The advice thread for random problems #4

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I don't think there's any premium inns close enough to where I want, Edinburgh isn't really unfamiliar to me as it's only a 40min drive but I've never stayed at any hotels an have never paid attention to where they all are either lol, I do know how to get about the place but just not at Hogmanay as I don't know what will be closed off as up by the castle is ticketed so I know that will all be shut for wandering, hoping the royal mile will be open to some extent though
It's princes at that gets closed off for the street party so I'm assuming the other side of the castle will be open as normal? Grassmarket definitely is.

Can't help with hotels as I live in Edinburgh, only stayed in a hotel once on north bridge, there's a Hilton and Radisson blu there, then there are couple Hiltons near grassmarket/Lothian road. These areas are definitely your best bet if you want to stay close to the castle
 
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It's princes at that gets closed off for the street party so I'm assuming the other side of the castle will be open as normal? Grassmarket definitely is.

Can't help with hotels as I live in Edinburgh, only stayed in a hotel once on north bridge, there's a Hilton and Radisson blu there, then there are couple Hiltons near grassmarket/Lothian road. These areas are definitely your best bet if you want to stay close to the castle
Thanks, was looking at the Radisson as well, I just want to at least reserve something soon as I'd imagine most will soon get booked up soon especially anything close to the castle
 
Any PC-savvy people here, please?

I got this PC and loved it, so quiet and fast, but only lasted 9months (being refunded so no worries there ) and don't know if I should buy the same and hope it doesn't go wrong again .. ( just randomly restarted here and there and also had to reboot at times to get speakers to work ) or another one.




is this a better one?




or do you have any other suggestions? I am good with computers but crap with the specs side of things. I am only really looking at the mini ones.
 
Just an update if anyone is interested, posted on the rant thread also.

HR told me today basically they don't know how to proceed with the issue I've raised with the explicit video I received from a colleague unsolicited.
I've finally broken down and logged with the police. I've also mentioned to the police how I feel let down by my employer and how I don't feel they are taking me seriously.

Do I have to tell HR I've spoken to the police?

I've spoken to ACAS too and they said from the employment side of things they can only advise me to raise a grievance with HR about how I feel they have dealt with it.
 
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Any PC-savvy people here, please?

I got this PC and loved it, so quiet and fast, but only lasted 9months (being refunded so no worries there ) and don't know if I should buy the same and hope it doesn't go wrong again .. ( just randomly restarted here and there and also had to reboot at times to get speakers to work ) or another one.




is this a better one?




or do you have any other suggestions? I am good with computers but crap with the specs side of things. I am only really looking at the mini ones.
I'm sorted. went for the same one again. I like it and Amazon refunded without any bother so might as well go with something I already know
 
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Just an update if anyone is interested, posted on the rant thread also.

[COLOR=%s]HR told me today basically they don't know how to proceed with the issue I've raised with the explicit video I received from a colleague unsolicited.
I've finally broken down and logged with the police. I've also mentioned to the police how I feel let down by my employer and how I don't feel they are taking me seriously.

Do I have to tell HR I've spoken to the police?

I've spoken to ACAS too and they said from the employment side of things they can only advise me to raise a grievance with HR about how I feel they have dealt with it.[/COLOR]
So sorry they’ve been so tit to you but I’m glad you’ve found the courage to go to the police. You do not need to inform anyone of this, if they need input from your workplace they’ll get in contact themselves. I hope they’re able to make you feel reassured because this isn’t your fault at all. Have you spoke to a GP and maybe asked for a counselling session? It may help you to get things off your chest x
 
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Not really a problem but got a weekend to London booked in a few weeks with a very excited 4 year old. Done London plenty of times (we are from the North) and with a toddler but not a 4 year old who is obsessed with the idea! Any suggestions to make it exciting? Places to eat? We are doing the transport museum already.
 
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Not really a problem but got a weekend to London booked in a few weeks with a very excited 4 year old. Done London plenty of times (we are from the North) and with a toddler but not a 4 year old who is obsessed with the idea! Any suggestions to make it exciting? Places to eat? We are doing the transport museum already.
I went recently with my 7 year old. We loved the sea life centre. Tower of London was good too but not sure how interested your 4 year old would be?
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So sorry they’ve been so tit to you but I’m glad you’ve found the courage to go to the police. You do not need to inform anyone of this, if they need input from your workplace they’ll get in contact themselves. I hope they’re able to make you feel reassured because this isn’t your fault at all. Have you spoke to a GP and maybe asked for a counselling session? It may help you to get things off your chest x
I haven't spoken to the GP but the police did suggest it (I was crying a lot during my call with them)
 
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Just an update if anyone is interested, posted on the rant thread also.

