The advice thread for random problems #2

[Little Fluffy Clouds]

Anyone used another postal service other than the royal mail for posting UK to US, an was it better service/cheaper?

I feel like royal mail are getting incredibly expensive now an I can't get the Xmas presents I want to give to friends just because it's costing so much, for some candy I was £30 to send, an my pens got stolen somewhere alone the line as well

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These are my go to outside of Royal Mail. Used to ship manufactured large items globally with ex-husband and whichever courier opted for, no issues.

They offer quotes across portfolio of couriers, so you select your best option.

 

[Lalla]

I could do with some car related advice please!

I have a car which I love, it's a tatty old 2009 diesel but it's great. However if Sadiq Khan's plans to expand the ULEZ to Greater London go ahead, next year I'll be paying £12.50 a day to leave my house (!) as my car isn't compliant.

Currently I only use my car at weekends, and once in the week to go to work.

My choices are
1) replace it with a compliant car - post 2006 petrol or post 2014 diesel
2) do without a car (my son has a compliant car I can use)
3) pay the £12.50 a day

I'm inclined against 3 because I refuse to contribute to that man's greed, and 2 is ok except for the fact my son's car has an engine issue which means it can't get over 40mph so can really only be used for little local journeys (the car's only worth £500 and the garage said it will cost much more than that to fix). I'm right on the outskirts of London, so there are no Zip Car or similar locations near me. Plus I really like the convenience of having my own car.

So that leaves me with buying another car. I'm lucky to be in the fortunate position of having about £20k saved so I could buy a new(ish) car outright. However I won't, because it's a massive waste of money given I only do 100 miles a week on average. For the same reason I'm reluctant to lease one as well, because it feels like a lot of money for the use I'll get.

I've only ever bought cars with my Ex, and although I know he would help me if I asked, I'm trying to stay low/ no contact with him, so I need to do this on my own! I'm also a bit concerned about getting ripped off by a garage. Plus the price of 2nd hand cars is through the roof - I paid £1500 for my car 2 years ago. Cars the same age are still £1500 now, even though the true value is more like £1k.

So what would you do if you were me? Up to now I've been hoping there'll be a U turn on the ULEZ but that seems increasingly unlikely!

 

[littlepup]

I could do with some car related advice please!

I have a car which I love, it's a tatty old 2009 diesel but it's great. However if Sadiq Khan's plans to expand the ULEZ to Greater London go ahead, next year I'll be paying £12.50 a day to leave my house (!) as my car isn't compliant.

Currently I only use my car at weekends, and once in the week to go to work.

My choices are
1) replace it with a compliant car - post 2006 petrol or post 2014 diesel
2) do without a car (my son has a compliant car I can use)
3) pay the £12.50 a day

I'm inclined against 3 because I refuse to contribute to that man's greed, and 2 is ok except for the fact my son's car has an engine issue which means it can't get over 40mph so can really only be used for little local journeys (the car's only worth £500 and the garage said it will cost much more than that to fix). I'm right on the outskirts of London, so there are no Zip Car or similar locations near me. Plus I really like the convenience of having my own car.

So that leaves me with buying another car. I'm lucky to be in the fortunate position of having about £20k saved so I could buy a new(ish) car outright. However I won't, because it's a massive waste of money given I only do 100 miles a week on average. For the same reason I'm reluctant to lease one as well, because it feels like a lot of money for the use I'll get.

I've only ever bought cars with my Ex, and although I know he would help me if I asked, I'm trying to stay low/ no contact with him, so I need to do this on my own! I'm also a bit concerned about getting ripped off by a garage. Plus the price of 2nd hand cars is through the roof - I paid £1500 for my car 2 years ago. Cars the same age are still £1500 now, even though the true value is more like £1k.

So what would you do if you were me? Up to now I've been hoping there'll be a U turn on the ULEZ but that seems increasingly unlikely!

How many days do you leave the house and how much is the depreciation on a new car over a year. Would the new car have a warranty (so no unforeseen costs for x amount of time and do you anticipate spending on your current car in maintenance/repairs liver the next few years. Also would a new car save on or increase tax, insurance, fuel etc could you rent your own car parking space out to someone else.
If really crunch the numbers. It would come down to the costs first and if it’s all roughly evens, then how much would you enjoy driving a new car & convenience for me.
I’d be reluctant to spend a big whack though. And I believe used car prices are predicted to come down soon-ish now that shortage that was stopping new cars being made is coming to an end.

