justthisonce
Member
I’d like to flesh out my story a little bit and give even more context. I ultimately decided to share here because I felt the overwhelming majority of folks are simply looking for the truth. While I see some judgement and criticism, I understand that when people are in the public eye, I know that’s part of the deal. We can’t grow without constructive criticism.
I know that I’m by no means %100 innocent in anything that happens in my life. I’m not a passenger or some audience member watching my life happen around me. I’m an active participant. I’ll happily take responsibility for any actions that may have led me to make poor decisions. But we also need to find a common ground of what constitutes predatory behavior.
What is taking advantage of? What is inappropriate for an employer to do with an employee? There’s such subtlety in our society when it comes to these things. Movements like MeToo are trying to break walls down and define what’s right and wrong.
I’m simply hoping to find some definitive personal boundaries in MY story. I’m hoping to share my perspective of what I went through and what I deem appropriate for my life. Your mileage may vary and I don’t intend to fight back with you about those things. Let’s get started…
I’m sad to say that I too can look back on these years and realize I was never in love with Pete. I knew even then I was not attracted to him. I had never been attracted to men anyways. Some of you may wonder what my sexuality is. I’ll be open about it. I’ve always identified as a straight man.
After finding myself in a relationship with Pete, it was undeniable to me that I must be somewhere else in the broad spectrum of sexuality. I’m not on the 100% side of being completely straight. Maybe 90%? I don’t even really identify as Bi. I don’t ever really find other men attractive and I’m very happily married to my amazing wife. All I know is that this moment in my life happened and I have no intentions of denying it. Do with that what you will.
I was also not in it for the money or the travel or the opportunities. Those things were great at the beginning. But they were not why I stayed. Looking back, I realize I was paid enough to pay rent and have a decent apartment with decent things. And Pete did pay for nice dinners, travel, and fun electronics. However, most of it was work related and like I said before, the cathartic selling of all of it at my local pawn shop proved to me that those things only ever tied me down.
So why did this relationship ever start? I’m not attracted to men. I’m not money hungry. What happened? I was vulnerable, young, naïve, and at the time a chronic people pleaser. Let’s rewind a few months before I moved to Florida in the summer of 2011.
It’s April 2011 and I’m at an emotional high. My college, VCU, has just made history by going to the Final Four in the NCAA championships. I’m a senior about to graduate from the film program and I have a great group of friends. One of my good friends devised a way for me and him to move in together in Orlando with the goal being to work full-time at Walt Disney World. Then just before graduation, I get a phone call.
My best friend from childhood (we were born 10 days apart and inseparable from then on) had just died in a house fire, alongside his newlywed wife and their poor little cat. I was devastated and depressed to say the least. I had lost a brother. We had gone to different schools, so we grew apart over the course of those 4 years or so. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I went from absolute high to basically rock bottom.
I graduated and me and my other friend still planned on living in Orlando together. That plan was in motion. But now it has become an escape. I escaped Virginia and all the pain that was there. Sadly, I also left everyone there without me. Looking back, I wonder how many of them wanted me to stay or needed me.
I started working full-time at Disney. I was enjoying my job there at Disney’s Animal Kingdom. I was dating here and there. Life was seemingly better. One of the things I did to distract myself was listen to the DISUnplugged. I had been listening since basically the beginning. I always thought to myself that the show could easily be made into a video show. I saw that things were going in that direction for other podcasts. I also felt they could use an upgrade in their video presence in general. Ride throughs, media events, etc..
I listened out for any opportunities where the team was doing meets in the parks and I eventually met several members of the team. Eventually I connected with Corey and he hired me to do a freelance video of the Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party in the Fall of 2011. This was all intentional. I made myself known to the team and I was eager to help their website. I wanted to be a part of the team. I wanted them to be my friends.
The first time I ever met Pete in person was at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter DISApalooza in December 2011. He was smoking a cigarette in the smoking section. I joined him and talked to him about the video I shot for them. It was a short conversation that apparently he has no recollection of. But nonetheless I think this helped put me on his radar.
