The advice thread for random problems #6

[RandomFrog]

I came here for advice but caught up on the thread, it makes me sad and angry to hear people's financial situations and hear that the people who should help definitely do not. I am lucky enough to be in a good position at the moment but I do take extra measures to raise funds when I can do sothought I'd share...

- change bank accounts to gain a reward, we did this last month and got £175!
- look at apps that you can do things on and get paid for like play games, scan recycling or complete surveys
- sell stuff you no longer use, Vinted is a dream to use!
- additional to the last point if you have friends or family who mention they've donated to charity shops or can't sell on Vinted...offer to do it for a fee (I'm doing this atm for 50% fee)
- one that doesn't earn money but may help in your search for a new job, volunteer in your spare time whilst looking for alternatives work
- it goes without saying to use cashback sites if you do every buy anything, I think jam doughnut is really good for gift cards so even if you're only spending on supermarket shopping that would start a little pot and save for maybe Christmas treats?

I hope this helps in a small way and doesn't come across patronising or anything, I have a wide group of family and friends and none of them do any of the above!

 

[Captainmouse]

I came here for advice but caught up on the thread, it makes me sad and angry to hear people's financial situations and hear that the people who should help definitely do not. I am lucky enough to be in a good position at the moment but I do take extra measures to raise funds when I can do sothought I'd share...

- change bank accounts to gain a reward, we did this last month and got £175!
- look at apps that you can do things on and get paid for like play games, scan recycling or complete surveys
- sell stuff you no longer use, Vinted is a dream to use!
- additional to the last point if you have friends or family who mention they've donated to charity shops or can't sell on Vinted...offer to do it for a fee (I'm doing this atm for 50% fee)
- one that doesn't earn money but may help in your search for a new job, volunteer in your spare time whilst looking for alternatives work
- it goes without saying to use cashback sites if you do every buy anything, I think jam doughnut is really good for gift cards so even if you're only spending on supermarket shopping that would start a little pot and save for maybe Christmas treats?

I hope this helps in a small way and doesn't come across patronising or anything, I have a wide group of family and friends and none of them do any of the above!

This thread would like a visit from you

Do I want it? No. Do I need it? No. Save it! #4

Welcome to our fourth thread! This thread has been merged with the low/no spend thread so there’s a huge community of us now. The premise is to be mindful and intentional with our spending, particularly discretionary spending!

tattle.life

 

[Former_Antelopee]

I had been told by a colleague and my main manager (above line manager) that they'd had good feedback about me from people I work with. But then I had a meeting last week with my line manager who I don't work in the same office as so we have catch up meetings probably about every 6 weeks. The meeting last week he said that he had to go through some things with me as they'd had some feedback and it wasn't good. Whatever I'll work on the feedback it's probably a helpful thing to know but it's just been on my mind as the meetings he never says anything good. And I'm just confused as I was told by the two people they had good feedback yet get told only bad things. I should just forget it but it makes me anxious waiting for the next meeting or even email from my line manager

 

[Shoequeen91]

I had been told by a colleague and my main manager (above line manager) that they'd had good feedback about me from people I work with. But then I had a meeting last week with my line manager who I don't work in the same office as so we have catch up meetings probably about every 6 weeks. The meeting last week he said that he had to go through some things with me as they'd had some feedback and it wasn't good. Whatever I'll work on the feedback it's probably a helpful thing to know but it's just been on my mind as the meetings he never says anything good. And I'm just confused as I was told by the two people they had good feedback yet get told only bad things. I should just forget it but it makes me anxious waiting for the next meeting or even email from my line manager

If this were me I would counter his remarks of negative feedback and explain that the person about him has said the opposite. Sometimes these people just try and assert authority when they don’t really have any and are just full of their own self-importance.

 

[petitspois]

If this were me I would counter his remarks of negative feedback and explain that the person about him has said the opposite. Sometimes these people just try and assert authority when they don’t really have any and are just full of their own self-importance.