 

[xbxbx]

More of a question than a problem.. I found an old purse that has about £25 worth of loose change. Mostly 5p, 10p and some 1p and 2p. Do I need to get coin bags and separate it all before taking it to the bank to deposit? I’m tempted to throw it all into a clear, plastic sandwich bag but not sure if they’d accept that lol. I’m with Halifax if that makes any difference.

 

[HoGi]

More of a question than a problem.. I found an old purse that has about £25 worth of loose change. Mostly 5p, 10p and some 1p and 2p. Do I need to get coin bags and separate it all before taking it to the bank to deposit? I’m tempted to throw it all into a clear, plastic sandwich bag but not sure if they’d accept that lol. I’m with Halifax if that makes any difference.

Some banks have coin deposit machines that you just chuck it all in, it counts it then deposits to your account.

 

[xbxbx]

Some banks have coin deposit machines that you just chuck it all in, it counts it then deposits to your account.

Oh perfect, thank you! It’s been a long time since I’ve been into a physical bank so didn’t know they had these.

 

[rivermonster]

Had an unexpected eye op today and been told not to carry shopping, bend down etc which is a bit difficult as a non driver so decided to have an Asda delivery which have never had before.
Done all the slot stuff and payment but have no idea what will happen when it is delivered. Is it in bags, in trays, will I have to empty it whilst the drivers is there etc. Help thanks.

 

[HoGi]

Had an unexpected eye op today and been told not to carry shopping, bend down etc which is a bit difficult as a non driver so decided to have an Asda delivery which have never had before.
Done all the slot stuff and payment but have no idea what will happen when it is delivered. Is it in bags, in trays, will I have to empty it whilst the drivers is there etc. Help thanks.

Normally in trays that you empty at the door.

They used to bring it through to your kitchen if you asked. Not sure if they are doing this post covid though.

If there is an option to put delivery notes maybe put in there that you have had an eye op and can't carry heavy bags so please carry through to kitchen?

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Had an unexpected eye op today and been told not to carry shopping, bend down etc which is a bit difficult as a non driver so decided to have an Asda delivery which have never had before.
Done all the slot stuff and payment but have no idea what will happen when it is delivered. Is it in bags, in trays, will I have to empty it whilst the drivers is there etc. Help thanks.

Definitely no bags unless you pay for them but they will definitely help you if you explain the situation. They came to do ours the other day and I had a chest infection (nothing else wrong!) and they were super helpful.

 

[Lalla]

How many days do you leave the house and how much is the depreciation on a new car over a year. Would the new car have a warranty (so no unforeseen costs for x amount of time and do you anticipate spending on your current car in maintenance/repairs liver the next few years. Also would a new car save on or increase tax, insurance, fuel etc could you rent your own car parking space out to someone else.
If really crunch the numbers. It would come down to the costs first and if it’s all roughly evens, then how much would you enjoy driving a new car & convenience for me.
I’d be reluctant to spend a big whack though. And I believe used car prices are predicted to come down soon-ish now that shortage that was stopping new cars being made is coming to an end.

Thank you - all good points to consider.
I bought the car with long journeys in mind as my partner lived 200 miles away. However he's now my Ex, so I'm no longer doing those journeys!
I really only use the car 1-2 times a week, and my son uses it for 2 days every other week. He suggested we get a Range Rover bloody comedian!
My car currently costs me £165 in tax, plus about £500 a year to drag it through the MOT. Need to balance that with replacement car cost whether now or in a few months (tempted to hold my nerve and hope prices drop a bit early next year...ULEZ expansion not until Sept 23 I think). Lots to think about!

 

[Some People!]

More of a question than a problem.. I found an old purse that has about £25 worth of loose change. Mostly 5p, 10p and some 1p and 2p. Do I need to get coin bags and separate it all before taking it to the bank to deposit? I’m tempted to throw it all into a clear, plastic sandwich bag but not sure if they’d accept that lol. I’m with Halifax if that makes any difference.

You can pay it into your bank account at the Post Office too!

