The advice thread for random problems #5

[StrawberryBanana90]

No he's just almost making my skin crawl. And I feel so awful for saying that. Yeah it could be depression I guess.

I can’t really give advice but I have started to feel the same way about my boyfriend of six years! He wants to be all touchy feely but it feels wrong to me and I just don’t feel attracted to him anymore
I have just come off hormonal birth control after 8 years so it is potentially due to that for me? I have read studies that BC can actually affect who you’re attracted to
I’m trying to ride it out and see what happens but my mind is wandering to maybe breaking up with him and I feel so guilty

 

[Rodneytrotter]

I can’t really give advice but I have started to feel the same way about my boyfriend of six years! He wants to be all touchy feely but it feels wrong to me and I just don’t feel attracted to him anymore
I have just come off hormonal birth control after 8 years so it is potentially due to that for me? I have read studies that BC can actually affect who you’re attracted to
I’m trying to ride it out and see what happens but my mind is wandering to maybe breaking up with him and I feel so guilty

That's so interesting about BC and our hormones really do control a lot. How would you feel if he broke up with you? Relieved? Definitely don't stay with someone out of guilt, although you probably already know that.

I'm gonna speak to my husband today, in fact he's just putting the bin out so I might do it when he gets back in.

 

[JoeBloggs]

That's so interesting about BC and our hormones really do control a lot. How would you feel if he broke up with you? Relieved? Definitely don't stay with someone out of guilt, although you probably already know that.

I'm gonna speak to my husband today, in fact he's just putting the bin out so I might do it when he gets back in.

I also truly to believe in the 7 year itch (give or take a year). I got it with my husband around year 7 and again recently at just over 14 years. I'm over it now and things are good but I think things get stale, there are the general in a rut frustrations and if you throw hormones or mental health into the mix its a messy concoction. I was genuinely thinking of divorce earlier this year.

 

[StrawberryBanana90]

That's so interesting about BC and our hormones really do control a lot. How would you feel if he broke up with you? Relieved? Definitely don't stay with someone out of guilt, although you probably already know that.

I'm gonna speak to my husband today, in fact he's just putting the bin out so I might do it when he gets back in.

Honestly? I don't think I'd be super heartbroken if he did breakup with me. It would just make my life difficult in finding somewhere else to live I've recently started therapy so I think this is something I should bring up. I can't really discuss with many people in real life as most of my friends are also his.

Interesting comment about the 7 year itch @JoeBloggs, it is something to consider. I believe my hormones are probably just out of whack but it's such an intense feeling it feels impossible to ignore/attribute it as something that will pass.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Honestly? I don't think I'd be super heartbroken if he did breakup with me. It would just make my life difficult in finding somewhere else to live I've recently started therapy so I think this is something I should bring up. I can't really discuss with many people in real life as most of my friends are also his.

Interesting comment about the 7 year itch @JoeBloggs, it is something to consider. I believe my hormones are probably just out of whack but it's such an intense feeling it feels impossible to ignore/attribute it as something that will pass.

I was at a point a few months ago where I was working out if I could buy my husband out of our house, could I afford to live without his income and other implications. I didn't think it would pass but it has, obviously it is hard to know for someone else to truly understand how you feel in your relationship but speak to your partner as a start and therapy seems like a great place to also talk about it.

 

[yankydoo]

Where is the best place to get fresh flowers in bulk for cheap? I am planning a baby shower and want fresh flowers everywhere but don't want to spend a tonne. I'm not fussed on what type of flower really.

 

[Merpedy]

I'm not in a union, in fact I don't think anyone in our company is, certainly I've never heard it mentioned.

We've not recruited anyone external into a role at Xs level for at least 5 years (there's been some internal promotions in that time), but even when we did the salary was never advertised. I think I'm going to have to somehow do some digging though.

I really hate this culture around not discussing salaries at all between colleagues

 

[klarakluckbag]

I feel really upset about this. Been happily married for 15 years and everything fine. But for the past two weeks I've been feeling really off with my husband. It's like someone has flicked a switch off and I don't feel anything for him anymore. What's going on

I know we always tend to blame ourselves and our lady hormones for stuff like this, but are you absolutely sure that it's your fault that you're feeling this way? You say you're "happily" married, but as many of us know, day-to-day life with the same person for many years can be very challenging at the best of times. I've been married for over two decades and I've had times where I could have quite easily walked out and not looked back. My husband can be lazy, he's a male chauvinist pig who thinks that housework is a woman's job, and he's a grumpy b at times. We've had to work at staying together, I know that I'm not easy to live with either. But just because you're feeling "off" with your husband, doesn't mean that it's a hormonal issue with you.
I'm not saying it isn't, but just don't be too quick to blame yourself!

