I'm in a terrible situation with my sister and I could use some advice.
She's in the middle of a crisis, going through a breakup, not having much professional success, etc... basically a midlife crisis with added depression. Lots of difficult things, one of them being her living environment. The flat belongs to our mother, we spent our teenage years there, she was living there with her ex who has moved out, so lots of memories from that relationship. Additonally, it's cramped, ground level next to a busy road, quite dark, and it hasn't been maintained well. I offered her a room in my house, initially for a couple of weeks, to offer her a change of scenery and to get away from the bad memories. We got along well in the beginning, and even spoke about her moving in as a proper roommate, but she declined because she can't afford to pay for the flat and rent at my place.
It's been three months now, and she's still here. I want to be a good sister and be there for her, but I feel it's gone from being a good sister to being a god damn door mat and enabler.
She doesn't pay rent, she's not really contributing to the housekeeping, she's taking up a lot of my time and energy with her mental health issues. Her issues taking up all the space in our relationship - she doesn't see me, I think, only herself and her issues.
I'm trying not to begrudge her that - I know how hard breakups and depression are - but it's hours of talking about her, and only her, every single day. We've had multiple conversations about her contributions as well, but nothing changed. Any time I try to talk it out, the depression is the conversation killer. She doesn't know what to do because depression - conversation over.
The angry side of me is wanting to kick her out as soon as possible, because the whole thing has caused my mental health to become more fragile as well (ADHD, depression).
I'm so angry, at myself, her, the situation - she's gotten the best possible situation for her by putting the cost, both financial and emotional, on my tab. Free place to stay, free "therapy", no need to work on anything, no need to clean, no need to put energy into change. And fuck, I get it, I've been and still am where she is sometimes, depression is so insidious and makes someone a terribly selfish person sometimes.
But fuck, I've been that person in my family that carries everyone elses burden, and apparently that's still absolutely expected of me, no, she feels entitled to it even. I have tried more than once to let her know how I feel (in less harsh terms), but it's not getting trough.
What makes me hesitate in simply kicking her out are two things. Firstly, she's had suicidal ideations during the last week, probably due to her medication. She's newly on antidepressants which can cause the depression to get worse initially when starting them. Secondly, I was were she was, and I had nobody. I had to struggle with my depression by myself and it was really fucking hard.
I'm fucking angry and terrified at the same time. But my anger is growing, and having to push it down is doing me no favours.
As an aside, our parents are horrible, and our mother has acitvely been making her feel worse. So, no help there.
), I was sent for assertiveness training.
one of my housemates smokes cannabis & is a messy shit but emails went out to us all about the mess/smell of smoke, I literally come home from work, have my tea & sit in my room, that’s it. We don’t even have a living room or table & chairs in the kitchen. It’s quite miserable living here but it’s a roof over my head.