 

[Justhereforthebantslll]

Hello!
This isn’t my problem. This is my friends. She has given me full permission to post. I will also give my opinion at the end. Just to see (for arguments sake between us both!) who agrees with me.
So my friend matched online with someone. This was quite a while back. Before the summer holidays. They spoke the whole time during the summer holidays however due to them both having busy lives. They never met. My friend has children. She also has a busy job. As does this man. There seems to be a bit of an age gap between the two of them. 5 years or so. Although I am not so sure on who is the younger one. I’m inclined to say him, due to his actions. Previously, I would say he displayed a few red flags. They had argued over something she shared on social media about ex’s. At this point he didn’t follow her but did seem to snoop her to be able to see this. He has said quite a few emotionally manipulative things (in my opinion) such as “Oh I didn’t think you’d like me like that” “Nobody ever wants me” “I always feel like I’m not good enough and never going to be happy” “I’m not gonna mess this up”. All this before actually meeting! They finally met this weekend and slept together. Prior to meeting she felt he was being a bit “off with her” as replies were a bit scarce. However he does work and was poorly. But he has always replied to her messages. Then they met this weekend and seemed to have a good time. They did sleep together. However once sleeping together he didn’t leave until he really had too. He spent a lot of time “chilling” with her. He even gave her cuddles and kisses with no sexual intent. Now, the crux (I think) is the original plans changed last minute as she had a particularly bad day. She’s recently got a puppy who was ripping up her flooring. Her kids had been particularly bad. So she left the house and booked a hotel. She paid for the hotel herself. Since they parted ways they have remained in regular contact. He messages her “Good morning” every day. If the chat ever goes a bit stale he will keep it going by saying something completely new. Such as ranting about his job, or asking what she’s up to, or something. He has also said on more than one occasion he finds her very attractive. He’s told her he likes her. He’s said multiple times he would be happy to see her again. However she feels he’s a bit ‘off’. He has also brought up the fact that she paid for the hotel a few times and he said “he feels bad” about it. However she paid online and didn’t give him a chance to pay. By the sounds of it he can be quite soft and affectionate. Whereas she has been hurt quite a few times and so she’s quite blunt and cold. He has previously opened up to her about him being scared of getting hurt.
So her question is, what do we think is going on here with him?

My opinion is she needs to give him a bit more time. He had every opportunity to come up with an excuse why he didn’t want to see her again. He has chosen not too. He also could leave the chat when it goes dry. He chooses to find ways to keep it going. However he is poorly. Apparently he’s off work at the moment due to being poorly. However I’m torn between him being a bit embarrassed that she paid for things. She has a good job in the NHS. And is generally a generous person. And he’s also a bit apprehensive about being hurt, as she’s quite a cold person which I would imagine is hard for him to deal with if he’s quite a soft and sarcastic person. It takes a while to get her humour. I know it took me a while when I first met her.

 

[BaffledWarthog]

Hello!
This isn’t my problem. This is my friends. She has given me full permission to post. I will also give my opinion at the end. Just to see (for arguments sake between us both!) who agrees with me.
So my friend matched online with someone. This was quite a while back. Before the summer holidays. They spoke the whole time during the summer holidays however due to them both having busy lives. They never met. My friend has children. She also has a busy job. As does this man. There seems to be a bit of an age gap between the two of them. 5 years or so. Although I am not so sure on who is the younger one. I’m inclined to say him, due to his actions. Previously, I would say he displayed a few red flags. They had argued over something she shared on social media about ex’s. At this point he didn’t follow her but did seem to snoop her to be able to see this. He has said quite a few emotionally manipulative things (in my opinion) such as “Oh I didn’t think you’d like me like that” “Nobody ever wants me” “I always feel like I’m not good enough and never going to be happy” “I’m not gonna mess this up”. All this before actually meeting! They finally met this weekend and slept together. Prior to meeting she felt he was being a bit “off with her” as replies were a bit scarce. However he does work and was poorly. But he has always replied to her messages. Then they met this weekend and seemed to have a good time. They did sleep together. However once sleeping together he didn’t leave until he really had too. He spent a lot of time “chilling” with her. He even gave her cuddles and kisses with no sexual intent. Now, the crux (I think) is the original plans changed last minute as she had a particularly bad day. She’s recently got a puppy who was ripping up her flooring. Her kids had been particularly bad. So she left the house and booked a hotel. She paid for the hotel herself. Since they parted ways they have remained in regular contact. He messages her “Good morning” every day. If the chat ever goes a bit stale he will keep it going by saying something completely new. Such as ranting about his job, or asking what she’s up to, or something. He has also said on more than one occasion he finds her very attractive. He’s told her he likes her. He’s said multiple times he would be happy to see her again. However she feels he’s a bit ‘off’. He has also brought up the fact that she paid for the hotel a few times and he said “he feels bad” about it. However she paid online and didn’t give him a chance to pay. By the sounds of it he can be quite soft and affectionate. Whereas she has been hurt quite a few times and so she’s quite blunt and cold. He has previously opened up to her about him being scared of getting hurt.
So her question is, what do we think is going on here with him?

