diagnose, and dare i say it, people with it function normal while people with autism do not.

I am not "neurodivergent" but I have an autistic family member. He's a lovely gentle giant of a man, but he genuinely struggles with routine changes, communication, hes 19 but only just getting to grips with managing money.

In my experience, all of the people I have met who have so-called ADHD are dragged-up brats whose parents were too proud to admit they failed as parents in disciplining them, so rather than dare say no to them they run them off the doctor and find something else to blame for their brattiness. The doctors, all too keen to line their pockets with money, give these brats placebo pills and mum has bragging rights in telling the world "look! I'm a good parent! He's just an ADHD free spirit!"

What an awful judgemental assumption you make. I haveADHD and I was very well disciplined as a child I had quite strict parents and to this day with a good career and a family I struggle in many ways and it is people with these judgemental opinions that feel they can make these statement that make neurodivergence a stigma.

 

[shadowcat5]

I have been reading this thread with interest as my cousin is convinced I have ADHD. At first I dismissed it as I thought she was just jumping on the latest “bandwagon” and I didn’t think I fit the profile. However, the more I look into it the more I’m reading things that resonate with me. I feel like I always have too many “tabs open” in my brain but thought this was just part of being an overthinker and a mum. I struggle to focus when there is too much background noise, I often feel overwhelmed and unsure where to start with a task (e.g. even when my kids come in from school I don’t know what to tackle first - the dirty shoes, homework, unpacking the bags etc, and even sorting out my washing stresses me out sometimes), I’m super clumsy and always breaking stuff/ falling over/ bumping into things, my cupboards are absolute chaos no matter how many times I tidy them out and swear I’ll keep them that way, I am totally all or nothing especially with my eating so my weight fluctuates drastically (which I only recently discovered can be a characteristic of ADHD), I’m terrible with money and totally spend impulsively, I talk nineteen to the dozen and I do have some sensory issues. However I don’t think I’m hyperactive. My husband just thinks I’m a bit quirky and highly strung . I just wondered what people’s thoughts were, I wouldn’t be bothered about getting a diagnosis but I would be keen for tips on how to manage it, especially regarding my weight and finances!

If it helps at all, women tend to show less hyperactivity than males. It tends to be more of the attention deficit side.

I unfortunately don't have much in the way of advice as it really is personal and what works for you.

The things that help me personally:

I hate to sound like an absolute twat but I do find healthy eating and exercise really helps. I really hate to fucking say it cause it's so fucking annoying but I personally find that exercising (first thing in the morning for me but any time is good!) helps (HIIT or swimming). It gets my energy out and I find I can focus a lot more and experience less sensory overload. I appreciate that isn't do-able for everyone though although even just a quick stretch, a quick dance around, some star jumps helps.

I use phone reminders constantly. As I type this my phone has just binged to tell me to get the washing in. If a notebook is more suited to you, use that (I do like that too but I have to rememeber to read it which I won't).

I find abandoning all sense of 'should' helps and I just do/buy whatever it is to make my life easier (I call it neurodivergent tax lol). I think it's really easy to get bogged down by what she should be able to do/remember but there's not shame in making life easier. So things like:

