Who was the poster who had a sexual harassment case going on around Christmas time? I was wondering how you were getting on now? I hope it's all sorted at work!
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It is me.
He's got mandatory sexual harrassment training, missed out on last year Xmas bonus and not eligible for this year one, he's also moved departments and had a warning. Work have paid for me to have 6 sessions of private therapy to help with the stress of it all
Well they were slow to act but seem to have got there in the end. Have you still got the Police involved? I can't imagine how stressful all this must have been for you 
I'm shocked to see that he is still employed there at all.
I hope you are happy with the outcome.
The woman is a nutter - the fact that she stewed over this and then wrote a long reply is bonkers. She's trying to push your buttons for a reaction and asking for cat updates is a way for her to always have that thread to you.
I'd be creeped out the way she came to the house without an invite.
Have you done anything to agree to you getting the cat? Like a signed agreement? Or was it all just a spoken agreement because honestly I'd be blocking her number an never answering the door to her, if she was happy to let you keep the cat an you have now taken on full responsibility an are fully paying for it then really she's in a way let it go to a new home an can't hold that over you but if nothing was signed then she may be a bit of a problem showing up if you do block her
I really am creeped out. I'm just relieved I wasn't in. Now when the door knocks I'm going to be wary - even if it probably is just the postman...
This is the difficult part. So I have text messages from her (the recent ones included) in which she admits giving me the cat 'for good'. I have his health records. But we've got no signed agreement on anything. She's got multiple cats and basically just handed him over and took the rest. He's also not microchipped - that's my next move, I think.
Thank you all for confirming I'm not the insane one here... I think I feel so stuck because I honestly have no idea how to communicate basic etiquette - like not turning up at people's houses unannounced - to a grown adult who should know better (and I'm trying to tread carefully). You'll all be updated of course, whether you like it or not
So long as the text messages are extremely clear that she has agreed to hand the cat over then I'd say that it's probably equivalent to a signed agreement so I'd make sure to keep those an that way should she backtrack an try an take the cat back then you have the texts stating she was in agreement for you to keep the cat, usually it's always better to get something in writing that's been signed but a text message may be passableThis is the difficult part. So I have text messages from her (the recent ones included) in which she admits giving me the cat 'for good'. I have his health records. But we've got no signed agreement on anything. She's got multiple cats and basically just handed him over and took the rest. He's also not microchipped - that's my next move, I think.
Thank you all for confirming I'm not the insane one here... I think I feel so stuck because I honestly have no idea how to communicate basic etiquette - like not turning up at people's houses unannounced - to a grown adult who should know better (and I'm trying to tread carefully). You'll all be updated of course, whether you like it or not
But I do agree that turning up at someone's house especially if they are not family is just rude, a quick text to ask if it's ok should have been sent, I can't even stand family showing up unannounced as am not always in the best of moods or I dont have the time to entertain them, she does sound insane an it sounds like she wants this control over you that you need to be at the ready for whenever she wants you to be, I'd be ignoring the texts an if you have her on FB I'd put the setting on that she can't see any of your future posts either an also turn off her being able to tag you without you accepting the tag, it's best to nip it in the bud an start limiting what she can do
Thank you! I've added her to my 'restricted' list on Facebook, so she can see nothing (not that I post anyway) but it still says we are 'friends'. I think you are totally right. I'm usually in my bloody pyjamas for a start, which is why I don't do impromptu visits. No bras are worn inside this house...
This was part of the recent text, the cat's name blurred not for his own anonymity but because it's so unusual people would know me on here (if they knew me). I'll send her a picture every few weeks to keep her docile and keep conversation to a minimum, I think.