My opinion is she needs to give him a bit more time. He had every opportunity to come up with an excuse why he didn’t want to see her again. He has chosen not too. He also could leave the chat when it goes dry. He chooses to find ways to keep it going. However he is poorly. Apparently he’s off work at the moment due to being poorly. However I’m torn between him being a bit embarrassed that she paid for things. She has a good job in the NHS. And is generally a generous person. And he’s also a bit apprehensive about being hurt, as she’s quite a cold person which I would imagine is hard for him to deal with if he’s quite a soft and sarcastic person. It takes a while to get her humour. I know it took me a while when I first met her.

To be honest, I don't think there's anything off with him -it's just his personality. Who doesn't snoop around people's social medias these days? I know I use social media as a way of vetting people sometimes, not that I'd start an argument if I wasn't following them though

But I do know people with the exact same mannerisms and same old "nobody ever wants me" and I feel like they aren't emotionally there yet to own that it just hasn't worked out for them in the past. I'd say he knows their personalities both clash but he does genuinely like her and wants to give it a go so he's playing it safe and needs more time as you said. Maybe he's trying not to get himself too attached just yet in case he's feeling the same off vibes with her due to her being cold?

I know I couldn't be bothered with a personality like that especially with a busy life and it's just not attractive to me! Gut feelings are often very telling but if your friend has the patience to give him more time then I'd say go for it and see what happens.

Good luck, let us all know the outcome if there is one

 

[Justhereforthebantslll]

I have explained it’s hard for me to give advice because I’m only seeing snippets of screenshots that she’s sent me of what he’s said. He did seem quite keen I must admit but again I only saw a screenshot and not a whole conversation. But maybe it’s just me, and times have changed but when I met my partner. If you slept with someone and they didn’t like you. They would usually just blank you. I don’t think anyone would really shower someone with compliments, tell them they want to see them again unless they did. That would be very cruel.

I think as she’s been married before. Engaged also and it’s not worked out. I think from before I met her she didn’t have the best dating history but she doesn’t talk about that all that often to me. So She’s more reserved. So I think she will see “red flags” so to speak when there aren’t any! I think that’s where her “coldness” can come in. The amount of times I’ve heard her say things like “Yeah I don’t like him that much anyway (about other people)” but she talks a lot about them. I think she struggles to open up and be vunerable. And I have told her this will likely be her down fall.

But I shall keep you updated

 

[Kim Mild]

Thank you - all good points to consider.
I bought the car with long journeys in mind as my partner lived 200 miles away. However he's now my Ex, so I'm no longer doing those journeys!
I really only use the car 1-2 times a week, and my son uses it for 2 days every other week. He suggested we get a Range Rover bloody comedian!
My car currently costs me £165 in tax, plus about £500 a year to drag it through the MOT. Need to balance that with replacement car cost whether now or in a few months (tempted to hold my nerve and hope prices drop a bit early next year...ULEZ expansion not until Sept 23 I think). Lots to think about!

I would wait and keep your existing car for now. But be prepared to change car when the charge comes in .

I'd avoid diesel ( I switched from diesel to petrol due to my low mileage) and maybe consider pre -17 registered car that has £30 or less tax, I've been considering these too.

 

[Lalla]

I would wait and keep your existing car for now. But be prepared to change car when the charge comes in .

I'd avoid diesel ( I switched from diesel to petrol due to my low mileage) and maybe consider pre -17 registered car that has £30 or less tax, I've been considering these too.

Good point on the tax!
I've just looked for the same model of car as I have now, with tax of £30 or less, under £7k.
There's only a few, and all are diesel. There is one I would consider, but it's over £5k for a 2014 reg, which feels a lot for an almost 9yo Vauxhall.

I think I'm going to hang on at least until Jan-March in the hope things get cheaper. Provided my car keeps going til then (touch wood!)

 

[littlepup]

Not a problem but some advice would be much appreciated. What would you wear to your partner’s (milestone) birthday celebration with friends, family & disco but really just a piss up in the local pub’s function room? I could get away with jeans and a nice top but I’d to make an effort, without going over glam or formal.
Age range mid-late 30s, size 12-14.

 

[Snippysnips]

Not a problem but some advice would be much appreciated. What would you wear to your partner’s (milestone) birthday celebration with friends, family & disco but really just a piss up in the local pub’s function room? I could get away with jeans and a nice top but I’d to make an effort, without going over glam or formal.
Age range mid-late 30s, size 12-14.