This all led up to the Disney Fantasy media sailing. This was meant to be my tryout. If I nailed this, there was the idea that I’d get a full-time position with the DIS. It was a success and I was offered a full-time position as their Director of Video and New Media. I cannot remember exact numbers but my starting salary was somewhere in the $30,000s. By the way, this was actually an upgrade from Walt Disney World.
At the start, I was working from my own home like anyone else in the company would. I had invested in setting up my own little office area. I was covering media events and special parties. But then came time to start working on the video show. This involved working out of Pete’s home for a large amount of time. I was installing equipment in the studio (two bedrooms with the wall knocked out), going on shopping trips at Best-Buy and Sam Ash, and working on the floor plan. I had set up shop kind of temporarily there and most of my days were spent there.
Around this same time. Pete’ personal friend from back in New Jersey, Kevin (a different one) had reappeared in his life. I remember the two of them having private conversations like they were two teenagers in high school. Sometimes giggling, sometimes Kevin reassuring Pete while he was crying. I wasn’t allowed in the office during those times. Those were private moments.
Then one day during all of this, I get called into the office. Pete comes clean to me about how he has feelings for me. I assume spending all that time together at his house sped this process up. We got along great when there was no external pressure. I thought to myself at times that I was working for a really funny person who understood my passions and we had a great collaborative relationship.
So when he told me, he asked if that would be an issue for me. I said no. Again I had this great working relationship and I foolishly thought I could work around the knowledge of my boss having a crush on me. I say “crush” cause that’s what it felt like. He and Kevin going off and giggling or gossiping. Kevin pulled me to the side and tried to give me advice. I now know that this was all a manipulation. I’m confident he sent Kevin to talk to me, become my friend, get information about how I really felt. It was all very high school-esque.
I was somehow able to manage to keep things separated for a few months. By October 2012, we were off to London and Paris for a private Adventures by Disney tour hosted by Dreams Unlimited Travel. Of course, during this adventure we were sharing a room the whole time, to help reduce the costs and occupancy of the trip. This had happened before during some hotel reviews and I was never fully comfortable with it, especially after he had told me he had feelings for me.
So just to push pause for a second. I want you to remember that I’m very vulnerable. I’ve lost my best friend and I’m desperately trying to find a new friend, a new group, a new family here in Orlando. I find a person who’s great to work with, our personalities mesh pretty well, and we’re having fun. He tells me he has feelings, but I don’t want to lose the friendship and I don’t want to lose the job. I’ve made it very clear that I don’t have feelings, but I’m willing to put up with the awkwardness to continue doing my dream. Right now, the happiness to misery ratio is probably 85 happy to 15 miserable (on the sliding scale.)
We’re in London. Almost immediately into this trip, he uses a brand new phrase: “Emotional Relationship.” I find the timing interesting. He was OK existing as is back at home. The minute we're overseas, far from home, he has a conversation with me TELLING me that we’re not friends. How could we be? The way we work together and the laughter and fun. He TELLS me this is an emotional relationship. There’s no physical touch, but this definitely isn’t a friendship.
I’m secluded. I can’t drive home. I have to go to the same hotel room every night with this man for 2 weeks. I have no escape. Then he brings up this new development to the relationship. I push back at every instance. He cries and misses out on several parts of the adventure. I have to cover for him by the way; coming up with excuses for his absence (this became a recurring theme that even Sean has pointed out.)
At some point in the trip, during one of our multiple hours-long late-night conversations… I cave. I admit that logically I can see that this is more than just a friendship. There’s something special here. Never in my heart did I think it was romantic. But he latches on to my acknowledgement like I’ve never seen before.
All of a sudden, the trip wasn't so bad. Nothing has changed internally for me really. I’m able to enjoy myself. I feel like I acknowledged his feelings after very long intensive grill sessions… and we can move on.
