The advice thread for random problems

[BettyCrockerr]

Yes!! That is what she wanted. I thought she wanted to chat over coffee as she was having some problems.
but turns out after my long reply saying sadly I could not take her there but I can chat if she would like that. but got a awful reply back from her.

Let me fetch mine and her replies and will post now. I got it wrong but you two would have known. hahaha

My reply... ( next morning)


Hi blank
lovely to hear from you. Unfortunately I am agoraphobic and although I now go out. meeting up with a stranger in a strange place would be impossible. But I don't mind chatting here, maybe until we know each other better? ... Also do you go to stand in the park etc? My daughter goes there to chat with like minded people and they also meet up on a Tuesday evening at a local pub. its very casual and people just drop in and out as the feel... I could find out the details if you like? my daughter is coming here this morning to pick up her children, so can ask her then? But if not you can always chat with me here . Many of us are suffering right now, it's been and still is a very intense time. You are not on your own or alone. xx



Her reply to that


Hi Purrrrrrr Thanks for replying.
Firstly, I have myself a lift.
Secondly, please don’t be offended by what I am about to say but I don’t do long chats on text behind a screen. It’s avoiding the issue. I have managed mild agoraphobia for over 30 years as a result of a sexual attack from which I possibly saved myself. I used cognitive behavioural therapy to help deal with the problem which has largely worked except when it comes to being in isolated spots outside. I worked taxis into my budget for many years for dealing with the isolated areas but now the money has run out. This is the resurfaced issue in recent weeks that is my main mental health issue now. I have been very fortunate in that for all the years I did community campaigning for which I asked for nothing in return people have helped me a lot in recent weeks and been incredibly supportive. I have also reached out to new neighbours in face, not from a computer or behind a screen. I feel so very sad for you that you are going to spend your days behind a screen which without I’m sorry to have to say will achieve nothing. I’m not going to waste my days on negativity and social media. I spend hours daily doing meditation which helps me a lot. No I’m not on my own because I’m reaching out to the right people. But you are Purrrrrrr and I feel very sad for you that you are. Look after yourself X

DELETE & BLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Purrrrrrr]

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I think it’s very sensible not to want to meet up with a random person who you only know through a FB page and have only interacted with once or twice a good while ago?

Just one or two posts on a thread together over a year ago.

I wonder if she pm others as well? maybe a grifter

 

[watermelon sugar]

She ain’t getting any lifts off anyone with that attitude!!! Cheeky witch

 

[Purrrrrrr]

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DELETE & BLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did send a reply and a not very nice one ( not proud of it) and told her to not contact me again but she blocked me after I sent it. but it still played on my mind how the duck did I get it so wrong so thought I wiould post it here. I feel a lot better now

 

[1181carmenta]

The thing is though, if she had said, look I'm in dire straights and need a lift. I would have taken her or at least sent her some money. But her post to me didn't read like just needing a lift. I just didn't fancy a meeting in a place I don't know, with a stranger. I have come unstuck a few times in my life with strangers.

Another thought. if she didn't have money for a Taxi how was she going to give me the petrol and who was going to pay for the coffee and last how was she going to buy anything in the garden centre.

I remember I read something in a book called “The Gift of Fear” I believe and it states people who refuse to take no for an answer as being a warning as normal people just respect boundaries and leave it and that. And she reminded me of this in her response only she did it in a really sly way

 

[monga]

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I did send a reply and a not very nice one ( not proud of it) and told her to not contact me again but she blocked me after I sent it. but it still played on my mind how the duck did I get it so wrong so thought I wiould post it here. I feel a lot better now

She’s sounds creepy AF that’s if it even is a woman you did the right thing.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

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I did send a reply and a not very nice one ( not proud of it) and told her to not contact me again but she blocked me after I sent it. but it still played on my mind how the duck did I get it so wrong so thought I wiould post it here. I feel a lot better now

No you are quite right and did the right thing. “She” is completely out of order and sounds deranged. Very odd, over familiar, stepping over the boundaries behaviour. Creepy.