Honestly it sounds as if she's trying to emotionally blackmail you to keep you on a hook so that you are constantly at the ready for her, clearly the cat didn't mean that much to her if she wanted to leave it an essential give it up, if a pet means the world to you then you do whatever you can to keep it so obviously it wasn't that important to her, a few pics every few weeks seems more than reasonable an technically that is still maintaining contact as well so if that was the deal then you are still keeping to the deal, she doesn't need daily cat pics, but I'd definitely keep everything to a minimum an hopefully she will eventually move on an leave you
I think you're 100% on it. There was absolutely no agreement made - she told me she was moving and I said goodness, I'll miss her cat (who spent more time at mine than it ever did at hers). She then decided a few weeks later to simply give him to me as he seems happier at mine. That was it. She took the rest of her cats so it wasn't a matter of not being able to - she chose not to. And three months without checking in... she can't give much of a toss about the cat itself. I think she's a lonely old woman because she's so nasty to her friends (who eventually cut her off) and she's trying to keep me obligated to see her with the cat. I'll send pictures every few weeks and be polite but rather cold in any conversation. Hopefully she'll find someone else to fixate on.
Hiya all, not a problem as such but looking for suggestions. Tomorrow marks a year since my partner expectedly lost his lovely Dad. Should I be getting/doing anything for my partner to mark the day? I don't want him to think I'm treating it as any other day but not sure what on earth I could do?
(Sorry for derail)
I finally got through to sheltercymru and they went for me regarding my situation. I wasn’t in the best of moods, not least because I’ve had two hours of sleep and spent hours, literally, trying to get through to them and they cut callers off so instead of waiting in a queue it gets to about an hour and disconnects. I wasn’t rude but was clear I’d not rung to be called names, or told to just go online but required information.
Then he tells me it’s too complex for phone. There’s no office where I live - the telephone line is funded exclusively for the disabled, who they can’t help
and to go online who specifically advise me to phone because it’s legally complex
Their website totally confuses me. Their help pages especially difficult - the irony does not escape me.
I’m in wales. I was not given the contract I was supposed to be in December 2022. Despite it looking like ‘no fault’ eviction the covering letter says it’s my fault due to being a hoarder and not being able to cope in private let. No one else will touch me with a barge pole as a tenant including the one and only social/housing association provider (it’s all merged, again complicated). Eviction notice not given to me but, literally, buried outside door. End date is April. Have had contact with hoarding charity and they’re looking into a specialist solicitor to help; due to distress not on therapy waiting list but have been able to work in removing items (bigger deal than it sounds - now category 4 not 5).
So shelter told me that not only am I legally liable for all court costs but also bailiff costs and changing of locks/any damages to door and new keys for other tenants as the keys are double sided and that’ll cost ‘hundreds’ as court alone is £400 to be evicted
even if I pay no rent between now and then (not what I’m going to do) I cannot raise that - landlord gets every penny of my money. Also I must attend court but our court is closing end of March. There’s no way I can get to the alternative, at this point he became extremely angry with me for ‘not trying’ It’s all my fault for letting things get out of control and I need to get a grip. I understand he was in Swansea and it can be really hard to understand just how tough rural living can be when not ill never mind when you are, and, short of giving my address out here (he had my address) I’m sure you all feel the same, but it is what it is and I ended the call at that point - I was polite simply saying I had all I needed. I was actually just getting more and more distressed at this point of the call.
Am now very confused.
Does anywhere else offer housing advice? Council housing dept have advised landlord on this so can’t help me, like wise homelessness prevention team (again irony not lost).
(again sorry for derail)
Ps. With regard to earlier enquiry mind simply referred me back to advocate who won’t get involved due to not being allowed to with private lets. Mind did agree I shouldn’t need to pay to see their housing advisor and are looking into an appointment for me, I agreed as a gesture of goodwill to fund half of it so they aren’t paying any more than when they see others.
I finally got through to sheltercymru and they went for me regarding my situation. I wasn’t in the best of moods, not least because I’ve had two hours of sleep and spent hours, literally, trying to get through to them and they cut callers off so instead of waiting in a queue it gets to about an hour and disconnects. I wasn’t rude but was clear I’d not rung to be called names, or told to just go online but required information.
Then he tells me it’s too complex for phone. There’s no office where I live - the telephone line is funded exclusively for the disabled, who they can’t help
and to go online who specifically advise me to phone because it’s legally complex Their website totally confuses me. Their help pages especially difficult - the irony does not escape me.
I’m in wales. I was not given the contract I was supposed to be in December 2022. Despite it looking like ‘no fault’ eviction the covering letter says it’s my fault due to being a hoarder and not being able to cope in private let. No one else will touch me with a barge pole as a tenant including the one and only social/housing association provider (it’s all merged, again complicated). Eviction notice not given to me but, literally, buried outside door. End date is April. Have had contact with hoarding charity and they’re looking into a specialist solicitor to help; due to distress not on therapy waiting list but have been able to work in removing items (bigger deal than it sounds - now category 4 not 5).