On one of the nights, we were in London, I was asleep in my bed. There were two full/queen beds during this trip (thank God.) Pete had gotten pretty upset with me. I was late for a podcast recording in London. Everything ultimately went fine, but I had gotten held up at the London Eye with John and Kevin and the rest of the group. That experience was on our Itinerary, and I still don’t fully understand why he was upset that day. Pete went to bed upset and I went to sleep pretty tipsy (after hours of deep conversation and telling me why and how I can be better.) I woke up groggy to this man on his knees, next to my bed, reaching under my sheets and touching me inappropriately.
I didn’t know what to do, so I pretended to be asleep, shake him off me, and roll over into the opposite direction. I was now wide awake in the bed, pretending to be asleep. I think realized he almost got caught. He went back to his bed. I never mentioned this encounter to him ever again.
What should have I done? Confront him right there? Yes. I know that now. I’ve had over 10 years to relive this moment. This moment set the stage for how I approached the next 3 years. That sliding scale of misery I mentioned earlier… we’re sliding now. Sliding further and further down.
Initially I had shame. Shame that a man had touched me. Forgive me, but I grew up in a society where it was taboo to be gay even though I never felt that way personally. On top of that, I never identified as gay or even curious. Who could I tell? If I told anyone, they’d tell me what I was doing was wrong, they’d tell me to give up my entire dream or they might kill this man .
The shame, guilt, and the desire to hide this friendship/emotional relationship/relationship was what fueled everything. I couldn’t tell my family. Strike #1. Pete used my shame to guilt me further and further down the path of a relationship. He might say things like “How could I have let things like this happen if I wasn’t into it?” So that’s Strike #2. My friends and co-workers knew parts of it but I was hiding most of it. The balancing act that built for another 3 years eventually tipped that misery scale to 100% into the opposite direction.
This is just the beginning. This is the "why." This is only less than a year into working at the DIS. I’m leading a double/triple life. I’m lying to friends and family and pleasing the one person who gave me the ultimate piece of bait dangling from the hook. He could be my real friend. Something I had so recently lost.
The next few years played out on screen for a lot of people. After reading this, I challenge you to go back and watch my smile being forced through my teeth. I’ll continue the story. There’s so much more to dive into. It doesn’t end here.
I know that I’m by no means %100 innocent in anything that happens in my life. I’m not a passenger or some audience member watching my life happen around me. I’m an active participant. I’ll happily take responsibility for any actions that may have led me to make poor decisions. But we also need to find a common ground of what constitutes predatory behavior.
What is taking advantage of? What is inappropriate for an employer to do with an employee? There’s such subtlety in our society when it comes to these things. Movements like MeToo are trying to break walls down and define what’s right and wrong.
I’m simply hoping to find some definitive personal boundaries in MY story. I’m hoping to share my perspective of what I went through and what I deem appropriate for my life. Your mileage may vary and I don’t intend to fight back with you about those things. Let’s get started…
I’m sad to say that I too can look back on these years and realize I was never in love with Pete. I knew even then I was not attracted to him. I had never been attracted to men anyways. Some of you may wonder what my sexuality is. I’ll be open about it. I’ve always identified as a straight man.
After finding myself in a relationship with Pete, it was undeniable to me that I must be somewhere else in the broad spectrum of sexuality. I’m not on the 100% side of being completely straight. Maybe 90%? I don’t even really identify as Bi. I don’t ever really find other men attractive and I’m very happily married to my amazing wife. All I know is that this moment in my life happened and I have no intentions of denying it. Do with that what you will.
I was also not in it for the money or the travel or the opportunities. Those things were great at the beginning. But they were not why I stayed. Looking back, I realize I was paid enough to pay rent and have a decent apartment with decent things. And Pete did pay for nice dinners, travel, and fun electronics. However, most of it was work related and like I said before, the cathartic selling of all of it at my local pawn shop proved to me that those things only ever tied me down.
So why did this relationship ever start? I’m not attracted to men. I’m not money hungry. What happened? I was vulnerable, young, naïve, and at the time a chronic people pleaser. Let’s rewind a few months before I moved to Florida in the summer of 2011.