 

[Snippysnips]

Yes!! That is what she wanted. I thought she wanted to chat over coffee as she was having some problems.
but turns out after my long reply saying sadly I could not take her there but I can chat if she would like that. but got a awful reply back from her.

Let me fetch mine and her replies and will post now. I got it wrong but you two would have known. hahaha

My reply... ( next morning)


Hi blank
lovely to hear from you. Unfortunately I am agoraphobic and although I now go out. meeting up with a stranger in a strange place would be impossible. But I don't mind chatting here, maybe until we know each other better? ... Also do you go to stand in the park etc? My daughter goes there to chat with like minded people and they also meet up on a Tuesday evening at a local pub. its very casual and people just drop in and out as the feel... I could find out the details if you like? my daughter is coming here this morning to pick up her children, so can ask her then? But if not you can always chat with me here . Many of us are suffering right now, it's been and still is a very intense time. You are not on your own or alone. xx



Her reply to that


Hi Purrrrrrr Thanks for replying.
Firstly, I have myself a lift.
Secondly, please don’t be offended by what I am about to say but I don’t do long chats on text behind a screen. It’s avoiding the issue. I have managed mild agoraphobia for over 30 years as a result of a sexual attack from which I possibly saved myself. I used cognitive behavioural therapy to help deal with the problem which has largely worked except when it comes to being in isolated spots outside. I worked taxis into my budget for many years for dealing with the isolated areas but now the money has run out. This is the resurfaced issue in recent weeks that is my main mental health issue now. I have been very fortunate in that for all the years I did community campaigning for which I asked for nothing in return people have helped me a lot in recent weeks and been incredibly supportive. I have also reached out to new neighbours in face, not from a computer or behind a screen. I feel so very sad for you that you are going to spend your days behind a screen which without I’m sorry to have to say will achieve nothing. I’m not going to waste my days on negativity and social media. I spend hours daily doing meditation which helps me a lot. No I’m not on my own because I’m reaching out to the right people. But you are Purrrrrrr and I feel very sad for you that you are. Look after yourself X

For someone that claims they have agoraphobia they certainly seem a bit short with you after you stated you have it, they would understand why someone would say no to meeting up, I myself have been through agoraphobia an would never meet a stranger let alone drive them about an id understand completly if someone said no to me if they too had it, they also seem a bit forward with telling you how to deal with it as well, while cognitive therapy is the best way, you don't just come out an tell someone especially a stranger to go get it, everyone deals with things differently, an why the assumption you are going to spend all your days behind a screen, they don't know you or what you do

Some people have such a cheek, like where do all these people get such confidence to reach out to a total stranger an act like a entitled ass

 

[Lola UK]

what a weirdo

 

[JoeBloggs]

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I did send a reply and a not very nice one ( not proud of it) and told her to not contact me again but she blocked me after I sent it. but it still played on my mind how the duck did I get it so wrong so thought I wiould post it here. I feel a lot better now

You didn’t get it wrong at all here @Purrrrrrr, you were just being genuine. She didn’t like the answer you gave and went cray cray!

 

[DCICassieStuart]

Jesus @Purrrrrrr, you've dodged a bullet there!

 

[newaccount2022]

@Purrrrrrr ignore everything I said in my first message!!!! She is a witch.

she feels sorry for you spending time behind a screen when she’s the one searching out people online to message and ask for lifts?!?! Give me strength

Facebook breeds weirdos

 

[bourb0nbiscuits]

Yet she’s messaging randomers for meet ups / lifts but claimed she wants to avoid isolated spots because of her past when a stranger could easily drive her there

No I meant very sensible of Purrr not to want to meet up with a) a stranger and b) a stranger & a chancer!

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Just one or two posts on a thread together over a year ago.

I wonder if she pm others as well? maybe a grifter

Complete grifter!

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Thank you everyone. due to your responses I have contacted the admin of the local groups so they can discreetly find out if anyone else has been contacted as her first post says people who used to help her are not responding anymore , so this could be a pattern and people intimidated ( after helping in all good nature) into giving her money and or lifts etc..