I agree, they do it to effectively keep you in your place. Ask him exactly what was said, how recently and by whom (he won’t give the name but ask if it was more than one and a close colleague etc). He’s expecting you to be cowed and nod and take it on board but he might well be exaggerating or even making it up. If it happens again then say you’re confused and raise it in front of him and the superior so you can get to the bottom of the conflicting feedback.

 

[Former_Antelopee]

I agree, they do it to effectively keep you in your place. Ask him exactly what was said, how recently and by whom (he won’t give the name but ask if it was more than one and a close colleague etc). He’s expecting you to be cowed and nod and take it on board but he might well be exaggerating or even making it up. If it happens again then say you’re confused and raise it in front of him and the superior so you can get to the bottom of the conflicting feedback.

The negative stuff was true it was two things so I'll take that on board, although one did annoy me because I think it's unfair but whatever. He named one person and the situation it happened which wasn't even what happened so I did say that unless it happened another time but I don't ever remember that happening before. I'm pretty sure I know who said about the other things which makes me not want to work with this person, one was a mistake on my part but they didn't know the entire situation so made it sound worse on me, I did say it wasn't exactly like he'd been told, but whatever he told me how to improve in it so I'll just do that it was more the other one the annoyed me anyway. It just confused me because there wasn't anything positive whereas two others told me they got positive feedback yet didn't hear anything about that

 

[tomato_paste]

Just coming to terms with a lot of crappy childhood stuff in therapy and I've had a revelation just now that makes me angry and sad and elated at the same time. It sounds so silly but it's nonetheless something I've struggled with when learning, growing, becoming better:

I don't have to know how to do things to do them.

(Or, as Jake the dog said: "The first step of being good at something is being bad at something").

It's such a simple concept and most people would probably go "duh" if I told them IRL but it has been such a fight for me to just... do stuff, try things. Whether it be a hobby or work stuff or education, there's always been this unspoken expectation that I have to already know how to do a thing before doing it. Failure or being bad at stuff was not an option in my family.

I've always wanted to sew my own clothing, but I never even tried because I don't know how, because the family logic is "if you don't know how to do something, you suck and are an awful person". I wanna scream at my parents so bad right now, how can you break a person like that? How can you treat a child so awfully and make them believe that?

 

[cowtastrophe]

I seem to have developed some kind of gum/mouth infection which started with a couple of painful ulcers. It’s really getting me down because I can’t eat properly and medicated mouthwash doesn’t seem to be doing much. There’s no point in making a doctor’s appointment (assuming I could even get one) because they’ll tell me to go to the dentist. I do have a hygienist appointment in a couple of weeks but that will be £175 and I can’t really afford two visits in one month. I’ve started rinsing with salt water but if anyone has any other suggestions I’d be eternally grateful.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I seem to have developed some kind of gum/mouth infection which started with a couple of painful ulcers. It’s really getting me down because I can’t eat properly and medicated mouthwash doesn’t seem to be doing much. There’s no point in making a doctor’s appointment (assuming I could even get one) because they’ll tell me to go to the dentist. I do have a hygienist appointment in a couple of weeks but that will be £175 and I can’t really afford two visits in one month. I’ve started rinsing with salt water but if anyone has any other suggestions I’d be eternally grateful.

Do you have a local walk-in centre? We have one at our hospital. They should help you if you have an infection

 

[cowtastrophe]

Do you have a local walk-in centre? We have one at our hospital. They should help you if you have an infection

I tried them and they said they have to have a referral from my GP who is of course, closed today. So they said to call 111 and they could refer me so I’ve done that so am waiting for a call back. Good suggestion, cheers!

 

[cowtastrophe]

It probably goes without saying that the 2 hr call back I was promised by 111 never happened.

The next GP appointment is 27 June so I guess I’ll muddle along till then. At least it’s not something urgent.

 

[cowtastrophe]

It probably goes without saying that the 2 hr call back I was promised by 111 never happened.

The next GP appointment is 27 June so I guess I’ll muddle along till then. At least it’s not something urgent.