So shelter told me that not only am I legally liable for all court costs but also bailiff costs and changing of locks/any damages to door and new keys for other tenants as the keys are double sided and that’ll cost ‘hundreds’ as court alone is £400 to be evicted
even if I pay no rent between now and then (not what I’m going to do) I cannot raise that - landlord gets every penny of my money. Also I must attend court but our court is closing end of March. There’s no way I can get to the alternative, at this point he became extremely angry with me for ‘not trying’ It’s all my fault for letting things get out of control and I need to get a grip. I understand he was in Swansea and it can be really hard to understand just how tough rural living can be when not ill never mind when you are, and, short of giving my address out here (he had my address) I’m sure you all feel the same, but it is what it is and I ended the call at that point - I was polite simply saying I had all I needed. I was actually just getting more and more distressed at this point of the call.Am now very confused.
Does anywhere else offer housing advice? Council housing dept have advised landlord on this so can’t help me, like wise homelessness prevention team (again irony not lost).
(again sorry for derail)
Ps. With regard to earlier enquiry mind simply referred me back to advocate who won’t get involved due to not being allowed to with private lets. Mind did agree I shouldn’t need to pay to see their housing advisor and are looking into an appointment for me, I agreed as a gesture of goodwill to fund half of it so they aren’t paying any more than when they see others.
Every year on the anniversary of a death in my life, my husband buys me a “thinking of you” card and just writes “love you” in it, and some flowers. It’s really lovely to know he remembers each year and cares.
I know flowers aren’t most men’s cup of tea so maybe his favourite chocolate or something small just for a little treat/pick me up.
I don’t think there’s a right or wrong really, grief is hard to navigate isn’t it!
From experience, be led by him. Grief can be, frankly, a git. Acknowledging the day and that it will be difficult though I’m not sure how you could do that. Personally I preferred the first to be an ordinary day. But only you know him and how he’s reacted. People grieve so differently.
I don’t know if that helps or not. Sorry.
I think just acknowledging it is really important. It was a year since I lost my Dad recently, and whilst I felt sad, we made an effort as a family to walk to the churchyard and put some flowers on his grave. Then we all had a meal together, and just focused on being here and surviving the year together. I miss my Dad every day, not just on anniversaries and to some, it really can just be another day. I would ask if he wants to do anything on the day?
As others have said, I’d make him a cuppa and give him a cuddle first thing. Ask him if there’s anything he wants to do. It depends on his attitude.
I don’t particularly mark the occasion, the grief is there everyday, but it’s nice to know he’s not forgotten. We don’t have any kind of grave or memorial so there’s no ‘focal point’ for flowers or whatnot. I get a few texts with just a heart or ‘love you’ and that’s enough for me to say it’s not just another day.
I don’t particularly mark the occasion, the grief is there everyday, but it’s nice to know he’s not forgotten. We don’t have any kind of grave or memorial so there’s no ‘focal point’ for flowers or whatnot. I get a few texts with just a heart or ‘love you’ and that’s enough for me to say it’s not just another day.
My honest advice would simply be to ask him. Sit him down and say you know that everyone handles things in different ways, it may be that he doesn't want to mark the day at all, or perhaps he would with a dinner or a trip etc. Tell him you're there to support him no matter what, and if he'd like to do something but can't think of what, you're happy to work with him on something. That's all you need
I'd let him lead you like others have said as only he knows how he's going to feel, but how about maybe giving some suggestions, perhaps you both could take a walk up to lay some flowers down, a walk can help a ton so even if he doesn't walk to want near it then maybe taking a drive out to someplace else an stopping for a bite to eat or a tea/coffee etc might help, or if he's not wanting out then perhaps a comfort film an just order food in
Thanks all, he's booked the day off work and is planning on brunch with his sister. There isn't a grave or churchyard so no real place to go and pay respects. I'm working but from home so I'll be on hand with cups of tea, posh choccies and even more affection than ever before.
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