Thank you @Milre @Linus was a close 2nd. Both great titles.
Dear crock flock. Having recently returned from the Joel Osteen seminary I am now back at our beloved Lalande. Covid rules be damned this is for religious purposes. I have souls to corrupt save. We are in need of a new hymnal to fleece inspire the faithful. Kat the choir director has plagerized that old Canada favorite O Tanumbaum. The new verses are O Scamming Bums O Scamming Bums. We are in need of the sheet music for Brother toe.
In a PR nightmare brother Tea Bag has had his picture taken with a hooker issues while on mission in Madrid. Remember the teachings of High Priestess Skankadankadingdong if there isn't any pictures, video or recording it didn't happen.
In line with the scamming teachings of the great Joel Olsteen our new moto is Doesn't it feel good to give a little money to Stephanie.
Many Thanks and Blessings
All Hail Spode
Apparently, from his Instagram stories, MPK was going to post a new vlog "coming Sunday!"
Instead, he just decided to workout with his private trainer and read Beryl's card. (Sunday is ending in France in 1.5 hours.)
The man is lazy and has consistently proven that he isn't able to hold a stable job---even vlogging.
Also, we need confirmation (calling Patreon patrons): Is it true that Stephanie might have contracted COVID-19 from her latest out-of-town trip? (I certainly hope this gossip isn't true. For someone who's had it, can't wish COVID on anyone.)
If we could simply place a tray
On her patron s laps we could lay flat
her ruse in hospital is nothing but attention seeking charlatan
so far the ONLY ppl to get restoration
Are
Mini apron
One mower 8 k
Two gardners - 8 k to date
Selmar - another 6 k
Insulation of her apartment- 4 k
Micheal Potts
Insulation of his apartment - 4 k
bag head nick
Insulation of his gite- 4 k
LOTLl
nutti - (2019/2020 24 k -
till YouTube money
Courtyard - 8 k ( still shite)
A proper study - 4 k
New floor - 2 k
Fortuni fabric - 11k
Wallpaper - 6 k
Insulation -2 k
new balcony - ( over new porch ) -20 k
Restoration of front doors 11k
Her dream China room 20 k
The wash area - 10 k
Fridge ...MIA
Garden tree - veg 1k
so the directors have all had their various accommodations insulated
Nothing for the rendering
Nothing for the roof
Geothermal heating is not fit for purpose
oh weeee scotman
He’s getting an apartment
Labour 6k
Add bathroom 5 k
Kitchen 5 k
Marble for kitchen 4 k
Furniture etc 3 k
New bed 5 k
and the other 20 rooms have not been touched
Unless it directly reflects all the years of suffering the current owners have endured
Not a twist of words, but whatever. I'm completely outraged about the stupid post about what or what not the vacuous one has got or not got. Probably a bit more sensitive having lost a friend to Covid yesterday & having a family member who has terminal kidney cancer who keeps having to be admitted to hospital. But thank you for your opinion Philly. Much appreciated.
Everything is calculated and meant to attract attention and comment. When you present yourself as helpless (Oh look at what the moths have done to my dress!) gullible and well-meaning people will try to step up and help (Oh thank goodness one of you was kind enough to send the bee patches so the cashmere can be saved!). On some level she knows the dress looks ridiculous, just as she knows how silly she looks when she runs around in curlers. The dress represents her business strategy: attract attention, lead people to believe you need their help (gifts, money, volunteer labour), and make them feel they’re important to you. I’m still trying to get my head around the top-tier Patreon perks, and how anyone could be seduced into believing that it means something to have your name written on the back of a piece of panelling and that paying $1000 or more for the privilege is justified and money well-spent.
Thank you @Milre for the new title and @sandro37 who provided the foundations for the Lunatique Centre.
Thank you lalablahblah for new thread.
Thanks to @ploppityplop2 for the intro!
Thanks to @MojoDublin and @Rory for Glossaries.
Yup needs a few edits. Sigh.
