The advice thread for random problems #5

[tomato_paste]

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The advice thread for random problems #4

Previous thread: https://tattle.life/threads/the-advice-thread-for-random-problems-3.39058/page-54#post-17132759

tattle.life

 

[Squittel]

I’ve been feeling very low these last couple of weeks and I have my appraisal at work tomorrow. I’ve got to write about all the things I’ve done, and my achievements etc but with my low mood I’m finding it really difficult to write anything.

I feel like I’ve achieved nothing and I’m a crap worker. Every time I try to write anything positive there’s just this voice telling me I’m not good enough and I’m bad at my job. I feel like if I write anything positive my manager will just laugh in my face and tell me I’m rum.

She won’t do that but my brain is not functioning correctly and I feel so down about it.

I’m stuck in this awful rut and it’s really lonely.

 

[tomato_paste]

I’ve been feeling very low these last couple of weeks and I have my appraisal at work tomorrow. I’ve got to write about all the things I’ve done, and my achievements etc but with my low mood I’m finding it really difficult to write anything.

I feel like I’ve achieved nothing and I’m a crap worker. Every time I try to write anything positive there’s just this voice telling me I’m not good enough and I’m bad at my job. I feel like if I write anything positive my manager will just laugh in my face and tell me I’m rum.

She won’t do that but my brain is not functioning correctly and I feel so down about it.

I’m stuck in this awful rut and it’s really lonely.

Well even if it feels like a lie, write about yourself positively anyway. It's work, not a relationship, so don't even feel bad about it. You don't have to believe it yourself to market yourself. Treat it like something depersonalised - what would a marketing person write to sell you? Take a look at your work records, documents, emails - anything that got praise or stood out? If you don't believe yourself, take what others have told you as your starting point.

I think it would help looking at who's voice it is that you hear. Who in your life made you feel this way about yourself? Because you sound awfully harsh with yourself. Is that voice realistic or is that voice also bullshitting you? What's it's goal? To stop you from feeling good about yourself? To save you from disappointment if your own view of yourself doesn't align with what other people see? To keep you small and compliant? Dig into it a bit, maybe that helps.

 

[becca7721]

I’ve been feeling very low these last couple of weeks and I have my appraisal at work tomorrow. I’ve got to write about all the things I’ve done, and my achievements etc but with my low mood I’m finding it really difficult to write anything.

I feel like I’ve achieved nothing and I’m a crap worker. Every time I try to write anything positive there’s just this voice telling me I’m not good enough and I’m bad at my job. I feel like if I write anything positive my manager will just laugh in my face and tell me I’m rum.

She won’t do that but my brain is not functioning correctly and I feel so down about it.

I’m stuck in this awful rut and it’s really lonely.

Can you try viewing yourself in the third person?
So what would you say about a friend who had done what you’ve done?

I know it sounds odd but it’s something that’s helped me in past when applying for jobs.

 

[Squittel]

Well even if it feels like a lie, write about yourself positively anyway. It's work, not a relationship, so don't even feel bad about it. You don't have to believe it yourself to market yourself. Treat it like something depersonalised - what would a marketing person write to sell you? Take a look at your work records, documents, emails - anything that got praise or stood out? If you don't believe yourself, take what others have told you as your starting point.

I think it would help looking at who's voice it is that you hear. Who in your life made you feel this way about yourself? Because you sound awfully harsh with yourself. Is that voice realistic or is that voice also bullshitting you? What's it's goal? To stop you from feeling good about yourself? To save you from disappointment if your own view of yourself doesn't align with what other people see? To keep you small and compliant? Dig into it a bit, maybe that helps.

It’s to save me from disappointment I imagine. If I tell myself I’m rubbish then I won’t take it personally if I don’t get a raise or a promotion. I’m very bad at looking on the bright side. Thank you for your response it’s given me things to think about.
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Can you try viewing yourself in the third person?
So what would you say about a friend who had done what you’ve done?

I know it sounds odd but it’s something that’s helped me in past when applying for jobs.

I think I’ll do that. I will disassociate a bit to get this done!

 

[TheGlossy]

I am about to burst into flames today.

I have two large furniture consignments which were due for delivery today. The driver rang me to ask me to meet him at the gate at the opposite end of the building.

