The advice thread for random problems

[Snippysnips]

Just looking for some advice as I’m not sure what to do or how to go about this situation. My friends in RL are split pretty 50/50 so I’m taking it to the Internet

So last night one of our family cats died. I have three children (6 - just turned 6 today, 8&10) as you can imagine we are all devastated.

The vets have said we can have her cremated and she stay with them. Or we can pay a little bit extra and bring her ashes home. I can’t work out how to handle this situation, weather it’s better to give the cat some form of send off. Allow the children to say their goodbyes etc. Or let the vets deal with the cat and leave the kids to heal in their own space and time. Today they seem much more chipper however, I think that may be because it’s my youngest birthday and We are out celebrating. I don’t want to keep bringing it up and hurting them all over again but also don’t want them to feel robbed off saying goodbye.

We brought my dogs ashes home an put them in a large pot with a rose on top, but everyone's different with how they deal with it

Personally I'd let the kids have a little ceremony thing, it will help them understand the process of death an you can let them know that you are there for them to talk to an it's OK to be sad about it, it might help in future when a loved one dies, I was 15 before I lost a loved one an it was my first time experiencing a funeral an I just could not cope with the whole process of death having never experienced anything like it before, obviously a pet death is nothing like a family member but I feel like if I had done somthing with previous pets I'd have had maybe dealt a bit better with a loved one an the whole process of death in general

Sending thoughts, never easy to lose a pet

 

[Justhereforthebantslll]

I think that’s one thing I’m conscious of. I’ve never lost a family member. Well, I have but they’ve never been a family member I’ve been close to or even met. Think the last person to die was years and years ago when I was a child and that was my mums Nana.

 

[playgirlbunny]

I was wondering if there is anyone who struggled with being assertive and being confrontational on how they were able to overcome this?

 

[If you say so...]

I was wondering if there is anyone who struggled with being assertive and being confrontational on how they were able to overcome this?

I would choose your battles carefully and when you do feel it necessary to be assertive, stick to facts and don’t let emotions get involved. Always remain open minded and make sure you listen to the person you are dealing with. It can be difficult to find the balance but it does get easier!

 

[playgirlbunny]

I would choose your battles carefully and when you do feel it necessary to be assertive, stick to facts and don’t let emotions get involved. Always remain open minded and make sure you listen to the person you are dealing with. It can be difficult to find the balance but it does get easier!

Thank you. I think I find it hard to choose my battles because as soon as I entered my 20s I’ve come across a lot of people trying to test me and gauge how I would act. A lot of the times I ignore them because I’m quite chilled and I’m also don’t like problems but they seem to think because I appear nice and kind they can walk all over me. The hardest is when I do voice my opinions on something I feel so scared on the inside and sometimes my voice comes across as quite shaky which I find embarrassing

 

[rainbowlemon]

Hi all just want to know if you think I'm overthinking and to forget it or whether my idea is a good one or too much!

Short version: I accidently woke up my friends toddler and he then took forever to go back to sleep meaning his dad missed dinner so I was going to get a voucher for just eat or something so he can have a hot dinner

Long version: I was going round my sisters best friend's house last night to plan her hen do. Another friend was joining us.

I went to my mums beforehand as she lives 10 mins away from sisters BF and it made sense for me to kill 2 birds as it were and not have to go home between working in the office etc. She was winding me up, as she often does, by being a bit of a mug in regards to my sister and she had had a drink which is never good with her.

Anyway I ended up leaving hers to avoid an argument. I had in my head we were meeting at 7 so left at 6:45 got there about 6:55 sat in the car replying to some texts and then rang the doorbell at bang on 7.

This is when I then realise I might have made a mistake. The dog starts barking and then I hear the toddler yell.

BFs husband invites me in. I sit down and he goes up to help with said toddler and swap with BF. On the cross over on the stairs I hear BF say he had just gone off but is awake now

BF comes down and we have a hug and a chat. BF then says other friend is on their way and I realise my error.