HR told me today basically they don't know how to proceed with the issue I've raised with the explicit video I received from a colleague unsolicited.
I've finally broken down and logged with the police. I've also mentioned to the police how I feel let down by my employer and how I don't feel they are taking me seriously.

Do I have to tell HR I've spoken to the police?

I've spoken to ACAS too and they said from the employment side of things they can only advise me to raise a grievance with HR about how I feel they have dealt with it.
You've done the right thing with the police.

I can't believe how crap the HR dept are being. If I were you, I would raise a grievance.

What's the situation in terms of are you still at work and do you need to see/interact with the harasser?
 
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You've done the right thing with the police.

I can't believe how crap the HR dept are being. If I were you, I would raise a grievance.

What's the situation in terms of are you still at work and do you need to see/interact with the harasser?
I've come back this week following Xmas break. He is suspended still, I'm guessing until HR make a decision.

I've also asked to book on with occupational health to discuss the anxiety I'm feeling relating to going to work, see if they have any suggestions.
 
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Not really a problem but got a weekend to London booked in a few weeks with a very excited 4 year old. Done London plenty of times (we are from the North) and with a toddler but not a 4 year old who is obsessed with the idea! Any suggestions to make it exciting? Places to eat? We are doing the transport museum already.
Natural history museum or science museum are amazing, they’re very interactive! Sea life centre I also loved, rainforest cafe we didn’t enjoy, overpriced for what you get and the food wasn’t too enjoyable unfortunately, M&S world my son loved but he prepared the bags are pricy 😂 shrek adventures was good but my son is 8 so not sure if your 4 year old will enjoy it as they may prefer younger aimed things
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I've come back this week following Xmas break. He is suspended still, I'm guessing until HR make a decision.

I've also asked to book on with occupational health to discuss the anxiety I'm feeling relating to going to work, see if they have any suggestions.
Occupational therapy are great. I used them in the past and they helped a lot with my mental health so hoping you get a similar positive result
 
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Not really a problem but got a weekend to London booked in a few weeks with a very excited 4 year old. Done London plenty of times (we are from the North) and with a toddler but not a 4 year old who is obsessed with the idea! Any suggestions to make it exciting? Places to eat? We are doing the transport museum already.
I’ve heard this is really good for kids plus I’d love to do it myself 😁

BUBBLE PLANET London: An Immersive Experience https://bubble-planet.com/london/
 
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I've come back this week following Xmas break. He is suspended still, I'm guessing until HR make a decision.

I've also asked to book on with occupational health to discuss the anxiety I'm feeling relating to going to work, see if they have any suggestions.
I'm so sorry this is still dragging on for you. Some "creature" where I used to work was showing inappropriate videos, in addition to many other vulgar and sexually oriented activities and conversations. He was suspended for ages while HR processed his dismissal for gross misconduct. Took ages as it needed to be water tight, he did still try to claim unfair dismissal. Took it all the way to tribunal etc, got him no where.
Occupational health should offer access to counselling xx
 
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Firstly I really hope you're doing ok, @Thank(space)you - I can only say do what you need to do for yourself, and prioritise your own health (mental and physical). Jobs are replaceable, you are not. ❤

Secondly... some advice following a post I made on a previous thread. It's a bit long so my apologies.

To summarise the previous post, I ended up meeting a neighbour on my street who is an elderly woman (her cat kept coming into my garden). She seems quite lonely and very quickly began wanting to meet regularly, text all the time, etc. Problem is, when I turn up, she won't let me go for hours - keeps on talking and talking with no boundaries/respect for time. Hard when I work full time with a daughter etc. I know it's a matter of loneliness but it makes popping in for a cup of tea difficult if it takes two hours each time. She also added me on Facebook despite me telling her I just don't really use Facebook anymore and never check it - she would bombard me with tags on pictures and sending me memes etc.

She ended up having to move (she rents) and when she told me, I said I'd miss her cat coming round. She ended up giving me the cat - while I made it very clear to her this is her decision and I absolutely understand if she doesn't want to, I was glad as her care of him was bare minimum and she never really cared about his whereabouts.

Just before handing his vaccination details, papers etc over to me we met up for a cup of tea. She asked about my boyfriend and I said we had split up, but all was amicable and he'd simply moved away for work (a small lie, I never had a boyfriend, but it was a convenient excuse to avoid seeing her!). I told her I'd be away with my daughter on holiday for a week and when I told her where, she said she had a friend who could give me recommendations. I said that's lovely, and eventually managed to get home. The next day she told me she'd contacted this friend... and sent me screenshots of their conversation.