I politely asked him if he could help me carry the packages to my building door (not inside) as they are too heavy to carry alone and I am on my own. The driver said he doesn’t want to because he ‘doesn’t have time’ and told me to 'wait until Monday then'. I’d highlighted to him the fact that I’d seen him multiple times inside the complex bringing much smaller packages the size of a book to other recipients. I’d seen him this week three times in the building. He said he only does that ‘when he wants to’.

This is completely unprofessional of an attitude and response. I specify that I did not ask him to get them inside the building, but just as close as possible to the building

Now, instead of getting my packages today within due time, I am now compelled to wait until next week because the driver 'doesn’t have time' and is therefore dictating when I can or can’t get my packages based on his own personal terms.

I’ve decided I won’t accept the delivery when it comes back again and have already escalated to both the retailer & shipping company. If I accept this delivery after this incident, he’ll do it with everyone. Disgusting. He ruined my moment anyways because I was so excited to revamp my bedroom.

 

[littlepup]

I am about to burst into flames today.

I have two large furniture consignments which were due for delivery today. The driver rang me to ask me to meet him at the gate at the opposite end of the building.

I politely asked him if he could help me carry the packages to my building door (not inside) as they are too heavy to carry alone and I am on my own. The driver said he doesn’t want to because he ‘doesn’t have time’ and told me to 'wait until Monday then'. I’d highlighted to him the fact that I’d seen him multiple times inside the complex bringing much smaller packages the size of a book to other recipients. I’d seen him this week three times in the building. He said he only does that ‘when he wants to’.

This is completely unprofessional of an attitude and response. I specify that I did not ask him to get them inside the building, but just as close as possible to the building

Now, instead of getting my packages today within due time, I am now compelled to wait until next week because the driver 'doesn’t have time' and is therefore dictating when I can or can’t get my packages based on his own personal terms.

I’ve decided I won’t accept the delivery when it comes back again and have already escalated to both the retailer & shipping company. If I accept this delivery after this incident, he’ll do it with everyone. Disgusting. He ruined my moment anyways because I was so excited to revamp my bedroom.

Have you checked the details on the order. If it says kerbside delivery or specifies where they deliver to?

 

[TheGlossy]

Have you checked the details on the order. If it says kerbside delivery or specifies where they deliver to?

No, I checked - it does not say kerbside.

It just specifies the exact address itself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this in Ireland where you get a kerbside delivery.

I think if he’d say it’s not protocol fair enough but him saying he ‘doesn’t have time’ and only does door delivery when HE wants to is what set me off. It’s just rude especially as I’d seen him this past week in the building on more than one occasion. He obviously wanted to finish his Saturday shift early and couldn’t be bothered.

Besides, if they were given the kerbside instruction, then the retailer should have advised the customer of this because who would want kerbside delivery for heavy furniture?

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

No, I checked - it does not say kerbside.

It just specifies the exact address itself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this in Ireland where you get a kerbside delivery.

I think if he’d say it’s not protocol fair enough but him saying he ‘doesn’t have time’ and only does door delivery when HE wants to is what set me off. It’s just rude especially as I’d seen him this past week in the building on more than one occasion. He obviously wanted to finish his Saturday shift early and couldn’t be bothered.

Besides, if they were given the kerbside instruction, then the retailer should have advised the customer of this because who would want kerbside delivery for heavy furniture?

Tbf I know a lot of places in the UK will only drop off and not actually move the furniture. I guess it's at his discretion whether he wants to help or not. You need to check with the retailer who sold you the items. This is about the only time I'm glad to have Mr Lolz when heavy stuff needs moving

 

[LaBlonde]

No, I checked - it does not say kerbside.

It just specifies the exact address itself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this in Ireland where you get a kerbside delivery.

I think if he’d say it’s not protocol fair enough but him saying he ‘doesn’t have time’ and only does door delivery when HE wants to is what set me off. It’s just rude especially as I’d seen him this past week in the building on more than one occasion. He obviously wanted to finish his Saturday shift early and couldn’t be bothered.

