Just caught up.
Sympathy for Phillip is misplaced. He is an adult. I am continually frustrated by society's habit if infantizing adults - discussing them like they are children eg Harry and Meagan described as a young married couple despite being close to 40. Society infantizes adults voiding them of responsibility and accountability for their behaviour and actions. His mother introduced him to CD vlogs and encouraged him to go. She is probably thrilled for him.
RE Mary volunteer/guest. I read so many of her posts I am really suprised she has returned.
Finally imagine being Nic's Marie coming to your husband's holiday home not knowing who will be there, their background or ethics and you bring your son. Imagine being a guest not knowing who is cooking food, wandering the halls at night. I mean no bedrooms have locks.
I take your point.
I was over 50, and tougher, and smarter, than an old boot, with 47 lives behind me and real experience of high and low places and people in the world, when I walked into the buzz saw that was the narc partner of my relative. It ended when I stopped seeing them both, completely. She died soon after, as everyone noted, probably because she could find no other way out.
May I say, very, very gently, that if SJ is in fact a narcissist, no power on earth will protect PJ from being chewed up and spit out. It's bigger than me, and if I may say so, I suspect it is bigger than you too. I commend you on your good fortune in never having had to deal with this.
Here's an
FB page devoted to people trying to extricate themselves. PJ, this link is for you.