The advice thread for random problems #7

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Thank you. I'm a real people pleaser, so I struggle with 'conflict' - and knowing if I am not in the wrong (I always presume I am), but this feels like a dangerous situation to slip up on. The advice is very much appreciated!

The fact that management is blinded by her bull is so stupid. The fact they can’t see the whole team is unhappy. However this is fairly common. Which is why you need to keep track of everything in a diary and follow up everything with an email.
Cover your own ass!!!

 

[Jas28]

Try to remove stress from your life. That’s the only way to successfully deal with it

I wouldn’t even say I’m the stressed type of person I’m quite calm most of the time. I don’t think it’s possible to remove stress from life like that, it would mean not having a care in the world and that’s not possible. I’m going to get some blood work done to see what’s going on.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I wouldn’t even say I’m the stressed type of person I’m quite calm most of the time. I don’t think it’s possible to remove stress from life like that, it would mean not having a care in the world and that’s not possible. I’m going to get some blood work done to see what’s going on.

You might not think you are stressed but it is stress that causes it. My SIL only got it under control once her daughters life settled down.
And Mr Lolz were told by his GP to leave his first wife and when he did the urticaria disappeared

 

[Jas28]

You might not think you are stressed but it is stress that causes it. My SIL only got it under control once her daughters life settled down.
And Mr Lolz were told by his GP to leave his first wife and when he did the urticaria disappeared

Yeah I suppose I have internalised stress that I don’t even notice it because it’s just a part of daily life. I overthink massively and worry a lot so there’s that.

 

[cowtastrophe]

I found out today from a colleague that our manager has described me as ‘pulling a fast one’ and ‘crafty’.

The back story is that I was originally employed on 18 hours p/w. I asked for this to be increased to 21 hours p/w following two members of our team leaving. Long story short, my increase was agreed but then we immediately changed teams so there was some dispute over who should pay for my whole three hours extra per week.My manager asked me to complete a flexible working agreement which I did and he signed off. It now seems he inadvertently signed off my increase in hours before it was authorised and his manager is annoyed with him. He is saying (not to me) that he didn’t know what he was signing and my extra three hours are preventing him recruiting another full time post in our department.

He’s off this week but I’m going to have a sit down with him next week. Cheeky fucker.

 

[Bob93]

I wouldn’t even say I’m the stressed type of person I’m quite calm most of the time. I don’t think it’s possible to remove stress from life like that, it would mean not having a care in the world and that’s not possible. I’m going to get some blood work done to see what’s going on.

My chronic urticaria was caused by a reaction to some medication but even after coming off it the urticaria stayed. Fexofenadine is the only antihistamine that helps mine. Stress certainly worsens it, but mine was not caused by stress and is unfortunately there as a baseline for me.

If allergies or other fixable causes ruled out then the medical step after antihistamines is an injection that can be prescribed by a specialist.

A colleague developed it after having the coil fitted, and it went away when it was removed.

 

[littlepup]

We’ve been doing a home extension & I bought a lovely dining table from the charity shop & decided i wanted to sand the orangey varnish off and just have the lovely wood (with a top coat of matt wax). Anyway, I made a start on it (see photo) and then loads of stuff got in the way and it ended up neglected under a tarpaulin sheet for a month or so. In this time it’s somehow got wet and i now have a few water marks and small mould spots on the wood. Does anyone know how or *if* these can be removed? Annoyed at myself for starting and not finishing it in one go !! View attachment 3755390

Let it dry out and give it another sand, it depends how deep it goes. But be sure to wear a mask.

it literally is just telling people to "slim down for the party season" an focuses solely on that

I’d be f-ing outraged at that.
If you can switch it to focus on health and confidence I’d be ok with it but that message implies you need to look good/your best for the sake of other people (at parties) and that means being physically smaller. It’s an awful, outdated, misogynist message that no one wants to have reinforced for feel more pressure about. As if we don’t have enough to do this time of year too!

I’d go more down a “why wait for January to make resolutions? Stopping smoking or feeling healthier around food or exercise, whatever your goals, we can support you”
I wouldn’t mention weight loss directly in the heading information at all.

