The advice thread for random problems #7

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Day before my birthday and I have a huge duck off spot on my lip any advice for tit around th house that might help
 
Day before my birthday and I have a huge duck off spot on my lip any advice for tit around th house that might help
Happy birthday

If you have any palmers coco butter works wonders for me when I get a break out its stings for a few seconds but it drys it out
 
This is a difficult problem for me to try and articulate so please forgive me for any fumbles in wording!

Myself and my friends are all at the life stage of preparing to have kids, pregnancy, or already having small children. Personally, I have not yet had children but I am not putting pressure on myself.

One of my friends desperately wants to be pregnant. She is putting a lot of pressure on herself and is actively getting upset each month when her period arrives. She has every tracker and guidebook under the sun. Her and her partner have been trying for 6 months. Every time she sees a pregnancy announcement on Instagram, she is upset. Every time anyone mentions anything baby related, she is upset. I have avoided talking about my other friend who is currently pregnant so as not to upset her further. I don't dodge the topic if directly asked, but I also don't bring it up. Some of her other friends however, seem to be taking advantage and using her as a babysitting service. Almost every weekend she is out with her partner and someone else's baby having a day out. She is elated on those days and extremely depressed in the 2-3 days that follow.

I can't help but now start to feel extremely anxious talking to her. I love her to pieces but I don't know what to say anymore that doesn't somehow go back to children and her feeling like she's failed by not getting pregnant so fast. I also don't want to belittle her stress either as I can't even imagine how she feels but I do think the obsession and pressure is not going to be helping her actually conceive?

I just don't know what to do really to either help her or feel less anxious about bleeping up in conversation by accidentally offending her.

If anyone does have a miracle answer, please do let me know but even actually expressing that helps a little 😅 thanks
 
This is a difficult problem for me to try and articulate so please forgive me for any fumbles in wording!

Myself and my friends are all at the life stage of preparing to have kids, pregnancy, or already having small children. Personally, I have not yet had children but I am not putting pressure on myself.

One of my friends desperately wants to be pregnant. She is putting a lot of pressure on herself and is actively getting upset each month when her period arrives. She has every tracker and guidebook under the sun. Her and her partner have been trying for 6 months. Every time she sees a pregnancy announcement on Instagram, she is upset. Every time anyone mentions anything baby related, she is upset. I have avoided talking about my other friend who is currently pregnant so as not to upset her further. I don't dodge the topic if directly asked, but I also don't bring it up. Some of her other friends however, seem to be taking advantage and using her as a babysitting service. Almost every weekend she is out with her partner and someone else's baby having a day out. She is elated on those days and extremely depressed in the 2-3 days that follow.

I can't help but now start to feel extremely anxious talking to her. I love her to pieces but I don't know what to say anymore that doesn't somehow go back to children and her feeling like she's failed by not getting pregnant so fast. I also don't want to belittle her stress either as I can't even imagine how she feels but I do think the obsession and pressure is not going to be helping her actually conceive?

I just don't know what to do really to either help her or feel less anxious about bleeping up in conversation by accidentally offending her.

If anyone does have a miracle answer, please do let me know but even actually expressing that helps a little 😅 thanks
Honestly it sounds like something that she herself really needs to get help with through therapy, it's obvs something deep with her an it needs to be faced by herself, she needs to get to the root of why she wants kids so quickly an therapy will help her

Many of my friends an family have an are having kids an truthfully not many of them got pregnant quickly, usually the more stress you put on yourself the worse it is, it's just one of these things, some took up to a year and some took longer, it's just how it goes sometimes, and 6 months isn't really long tbh, many of my friends an family actually fell pregnant when they stopped focusing on trying for it, so she does need to stop stressing on it

Put it this way, one day she will have kids so use this time to really enjoy life, enjoy all the nights out, freedom with holidays, everything that kids restrict you on, an when it happens it happens an that means it's the right time meant for her to have them
 
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Six months is no time at all when trying for a baby. Telling her that isn't going to help though. I would be looking to distract her from her obsession with getting pregnant - a girl's night out or weekend away, tickets to a gig or a festival, something she won't be able to do once she has a baby. I struggled to get pregnant the first time, and again, having my second baby was a journey in itself so I can sympathise. It's easy to become consumed with the need to be pregnant. We took a hiatus and went travelling for 6 months, although the way the world is at the moment, that's probably not a good idea!
 
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Thanks @Snippysnips and @Serene Serena ❤ I agree, it's not actually a long time. My currently-pregnant friend was trying for 18 months and then it was about a month after she said "we are on pause, we have a few family weddings and trips coming up where a baby would be inconvenient" that she then got pregnant 😅 typical!

I think the travelling trip is out unfortunately due to the current world state but also because my friend also is saving money for her wedding too (yep, planning a big Irish wedding and trying for a baby, she doesn't do things by halves) but I will definitely keep trying to distract her and hopefully she does see a therapist or someone about her general anxious state with things currently too. I know her mum has suggested that but it's led to a bit of a fall out so I will have to handle any suggestions around that carefully.
 
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Is there anything stronger than paracetamol that I can buy OTC for period pain please? Not ibuprofen as no one will sell that to me as soon as I mention I have asthma
 
Is there anything stronger than paracetamol that I can buy OTC for period pain please? Not ibuprofen as no one will sell that to me as soon as I mention I have asthma
Something codiene based or paramol which is a mix of both.
 