She said that I had been 'brutally abandoned by my lover' and was 'angry and sad and in need of support'. She asked this stranger to 'look after me, make my stay nice and console me as I needed'. She then went on to describe me - said I was lovely and kind (fair enough) - but that I was 'very large but seem to like it that way and her daughter is the same'!! She said on my Facebook, I 'only post pictures of me eating' and that my daughter 'is probably the same'. I'm a size 12 and my daughter a tall 16/18. I was totally shocked. This stranger ended up reaching out to me, I told her that the neighbour had asked too much of her and I only asked for some restaurant recommendations. She happily gave those to me.

Since then, I have only briefly spoken to the neighbour when she handed over the cat. This all happened in November and I'm still furious. I haven't been to her new home and don't want to. She messaged mid-December to ask for updates (I feel like I should have reached out but was just too angry, and had heard nothing from her) - I told her cat was settled in well and she's welcome to check on him. Nothing since then. On a brief Facebook check today, I saw a stroppy post from her saying she posts on Facebook a lot and if people don't like it or her they should block her. I'd like to think it isn't about me.

I feel guilty for not messaging her more but at the same time, she's not my relative, she now lives 45 minutes away and I felt she was shockingly rude to me. I have her cat and I'm happy to share updates but she's not reached out to me either. Am I in the wrong here? Should I just get over myself? Congrats if you made it this far!!
 
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Firstly I really hope you're doing ok, @Thank(space)you - I can only say do what you need to do for yourself, and prioritise your own health (mental and physical). Jobs are replaceable, you are not. ❤

Secondly... some advice following a post I made on a previous thread. It's a bit long so my apologies.

To summarise the previous post, I ended up meeting a neighbour on my street who is an elderly woman (her cat kept coming into my garden). She seems quite lonely and very quickly began wanting to meet regularly, text all the time, etc. Problem is, when I turn up, she won't let me go for hours - keeps on talking and talking with no boundaries/respect for time. Hard when I work full time with a daughter etc. I know it's a matter of loneliness but it makes popping in for a cup of tea difficult if it takes two hours each time. She also added me on Facebook despite me telling her I just don't really use Facebook anymore and never check it - she would bombard me with tags on pictures and sending me memes etc.

She ended up having to move (she rents) and when she told me, I said I'd miss her cat coming round. She ended up giving me the cat - while I made it very clear to her this is her decision and I absolutely understand if she doesn't want to, I was glad as her care of him was bare minimum and she never really cared about his whereabouts.

Just before handing his vaccination details, papers etc over to me we met up for a cup of tea. She asked about my boyfriend and I said we had split up, but all was amicable and he'd simply moved away for work (a small lie, I never had a boyfriend, but it was a convenient excuse to avoid seeing her!). I told her I'd be away with my daughter on holiday for a week and when I told her where, she said she had a friend who could give me recommendations. I said that's lovely, and eventually managed to get home. The next day she told me she'd contacted this friend... and sent me screenshots of their conversation.

She said that I had been 'brutally abandoned by my lover' and was 'angry and sad and in need of support'. She asked this stranger to 'look after me, make my stay nice and console me as I needed'. She then went on to describe me - said I was lovely and kind (fair enough) - but that I was 'very large but seem to like it that way and her daughter is the same'!! She said on my Facebook, I 'only post pictures of me eating' and that my daughter 'is probably the same'. I'm a size 12 and my daughter a tall 16/18. I was totally shocked. This stranger ended up reaching out to me, I told her that the neighbour had asked too much of her and I only asked for some restaurant recommendations. She happily gave those to me.

Since then, I have only briefly spoken to the neighbour when she handed over the cat. This all happened in November and I'm still furious. I haven't been to her new home and don't want to. She messaged mid-December to ask for updates (I feel like I should have reached out but was just too angry, and had heard nothing from her) - I told her cat was settled in well and she's welcome to check on him. Nothing since then. On a brief Facebook check today, I saw a stroppy post from her saying she posts on Facebook a lot and if people don't like it or her they should block her. I'd like to think it isn't about me.

I feel guilty for not messaging her more but at the same time, she's not my relative, she now lives 45 minutes away and I felt she was shockingly rude to me. I have her cat and I'm happy to share updates but she's not reached out to me either. Am I in the wrong here? Should I just get over myself? Congrats if you made it this far!!
I definitely don't feel you're in the wrong here. It sounds like the fb status could be about others if she has been too pushy with them etc like she has been to you, but try not to assume it is about you. It sounds like you've been very kind to her.