Glossary
CD - The Chateau Diaries
Tarts boudoir - Chateau de Lalande
HMN - heap in the middle of nowhere
Flat 34B - bolt hole SJ
LOTL/LOTLL - Lady of the (Lost) Lake, aka Stephanie (b.1975)
SSB- She Who Shouts from the balcony, SJ
QBC- Queen of bed chambers - SJ
MB - Madame Boneyparts -SJ
SJ - Stephanie Jarvis
Fanny - Stephanie Jarvis
MMAF - Mad Man's Arse Face, i.e. mummy
Mini Apron - Isabelle Jarvis (nee Biggio, b.1942) married 1962/3 to Derek Jarvis, widowed 2009, married to Percy Atfield year???
Potty/MP - Michael Potts
Cinder-Ruth- MPotts current squeeze Ruth Kelly (b.1981)
Nitti/Nutty - Nati Oliveto
Floral Roadkill (FRK / RK) - Marie Wiik (b.1991)
BJJ - Baby Jesus Jeans, aka Philip Janssen
PP (Nostril of Lalande) - Prince Philip
UH - Uriah Heep - Philip
Renfield - Philip
MP/MP2/MPK - Michael Petherick (b.1986)
MOLD: Man Of LOST Design - Michael Petherick
Crybaby - Michael Petherick
Sir Trotter BDSM - Michael Petherick
Teabag Trotter - Michael Petherick
Master - Swedish director of Elias Truedsson
BS - Billy Spielberg - Billy Petherick (b.1990)
Trotter, Petherdick - any Petherick family reference
Ma Trotter - Sherrie Petherick
Pa Trotter - Mr Petherick Esq
PILF: The only Petherick I'd like to be filmed with - Pa 'Mick' Trotter
Dear Brenda/BG - Brenda Gibbons (superfan/Facebook admin) from Donegal Ireland
Karen Cbomb - other superfan/admin, Canada
Jumpsuit Jill - rabid serial deletor of unfan comments on premier chat - Jill Scott, New Zealand
Donegals - Limericks (renamed in honour of Dear Brenda)
Agents - Tattlers who find out juicy background info
Chat O (or variations) - Chateau (how Brenda says it)
“BuyMeACoffee” - give me money (no, really, give me money, I really need it)
MBNS;GF - more boring narc stuff; gimme facts
PSDFHB - princess shouting down from her balcony
PRSDBP - princess in her robe shouting down from her balcony at the peasants
Wet Blanket - Fun hoover
Mickey Dodger - Woman who avoids sexual encounters
Thanks to @Rory for the SSB Main Squeeze Glossary:
1. Gregory Mason Clark - Husband and boyfriend, on and off at uni. SJ approx 18
2. Nic Larkin - apparently just friends at uni (but also dated according to CB?)
3. Married Husband 22-24??? (wedding registered in July 1999, she was 23 at the time)
4. Michael Potts met through Oliver Strong on and off 10 years. Open relationship in the end. Buys Chateau 2005 during relationship age 29.
5. Edmond Fokker van Craayenstein (player in tight trousers who pretends to be an aristocrat-BF with guy who said "let the 80 years-olds die off")
6. Mason Dwinell on and off (last we heard he is still staring at the sun?)
7. Ludwig Norweigner (otherwise known as Nordic Weirdo, alcoholic friend unceremoniously dumped at the train station without a ticket)
8. James Jardine (turned out to be "too much" for the girl who never has enough)
9. Daniel Hengeveld (nicknamed Druggy Daniel, because of his not so secret habits. IJ was furious about that romance and the fact that he introduced narcotics into the shat-o. Christmas 2016)
10. Various volunteers ad nauseum (bread oven guy Walton, Christian We etc.)
11. BJJ (any port in a storm, eh Stephanie?)
I hope you don't mind @Linus
Last edited: Wednesday at 9:49 AM
Omg
Château Dictionary courtesy of Hercule P
Unfortunately ran out time couldn't attach, mea culpa.
Thank you for compiling our dictionary.
