The advice thread for random problems #4

[stargirl23]

Thanks, am usually the one telling my folks about scams an being careful with phonecalls an texts an here I am wondering if a letter is a scam, but I suppose they still come in all forms these days

Exactly. Can’t be too careful anymore I’ve had things that’s looked legit but turns out it wasn’t

 

[Snippysnips]

What would you do with old broken computers that still have your data on them? I want to recycle them but won't the company access my data while they're destroying it from the hard drive?

I give mine to a trusted business, a friend of mine knows someone who recycles them, he destroys the harddrive which has the data then recycles or reuses what he can

If it's a good reputation company then they shouldn't access your data

 

[Snippysnips]

Does anyone have any advice how to stop over thinking something? Once I’ve got something in my mind I find it very hard to let go of, it can invade every part of my life and I end up making mistakes/not doing actual life because I have something going round and round in my brain

Could writing it out help, maybe write it as a type of "help" letter as if you were sending it, then take a break an then read it an try an write a reply to it as if someone had sent you the problem an you needed to reply back to them what to do?

It may not do anything, usually when I'd get pictures in my head that seemed to be all I could think off the only way I could rid them was to draw them out

 

[Popcornshovel]

How long after the use by date, is plain flour still able to be used? I have more than half an un used packet left.
I do wish retailers would stock the small packets of flour, the large bags tend no to be used.

I went through all my (in date) packets in the cupboard recently and they all had little weevils! Apparently these are really common in flour. So now I'm only buying small new packs and using within a week. And putting them in the freezer (kills the weevils) in future!

 

[stargirl23]

Of course it’s down to the individual what you’re happy for them to view, I don’t want to seem all holier than thou and police all content. It’s just worth keeping an eye out as you say because it just suddenly started coming up x

No I’m the same. I don’t let my son watch things often especially unattended so I appreciate it. I like to be extra cautious x

 

[AladdinSane]

Urghhhhhh I am so stressed about my move on Wednesday. I can't sleep cos I'm panicking about the size of the removal van and if they'll even show up. It's the first time I'm moving as part of a chain and I'm really feeling it. I'm so so so nervous and worried that it's all going to go wrong!
---

Does anyone have any advice on how to not be such a horrible person when I'm stressed?
If any of you are on the rant thread you'll know I'm going through some stuff with HR at work (a colleague sent me an unsolicited video of him wanking) & the investigation is stressful AF. I'm such a grump and a horrible person to be around whilst it's been going on. My nearest & dearest don't deserve this taken out on them.

I'm sure you're not being as horrible as you think. It sounds like you've gone through a tough time with an investigation at work etc. And you're bound to be stressed. Do they know what you're going through?
One thing I try to do when I'm stressed is take a second before I say something to someone. Just to make sure I'm reacting the right way.

I also always go put an episode of my favourite TV show on, have a cuppa and just try to switch off from my issues for 30 minutes. Sometimes that's all you need

 

[stargirl23]

I'll try an fight them more on it then, there's times I need in to see a doctor an being denied because I won't tell the receptionist what it's for is starting to get ridiculous, sometimes you can't explain over a phone either

Yeah and I feel like sometimes when I explain and it’s too long winded they cut me off and don’t want to hear anyway and just book the appointment so don’t know why they bother asking think some let the power get to them a bit too much. Since when was it down to a receptionist if you need the dr or not. Surely the person calling knows they need to see a doctor hence the call

 

[yogiessexdubs]

No I don't think you're being a cow. I think you should trust your gut reaction (I always trust it!) in the meet up that something wasn't right and keep some distance as you've already done. Time will tell whether anything develops between them, and it might be that you've sensed. As you aren't interested him in romantically then I'd just leave them to it, especially as he wasn't nice to you. It sounds like she isn't a trustworthy person either. I'd just keep it civil during work hours only - you've done nothing wrong x

Thank you so much, your post has helped more than you know!