 

[Ray1403]

my partner was really looking forward to christmas being the 3 of us (me, him, our toddler) but i found out my brother & his wife are working christmas day (emergency services) so my dad would be on his own (mum died 17 years ago). obviously i don’t want my dad to be alone but i keep burying my head in the sand and not talking to my OH about it because he was looking forward to having christmas at home this year (dad’s an hour away and disabled) and i keep overthinking the scenario in my head and burying my head in the sand and now it’s getting closer and closer i’m panicking because i can’t please everybody.
aaand breathe.

 

[boomska]

I recently re-pierced my ears at home and i want them to heal nicely! Has anyone got any good advice on how to heal/look after them? Preferably cheap aswell lol

 

[Snippysnips]

I’d be f-ing outraged at that.
If you can switch it to focus on health and confidence I’d be ok with it but that message implies you need to look good/your best for the sake of other people (at parties) and that means being physically smaller. It’s an awful, outdated, misogynist message that no one wants to have reinforced for feel more pressure about. As if we don’t have enough to do this time of year too!

I’d go more down a “why wait for January to make resolutions? Stopping smoking or feeling healthier around food or exercise, whatever your goals, we can support you”
I wouldn’t mention weight loss directly in the heading information at all.

Unfortunately she would not listen to me I tried so many ways to tell her that this could be triggering to some people, that some people may be sensitive about weight especially if they are struggling an this time of year is already hard enough, that some people may not like an email so direct an her response was "it wouldn't bother me so why would it bother others" so I sent it out before I left for the night because I didn't want to be in for any responses that come back

Personally I find it quite disrespectful to be sending out, just because one is seeing us for one issue does not mean that's all that's going on in their life, they could be struggling with other things around weight and food an this email just looks like an attack on that

I recently re-pierced my ears at home and i want them to heal nicely! Has anyone got any good advice on how to heal/look after them? Preferably cheap aswell lol

You can get sterile saline solution out of boots for ear piercing, don't think it costs much an just put some on a little cotton bud an then clean around the pierced hole back an front twice a day, I believe it can take up to 6 weeks to heal for ears, try not to go swimming for a little while an give a really good drying after showering so there's no excess water getting into them, whatever you do DO NOT use surgical spirit, someone told me to use that once when I got my daith pierced an got bumps an it stings like hell

 

[littlepup]

my partner was really looking forward to christmas being the 3 of us (me, him, our toddler) but i found out my brother & his wife are working christmas day (emergency services) so my dad would be on his own (mum died 17 years ago). obviously i don’t want my dad to be alone but i keep burying my head in the sand and not talking to my OH about it because he was looking forward to having christmas at home this year (dad’s an hour away and disabled) and i keep overthinking the scenario in my head and burying my head in the sand and now it’s getting closer and closer i’m panicking because i can’t please everybody.
aaand breathe.

Maybe have a word with Dad and see how he feels about it. He may not want the faff and be ok to wait until after/before Xmas?
Can he do FaceTime? Perhaps you could send him in a meal and FaceTime together or some other compromise? Maybe find a service that will collect him and take him to a group meal?

 

[Ray1403]

I recently re-pierced my ears at home and i want them to heal nicely! Has anyone got any good advice on how to heal/look after them? Preferably cheap aswell lol

contrary to what the advice used to be the current advice is DO NOT spin your earrings while you clean them, it encourages hair etc to get caught up. just clean them with saline and leave them alone

 

[Ray1403]

Maybe have a word with Dad and see how he feels about it. He may not want the faff and be ok to wait until after/before Xmas?
Can he do FaceTime? Perhaps you could send him in a meal and FaceTime together or some other compromise? Maybe find a service that will collect him and take him to a group meal?

trust me that won’t work, i got the guilt trip of a lifetime last year when i said we were spending christmas with my OH’s side

 

[Darvos]

trust me that won’t work, i got the guilt trip of a lifetime last year when i said we were spending christmas with my OH’s side

Could you include your dad for Christmas Day and make another day for your household to shut out the rest of the world and be together? Perhaps keep a little present back for each of you.