It’s April 2011 and I’m at an emotional high. My college, VCU, has just made history by going to the Final Four in the NCAA championships. I’m a senior about to graduate from the film program and I have a great group of friends. One of my good friends devised a way for me and him to move in together in Orlando with the goal being to work full-time at Walt Disney World. Then just before graduation, I get a phone call.
My best friend from childhood (we were born 10 days apart and inseparable from then on) had just died in a house fire, alongside his newlywed wife and their poor little cat. I was devastated and depressed to say the least. I had lost a brother. We had gone to different schools, so we grew apart over the course of those 4 years or so. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I went from absolute high to basically rock bottom.
I graduated and me and my other friend still planned on living in Orlando together. That plan was in motion. But now it has become an escape. I escaped Virginia and all the pain that was there. Sadly, I also left everyone there without me. Looking back, I wonder how many of them wanted me to stay or needed me.
I started working full-time at Disney. I was enjoying my job there at Disney’s Animal Kingdom. I was dating here and there. Life was seemingly better. One of the things I did to distract myself was listen to the DISUnplugged. I had been listening since basically the beginning. I always thought to myself that the show could easily be made into a video show. I saw that things were going in that direction for other podcasts. I also felt they could use an upgrade in their video presence in general. Ride throughs, media events, etc..
I listened out for any opportunities where the team was doing meets in the parks and I eventually met several members of the team. Eventually I connected with Corey and he hired me to do a freelance video of the Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party in the Fall of 2011. This was all intentional. I made myself known to the team and I was eager to help their website. I wanted to be a part of the team. I wanted them to be my friends.
The first time I ever met Pete in person was at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter DISApalooza in December 2011. He was smoking a cigarette in the smoking section. I joined him and talked to him about the video I shot for them. It was a short conversation that apparently he has no recollection of. But nonetheless I think this helped put me on his radar.
This all led up to the Disney Fantasy media sailing. This was meant to be my tryout. If I nailed this, there was the idea that I’d get a full-time position with the DIS. It was a success and I was offered a full-time position as their Director of Video and New Media. I cannot remember exact numbers but my starting salary was somewhere in the $30,000s. By the way, this was actually an upgrade from Walt Disney World.
At the start, I was working from my own home like anyone else in the company would. I had invested in setting up my own little office area. I was covering media events and special parties. But then came time to start working on the video show. This involved working out of Pete’s home for a large amount of time. I was installing equipment in the studio (two bedrooms with the wall knocked out), going on shopping trips at Best-Buy and Sam Ash, and working on the floor plan. I had set up shop kind of temporarily there and most of my days were spent there.
Around this same time. Pete’ personal friend from back in New Jersey, Kevin (a different one) had reappeared in his life. I remember the two of them having private conversations like they were two teenagers in high school. Sometimes giggling, sometimes Kevin reassuring Pete while he was crying. I wasn’t allowed in the office during those times. Those were private moments.
Then one day during all of this, I get called into the office. Pete comes clean to me about how he has feelings for me. I assume spending all that time together at his house sped this process up. We got along great when there was no external pressure. I thought to myself at times that I was working for a really funny person who understood my passions and we had a great collaborative relationship.
So when he told me, he asked if that would be an issue for me. I said no. Again I had this great working relationship and I foolishly thought I could work around the knowledge of my boss having a crush on me. I say “crush” cause that’s what it felt like. He and Kevin going off and giggling or gossiping. Kevin pulled me to the side and tried to give me advice. I now know that this was all a manipulation. I’m confident he sent Kevin to talk to me, become my friend, get information about how I really felt. It was all very high school-esque.
I was somehow able to manage to keep things separated for a few months. By October 2012, we were off to London and Paris for a private Adventures by Disney tour hosted by Dreams Unlimited Travel. Of course, during this adventure we were sharing a room the whole time, to help reduce the costs and occupancy of the trip. This had happened before during some hotel reviews and I was never fully comfortable with it, especially after he had told me he had feelings for me.