 

[griftalo]

I don’t know if it’s relevant for you but for me irrational feelings of rage were what I reckon now were the start of perimenopause. If this isn’t appropriate for you then I apologise but wanted to throw it out there. I’m on hrt now and it’s really helped. Rhodiola rosea is also helpful and GABA.

Any advice for irrational anger? I can't afford therapy atm so that's not an option. I do meditate which does help. I've never had anger problems before, but I find myself so irritable/angry so easily these days. Don't get me wrong, I'm not violent or aggressive. I just vent on here or to friends. But I think being stuck in the middle of a family war, plus my mum being increasingly cantankerous and demanding whilst being in hospital (for which I'm running around after her daily) is just getting to me.

 

[Dogtanian]

The saying goes 'you know what big feet mean...', but how come I take a size UK 12 shoe and my wee chappie is only three and three quarter inches long?
Answer me that one, Oxbridge boffins!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I did something morally grey today…. Found a yellow sticker item with two yellow stickers, and took off the higher priced yellow sticker so it scanned as lower. Doesn’t sound too bad, until you find out the prices it was a 12 portion slab pie from the entertaining range, a cancelled order, originally £18, yellow stickered down to £6.50 on the top, and another yellow sticker on the side saying “was £2.20, now 75p”! I knew fully well it must be a mistake and someone has put the wrong sticker on, but I still did it, and I feel a bit like I stole it

Nah, enjoy it. They peiced it incorrectly and until you paid for it, they could’ve said sorry that’s an error

 

[Snippysnips]

How do you deal with someone who constantly blames you for trivial things that you didn't do.

It's only my 2nd interaction with this woman but she has this way of blaming people for everything she finds wrong. I'd like her to know that she needs to chill while being polite and not cause drama.

Also if you think I'm petty i agree with you hahaha ‍

I know you said you want to be polite an not cause drama, but sometimes standing up to them is about the only way they will stop, some people just go out their way to be like that

Personally I'd be telling her she needs to stop blaming me for things I never done an she has no evidence over an be quite forceful about it

I had a boss like that, used to drag me in the office an blame me for things, one day he accused me of phoning HR which at the time I didn't even know we had a HR let alone what the number was, in the end I finally snapped an in front of the whole shop (staff and customers) I told him exactly what I thought about being blamed for random shit that half the time I think he was just making up, was the last he ever blamed me again, so maybe have a stern word before you get to that stage where you might end up reaching your limit

 

[rainbowlemon]

I did something morally grey today…. Found a yellow sticker item with two yellow stickers, and took off the higher priced yellow sticker so it scanned as lower. Doesn’t sound too bad, until you find out the prices it was a 12 portion slab pie from the entertaining range, a cancelled order, originally £18, yellow stickered down to £6.50 on the top, and another yellow sticker on the side saying “was £2.20, now 75p”! I knew fully well it must be a mistake and someone has put the wrong sticker on, but I still did it, and I feel a bit like I stole it

You've done nothing wrong.

If the item had two stickers, the lower one would have been scanned through anyway even if it was a mistake.

 

[Thank(space)you]

What do these entail?

There's box breathing, where you breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4. And repeat.
The other one I know is the senses one, so 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste

 

[bozlem3080]

Hope this was useful. It was bit rushed because ironically, I was just about to start my Citizens Advice work. Also not disputing what the domestic abuse helpline said but you can check your entitlement to Legal Aid yourself on the government website: https://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid

This is the Citizens Advice website information on domestic abuse which includes action against harassment and stalking: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/f...c-violence-and-abuse/#h-starting-legal-action

Thank you, I just found the questions utterly bizarre, as if i was applying for some sort of debt management not a document to keep someone away from me x

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Hoping this is an ok place to post a random “problem” I’ve got at the moment as I can’t create a new thread!