 

[Jas28]

I’m just a bit annoyed one of the other managers has asked me to breakdown how I’ve reached a conclusion on a report but it’s a common conclusion that everyone puts in their reports. No one else is asked to and I’ve worked there for years. I don’t know what she’s trying to get from that. Maybe wanting me to redo work waste my time explain the obvious it’s all a bit odd. I feel rude explaining something which is obvious back to her but she’s asked me so

 

[Bobbleowl90]

A few weeks ago I was approached by my manager to apply for a job. This job has been mentioned lots of times to me in the sense of “if XX gets XX job then it’ll be yours when she leaves”. Well the person in question has got a new job now and her job went out to ad. I applied on the back of my manager telling me to and she said my application was just perfect. She kept referring to the job as mine and “when you’re in here and doing it” etc etc.

Fast forward 2-3 weeks and it turns out the job went out externally and had almost 200 applicants. I’ve today received an email confirming I’ve been shortlisted for an interview and I’ve asked for help from my manager. She called me to explain how big the interest was in the job and I’ve got to really impress if I want this job. It’s 2 bands higher than I’m currently on (NHS) and that the majority of applicants are only 1 band below (although I do the majority of that banding work, as I’ve been covering a role, it’s just not officially my banding). She also mentioned how some of the external applicants have come from really high up jobs.

Naturally, I don’t feel confident at all now. I told myself not to get my hopes up but it’s inevitable. I absolutely despise the role I’m in now and outgrew it a long time ago. I just know I’ll be gutted if I don’t get it and don’t know where to go from here. I feel like I’ve had a carrot dangled for a long time, and I don’t know what to say to my manager if I don’t get it as I’m currently doing way and above my specified job role/band/pay.

I’m also nervous as hell in interviews and panic on the spot.

sorry - just needed a little rant and if anyone can give me interview advice it would be much welcomed.

 

[T-time]

A few weeks ago I was approached by my manager to apply for a job. This job has been mentioned lots of times to me in the sense of “if XX gets XX job then it’ll be yours when she leaves”. Well the person in question has got a new job now and her job went out to ad. I applied on the back of my manager telling me to and she said my application was just perfect. She kept referring to the job as mine and “when you’re in here and doing it” etc etc.

Fast forward 2-3 weeks and it turns out the job went out externally and had almost 200 applicants. I’ve today received an email confirming I’ve been shortlisted for an interview and I’ve asked for help from my manager. She called me to explain how big the interest was in the job and I’ve got to really impress if I want this job. It’s 2 bands higher than I’m currently on (NHS) and that the majority of applicants are only 1 band below (although I do the majority of that banding work, as I’ve been covering a role, it’s just not officially my banding). She also mentioned how some of the external applicants have come from really high up jobs.

Naturally, I don’t feel confident at all now. I told myself not to get my hopes up but it’s inevitable. I absolutely despise the role I’m in now and outgrew it a long time ago. I just know I’ll be gutted if I don’t get it and don’t know where to go from here. I feel like I’ve had a carrot dangled for a long time, and I don’t know what to say to my manager if I don’t get it as I’m currently doing way and above my specified job role/band/pay.

I’m also nervous as hell in interviews and panic on the spot.

sorry - just needed a little rant and if anyone can give me interview advice it would be much welcomed.

You hate where you are now. Can you apply jobs outside of your current one?

If they wanted you on the spot, they would have offered it to you. These things will always go to someone "who has more experience" and they might throw in a "to bad, so sad, we love you but you are our second option".

Forget about getting your hopes up and start applying somewhere else. Your manager is taking you for granted and it's easier searching for a job while you still have one. Go.

And forget about not being confident. The only reason that you're not confident is because you put all your damn eggs in one basket, handed the basket over to someone else and make that and them responsible for your happiness. Time to put your eggs in multiple baskets and not let your work or outcome of an interview define who you are as a person. You're worth more than that.

