Didn't message my sister or my mum. I saw them 30th but didn't say anything 31st or 1st about new year and we didn't celebrate together.
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Thanks.
I forgot to specify the context - we all live in different countries, so I don’t see them regularly.
Still not sure I would message or expect one in return
Thank you - appreciate the advice!
That’s illegal - they have to be given two months notice to quit.
You probably didn't get a shelf stacker interview as you are a supervisor in your current job? Mid forties you have loads of experience. Don't give up, keep applying and the right one will come along. Don't sell yourself short either, what about customer service roles as well, look at what transferable skills you have. Good luck!
Thank you so much. I didn't want to be that delusional person that thinks 'well everyone must just be jealous of me' anytime they are called out for something but I do wonder if it is the case here. She was an inch from dumping him before they got engaged, and I've lost count of the times she's called me in tears because they've had an argument or he's been horrible. Now I think you're right - I wonder if she saw me being single as 'well at least some people have it worse'. Me being in a happy relationship would put an end to that thinking.
Would you consider moving? I know more rural areas are always looking for staff, especially in the hospitality sector. Plus rent would be cheaper
---
Say nothing until she mentions it. And if she says you still haven’t replied just say you didn’t get the invite so just assumed numbers were being cut.
---
I texted my brother and received a reply. We are not close, although I wish we were, no bad blood just not a close relationship. We also live on different continents.
However we always reply to each other.
Saying this if you are not close then I would say don’t feel bad if you don’t message them. They clearly don’t feel bad
Last edited:
I currently have a bit of a situation with an online friend. We talk pretty much every day/ all evening usually and I recently went on holiday to their country and got to meet them in person and things were fine until a few weeks after I got back home.
I think they’ve been struggling mentally. But it’s hard not to connect the dots and think it’s about something to do with my holiday or something because it started to get worse from there.
I feel like I put far more energy into the friendship than they do at the moment. I’m sick of sending messages and getting blanked or that the only topic he seems capable of having a conversation about is the current game we play. I raised it as an issue a few weeks back. We talked it out but it’s just happened again and they’ve apologised but I find myself not wanting to accept the apology.
I feel like I’m convenient and the friendship doesn’t matter as much to them. Their argument is always “we talk every day, you’re not just a random person to me” but I’m finding it hard to communicate that for me friendship is about more than just being there as a presence. They once got quite upset about the prospect of losing the friendship but it’s hard to keep that in mind when I don’t feel like they do enough to warrant it at the moment. I’m a good friend to them, I’ve helped them out financially, got them a birthday and Christmas gift, move times around for them, check in on them when things feel off and try and support them in the best ways I can but at the moment I don’t feel like they even want me around- which could be them isolating themselves due to their mental health but it’s hard to rationalise that when I feel ignored.
I was planning on going back out to their country to do things that I didn’t get chance to do on my last trip and I feel like I’m getting red flags. They said “I hope you’re coming because you like it here and want to see things and not just because of me” which struck me as odd. I keep checking in that they’re going to hang out with me while I’m there (because I don’t want to go out there and be a complete loner) and they make me feel quite irrational for feeling like they might not want to hang out as much as we did last time.
I think they’ve been struggling mentally. But it’s hard not to connect the dots and think it’s about something to do with my holiday or something because it started to get worse from there.
I feel like I put far more energy into the friendship than they do at the moment. I’m sick of sending messages and getting blanked or that the only topic he seems capable of having a conversation about is the current game we play. I raised it as an issue a few weeks back. We talked it out but it’s just happened again and they’ve apologised but I find myself not wanting to accept the apology.
I feel like I’m convenient and the friendship doesn’t matter as much to them. Their argument is always “we talk every day, you’re not just a random person to me” but I’m finding it hard to communicate that for me friendship is about more than just being there as a presence. They once got quite upset about the prospect of losing the friendship but it’s hard to keep that in mind when I don’t feel like they do enough to warrant it at the moment. I’m a good friend to them, I’ve helped them out financially, got them a birthday and Christmas gift, move times around for them, check in on them when things feel off and try and support them in the best ways I can but at the moment I don’t feel like they even want me around- which could be them isolating themselves due to their mental health but it’s hard to rationalise that when I feel ignored.