• A slow cooker - absolute life saver
• Buying pre-cut veg or bulk frozen veg- yes it's more expensive but it makes life easier when I can chuck it in the slow cooker or pan.
• I have a whiteboard on my fridge to write stuff on like to do lists, what I've run out of, appointment dates
• I also have a calendar next to it on the fridge (magnet) so that I can see the month ahead, helps to remember important dates and it means I can go 'oh it's mother's day the end of march, let me write on my whiteboard that I need to buy cards'
• Writing everything down.
• Reference points for everything so for example, when I go to the supermarket, I try to park in the same area or I'll line my car up to a reference point of the store so that my car is (e.g) aligned with the end of the trolley cover. I sometimes will walk directly in a straight line (within reason obviously) until I hit the reference point. That way when I leave the store I go the end of the trolley cover outside the shop and walk directly straight line back until I find my car. There has been too many occasions of me crying in the car park cause I've lost my car.
• Post it notes galore - my house looks like stacey solomon's but less instagram worthy lol. I stick them on everything. My meals in the freezer with details and a date. My milk so I know when I opened it (i'm really fussy with use-by dates so I won't guess, I will just throw it out.)
• The "put away not down"/'everything has a home' motto - If I dump something on the stairs, it will stay there. I also apply that logic to things like hanging my clothes up with the outside out so that when I go to get dressed I can put stuff on straight away.
• I have timers for things. I literally have a 2 minute tooth brush timer in my bathroom like a child but time is a bizarre concept for me anyway and I like to wander while I brush my teeth so having a timer means I can wander in and out of the bathroom and still brush my teeth for the correct amount of time.
• Keep everything as visible as possible (clear bins - also helps to keep stuff organised - 'everything has a home')
• Keep everything in a home that makes sense and is easy to get to. Stuff I use frequently stays in top drawers so they are easy to grab. My everyday clothes are on the right side of the wardrobe organised in outfit order (bottoms and top, bottoms and top) so I can literally just open the wardrobe, grab them and go.
• I write everything that needs doing around the house down and separated into daily, weekly and monthly - sounds absolutely nuts and it goes back to my point above like I should be able to remember to do my washing/hoover the floor etc but I won't until it gets to chaos and then it feels impossible. So I find that a list means I can do a daily check of 'floor = hoovered and mopped, bag and lunch for tomorrow = packed, dishes = washed and put away, counters = disinfected, breakfast stuff = set up ready to go'. So in your case you could be like 'evening routine goes 1,2,3' with the visual list as an aide-memoire if you will.
• Spend money on stuff that will help you and make your life easier. If having labels, storage, post it notes whatever will help then do it.

Basically the logic is to abandon all sense of should and do whatever makes you feel better and life easier.

I also think it might be worth seeing what is giving you your dopamine fix too. People with ADHD have naturally lower levels of dopamine so we tend to gravitate to quick fixes like spending, sugar, social media/doom scrolling, fast food, fatty foods, gambling etc.

 

[shadowcat5]

Another struggle I have and wondering if others do too,

Adjusting! Especially from weekend to weekday and back. Monday is a horrible day for me cause I am so overwhelmed and exhausted from having to quickly switch from free day to full routine day. I thrive in a routine so it's not that that's the issue. It's more that my brain can't keep up with the switch. I feel like I spend the weekend relaxing from my week, only to be launched back into the week again.

 

[Fifah1907]

This is going to sounds strange but I’m wondering if anyone else has this (very first world and pathetic) issue.

I really find it hard to find things to watch. I feel like there is almost too much option between TV with hundreds of channels, all the streaming services, on demand and YouTube. I spend most of the day just flicking between all of them. Now I’m pissed off because it is
4pm and I’ve wasted yet another “chill in front of the tv” day doing nothing.

Omg this!! I literally watch Gilmore Girls on repeat, then watch the revival of that and then go back to the start and watch series 1 again because I can’t cope with the choice available.


ADHD (and i think undiagnosed autism)

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

ADHD is far more easy to diagnose, and dare i say it, people with it function normal while people with autism do not.

I am not "neurodivergent" but I have an autistic family member. He's a lovely gentle giant of a man, but he genuinely struggles with routine changes, communication, hes 19 but only just getting to grips with managing money.

In my experience, all of the people I have met who have so-called ADHD are dragged-up brats whose parents were too proud to admit they failed as parents in disciplining them, so rather than dare say no to them they run them off the doctor and find something else to blame for their brattiness. The doctors, all too keen to line their pockets with money, give these brats placebo pills and mum has bragging rights in telling the world "look! I'm a good parent! He's just an ADHD free spirit!"

Wow! For goodness sake, do you know how damaging this type of assumption is?!
Nobody I know with ADHD is like that and it isn't easier to diagnose at all. In fact, in my own personal experience, there's always been a reticence to even screen for it compared to autism. ADHD is very real and not everyone with a child with it is able to mediate them, even if it would be for the best.

 

[Hollaaa]

ADHD is far more easy to diagnose, and dare i say it, people with it function normal while people with autism do not.

I am not "neurodivergent" but I have an autistic family member. He's a lovely gentle giant of a man, but he genuinely struggles with routine changes, communication, hes 19 but only just getting to grips with managing money.