With regards to my situation the police have told me even without the video the messages I have are grounds for harrassment so up to me if I want to pursue a prosecution. Still no update/outcome from HR. The coworker in question is now telling people (or so I hear from the talk around work) that I have caused him a mental health breakdown and he has had thoughts of suicide/self harm caused by my reporting him to HR.
 
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Firstly I really hope you're doing ok, @Thank(space)you - I can only say do what you need to do for yourself, and prioritise your own health (mental and physical). Jobs are replaceable, you are not. ❤

Secondly... some advice following a post I made on a previous thread. It's a bit long so my apologies.

To summarise the previous post, I ended up meeting a neighbour on my street who is an elderly woman (her cat kept coming into my garden). She seems quite lonely and very quickly began wanting to meet regularly, text all the time, etc. Problem is, when I turn up, she won't let me go for hours - keeps on talking and talking with no boundaries/respect for time. Hard when I work full time with a daughter etc. I know it's a matter of loneliness but it makes popping in for a cup of tea difficult if it takes two hours each time. She also added me on Facebook despite me telling her I just don't really use Facebook anymore and never check it - she would bombard me with tags on pictures and sending me memes etc.

She ended up having to move (she rents) and when she told me, I said I'd miss her cat coming round. She ended up giving me the cat - while I made it very clear to her this is her decision and I absolutely understand if she doesn't want to, I was glad as her care of him was bare minimum and she never really cared about his whereabouts.

Just before handing his vaccination details, papers etc over to me we met up for a cup of tea. She asked about my boyfriend and I said we had split up, but all was amicable and he'd simply moved away for work (a small lie, I never had a boyfriend, but it was a convenient excuse to avoid seeing her!). I told her I'd be away with my daughter on holiday for a week and when I told her where, she said she had a friend who could give me recommendations. I said that's lovely, and eventually managed to get home. The next day she told me she'd contacted this friend... and sent me screenshots of their conversation.

She said that I had been 'brutally abandoned by my lover' and was 'angry and sad and in need of support'. She asked this stranger to 'look after me, make my stay nice and console me as I needed'. She then went on to describe me - said I was lovely and kind (fair enough) - but that I was 'very large but seem to like it that way and her daughter is the same'!! She said on my Facebook, I 'only post pictures of me eating' and that my daughter 'is probably the same'. I'm a size 12 and my daughter a tall 16/18. I was totally shocked. This stranger ended up reaching out to me, I told her that the neighbour had asked too much of her and I only asked for some restaurant recommendations. She happily gave those to me.

Since then, I have only briefly spoken to the neighbour when she handed over the cat. This all happened in November and I'm still furious. I haven't been to her new home and don't want to. She messaged mid-December to ask for updates (I feel like I should have reached out but was just too angry, and had heard nothing from her) - I told her cat was settled in well and she's welcome to check on him. Nothing since then. On a brief Facebook check today, I saw a stroppy post from her saying she posts on Facebook a lot and if people don't like it or her they should block her. I'd like to think it isn't about me.

I feel guilty for not messaging her more but at the same time, she's not my relative, she now lives 45 minutes away and I felt she was shockingly rude to me. I have her cat and I'm happy to share updates but she's not reached out to me either. Am I in the wrong here? Should I just get over myself? Congrats if you made it this far!!
This probably explains why she doesn’t have a lot of people in her life.
It could be that she is rude, that she has a genuine social disorder so she can’t filter what’s appropriate or she could just be a straight talker with no filter and considers 12 large.
(I have someone in my life that sees nothing wrong with taking about a persons weight, once genuinely asked a friend ‘How do you manage in a bath being so big. Aren’t you worried it won’t take the weight with the water too?” They don’t think it was rude, just a genuine question!)
The other friend could have had a word and she’s embarassed or she could realise that at 45 mins away you can’t fulfill the role she seems to want from you.
I’d leave it and see where it goes. You don’t owe her anything and it’s not your fault if she’s lonely, she has your number.
 
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Maybe more of a question than needing advice, but... Is it a thing that negative people don't want you anymore when you become happier?

I've done a lot of work on myself in the past few years. I was horrendously ill with depression for years, now I'm more or less ok. An old boyfriend has gotten in touch, after we've not spoken for 12 years. He was always perfectly nice to me when we were dating as teenagers, but when he's been messaging me the past week, I've just felt that he was such a downer. Every single message is about how he's getting old (we're 30!) and he doesn't like his career and he wants more money (he has a really impressive career). I'm just not here for it. If he was an old friend I'd been in contact with for years, then I would want to support him, but he's basically an almost-stranger who just turned up in my inbox to tell me how tit everything is.