 

[Justhereforthebantslll]

Hi
I’m totally new to this and i can’t seem to work out how to make my own thread. Hope I’m okay posting here.
long story short - my now friend, I once had a fling with the father of her children. Before we were friends ofs! She knows all about this. I ended things with him. He then got with someone else. Had a child with her. She (my friend) has one child to my ex. And two more with her now husband. She has not been with my ex in around 10 years. She has been the one that repeatedly made comments such as “Go back there” “give him another chance”. On one occasion not that long ago, she even suggested I used him as a “friends with benefits”. I always declined. His relationship failed and once that happened he began calling and texting me. I very rarely replied. However one time I was out, and he began texting me. So I did go and see him. I did not sleep with him. I did however tell him not to contact me anymore. I told my friend this as soon as it happened and she didn’t seem too bothered by it. Things were normal for us. Then she had a particularly bad week and asked more questions about the encounter. I told her 100% honestly. And since then I’ve felt that something was off. I am autistic and struggle to “read the room” so to speak. I’m also having a particular difficult time with my own anxiety and depression. My friend has always replied to my messages. Although a little slow at times, and I feel maybe abit tense. Although she has used emojis and “x” a few times. She never told me she was angry or annoyed with me. I did ask if things were okay and she said they were. But something just feels off. Any advice is greatly appreciated as this situation is really sending my anxiety sky high.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Hi
I’m totally new to this and i can’t seem to work out how to make my own thread. Hope I’m okay posting here.
long story short - my now friend, I once had a fling with the father of her children. Before we were friends ofs! She knows all about this. I ended things with him. He then got with someone else. Had a child with her. She (my friend) has one child to my ex. And two more with her now husband. She has not been with my ex in around 10 years. She has been the one that repeatedly made comments such as “Go back there” “give him another chance”. On one occasion not that long ago, she even suggested I used him as a “friends with benefits”. I always declined. His relationship failed and once that happened he began calling and texting me. I very rarely replied. However one time I was out, and he began texting me. So I did go and see him. I did not sleep with him. I did however tell him not to contact me anymore. I told my friend this as soon as it happened and she didn’t seem too bothered by it. Things were normal for us. Then she had a particularly bad week and asked more questions about the encounter. I told her 100% honestly. And since then I’ve felt that something was off. I am autistic and struggle to “read the room” so to speak. I’m also having a particular difficult time with my own anxiety and depression. My friend has always replied to my messages. Although a little slow at times, and I feel maybe abit tense. Although she has used emojis and “x” a few times. She never told me she was angry or annoyed with me. I did ask if things were okay and she said they were. But something just feels off. Any advice is greatly appreciated as this situation is really sending my anxiety sky high.

My advice would be to meet up with her and ask her outright. Warn her first that you need to check something, that you are concerned you might have upset her and would like her to be honest in her replies.

You haven't done anything wrong but maybe you and him having contact has upset her more than she realised it would, even though she encouraged you.

I don't really think this is a conversion you can have by text either. Some things need to be face to face.

Try not to overthink it though. There might not even be an issue and if there is this definitely sounds like something that can be talked through and sorted out.

 

[Justhereforthebantslll]

The annoying thing for me is, many times she’s been the one telling me “message him” she even told him where I would be on my birthday so he could come to the restaurant with a cake for me. This is someone I consider my best friend. She will be my children god mother. I did ask her today if everything was okay and she said “all fine”. I must admit I am a bit scared to ask her to meet, but I will have to bite the bullet.
The thing that worries me is this man in particular is a known liar. She knows he’s a liar. She’s caught him out lying a few times. But half of me would like to think surely if there was a problem, she would have said by now.

 

[DaimIt]

I don't need advice on this one but opinions.

I received this PM on FB from someone that I have only interacted with once or twice on our towns local FB pages.

In your opinion what do you think she is asking me for?