My daughter whos 7 is having trouble with a “friend” at school at the moment. My daughter is quite quiet, shy and polite little girl who gets along with most of the children in her class. One of the girls in her class has always been quite possessive of my daughter for the past couple of years and only liked them two being best friends, I think my daughter was too young and naive realise this though until now.. she came home upset today and said she didn’t know what to do at playtime as she wasn’t sure who to play with. I asked her why she couldn’t play with everyone and she answered that her “friend” lets call her ‘Lucy’ tells her she hates her if she doesn’t play with her, she doesn’t want to upset her but then she doesn’t want to upset her other friends by not playing with them either. Her poor little mind must have been confused as to what to do for the best. She said this Lucy also gets upset and angry if she draws pictures of anyone else.
I have mentioned this to the school in the past when I felt little ‘Lucy’ was getting a bit controlling of my daughter, and they separated them in class time but then I was told at playtimes when they weren’t supervised as much they were always back playing together so they’re wasn’t much the school could do if she willingly playing with Lucy.. I have told my daughter to keep her distance from Lucy but she doesn’t want to do this. She wants to be friends with Lucy but also have other friends to play with as well.
So I’ve told my daughter tonight that SHE is in control of who she plays with and she mustn’t let Lucy boss her around, and that she can tell Lucy you don’t need to hate me just because I don’t want to play with you.
Does anyone have any other helpful advice on this situation? I’m a first time mum and only have the one daughter. As I mentioned she’s only 7 and quite shy and timid and I also think she worries she may get told off by a teacher if she doesn’t do as Lucy says.
Thanks

It's so hard having been there with my eldest who was quite reserved/shy, because you don't want to upset the other child (who perhsps struggles socially) but then you don't want to limit your own child.

Do you feel like the school could have done more?, in my case despite advising my child to play in a group and join the other child in etc. I did have to involve the school when when the possessiveness got too much and they spoke to the child and his mother about the importance of having a large friendship group.

It sounds like you've given your daughter some great advice and support. What I will say and what I learnt over time, is that for all the worrying (and I had many sleepless nights over friendship circles) is that these things do have a way of sorting themselves out naturally .

 

[dinosaursideways]

Friendship dilemma:

My closest friend and I chat all day every day. Last met in person 1.5 weeks ago. Tentative plans to meet up this week.

She last replied to a message of mine on Tuesday.

Wednesday we last interacted on an online game.

Thursday was absolutely zero activity and I started to get worried something had happened.

Since Friday she has been active on our online games (but not interacting with me/anyone). Not replied or read to any of my messages on any platform.

I do have friends where if I don't hear from them for days/weeks/months it's not worrying or out of character. But with her it is different, it is VERY out of character. But as of yesterday I know she is alive, at least.

My best friend of over two decades ghosted me a couple of years ago, so I think I'm feeling a lot of the pain and confusion and fear of that now, and I don't want to be acting on an impulse to reassure myself/make myself better.

When I realised something was up I sent a "thinking of you/here if you need me" message. I could text, if she is avoiding the apps, or phone (though I know she hates calls). I stood down my plans to message her mum/partner in case something had happened to her, when I saw she had been active yesterday.

She does have various things going on in her life that I could see having a kind of sudden/acute change (family illness, caring responsibilities) but she has never disappeared from communication like this before.

What should I do? What's a "normal" response/course of action? Just think, okay, I know she is alive, and wait for her to get back in touch, if she ever does?

 

[Kim Mild]

I like the navy printed one , but it rather modest .it would be nice with nude or tan shoes and bag I think . It could also be worn less formally with boots and a biker jacket.
The first dress be a tricky colour to wear . Not everyone will be able to pull that off.

The ghost dress is lovely

 

[stargirl23]

Reading that my heartrate actually shot up

I feel so guilty like I’ve got bad karma now and need to rectify it, is that weird?

Don’t worry about it, I’m sure you’re not the only person who’s done that or took a yellow sticker off one item and placed it on another. Technically you’re not at fault, although you knew it was an error the sticker was placed incorrectly by a member of staff not you. I wouldn’t worry & enjoy it x

 

[stargirl23]

Thank you both, just got myself into a bit of a panic about it

Oh bless you, don’t worry about it they won’t be allowed around anyone! Hope you enjoy your Christmas party