I was planning on going back out to their country to do things that I didn’t get chance to do on my last trip and I feel like I’m getting red flags. They said “I hope you’re coming because you like it here and want to see things and not just because of me” which struck me as odd. I keep checking in that they’re going to hang out with me while I’m there (because I don’t want to go out there and be a complete loner) and they make me feel quite irrational for feeling like they might not want to hang out as much as we did last time.
Unfortunately, I think you have to take their actions as black and white and it looks like you are investing more than they are and need to accept it. It's not nice but you can't force people to put effort in when they don't want to. Personally, I'd pull back to chatting happily about the game you play and not expecting any more. It's not anyone's fault, it just happens sometimes.
I think the best thing to do would be like @petitspois said and pull back a bit. I think it's the healthiest thing to do regardless of why the friendship has faded. If it is just that it isn't working, then pulling back your own efforts will help both of you.
But I think if it is their poor mental health, very well-minded and good intentioned people (like yourself) can accidentally put 'pressure' on that person that can mess things up a bit. If they tend to isolate themselves when their mental health is bad, it probably is a huge amount of work for them to socialise. And sometimes when a friend very kindly reaches out and tries to plan things or talk more, it can put pressure on the person struggling to not be seen as mean or ungrateful. And that pressure can make the hard task of socialising even harder, and it becomes a vicious circle. They pull back, you notice and push forward, they pull back more. I'm not sure how well I explained myself there! But it feels like this might be the situation.
I think I would simply pull back silently, play the game when they're online or want to. But put the trip planning on hold for a few weeks and see where things lie then. Sometimes the only thing you can give a situation is time.
Thank you to you and @petitspois I think you’re both right. Especially the part about mental health. I just feel really hurt and upset at the moment. I talk to this person for hours pretty much every single day and it feels like I’m going through a break up of sorts. I just want to find friends that put in the same effort I do but I’ve lost so many last year because they don’t and they don’t care enough to try and make things right. I’m starting to feel like there’s just something wrong with me
I can imagine it's a really hard time. I'm just going to speak honestly so please excuse me if I come across as rude or blunt, I really say it with the best intentions. If this situation has repeated on you a few times, it sounds a bit like you might have an anxious attachment style. It's a lot to go into here, but I would suggest having a read about it online and see if you recognise any of the symptoms/actions in yourself.
I also wonder if perhaps you are putting all your eggs in one basket at times with your friends - talking to one single person for hours each day is extremely rare. It could simply be that these friends felt it was too much and too intense. Think of it like growing vegetables in a garden. Would you plant one singular carrot in the hopes it will grow into a big one? Or would you plant a row of them, and look after them all, knowing that some are going to fail or drop off? I know with friendships that can be easier said than done, but nurturing a selection of friendships rather than intensely pursuing one at a time I think would be a really good thing here. Perhaps pick up a new game or join a new server, try a new hobby or some in-person classes, or ask someone at work out for drinks. You'd be surprised at how many people are actively looking for new connections
You weren’t rude or blunt at all. To be honest my relationships with people feel quite chaotic. I’m fairly sure I have autism which doesn’t help but also have CPTSD to contend with. With this person the friendship is a bit more intense than others im used to. Generally I’ve been quite happy with my own company and a small circle of friends and then keep others more at arms length. 9 times out of 10 I’m fine with just letting things end or cutting people out.I can imagine it's a really hard time. I'm just going to speak honestly so please excuse me if I come across as rude or blunt, I really say it with the best intentions. If this situation has repeated on you a few times, it sounds a bit like you might have an anxious attachment style. It's a lot to go into here, but I would suggest having a read about it online and see if you recognise any of the symptoms/actions in yourself.
I also wonder if perhaps you are putting all your eggs in one basket at times with your friends - talking to one single person for hours each day is extremely rare. It could simply be that these friends felt it was too much and too intense. Think of it like growing vegetables in a garden. Would you plant one singular carrot in the hopes it will grow into a big one? Or would you plant a row of them, and look after them all, knowing that some are going to fail or drop off? I know with friendships that can be easier said than done, but nurturing a selection of friendships rather than intensely pursuing one at a time I think would be a really good thing here. Perhaps pick up a new game or join a new server, try a new hobby or some in-person classes, or ask someone at work out for drinks. You'd be surprised at how many people are actively looking for new connections
It’s been a while since I’ve let someone be this close, so it feels weird and like I’m holding a hand grenade and I’m waiting for it to go off. So in this friendship definitely anxious attachment. But then in others I’m more secure or I guess quite avoidant, it’s really hard to explain but I find myself playing off “vibes” and switching my approach based on that.
