The advice thread for random problems #7

[cowtastrophe]

Is there an way i can email my 6 years school without sounding like a grade A *head?
I changed my daughter's surname in the midst of applying for primary schools, so on the original forms she still had dad's surname. Once she got into the primary school she had my surname (by legal deed poll), so on all her school forms/books she has new surname. She only knows herself as new surname. The school uses an app for everyday updates but this was registered under her old surname. Daughter likes to see "her points" on the app which causes questions on " why I am x previous surname?" Which is too complicated to explain due to her age. How can I politely ask that the new surname is changed on the app? Dad died by suicide, daughter is aware of dad's first name but not surname as he wasn't the best person so id like her to learn the best of him (i do this for her, not him) as, if she was to google his full name then not great stories would come up (she wouldnt do this at this age but the longer I can keep her "innocent" i feel would be better for her) So how do I ask this is changed if possible? Without sounding like an AI bot?

I don’t think that’s an unreasonable request at all. I would definitely email them and ask.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

We have a new employee who presents as male and we've been referring to as he for their first couple of shifts. On the new starter form they ticked female, which we just noticed.
My question is how's best to ask about it? I feel we should ask what's their preferred pronouns but to be honest it's new territory to us so I don't know how's best to approach it or even if it's necessary?

Just pull the person aside and ask what their preferred pronouns are.
You don’t have to ask if they are male / female or if they prefer he / she.
Literally say “I’m sorry I never asked but what’s your preferred pronouns?”

 

[cowtastrophe]

I‘ve just had yet another complaint from a neighbour about one of my dogs barking and she’s sent a video - except it’s not my dog doing most of the barking in the video, it’s actually next door’s.

The same neighbour previously complained about my dog barking early in the morning - totally fair, and we have stopped that by putting her anti-bark collar on when she goes out first thing. But now she’s complaining about her barking at other times. My girl is a terrier so naturally quite barky but we don’t allow her to bark relentlessly in the garden, it will be for less than a minute at most before we stop her and she isn’t in the garden all day anyway.

The other thing is that next door’s dogs are actually more barky and there’s another dog behind us which barks a lot but for some reason, the neighbour is fixated on my dog. I don’t really know what to do. I have told her that it’s mostly the other dogs in the video but I‘m a bit annoyed. I would understand it if my dog was out there barking all day long, but she really, really isn’t. The complaining neighbour suffers from insomnia and I suspect she’s not sleeping with the heat and is possibly more touchy than normal. I don’t want to fall out with her but I’m starting to feel a bit unfairly got at.

 

[bozlem3080]

You could ask if the mobile hairdresser will wash it for you, most of them will, I sometimes get them when my anxiety flares up an can't get to the hairdressers, she's really good, gives me the same service as if I was at the hairdresser's an will wash an dry it, even dye it etc, she also lets me know the quiet times at her place too so that when am feeling ok I can go in when there's little to no one there, I know they aren't all the same but mine has like a little bit up the back that's sorta hidden from the front so she takes me to the back an anyone else thats in is down the front

Maybe you could ask what the quiet times so that no one is really in since you are nervous about it, most of them are really nice at helping you out

Thank you I never thought of asking tbh I'm one of those people who hates asking & putting people out, my hair personally is absolutely awful, has zero curl just pure frizz, I straighten it, tie it up & that's it, i sweat so bad if I wear it down heat literally comes off my head even in winter its so weird, I've just never been shown how to style it properly & had the piss taken out of me by my so called mother during my teenage years I've kind of just accepted it, i used to try & wear it down occasionally as a teenager using a whole can of mousse in the process giving it that crispy horrible texture. I just hate the fact a lot of hairdressers have you sitting in front of a big window like you are in some kind of freak show as well.

 

[Candytuft]

Another vote for AO, they will deliver and install as part of the service.

It's the stairs that are worrying me. I bought a chair last year from a local firm and despite knowing about the stairs, refused delivery and just went away.

 

[Serene Serena]

Yes, she does, but we don't let her continue, we immediately tell her no and she generally stops. It turns out next door have also had a complaint and they feel the same way. Their dogs do bark but it's definitely not constant and they don't let them carry on.

The ironic thing is that the complainer's son smokes weed in their garden which drifts across all our gardens and is really unpleasant so I asked them nicely to ask him to go the other end of the garden but he still does it. Perhaps I should complain about that again!

I really do sympathise when dogs are a constant noise nuisance but ours genuinely isn't.

I would definitely complain about the weed smoking, that’s more antisocial than a barking dog.

I would video your dog being quiet while the other neighbour’s dog is barking and send her that. Also recommend Aldi’s own Sleepytime teabags for her insomnia, they are a godsend.