In my experience, all of the people I have met who have so-called ADHD are dragged-up brats whose parents were too proud to admit they failed as parents in disciplining them, so rather than dare say no to them they run them off the doctor and find something else to blame for their brattiness. The doctors, all too keen to line their pockets with money, give these brats placebo pills and mum has bragging rights in telling the world "look! I'm a good parent! He's just an ADHD free spirit!"

The only reason I made it to adulthood was because I was hothoused through school by my teacher dad, which was absolute hell to live through. I can't cope with anyone raising their voice to me to this day. Undiagnosed ADHD, hoping for diagnosis next year, frankly no idea how they didn't know there was something different about me but my parents did good by me with the tools they had.

 

[skronkywildcat]

I have a ND daughter. She is very bright and loveable but autistic and absolutely PDA - we've really found the right way to interact with her (low demand, being there when she needs us but leaving her alone when she needs time in her bedroom that is basically a self contained studio apartment the way she's done it out).

It's a weird one - but I kind of have a guilty feeling about how easy it has been to access help - I feel bad that other families, possibly with more extreme issues than ours aren't getting what they deserve. I feel bad - although I know she requires and benefits from the support that she's getting - is it just because me and her dad are middle class and articulate and know how to get it?

It's very unusual. I don't get it. We got her EHCP first time. The county council have agreed to fund a place at a suitable school. No tribunals. No lawyers. I am so grateful but I just don't understand why it's been given so freely to us when I know for a fact there are children unable to access any form of education and I'm feeling some sort of survivors guilt. They all say it's what she needs and what she deserves and I know that's true but what about all the other kids...?

 

[soph30]

I do wish there was a company that hired exclusively autistic people in the office, it would make things significantly easier to navigate; no office politics, no water cooler small talk, we all say awkward things and enjoy never having team building events

When companies talk about ‘diversity’ I want to ask how many neurodiverse people they have we have work superpowers, we just never get hired from an interview

 

[soph30]

As suggested in another thread- for all of us with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia etc.

I have dyspraxia and it affects every area of my life I’m so slow at work and self care

 

[no-no]

I do wish there was a company that hired exclusively autistic people in the office, it would make things significantly easier to navigate; no office politics, no water cooler small talk, we all say awkward things and enjoy never having team building events

I wish these things weren’t the default but I think there’s a long way to go. Even just some consideration for introverts’ preferences would be a huge win for a lot of people with ASD. Also need to get rid of societal expectations for women to be “warm” and “amiable”.

I’ve worked with one openly autistic person and he was a lazy sod, an office full of him and I’d rather go live in the woods. People with a diagnosis can be just as insufferable as the office gob on a stick.

 

[soph30]

I wish these things weren’t the default but I think there’s a long way to go. Even just some consideration for introverts’ preferences would be a huge win for a lot of people with ASD. Also need to get rid of societal expectations for women to be “warm” and “amiable”.

I’ve worked with one openly autistic person and he was a lazy sod, an office full of him and I’d rather go live in the woods. People with a diagnosis can be just as insufferable as the office gob on a stick.

WFH has been amazing tbh for letting introverts shine (not just neurodiverse ones)

 

[Meg78]

Hello Autism and ADHD here, raised by parents with autism and EUPD, trying to raise a child with autism/PDA and ADHD, and pretty much no idea what I’m doing

 

[betchyhin]

Wow is there really a cross over between ADHD and autism? I feel ADHD's more accepted in the media these days

ADHD is far more easy to diagnose, and dare i say it, people with it function normal while people with autism do not.

I am not "neurodivergent" but I have an autistic family member. He's a lovely gentle giant of a man, but he genuinely struggles with routine changes, communication, hes 19 but only just getting to grips with managing money.

In my experience, all of the people I have met who have so-called ADHD are dragged-up brats whose parents were too proud to admit they failed as parents in disciplining them, so rather than dare say no to them they run them off the doctor and find something else to blame for their brattiness. The doctors, all too keen to line their pockets with money, give these brats placebo pills and mum has bragging rights in telling the world "look! I'm a good parent! He's just an ADHD free spirit!"

 

[chickhicks86]

I know this isn't what this thread is for, but I'm parent to a neurodiverse (non verbal) child and it's really interesting to read this and see why he may struggle with some things and why he does certain things. Very enlightening reading, thank you.

 

[Meg78]

Another vote for watching the same comfort shows on a loop


Maybe we could all share our favourites here as suggestions for the others?