 

[Kim Mild]

I know we always tend to blame ourselves and our lady hormones for stuff like this, but are you absolutely sure that it's your fault that you're feeling this way? You say you're "happily" married, but as many of us know, day-to-day life with the same person for many years can be very challenging at the best of times. I've been married for over two decades and I've had times where I could have quite easily walked out and not looked back. My husband can be lazy, he's a male chauvinist pig who thinks that housework is a woman's job, and he's a grumpy b at times. We've had to work at staying together, I know that I'm not easy to live with either. But just because you're feeling "off" with your husband, doesn't mean that it's a hormonal issue with you.
I'm not saying it isn't, but just don't be too quick to blame yourself!

I agree, men in long term relationships get complacent and their behaviour could be better..

 

[shadawayo]

I need some help.. I’ve been with my partner for 11 years, we have a mortgage and are expecting our first child..
‘well, in January I got a credit card and spent 2k to take us on a dream holiday.. I told him I’d saved the money, but now he’s been made redundant I can’t keep the monthly payments up… I’ve really badly messed up but not sure what to do.

 

[Rxt156]

I need some help.. I’ve been with my partner for 11 years, we have a mortgage and are expecting our first child..
‘well, in January I got a credit card and spent 2k to take us on a dream holiday.. I told him I’d saved the money, but now he’s been made redundant I can’t keep the monthly payments up… I’ve really badly messed up but not sure what to do.

You need to know what the payments are and what you can afford each month. Hopefully he gets another job asap.

 

[shadawayo]

You need to know what the payments are and what you can afford each month. Hopefully he gets another job asap.

I know what they are, but he doesn’t know ;/

 

[Rxt156]

I know what they are, but he doesn’t know ;/

Does he know it was on credit card? are you paying more of the bills now as he’s been made redundant?

 

[shadawayo]

Does he know it was on credit card? are you paying more of the bills now as he’s been made redundant?

So all our money is joint, it goes into 1 account - he thought I had a extra savings account where I got the 2k from - every month after bills and savings we have 50/60 each for our own thing - I said I’d be saving that up as a suprise :/

 

[Thank(space)you]

I need some help.. I’ve been with my partner for 11 years, we have a mortgage and are expecting our first child..
‘well, in January I got a credit card and spent 2k to take us on a dream holiday.. I told him I’d saved the money, but now he’s been made redundant I can’t keep the monthly payments up… I’ve really badly messed up but not sure what to do.

I think you're just going to have to be honest with him about where the money came from. Will you be entitled to any benefits whilst he's job hunting? Did he get redundancy pay?

 

[shadawayo]

I think you're just going to have to be honest with him about where the money came from. Will you be entitled to any benefits whilst he's job hunting? Did he get redundancy pay?

I’m worried because I lied haha :/ I think that’s my only way out though.
He’s signed on luckily and he’s been there 1 month short of redundancy! What a bummer!!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I’m worried because I lied haha :/ I think that’s my only way out though.
He’s signed on luckily and he’s been there 1 month short of redundancy! What a bummer!!

Yeah, you’re going to have to come clean. It was a very stupid thing to do and I hope you’ve learned not to do it again.
How would you feel if he did it to you?

 

[littlepup]

I’m worried because I lied haha :/ I think that’s my only way out though.
He’s signed on luckily and he’s been there 1 month short of redundancy! What a bummer!!

Transfer the balance to a 0% card if you can and try to reduce any other outgoings to keep up the payments or take it out of savings.
I think you need to be truthful but also address with yourself why you did this. It’s a big lie for a relationship you’re about to have a baby in. Did you just want to do it and think he’d say no? Was it totally doable to pay back at the time? Do you feel like you’re saving too much and don’t have enough fun money?
If my partner did this to me, particularly if we shared one account, it’d be such a massive breech of trust I’d question what else they were keeping from me. You need to be prepared to answer his questions.
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Where is the best place to get fresh flowers in bulk for cheap? I am planning a baby shower and want fresh flowers everywhere but don't want to spend a tonne. I'm not fussed on what type of flower really.

I’ve used Triangle Nursery before to do church flowers for a wedding but it's still not cheap. Flowers just aren’t cheap and don’t go that far per stem. Alternatively a local market florist could hook you up if you’re arranging yourself and are happy to take what they have leftover on the day. Even supermarkets do filers like Gypsophilia/baby’s breath quite cheap that can make pretty displays.

If you live near a woods or know someone with a big garden you could forage greenery like laurel, eucalyptus, cow parsley etc. then add a few blooms to add colour.

 

[havee]

i forgot my pattern lock for my samsung phone overnight. been trying diff patterns none work. i could reboot but dont want to lose the pics. whatare y options. im thinking of taking it to shop but am worried about them taking my photos/installing malware to my phone. what can i do

 

[Rxt156]

i forgot my pattern lock for my samsung phone overnight. been trying diff patterns none work. i could reboot but dont want to lose the pics. whatare y options. im thinking of taking it to shop but am worried about them taking my photos/installing malware to my phone. what can i do

I had problem with my phone and they wanted me to show them in the shop that I could unlock it so that’s a hard one they will possibly assume it’s stolen. Soz