Yesterday I was getting dental work done. He messaged me asking how I was, "because that doesn't exactly sound like a great day." I felt a bit defensive because I was having a good day and I didn't need someone to come in and enforce their idea that everything is going horribly. I just replied, "Well I feel better for having it done." Now he's not replied since yesterday, even though he's been texting me constantly for a week. I don't want to keep talking to him tbh, so I don't care, it just made me wonder: are there people who want to use you to wallow in misery together and then when they realise you haven't got that mindset, they reject you? I've been noticing in recent years how many people are negative - not necessarily the same as people in bad circumstances or who have mental illnesses, but lots of people just have nothing nice to say about anything.
 
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Maybe more of a question than needing advice, but... Is it a thing that negative people don't want you anymore when you become happier?

I've done a lot of work on myself in the past few years. I was horrendously ill with depression for years, now I'm more or less ok. An old boyfriend has gotten in touch, after we've not spoken for 12 years. He was always perfectly nice to me when we were dating as teenagers, but when he's been messaging me the past week, I've just felt that he was such a downer. Every single message is about how he's getting old (we're 30!) and he doesn't like his career and he wants more money (he has a really impressive career). I'm just not here for it. If he was an old friend I'd been in contact with for years, then I would want to support him, but he's basically an almost-stranger who just turned up in my inbox to tell me how tit everything is.

Yesterday I was getting dental work done. He messaged me asking how I was, "because that doesn't exactly sound like a great day." I felt a bit defensive because I was having a good day and I didn't need someone to come in and enforce their idea that everything is going horribly. I just replied, "Well I feel better for having it done." Now he's not replied since yesterday, even though he's been texting me constantly for a week. I don't want to keep talking to him tbh, so I don't care, it just made me wonder: are there people who want to use you to wallow in misery together and then when they realise you haven't got that mindset, they reject you? I've been noticing in recent years how many people are negative - not necessarily the same as people in bad circumstances or who have mental illnesses, but lots of people just have nothing nice to say about anything.
Sounds like a complete fun-sponge. Totally unaware of it too which is even worse because he will just continue sucking the fun out of everything. It’s a shame it happened as it sounds like he was a nice person but wow, you don’t need that kind of person in your life.
 
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Maybe more of a question than needing advice, but... Is it a thing that negative people don't want you anymore when you become happier?

I've done a lot of work on myself in the past few years. I was horrendously ill with depression for years, now I'm more or less ok. An old boyfriend has gotten in touch, after we've not spoken for 12 years. He was always perfectly nice to me when we were dating as teenagers, but when he's been messaging me the past week, I've just felt that he was such a downer. Every single message is about how he's getting old (we're 30!) and he doesn't like his career and he wants more money (he has a really impressive career). I'm just not here for it. If he was an old friend I'd been in contact with for years, then I would want to support him, but he's basically an almost-stranger who just turned up in my inbox to tell me how tit everything is.

Yesterday I was getting dental work done. He messaged me asking how I was, "because that doesn't exactly sound like a great day." I felt a bit defensive because I was having a good day and I didn't need someone to come in and enforce their idea that everything is going horribly. I just replied, "Well I feel better for having it done." Now he's not replied since yesterday, even though he's been texting me constantly for a week. I don't want to keep talking to him tbh, so I don't care, it just made me wonder: are there people who want to use you to wallow in misery together and then when they realise you haven't got that mindset, they reject you? I've been noticing in recent years how many people are negative - not necessarily the same as people in bad circumstances or who have mental illnesses, but lots of people just have nothing nice to say about anything.
I had the same with my ex best friend. I suffered with depression badly and she was there for me so I can’t deny that. But then I felt like it turned into a competition with her, and everything tit in my life, hers was worse. I don’t doubt she struggled but half the time I know not all she said was true and it was every single detail of her life was negative. It sucked the life out of me. I went to CBT and the last few years have been the best of my whole life. I don’t take antidepressants or need counselling and I genuinely feel at peace. She used to message me like how do you do it, are there not any bad days, surely not everything’s that good, and pick out the bad points to make me feel tit about them like I used to when my mindset now is just like yeah it’s tit but I’ll get over it. Best thing I did was cut it off. Unfortunately people like that thrive on negativity and it’s like they enjoy the sympathy and deliberately make things bad for attention when really it’s not that bad. Not spoke in nearly 2 years and my god has my life felt better. I’m not saying don’t help people in need as I will happily be there for anyone struggling but people like that are mentally draining and you don’t need them in your life x
 
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