We were meant to be meeting at 7:15 not 7. I profusely apologise and BF said it's OK I'm used to your sister (who I have ranted about previously as she is always 30 mins early at least) I said noooooo I just got my times wrong.

When other friend arrives at the right time, they have kids and obvs know not to ring the doorbell!!!! So as they was expecting her at 7:15 the door was ajar ready for her to just walk in

So basically toddler doesn't end up going to sleep until nearly 9pm! And dad missed dinner with us and basically had to eat his pizza cold

My husband was like well BF should have said don't ring the doorbell. I said I shouldn't have been 15 mins early.

Anyway, well done if you have made it this far!!! I was thinking of sending them like £10/£15 just eat voucher or similar with a note apologising and saying treat yourself to some hot pizza?

Am I overthinking and should just leave it? And the voucher is a bit much? Or is that a nice gesture when I woke their kid up? Or will they think "oh dear child free idiot thinks this one bad night was her fault, how silly of her"

You’re very kind. I wouldn’t send them a voucher though.

 

[If you say so...]

Thank you. I think I find it hard to choose my battles because as soon as I entered my 20s I’ve come across a lot of people trying to test me and gauge how I would act. A lot of the times I ignore them because I’m quite chilled and I’m also don’t like problems but they seem to think because I appear nice and kind they can walk all over me. The hardest is when I do voice my opinions on something I feel so scared on the inside and sometimes my voice comes across as quite shaky which I find embarrassing

Oh god I used to get that! You feel like it gives you away and almost undermines your intentions but most people probably don't notice as much as we do ourselves. I think it could be a sign of letting the emotions take over and a slight lack of confidence. You don't need to feel scared about voicing your opinion or facts. If people have a different opinion then it's fine, we are bound to meet people with different opinions in life. When I need to address an issue now I look at the facts and present them as I see them, I try to forget about feeling "wronged" in certain situations. I also play devils advocate with myself to try to see things from other peoples perspectives and that's helped me decide whether it's a battle worth fighting.

 

[Some People!]

Not a 'problem', but I'd love some advice for when my daughter starts high school in a few days. Obviously all schools and kids are different, but for experienced parents: what do you wish you'd known?

I remember a couple of years ago overhearing a mum who'd put 4 kids through high school talking about the cost of buying all the uniform and stuff when one of hers started and I thought I'd heard her say "£300" which tit me up because that's a great deal of money for us. I immediately did some maths (300 ÷ number of paydays between then and the end of y6) and made a standing order for that small and very manageable sum to go to a bank account I had limited access to. Ring-fencing that money paid for what she needed for school plus plenty for fun here & there over the summer. I'm so glad I did that.

 

[Piff paff puff]

Not a problem but a question. How can Google know what you've saw/spoke/heard when you aren't carrying your phone on you?
My phone has been relaying these things to me the last few years and I still don't know how.

 

[Singinginthewind]

Hello!

Please may I get some advice on something really bloody boring?

I ordered some linen and cotton blend curtains and they have arrived friggin' creased! I cannot be bothered to send them back and will just buy a steamer as will use it for my other curtains to freshen them up. Can anyone recommend a good steamer to get the creases out? I have searched and searched but a lot of the reviews seem quite rubbish so now I am stuck as to which will be best to buy.

Any help will be very much appreciated

 

[Sunflower91]

Not a problem but a question. How can Google know what you've saw/spoke/heard when you aren't carrying your phone on you?
My phone has been relaying these things to me the last few years and I still don't know how.

It’s not just what is picked up on your mic off your phone. But also whatever devices you have logged into your account.
I’m doubtful that it’s all the devices “listening” Companies pay good money for people to create ways of targeting people for advertising/ messaging etc. If it’s cookie/history based they can take browsing data to spot patterns of behaviour which make targeting easier. More complex models can overlay with voice data too. These models learn what’s effective over time and get smarter.

 

[Singinginthewind]

Not a problem but a question. How can Google know what you've saw/spoke/heard when you aren't carrying your phone on you?
My phone has been relaying these things to me the last few years and I still don't know how.