I’ve got allergies and take medication for it. The medication I take isn’t working anymore so I’ve rang the docs who said I need to physically see the gp. Didn’t really want to as I know it’s allergies as it’s been confirmed previously and really I just need a change of medication.
Try to make an appointment with my gp to try and move to a different medication. I can’t do this as they don’t have any appointments for the month and you can’t prebook after that. Told receptionist that I don’t feel I need a physical appointment but a phone one would be fine if they are available. It’s literally a 5 min conversation of “my pills don’t work, can you put me on something else please? But nope I can’t book one of those either.
She advised an e-consult. So did that, was told I’d hear back yesterday via email. Haven’t had a response.
I really don’t know what to do! Do I phone up the gp AGAIN saying I haven’t had a response? I don’t want to be a pain in the a as I know it’s just allergies and other people have more serious health issues but honestly I feel tit and slightly annoyed that a simple request is being so problematic. I’m tempted to just double up on my current meds to see if that works but I’m a bit iffy about not being advised to do that and plus that means I will go through my current prescription too quickly before I’m able to order more.
Help!
Try to make an appointment with my gp to try and move to a different medication. I can’t do this as they don’t have any appointments for the month and you can’t prebook after that. Told receptionist that I don’t feel I need a physical appointment but a phone one would be fine if they are available. It’s literally a 5 min conversation of “my pills don’t work, can you put me on something else please? But nope I can’t book one of those either.
She advised an e-consult. So did that, was told I’d hear back yesterday via email. Haven’t had a response.
I really don’t know what to do! Do I phone up the gp AGAIN saying I haven’t had a response? I don’t want to be a pain in the a as I know it’s just allergies and other people have more serious health issues but honestly I feel tit and slightly annoyed that a simple request is being so problematic. I’m tempted to just double up on my current meds to see if that works but I’m a bit iffy about not being advised to do that and plus that means I will go through my current prescription too quickly before I’m able to order more.
Help!
TBH, the fact you have helped this person out financially is ringing alarm bells a bit. I hope they have paid you back?
Keep pushing. It’s your right. You’re not being a pain in the a.
It amazes me they can manage home visits for the very elderly who’re being kept alive by medication but can’t find appointments for the young and relatively healthy then wonder why people are getting sicker! It’s a shambles but you shouldn’t have to suffer.
I’m an allergy sufferer too. Have they put you on antihistamines for it and it’s those that aren’t working? I have chronic hives and my allergist put me on 3x antihistamines a day but I can up to 4 if needed, more than that if I’m having a really bad flare. but mine have always been the non drowsy ones, fexofenidine and cetirizine.
It sucks doesn't it! I’m on Fexofenadine which used to be good but now they aren’t working at all! Just hitting dead ends as they want me to see the gp but I CAN’T actually see the gp! Phoned again this morning and said i really NEED an appointment but she just said they were full and told me again to get E-consult which I’ve already done. I’m just desperate now as it makes you feel so wooly headed and tired!
I took another dose of my Fexofenadine this morning as I was desperate but it’s just not doing anything.---
I just feel crappy as I know it’s a rubbish time of year for the gp’s and it doesn’t really need an in person appointment! I know what I’m allergic to, the pills before worked fine without any bother so really it could just be a phone consult to either increase the dose or change the pills. Phoned again this morning and just got told to e-consult again, nightmare!
Hopefully they'll get back to you on the e-consult soon I have used it the last few times and it's always been goodIt sucks doesn't it! I’m on Fexofenadine which used to be good but now they aren’t working at all! Just hitting dead ends as they want me to see the gp but I CAN’T actually see the gp! Phoned again this morning and said i really NEED an appointment but she just said they were full and told me again to get E-consult which I’ve already done. I’m just desperate now as it makes you feel so wooly headed and tired!
---
I just feel crappy as I know it’s a rubbish time of year for the gp’s and it doesn’t really need an in person appointment! I know what I’m allergic to, the pills before worked fine without any bother so really it could just be a phone consult to either increase the dose or change the pills. Phoned again this morning and just got told to e-consult again, nightmare!
- Status