Besides, if they were given the kerbside instruction, then the retailer should have advised the customer of this because who would want kerbside delivery for heavy furniture?

while it sounded like he was curt about it, “doesn’t have time” could be the legitimate answer. a lot of delivery drivers now are given set times for each delivery and are expected to hit a certain amount within a day (basically why amazon throw the parcel at you when you answer the door now ) so i wouldn’t say it’s his choice as such.

the retailer doesn’t really have the responsibility for how the items get into your house tbh (unless it’s something like a sofa or a bed or a new kitchen). i ordered heavy patio furniture last year and the guy delivered them to my driveway and was like well see ya! if they were delivered to you outside your address (and it wasn’t stated otherwise) then i’m not sure how you would justify not accepting the delivery when they try again. what items were they?

 

[TheGlossy]

Like I said, I’m not asking him to deliver into my apartment at all. This would be absolutely unrealistic and not his job.

However, there is a difference between me having to pick up the item on the other side of the street where he was parked (about a 5 minutes walk from my actual building) and getting them in front of the building entrance where I’d seen him deliver on multiple occasions this past week.

I know it’s not the retailer’s responsibility but if the retailer or shipping company has been transparent about their delivery limitations, I simply wouldn’t have purchased from/with them and would have gone down the IKEA route.

The items were two tables.

 

[Donald23]

Not sure if this is the right place but need help. My hairs naturally brunette with slight blonde through it. I went and got it done today and I thought she would do natural blonde highlights but now it all looks blonde and is washing me out.
If I put a brown box dye on it will it be fine? I don’t want to wait it’s making me anxious and upset. I’m not bothered about the texture I can deal with that the colour is just horrible and I’m currently interviewing for jobs

 

[littlepup]

Besides, if they were given the kerbside instruction, then the retailer should have advised the customer of this because who would want kerbside delivery for heavy furniture?

Sometimes they use it to upsell, charge an extra £20 or whatever to bring it in, can be in the small print. Sometimes the retailer doesn’t even know the policy.
We had a whole bathroom suite kerbside night at the end of a pretty long drive on a pallet, took a lot of begging to get it up the drive. It’s ridiculous but it’s quite common.
Though I appreciate if you want to cancel all together because of the inconvenience or it’s simply impossible to do it yourself, I don’t think they’re necessarily in the wrong as such.

 

[TheGlossy]

So I went ahead and double checked the retailer’s policy in this regard to make sure. Their policy clearly reads ‘front door delivery’ not ‘halfway across the street’.

 

[JodieGreen123]

Not sure if this is the right place but need help. My hairs naturally brunette with slight blonde through it. I went and got it done today and I thought she would do natural blonde highlights but now it all looks blonde and is washing me out.
If I put a brown box dye on it will it be fine? I don’t want to wait it’s making me anxious and upset. I’m not bothered about the texture I can deal with that the colour is just horrible and I’m currently interviewing for jobs

I’ve used a lot of box dyes and in my experience yes that will be fine, however, the instructions generally say don’t try and do a dramatic colour change and only aim for two shades lighter/darker. How blonde is it and how much darker do you want to go?

Alternatively, is it worth going back to the salon and telling them you’re not happy so they can fix it?

 

[Donald23]

I’ve used a lot of box dyes and in my experience yes that will be fine, however, the instructions generally say don’t try and do a dramatic colour change and only aim for two shades lighter/darker. How blonde is it and how much darker do you want to go?

Alternatively, is it worth going back to the salon and telling them you’re not happy so they can fix it?

The front has gone very blonde almost bleach blonde. The back and sides is more of a darker blonde. I’ve bought a mocha brown, similar to my natural shade and I’m going to patch test it

 

[conrea37]

Can they get a darker toner on there to start?

 

[Pesky Tarian]

I’ve used a lot of box dyes and in my experience yes that will be fine, however, the instructions generally say don’t try and do a dramatic colour change and only aim for two shades lighter/darker. How blonde is it and how much darker do you want to go?

Alternatively, is it worth going back to the salon and telling them you’re not happy so they can fix it?

Absolutely go back to the salon and have a moan. I assume you're not going to use them again @Donald23 so what's to lose?.

 

[Kim Mild]

The front has gone very blonde almost bleach blonde. The back and sides is more of a darker blonde. I’ve bought a mocha brown, similar to my natural shade and I’m going to patch test it

Can you get low lights put through? A brown may look dull and patchy.
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If two adults get joint National Trust membership can one of them visit separately or go they always have to visit together?

 

[becca7721]

If two adults get joint National Trust membership can one of them visit separately or go they always have to visit together?

Together or separately according to their terms and conditions online.