I have this too. I was recently in a shop getting some new mugs then as I was walking around I stopped to look at some rugs (that I don't actually need but was just having a nose) and was telling my partner how nice the rugs were. Then, when I got home and sat down to go on the internet on my phone, all the ads that showed up on the site I was on were just full of rugs! I never searched for rugs or anything so it was definitely spying on my rug convo!!!

 

[Piff paff puff]

It’s not just what is picked up on your mic off your phone. But also whatever devices you have logged into your account.
I’m doubtful that it’s all the devices “listening” Companies pay good money for people to create ways of targeting people for advertising/ messaging etc. If it’s cookie/history based they can take browsing data to spot patterns of behaviour which make targeting easier. More complex models can overlay with voice data too. These models learn what’s effective over time and get smarter.

Yes, I know they are very advanced but for example one specific time, my phone was at home and I was travelling with no devices on me and noticed another traveller take something out of their wallet. Later when i was home and had my phone that item was shown to me as an image on my phone. There are too many incidences now like this, I don't even remember most now.

 

[Fearne]

Hello!

Please may I get some advice on something really bloody boring?

I ordered some linen and cotton blend curtains and they have arrived friggin' creased! I cannot be bothered to send them back and will just buy a steamer as will use it for my other curtains to freshen them up. Can anyone recommend a good steamer to get the creases out? I have searched and searched but a lot of the reviews seem quite rubbish so now I am stuck as to which will be best to buy.

Any help will be very much appreciated

What I've done woth curtains before if you pop them on a light wash or just a rinse and spin so they're damp, then hang up. Minimal effort. As yours have linen is too they might need a quick iron after.

 

[Snippysnips]

Does anyone else crochet? How do you stop your hands from getting sore? Am still new to this, only learned a little while ago an then took a break an now gotten back into it after a shops ordered some of my stuff but from my index finger right down an along my thumb gets really sore an ill need to spend all weekend making my stuff

 

[Singinginthewind]

What I've done woth curtains before if you pop them on a light wash or just a rinse and spin so they're damp, then hang up. Minimal effort. As yours have linen is too they might need a quick iron after.

Great idea! Will give it a go, thank you

 

[JoeBloggs]

Does anyone else crochet? How do you stop your hands from getting sore? Am still new to this, only learned a little while ago an then took a break an now gotten back into it after a shops ordered some of my stuff but from my index finger right down an along my thumb gets really sore an ill need to spend all weekend making my stuff

I’m a knitted but took up crochet in lockdown. I don’t hold it properly because I’m so used to knitting but I had to stop because my little finger hurt so much. Sorry that’s not helpful, but I feeel your pain

 

[Snippysnips]

I’m a knitted but took up crochet in lockdown. I don’t hold it properly because I’m so used to knitting but I had to stop because my little finger hurt so much. Sorry that’s not helpful, but I feeel your pain

I've tried so many different ways to hold the yarn but there's only one way that works for me an it just makes my hand hurt but can't just give it up now, not that I really want to either

 

[CrackRatcher]

Random question since we haven’t been abroad since before covid! Going to Turkey for 7 days all inclusive on a resort me and my 2 kids Iv already bought floats and sun cream etc sooo my question is will 5000 lira be enough for a week? It’s about £260 roughly.. and then £100 for airport for there and back food or whatever (will be taking lots of food too incase if delays) money is super tight since the inflation and I’m also starting maternity a couple of weeks before we go..

 

[DaimIt]

Random question since we haven’t been abroad since before covid! Going to Turkey for 7 days all inclusive on a resort me and my 2 kids Iv already bought floats and sun cream etc sooo my question is will 5000 lira be enough for a week? It’s about £260 roughly.. and then £100 for airport for there and back food or whatever (will be taking lots of food too incase if delays) money is super tight since the inflation and I’m also starting maternity a couple of weeks before we go..

I think inclusive you will be ok as things are supposedly 65 % cheaper in turkey than UK
I googled .. to get perspective, a McDonalds meal there is about 20-15 liras . mid range restaurant 60-120 liras. apparently 434 lira a day is a good amount.