So just to push pause for a second. I want you to remember that I’m very vulnerable. I’ve lost my best friend and I’m desperately trying to find a new friend, a new group, a new family here in Orlando. I find a person who’s great to work with, our personalities mesh pretty well, and we’re having fun. He tells me he has feelings, but I don’t want to lose the friendship and I don’t want to lose the job. I’ve made it very clear that I don’t have feelings, but I’m willing to put up with the awkwardness to continue doing my dream. Right now, the happiness to misery ratio is probably 85 happy to 15 miserable (on the sliding scale.)
We’re in London. Almost immediately into this trip, he uses a brand new phrase: “Emotional Relationship.” I find the timing interesting. He was OK existing as is back at home. The minute we're overseas, far from home, he has a conversation with me TELLING me that we’re not friends. How could we be? The way we work together and the laughter and fun. He TELLS me this is an emotional relationship. There’s no physical touch, but this definitely isn’t a friendship.
I’m secluded. I can’t drive home. I have to go to the same hotel room every night with this man for 2 weeks. I have no escape. Then he brings up this new development to the relationship. I push back at every instance. He cries and misses out on several parts of the adventure. I have to cover for him by the way; coming up with excuses for his absence (this became a recurring theme that even Sean has pointed out.)
At some point in the trip, during one of our multiple hours-long late-night conversations… I cave. I admit that logically I can see that this is more than just a friendship. There’s something special here. Never in my heart did I think it was romantic. But he latches on to my acknowledgement like I’ve never seen before.
All of a sudden, the trip wasn't so bad. Nothing has changed internally for me really. I’m able to enjoy myself. I feel like I acknowledged his feelings after very long intensive grill sessions… and we can move on.
On one of the nights, we were in London, I was asleep in my bed. There were two full/queen beds during this trip (thank God.) Pete had gotten pretty upset with me. I was late for a podcast recording in London. Everything ultimately went fine, but I had gotten held up at the London Eye with John and Kevin and the rest of the group. That experience was on our Itinerary, and I still don’t fully understand why he was upset that day. Pete went to bed upset and I went to sleep pretty tipsy (after hours of deep conversation and telling me why and how I can be better.) I woke up groggy to this man on his knees, next to my bed, reaching under my sheets and touching me inappropriately.
I didn’t know what to do, so I pretended to be asleep, shake him off me, and roll over into the opposite direction. I was now wide awake in the bed, pretending to be asleep. I think realized he almost got caught. He went back to his bed. I never mentioned this encounter to him ever again.
What should have I done? Confront him right there? Yes. I know that now. I’ve had over 10 years to relive this moment. This moment set the stage for how I approached the next 3 years. That sliding scale of misery I mentioned earlier… we’re sliding now. Sliding further and further down.
Initially I had shame. Shame that a man had touched me. Forgive me, but I grew up in a society where it was taboo to be gay even though I never felt that way personally. On top of that, I never identified as gay or even curious. Who could I tell? If I told anyone, they’d tell me what I was doing was wrong, they’d tell me to give up my entire dream or they might kill this man .
The shame, guilt, and the desire to hide this friendship/emotional relationship/relationship was what fueled everything. I couldn’t tell my family. Strike #1. Pete used my shame to guilt me further and further down the path of a relationship. He might say things like “How could I have let things like this happen if I wasn’t into it?” So that’s Strike #2. My friends and co-workers knew parts of it but I was hiding most of it. The balancing act that built for another 3 years eventually tipped that misery scale to 100% into the opposite direction.
This is just the beginning. This is the "why." This is only less than a year into working at the DIS. I’m leading a double/triple life. I’m lying to friends and family and pleasing the one person who gave me the ultimate piece of bait dangling from the hook. He could be my real friend. Something I had so recently lost.
The next few years played out on screen for a lot of people. After reading this, I challenge you to go back and watch my smile being forced through my teeth. I’ll continue the story. There’s so much more to dive into. It doesn’t end here.