Good evening Purrrrrrr this is a bit of a long shot and probably very short notice. I’m reaching out for support and can’t think why we haven’t met as we’re both on the same page regarding the covid jab etc.
I’m currently going through some mental health issues and I find the ( removed the name but its a a garden centre a bit out of my area) so very therapeutic. Would you be interested in going for a coffee there tomorrow and I will cover petrol costs? I know a lot of people who drive but most of them just don’t message or respond to me like they use to. It’s probably too short notice. Hope you’re well.


I will post my reply and her reply back tomorrow but just wanted some feedback on this as I totally read it wrong. but no matter how many times I read it and even with her reply etc it still reads the same way to me

to me i think she very poorly worded that she ll buy you coffee and pay for gas if you drive her to the garden centre . But the way she is wording it , saying she wants support etc, and

Yes!! That is what she wanted. I thought she wanted to chat over coffee as she was having some problems.
but turns out after my long reply saying sadly I could not take her there but I can chat if she would like that. but got a awful reply back from her.

Let me fetch mine and her replies and will post now. I got it wrong but you two would have known. hahaha

My reply... ( next morning)


Hi blank
lovely to hear from you. Unfortunately I am agoraphobic and although I now go out. meeting up with a stranger in a strange place would be impossible. But I don't mind chatting here, maybe until we know each other better? ... Also do you go to stand in the park etc? My daughter goes there to chat with like minded people and they also meet up on a Tuesday evening at a local pub. its very casual and people just drop in and out as the feel... I could find out the details if you like? my daughter is coming here this morning to pick up her children, so can ask her then? But if not you can always chat with me here . Many of us are suffering right now, it's been and still is a very intense time. You are not on your own or alone. xx



Her reply to that


Hi Purrrrrrr Thanks for replying.
Firstly, I have myself a lift.
Secondly, please don’t be offended by what I am about to say but I don’t do long chats on text behind a screen. It’s avoiding the issue. I have managed mild agoraphobia for over 30 years as a result of a sexual attack from which I possibly saved myself. I used cognitive behavioural therapy to help deal with the problem which has largely worked except when it comes to being in isolated spots outside. I worked taxis into my budget for many years for dealing with the isolated areas but now the money has run out. This is the resurfaced issue in recent weeks that is my main mental health issue now. I have been very fortunate in that for all the years I did community campaigning for which I asked for nothing in return people have helped me a lot in recent weeks and been incredibly supportive. I have also reached out to new neighbours in face, not from a computer or behind a screen. I feel so very sad for you that you are going to spend your days behind a screen which without I’m sorry to have to say will achieve nothing. I’m not going to waste my days on negativity and social media. I spend hours daily doing meditation which helps me a lot. No I’m not on my own because I’m reaching out to the right people. But you are Purrrrrrr and I feel very sad for you that you are. Look after yourself X

omg her reply is horrendously rude. I would have replied that she should spend some time on learning some manners and how to speak politely to others . Meditiation doesnt help rude people .
wow .

 

[Piff paff puff]

Fridge freezers sounding funny and doesn't feel to cold, think it's on its way out? It's old. Is it worth getting someone to have a look? Would it be an electrician? Orrrrr buy new? Would have to factor in council collection which was £26 when I last used it a few years back, may be more now or they may not take it at all. In which case what do you do? So many questions
Might it just be blocked somewhere? I just did the pokey stick thing to see if that helps. Anything else I'm missing? Not much ice in there as I recently defrosted.

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Fridge freezers sounding funny and doesn't feel to cold, think it's on its way out? It's old. Is it worth getting someone to have a look? Would it be an electrician? Orrrrr buy new? Would have to factor in council collection which was £26 when I last used it a few years back, may be more now or they may not take it at all. In which case what do you do? So many questions
Might it just be blocked somewhere? I just did the pokey stick thing to see if that helps. Anything else I'm missing? Not much ice in there as I recently defrosted.

AO can take it away from £20 if the council prices have risen.
You don't even have to buy your next fridge freezer from them, anyone can use the service

Collect & Recycle

We’ll pick up your old appliance and recycle it for you

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