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Anyone done a mock interview on ChatGPT and did it help you? I’ve submitted the person spec and asked for a mock interview. First interview in 7/8 years tomorrow and I am NERVOUS

 

[Carapop]

I live in a studio flat (kitchen, bathroom and main living room with pull down bed)
I own this property, been here years and have lived in flats previously so very used to having people living above.
Tenant above (also studio flat) moved in about 5/6 months ago and has been a nightmare from day one, lots of banging and crashing, slamming doors, very loud conversations, washing machine on early which is loud when it's directly above and numerous occasions of screaming and swearing once waking me in the early hours.
I contacted her landlord in the first month and explained, he apologised and said he'd speak to the agent who in turn said they would spk to the tenant. He also gave me the agents contact details.
Nothing changed so I rang the agents who were lovely and said they would contact her again, I thought at that point there was more than one person living there, they said only one on the tenancy but technically they could add another if needed, it wasn't a major issue.
They spoke to her and she claimed to have no idea what noises I was complaining about but I hoped things would settle.
They got worse.
I rang agent again this time speaking to the actual person in charge of said tenant, she was rude, kept interrupting me, insisted it wasn't unreasonable behaviour to have a washing machine on at 7am and that I had to expect to hear noise. Told me to ring police if I didn't like the screaming and swearing.
I explained several times I was well aware that noise was to be expected as was very used to having people above as I've lived here over 20 years but this is by far the worst tenant.
She basically told me new regs coming in meant it was harder to evict someone without either the landlord paying loads of money through a court and the only way to do it is if she breaks the tenancy by doing something serious such as trying to sell the flat.
Roll on several weeks and the screaming and shouting got worse, every few days, all different times, once three times in one day.
Her boyfriend was regularly staying so general noise was worse too.
And then the parents arrived.
And haven't left after six weeks.
They are definitely sleeping/staying there but I don't know if it's permanent or a long holiday.
She goes out to work but they are in the flat most of the day, really loud calls, bellowing over what sounds like facetime, I can also hear the tinnyness of the person they are speaking too.
I believe they are all Filipino or similar so can't understand what they are saying but they are loud!
One morning they woke me at 4am laughing and talking loudly, crashing around in their kitchen, the same at 6am the following day.
I literally get no peace on my days off. They wake me early every morning so I've had to start going to bed earlier to make up for never getting a lie in or chance to catch up on sleep.
On the plus side since they arrived she hasn't had a screaming/swearing incident.
They go to bed reasonably early.
On the negative they are noisy constantly when home.
I never get to relax on my days off or enjoy not having to get up early for work.
I'm exhausted and on edge constantly, I don't enjoy my own home anymore.
They have bellowed conversations in person and on the phone.
Play music loud.
Have visitors several times a week.
The dad is a smoker and goes out numerous times letting the main door slam every single time.
What do I do?
Am I wasting my breath complaining as they have already said it's hard to evict and clearly the agent isn't on my side?
Do I say she's got her parents staying in the hope she's broken her tenancy but risk looking a twat if it turns out they are just having a long holiday?
Do I just contact the landlord rather than the agent in the hope he will be more proactive although realistically he will just pass the info to the agents anyway?
Do I wait a few more weeks and see if the parents leave?
These places are not designed for multiple occupants, it's a squeeze even for a couple let alone three adults and potentially four when the boyfriend is there.
Sorry for such a long post!
Just to add selling/moving out isn't an option for me at the moment sadly.

I’m afraid I have no advice but I just wanted to offer commiserations, it sounds like a living hell.

 

[T-time]

Just after people's opinions please. It's my dad's 70th next year, he's turning 69 soon so we haven't spoken much about his 70th. Usually we like to go away as a family for parents' bigger birthdays, city break pre grandchildren and caravan or lodge style holiday since grandchildren are on the scene. I've found out my brother has booked a holiday and it clashes with the weekend dad turns 70. My brother wants us to now celebrate my dad's birthday a weekend early, which is obviously annoying, but also doubly annoying as our dad's birthday falls on a Saturday next year, so we would have been away for his actual birthday which would have been perfect. So do I arrange my dad's birthday weekend away early to suit my brother, or do I stick with his actual birthday weekend which was always the plan although not set in stone?! If I arrange the weekend before his birthday, I'm going to have to arrange something on his birthday weekend too such as a meal out. Also, I had offered to pay for my parents portion of the accommodation as a gift, but my the weekend my brother wants to go is Bank Holiday and it's a lot more expensive.

Am I reading this right? Your brother books a weekend away, a year in advance. So now your whole family can't go celebrate your dad's birthday on his birthday. But you can all go on another weekend, which is not his birthday and on a bank holiday so everything is more expensive

So your one brother is okay with derailing at least 3 things (birthday, weekend, money) for at least 3 other people. And you're seriously thinking about giving in. Okay doormat, let's not celebrate dad's birthday on his actual birthday but on a more expensive bank weekend just because either your brother doesn't think his dad's birthday is important enough to skip the other thing or the golden child never learned to compromise because *checks notes* his sister is actually thinking about giving in with her mom, dad, time and money a year in advance

Babe, be more like your brother and make yourself a priority

 

[cowtastrophe]

A colleague has just emailed me to say he’s got a PCN for stopping outside a school. I was with him but not driving, but I’m feeling quite conflicted about it. I asked him to pull over for a specific reason and the area I asked him to pull onto is owned by the organisation we work for. Except unfortunately, he didn’t pull right in and was on a footpath next to the zig zags. I’m minded to offer him half the money as it was me who asked him to pull in. He’s only in his early 20s, on a low salary (mine’s not that much better!) and I know he’s just moved house with his girlfriend. Would others do this? I sort of feel it’s the right thing to do even though I wasn’t driving.