Dadification: The attribution of Derek's nature or characteristics at each and every opportunity. @Jeeves
A Fouquet: as in to pull a Fouquet. The act of using public funds to finance once lavish lifestyle, in honour of the Great Nicolas Fouquet, Louis the XIV’s finance minister and builder of celebrated Château of Vaux-le-Vicomte (the most ostentatious Château of its time, pre-dating the Versailles renovations) who finished his life in jail being accused by the King of mismanagement of funds. @justcommonsense
Gustavo: male prostitute with expensive tastes @HerculeP
Madrid syndrom: stricto sensu, long journey to have some bedroom activities in a very expensive hotel in the middle of a pandemy
Flexible version, long journey to have some bedroom activities in a very expensive place @HerculeP
Stephanese: What would be your definition? @mummydearest
To Versailles: to behave like Marie-Antoinette (Sofia Coppola’s dancing, dressing-up, gambling, romanticising nature version of Marie-Antoinette) As in They Versailled again all night yesterday! @justcommonsense
To Versailles up: to make Versailles-inspired design choices that, depending on taste and budget, may result in a nouveau-riche or tat-like look. As in They Versailled up the entrance, it looks [insert preferred adjective]! @justcommonsense
To be continued
Don't forget "Stephfending" I cannot remember who said it, but it made me laugh!
Trotter Boy said in his live Q&A that Ryan had just left to drive around France and film, then later confirmed that Ryan had a girlfriend whom he hadn't met.
Ah, nice. Considering that France is in the middle of a sh*t show re vaccinations, Covid spread, ICU numbers, the "chateau influencers " are driving around the countryside/other countries for "work", and possibly spreading the virus, to make crap videos for people who are too afraid to go out because of prats like them.
So the you tube money was non existent for jan and feb .....
says maby it’s cos advertisers aren’t paying
yet ma Petherick posted on Fb he hit 11 million views !!!
when you pay for subscribers - kinda what happens
226 k following
yet on live chat never hit above 2.6
guess the algorithms aren’t the only thing ... to have seen threw brother Petherick
he prefers live chats ...
cash 310 for 100 minutes
and he didn’t have to do anything except talk
so the great rip off continues 🥲🥲
Anna and Peter over at Chateau de la Croix Honnet don't have Patreon, GoFundMe or even Buy Me A Coffee. They just plod on and work hard every day, with the occasional trip to the beach, or a cycle out on their WW2 motorbike and sidecar. They don't involve themselves in the Chateau owners shenanigans.
Breaking news ! From Chateau de Lalande Facebook page.
"Hello everyone!!
Yesterday night I had to rush Stephanie to the hospital, she is doing okay, it's not Covid or cancer or anything like that, but she has to remain there for observation for at least 48 hours.
A bit drastic - ok, Covid would be more than likely but why would you go straight to cancer? BJJ looking for a bit of drama and touting for £$ and gifts for sickly Madame?
Jenny Peahen does seem to both get things done and know what she's doing. Without her, the greenhouse would be a pitiful display of dying or dead seedlings.
Food seems much more organised during her stay. No unnecssary trips to the supermarket to buy random stuff on her watch. Use up what's lurking. As it should be!
She comes across as very capable but with bossy, controlling behaviour just lurking. Obviously spotted an opportunity for herself to snake in the chateau. Now we all know lazy lie abed SSB couldn't care less who is cooking or gardening or using up the scraps as long as it isn't her having to lift a finger. My bet is that Jenny Peahen is going to cheese off all the others who work in the chateau. Can just imagine her bossing Dan about, telling Natti the best way to open gifts up & she's clearly getting herself into the kitchen. She's a sly one that one.
As for Michael's live Q&A. He's a lazy, lazy, lazy sh*t! Can't be bothered filming - even with the help of Elias - for 10 days, says his vlog is coming out on Sunday, and hints that it's about the cottage, and then there's no vlog. And now, the easiest vlog ever, Q&A, and of course this means cash grab, especially if he does a 'woe is me'. I'm putting money on that he says he needs his personal trainer to help with his 'depression' as exercise is recommended, and some sucker will give him a big donation to help pay for that.
Over on his channel, stupid idiots are sitting there, waiting for an hour for Michael to 'honour' them with his presence, and mentioning that he's going up against Oprah interview!
toe. 
is nothing but attention seeking charlatan 
bomb
SJ 
Elias Truedsson
chat - Jill Scott, New Zealand
shouting down from her balcony
couldn't attach, mea culpa.
@HerculeP
@HerculeP
@mummydearest
background and overimposed hospital scene.
nothing interesting.
peahen is just gardening 🪴 and cooking 🧆.
unavailable (and banished to the old bread 
oven building).
or wondering how fireworks work 
🥲