I'd probably wear a nice top (maybe a bit glitter or stones etc on it) with black jeans (probably skinny) an heels, the jeans tone down the heels an formal top a little so it's not super dressy an the heels an top stop it feeling full casual, am same age range

 

[shadowcat5]

Hello!
This isn’t my problem. This is my friends. She has given me full permission to post. I will also give my opinion at the end. Just to see (for arguments sake between us both!) who agrees with me.
So my friend matched online with someone. This was quite a while back. Before the summer holidays. They spoke the whole time during the summer holidays however due to them both having busy lives. They never met. My friend has children. She also has a busy job. As does this man. There seems to be a bit of an age gap between the two of them. 5 years or so. Although I am not so sure on who is the younger one. I’m inclined to say him, due to his actions. Previously, I would say he displayed a few red flags. They had argued over something she shared on social media about ex’s. At this point he didn’t follow her but did seem to snoop her to be able to see this. He has said quite a few emotionally manipulative things (in my opinion) such as “Oh I didn’t think you’d like me like that” “Nobody ever wants me” “I always feel like I’m not good enough and never going to be happy” “I’m not gonna mess this up”. All this before actually meeting! They finally met this weekend and slept together. Prior to meeting she felt he was being a bit “off with her” as replies were a bit scarce. However he does work and was poorly. But he has always replied to her messages. Then they met this weekend and seemed to have a good time. They did sleep together. However once sleeping together he didn’t leave until he really had too. He spent a lot of time “chilling” with her. He even gave her cuddles and kisses with no sexual intent. Now, the crux (I think) is the original plans changed last minute as she had a particularly bad day. She’s recently got a puppy who was ripping up her flooring. Her kids had been particularly bad. So she left the house and booked a hotel. She paid for the hotel herself. Since they parted ways they have remained in regular contact. He messages her “Good morning” every day. If the chat ever goes a bit stale he will keep it going by saying something completely new. Such as ranting about his job, or asking what she’s up to, or something. He has also said on more than one occasion he finds her very attractive. He’s told her he likes her. He’s said multiple times he would be happy to see her again. However she feels he’s a bit ‘off’. He has also brought up the fact that she paid for the hotel a few times and he said “he feels bad” about it. However she paid online and didn’t give him a chance to pay. By the sounds of it he can be quite soft and affectionate. Whereas she has been hurt quite a few times and so she’s quite blunt and cold. He has previously opened up to her about him being scared of getting hurt.
So her question is, what do we think is going on here with him?

My opinion is she needs to give him a bit more time. He had every opportunity to come up with an excuse why he didn’t want to see her again. He has chosen not too. He also could leave the chat when it goes dry. He chooses to find ways to keep it going. However he is poorly. Apparently he’s off work at the moment due to being poorly. However I’m torn between him being a bit embarrassed that she paid for things. She has a good job in the NHS. And is generally a generous person. And he’s also a bit apprehensive about being hurt, as she’s quite a cold person which I would imagine is hard for him to deal with if he’s quite a soft and sarcastic person. It takes a while to get her humour. I know it took me a while when I first met her.

I'm going to be real here, nothing you've said gives me the impression that your friend is keen on him. It could be the way you've worded it of course.

My advice would be if she feels something is off then to listen to that and really analyse it. What exactly is it that she doesn't like? Or is it that maybe she's not ready to commit yet? Ultimately, she is allowed to ditch him if she's not feeling it for any reason however stupid. I say this because women often get told to give it a chance when we aren't keen.

 

[Justhereforthebantslll]

I totally agree. I said this to her. She comes across to me, as if she’s not that bothered by him. However, and I have said this to her. My view of it, is I think she’s more keen than she’s letting on.

She hasn’t said specifically what it is she feels off. Just said she feels he’s “off” with her. I would imagine maybe he’s calmed a bit? Not replying as quick as he used too or whatever it may be. But I can’t tell how when his words seem quite keen. Telling her he would see her again. He finds her beautiful etc.

I do worry that she’s saying she feels he’s “off with her” as a defence mechanism. So should he decide to end things, she can say “Well I knew that would happen, I’ve slept with him and now he’s going funny on me”.

She is naturally a very pessimistic person. Every interview she goes for “I’ll never get that job anyway”. Every man she goes on a date with “he’ll never fancy me anyway”. Etc.

I think more than anything it’s a defence of hers. Where she’s so scared to be hurt, she acts like she doesn’t care. But maybe it’s just me, I think her acting like she doesn’t care will have an adverse reaction and will make people think she doesn’t care. And so they won’t bother.