 

[ReginaPhalange3]

Premier Inn pillows are the only ones I have ever purchased that haven't flattened after 6 months. They have just started going after 2 and a half years so ill be replacing them but they're very comfortable for me and im a side sleeper x

I want to buy new pillows as mine are looking gross!! I've got 4 of the same brand, which are quiet firm, but i think I want to buy 2 which are a bit softer. Anyone got any recommodations? I'm a side sleeper- willing to pay upto £30.

 

[mani]

It’s amazing how people can be manipulated. I had a case where a man who was a retired bank manager was trying to send thousands to a woman in Russia. We (the bank) were trying to insist that it was “romance fraud” and it would be negligent of us to facilitate. In the end he closed his account to take his banking elsewhere. Some people can’t be helped.

That's terrible. It's frightening how convincing these scammers can be. My friend has had an awful couple of years then along comes this lovely boy who says all the right things at the right time. And then asks for money. Makes my blood boil!

 

[chickhicks86]

Could anyone put my mind at rest or let me know if this has happened to them /what to do for the best please I'd be so grateful.

I've come home to find a parcel on my door step (that's been delivered by Royal mail card pushed through with instructions of where they left it etc)
Its our address, correct house number road and postcode all spot on but its in the name of a completely random man .

Never experienced it before and my brain has gone into a bit of a worry from looking at our address but attached to some unknown person (dont even like it being here in case someone turns up while OH on noons)

It's worth being careful just in case it's not a genuine mix up. It could be a brushing scam (sending unsolicited products for fake reviews) or sometimes scammers create accounts using your address, a fake name, and stolen bank details. The parcel gets delivered to your address, and the scammer will then try to intercept it. Either by waiting for the driver, snatching it from the doorstep, or spinning a tale about an address mix-up to get you to hand it over. Try and get in touch with the sender.

 

[Dinky]

Thanks for your responses. The house is my parents so we've stayed her lots and know the area. The changing of school is my main concern. Our working schedules would be fine. I just cant seem to decide either way.

 

[Kim Mild]

Does anyone struggle with feeling exhausted in the morning and if so have you found anything to help with it?

All my life I've always struggled with mornings, doesn't matter if I've had a perfect night's sleep with no disturbance or if it's been broken sleep, it's always a struggle to get out bed and leaves me feeling quite honestly pissed off, I don't use an alarm because I naturally wake between 7am an 8am and so long as I am up at 8 then it's fine so it's not like I am being woken from an alarm either, once I am up an had breakfast then am fine, but it's just the whole trying to get out of bed an that drowsy feeling I can't get rid off

Just because you are naturally waking doesn't mean you've had adequate rest .

 

[Kim Mild]

Any advice on how to build muscle mass? I haven't got time to start a gym unfortunately, but everywhere I read the advice is to build muscle mass! It seems like its the new fountain of youth...and now I'm in my 40s I do think I need to start trying. But I dont know where to begin.
What sort of weights should I start off with? How many times a week etc? Anyone to follow on you tube?

Sally Gunnell has straightforward, easy to follow workouts on her social media.

 

[cowtastrophe]

I booked a helicopter trip for my husband through one of those companies. They kept cancelling at the last minute then saying they couldn't reschedule for another 1-3 months so in the end I demanded a refund. They don't normally issue refunds but I somehow got to speak to someone who didn't realise that and they did it without any trouble.

 

[Phil Anne Throw Pee]

What’s the best thing to do with very worn, stained baby/ toddler clothes? They are in too bad condition to sell or give to a charity shop. Should I throw them away (which makes me feel bad but I don’t think I have any choice)?

Could you use them as cleaning products - dusters etc? At least gives them a use.

 

[littlepup]

Yes and I feel fine

My Nan used to give us raw eggs with milk and honey to drink in the 80s. Can you imagine?! We lived to tell the tale too

 

[ReginaPhalange3]

I cook! Spotify on whilst making something from nothing makes me relax. I also get out for walks with a coffee - I dont know why but holding a coffee whilst pushing a pram just makes me so relaxed. I write down whats stressing me out, if its out of my control i cross it off. The visual helps me. If I can control it, i do so immediately - I've occasionally sent my family a text telling them to behave i also enjoy stroll around a food shop i like, picking up a few nice bits.

I'm quite stressed at the moment with my oldest and his behaviour at school. He seems to be testing boundaries and he is certainly testing my blood pressure so our waistlines are expanding dramatically!!!

How do people handle stress? I feel stressed with work, I feel stressed with my family (family drama ), I feel stressed with the state of the world! I am stressed!! I’ve never been stoned but I’m tempted to get stoned to chill out!

And I go see a therapist now and again but I don’t think talking will help!