My daughter (14) has been with her boyf for 6 months, and were friends before (they go to the same school).
He was there for her as a friend when she experienced a pretty traumatic event in her life last November, and he was a really good support for her - he listened to her and talked her through a lot. She gets on well with his parents and he with us too. About a week ago she came home a bit upset that they had split up, she said he hurt her on her arm and they had argued - this is the first time this has happened. However, we have 'told them both off' for play fighting and being rough with each other in the past - she says this was another example of this but it went too far. We talked to her about it, we talked about time being spent together going forward being more structured and supervised because of what happened. She didn't take too well to this and through talking with her, and with them both together. Eventually we got to the truth of the matter with daughter that she had probably made it sound a bit worse than it was, that she felt bad about this and that they both accepted that they had to stop play fighting, but there was another boy implicated in all this as well which we we knew, and had explained to her that its ok for her to decide that this isn't what she wants anymore but she shouldn't try to get him into trouble to end it (even if she does perceive it to be "easier"!). We talked to them both about how it was never going to be ok for daughter to come home and say that she had been hurt whether it was rough play fighting or not.
Fast forward to now, daughter came to talk to me to tell me since the incident she just doesn't feel the same anymore but that she does care about him a lot and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings but she thinks she just wants to be on her own for a bit, she is struggling with relationships with female friends at school and them being b*tchy and she has boys who are friends who she would like to play football etc. with to get away from the drama but when she has been doing this her bf has been getting moody with her. However, she has been doing the same with him when he's been talking to girls. We talked about control etc. in relationships and how no one should expect you to change who you speak to etc. because your in a relationship (on both sides).
Now she spent time with the boyf yesterday and she asked me of how to handle the situation I told her just to talk to him, which she did, and she told him she didn't feel the same. The outcome of the day was that they have broken up, they are both devastated and she was crying her eyes out as well - I am really proud of her for doing the right thing even though it's been hard for her to do as well (and i've told her this) but I guess my question now is how I support her through this?
She was talking to some of her friends on facetime last night but again these were boys, I do worry that she is going to feel like she's made a mistake but she's her own person and I am going to have to just be there to support her... really appreciate any advice - thank you x
He was there for her as a friend when she experienced a pretty traumatic event in her life last November, and he was a really good support for her - he listened to her and talked her through a lot. She gets on well with his parents and he with us too. About a week ago she came home a bit upset that they had split up, she said he hurt her on her arm and they had argued - this is the first time this has happened. However, we have 'told them both off' for play fighting and being rough with each other in the past - she says this was another example of this but it went too far. We talked to her about it, we talked about time being spent together going forward being more structured and supervised because of what happened. She didn't take too well to this and through talking with her, and with them both together. Eventually we got to the truth of the matter with daughter that she had probably made it sound a bit worse than it was, that she felt bad about this and that they both accepted that they had to stop play fighting, but there was another boy implicated in all this as well which we we knew, and had explained to her that its ok for her to decide that this isn't what she wants anymore but she shouldn't try to get him into trouble to end it (even if she does perceive it to be "easier"!). We talked to them both about how it was never going to be ok for daughter to come home and say that she had been hurt whether it was rough play fighting or not.
Fast forward to now, daughter came to talk to me to tell me since the incident she just doesn't feel the same anymore but that she does care about him a lot and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings but she thinks she just wants to be on her own for a bit, she is struggling with relationships with female friends at school and them being b*tchy and she has boys who are friends who she would like to play football etc. with to get away from the drama but when she has been doing this her bf has been getting moody with her. However, she has been doing the same with him when he's been talking to girls. We talked about control etc. in relationships and how no one should expect you to change who you speak to etc. because your in a relationship (on both sides).
Now she spent time with the boyf yesterday and she asked me of how to handle the situation I told her just to talk to him, which she did, and she told him she didn't feel the same. The outcome of the day was that they have broken up, they are both devastated and she was crying her eyes out as well - I am really proud of her for doing the right thing even though it's been hard for her to do as well (and i've told her this) but I guess my question now is how I support her through this?
She was talking to some of her friends on facetime last night but again these were boys, I do worry that she is going to feel like she's made a mistake but she's her own person and I am going to have to just be there to support her... really appreciate any advice - thank you x