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Is there anything stronger than paracetamol that I can buy OTC for period pain please? Not ibuprofen as no one will sell that to me as soon as I mention I have asthma
I use nuromol for mine, it used to be over the counter but now it's on the shelves which I don't feel it's as strong now as it used to be, but it still works the best out everything, it's a cross between paracetamol and ibuprofen but places like Tesco/Asda etc won't ask you any questions if you are buying it

Best way it works for me is take two as soon as I know it's coming then every morning, afternoon an night till am finished my period, I have horrendous period pain an this is the only way I can get through it
 
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Thanks @Snippysnips and @Serene Serena ❤ I agree, it's not actually a long time. My currently-pregnant friend was trying for 18 months and then it was about a month after she said "we are on pause, we have a few family weddings and trips coming up where a baby would be inconvenient" that she then got pregnant 😅 typical!

I think the travelling trip is out unfortunately due to the current world state but also because my friend also is saving money for her wedding too (yep, planning a big Irish wedding and trying for a baby, she doesn't do things by halves) but I will definitely keep trying to distract her and hopefully she does see a therapist or someone about her general anxious state with things currently too. I know her mum has suggested that but it's led to a bit of a fall out so I will have to handle any suggestions around that carefully.
What about little staycations rather than travel, it can still make for a fun break, an if she's preparing for a wedding then chances are all this added stress isn't helping, maybe let her know that once the weddings out the way an the stress of it is gone then maybe she will be more relaxed

An truthfully, having had friends pregnant at their wedding there's nothing worse, they hated their day, they were sore, tired, dress was tight, their feet had ballooned so the shoes were killing them, it had cost them a fortune having the dress altered, an their hormones were a mess, maybe let her know that it really isn't a great thing as am sure she'd want to enjoy her day, an the last thing she'd want is to have god awful morning sickness, my aunt had it from beginning to end with her two
 
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My friend has loads of health issues and always gets nurofen (ibuprofen and codeine) just tells them she has no health issues
 
This is a difficult problem for me to try and articulate so please forgive me for any fumbles in wording!

Myself and my friends are all at the life stage of preparing to have kids, pregnancy, or already having small children. Personally, I have not yet had children but I am not putting pressure on myself.

One of my friends desperately wants to be pregnant. She is putting a lot of pressure on herself and is actively getting upset each month when her period arrives. She has every tracker and guidebook under the sun. Her and her partner have been trying for 6 months. Every time she sees a pregnancy announcement on Instagram, she is upset. Every time anyone mentions anything baby related, she is upset. I have avoided talking about my other friend who is currently pregnant so as not to upset her further. I don't dodge the topic if directly asked, but I also don't bring it up. Some of her other friends however, seem to be taking advantage and using her as a babysitting service. Almost every weekend she is out with her partner and someone else's baby having a day out. She is elated on those days and extremely depressed in the 2-3 days that follow.

I can't help but now start to feel extremely anxious talking to her. I love her to pieces but I don't know what to say anymore that doesn't somehow go back to children and her feeling like she's failed by not getting pregnant so fast. I also don't want to belittle her stress either as I can't even imagine how she feels but I do think the obsession and pressure is not going to be helping her actually conceive?

I just don't know what to do really to either help her or feel less anxious about bleeping up in conversation by accidentally offending her.

If anyone does have a miracle answer, please do let me know but even actually expressing that helps a little 😅 thanks
This is bizarre behaviour and she needs therapy given the short amount of time she’s tried vs the obsessive behaviour but in general when someone is TTC, bottom like is there’s nothing you can say or do. I don’t suggest the “it’ll happen one day so enjoy life now” route. It’s kinda like saying when someone is mourning “everyone will die someday so it’s no big deal, just enjoy yourself”, she just can’t enjoy life right now. It’s not something you can switch off or see the positives of when you’re in as deep as she is. TTC, It’s like being hungry - you never feel satisfied and all you can think of is food and that craving for it. The longer it goes on, the hungrier you get. Saying “you’ll eat eventually, not sure when, hopefully” isn’t helpful

Specific to her -
There’s a TTC thread on here, I was part of it.
With the exception of the babysitting it’s not uncommon after trying for a long time. I wonder if she’s a suggestible person?

Don’t tell her she’s being taken advantage of as a baby sitter, which is also likely fuelling her fire too because it’s hardly taking her mind off the issue. From what you’ve said she probably won’t see it. You could perhaps gently suggest that while she enjoys it she’s also torturing herself and it can’t be good for her mental health but don’t outright tell her to stop and do something else. (It’s a bit odd that her OH is enabling her with this).

Maybe ask her what she wants from you, explain that you know this is an enormous issue and you want to support her but you don’t know how. You’re not about to enable her if she’s being extreme but let her say what she wants outright. If it’s not something you can do, tell her that once you have all the information. But again, don’t try to make her see sense, she’s past that if she’s behaving like this after only trying for 6 months and has read anything at all on the subject.
 
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Is there anything stronger than paracetamol that I can buy OTC for period pain please? Not ibuprofen as no one will sell that to me as soon as I mention I have asthma
Cocodomal you can buy 8/500 over the counter. That’s what I take & normally I’m just about alive. Without pain relief I’m bed bound with mine for the entire week 😢
 
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