 

[Ray1403]

A few weeks ago I was approached by my manager to apply for a job. This job has been mentioned lots of times to me in the sense of “if XX gets XX job then it’ll be yours when she leaves”. Well the person in question has got a new job now and her job went out to ad. I applied on the back of my manager telling me to and she said my application was just perfect. She kept referring to the job as mine and “when you’re in here and doing it” etc etc.

Fast forward 2-3 weeks and it turns out the job went out externally and had almost 200 applicants. I’ve today received an email confirming I’ve been shortlisted for an interview and I’ve asked for help from my manager. She called me to explain how big the interest was in the job and I’ve got to really impress if I want this job. It’s 2 bands higher than I’m currently on (NHS) and that the majority of applicants are only 1 band below (although I do the majority of that banding work, as I’ve been covering a role, it’s just not officially my banding). She also mentioned how some of the external applicants have come from really high up jobs.

Naturally, I don’t feel confident at all now. I told myself not to get my hopes up but it’s inevitable. I absolutely despise the role I’m in now and outgrew it a long time ago. I just know I’ll be gutted if I don’t get it and don’t know where to go from here. I feel like I’ve had a carrot dangled for a long time, and I don’t know what to say to my manager if I don’t get it as I’m currently doing way and above my specified job role/band/pay.

I’m also nervous as hell in interviews and panic on the spot.

sorry - just needed a little rant and if anyone can give me interview advice it would be much welcomed.

they likely advertised it externally as best practice, but your manager shouldn’t be getting your hopes up like that. unless she’s the hiring manager, it’s not her place to make that decision. as the poster above me has said, if you’re not happy, start looking elsewhere otherwise they’ll keep expecting you to do a job above your pay grade without any recognition. i hope the interview goes well!

 

[HoGi]

A few weeks ago I was approached by my manager to apply for a job. This job has been mentioned lots of times to me in the sense of “if XX gets XX job then it’ll be yours when she leaves”. Well the person in question has got a new job now and her job went out to ad. I applied on the back of my manager telling me to and she said my application was just perfect. She kept referring to the job as mine and “when you’re in here and doing it” etc etc.

Fast forward 2-3 weeks and it turns out the job went out externally and had almost 200 applicants. I’ve today received an email confirming I’ve been shortlisted for an interview and I’ve asked for help from my manager. She called me to explain how big the interest was in the job and I’ve got to really impress if I want this job. It’s 2 bands higher than I’m currently on (NHS) and that the majority of applicants are only 1 band below (although I do the majority of that banding work, as I’ve been covering a role, it’s just not officially my banding). She also mentioned how some of the external applicants have come from really high up jobs.

Naturally, I don’t feel confident at all now. I told myself not to get my hopes up but it’s inevitable. I absolutely despise the role I’m in now and outgrew it a long time ago. I just know I’ll be gutted if I don’t get it and don’t know where to go from here. I feel like I’ve had a carrot dangled for a long time, and I don’t know what to say to my manager if I don’t get it as I’m currently doing way and above my specified job role/band/pay.

I’m also nervous as hell in interviews and panic on the spot.

sorry - just needed a little rant and if anyone can give me interview advice it would be much welcomed.

With the NHS and other public sector they have to advertise externally for most if not all roles. So this isnt a slight on you, it is the rules.

Your manager is wrong however to have made promises they can't keep.

Still do the interview. My best tips, make notes, feel free to refer back to them. Use STAR answers. Pause take a breath then answer. Use "I" not "we" your achievements matter no one else's but also refer to working as a team etc.

 

[boomska]

I snore really bad. I’m female, overweight but I do believe it’s genetics too. ANYWAY, I went away with a couple of friends (one of which I’ve never been away with before) earlier in the year. And we warned how bad my snoring is and to bring ear plugs/loops. She didn’t and one night I woke up to her kicking the bed to stop me snoring.
Since then I’ve been really paranoid (even paranoid I’m keeping my housemate away) and really don’t want to go away with anyone because of it.

Maybe i should go to the doctors and look into it a bit more but does anyone have any at home sleeping devices they’ve used that’s helped? Xx