Quoting myself because I woke up this morning to two missed calls on my phone from 12.50am and 1.10am and a voicemail saying that as I hadn’t responded, they were closing my case. FFS.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Quoting myself because I woke up this morning to two missed calls on my phone from 12.50am and 1.10am and a voicemail saying that as I hadn’t responded, they were closing my case. FFS.

Yeah, I previously had a phine call at 2am from 111

 

[tomato_paste]

@cowtastrophe try switching tooth pastes to one without Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (it's in a lot of them but can be irritating) and using a decongestant for a few nights a week to help you breathe through your nose during the night to avoid a dry mouth. Get a fresh, very soft tooth brush and be very gentle when brushing.

Up your water intake. Drinking lots will help flush your mouth. Sage tea would be especially beneficial, it disinfects without drying out (as camomile would do). You can either drink it if you don't mind the taste or use it to gargle with regularly.

I'd stay away from food with lots of sugar as to not feed the bad bacteria too much. Also avoid food that is very acidic, such as lemons, oranges, pineapple, tomato based products etc which may weaken your gums and cheeks, or food that has sharp edges like crunchy bread, granola, and so on because it can lead to micro cuts on your gums and cheeks which then may get infected.

You can also get a medication called "Pyralvex" which you should be able to get without prescription, which you can apply to the ulcers directly and helps fight inflammation and will also help with the pain. It tastes disgusting but works a treat.

I would also keep on trying to get an appointment - sometimes, your mouth's bacterial balance can become disturbed and a course of meds is needed to rebalance it.

 

[cowtastrophe]

@cowtastrophe try switching tooth pastes to one without Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (it's in a lot of them but can be irritating) and using a decongestant for a few nights a week to help you breathe through your nose during the night to avoid a dry mouth. Get a fresh, very soft tooth brush and be very gentle when brushing.

Up your water intake. Drinking lots will help flush your mouth. Sage tea would be especially beneficial, it disinfects without drying out (as camomile would do). You can either drink it if you don't mind the taste or use it to gargle with regularly.

I'd stay away from food with lots of sugar as to not feed the bad bacteria too much. Also avoid food that is very acidic, such as lemons, oranges, pineapple, tomato based products etc which may weaken your gums and cheeks, or food that has sharp edges like crunchy bread, granola, and so on because it can lead to micro cuts on your gums and cheeks which then may get infected.

You can also get a medication called "Pyralvex" which you should be able to get without prescription, which you can apply to the ulcers directly and helps fight inflammation and will also help with the pain. It tastes disgusting but works a treat.

I would also keep on trying to get an appointment - sometimes, your mouth's bacterial balance can become disturbed and a course of meds is needed to rebalance it.

Thank you! That’s super helpful!

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

Here's a random thing.

Nice looking work shoes for conferences, office days, etc - something that balances a nice elegant style with comfort. I have the Clarks Pure Tone (below) in a load of colours but want something perhaps a bit more ballerina style, or even a small heel. Has anyone tried the Vivaia shoes? They look great but so expensive.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Here's a random thing.

Nice looking work shoes for conferences, office days, etc - something that balances a nice elegant style with comfort. I have the Clarks Pure Tone (below) in a load of colours but want something perhaps a bit more ballerina style, or even a small heel. Has anyone tried the Vivaia shoes? They look great but so expensive.

View attachment 3575399

I’ve got some dune ones that are super comfortable and in leather. Not sure if they still do ballerinas

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Also wanted to add that I have loafers from Dune that would be nice for work

 

[Snippysnips]

What would be a good gift for someone who's just gotten a new home? Can't really go plants due to their cats, it isn't a first home either so don't really want to get like home care stuff since they are really going have everything they need

Stuck on what to gift them

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

What would be a good gift for someone who's just gotten a new home? Can't really go plants due to their cats, it isn't a first home either so don't really want to get like home care stuff since they are really going have everything they need

Stuck on what to gift them

A basket of cleaning supplies and a bottle of wine (I stick a note on for saying 'when you've finished!'. Cheap, always useful, and I tend to put it in a kind of storage box that can go in cupboards or bedrooms etc. Can usually do it for about £20 from B&M!