Support for anyone that needs to vent #3

[watermelon sugar]

i am miserable. i’ve had such a shit year. i’ve had two miscarriages this year after trying for two years and another loss last year. ever since these two miscarriages i’ve been undergoing tests and have been in a lot of pain. i’ve been in and out of hospital getting tests. my periods have become irregular and every other day i feel like i’ve got agonising period pains even if i’m not on my period. i literally don’t know when my periods are starting or ending anymore. i’ve always had mood swings around my periods but now they are off the scale. i either feel like screaming constantly or breaking down crying. i can’t remember the last time i was happy. i have one little boy and i love him to pieces and am so glad to have him, but my 2nd miscarriage this year was so traumatic, i can’t sleep at night because i still think about it, i feel a shadow of my former self. i don’t know what to do, i’m in so much pain emotionally, yet physically as well. i’ve spoken to tm GP about both things, but nothing is helping the depression. i just feel so sad. all the time. i don’t know what i even want. just to feel a bit normal again i suppose. and it doesn’t help whenever i go on fb everyone seems to be announcing their pregnancy. it’s the people i know already have 1 kid announcing their second that’s the hardest for me. why is it not me? why have i had the pain of 2 miscarriages and have to have the pain of all these health problems as well? and then to feel what i’m feeling mentally? it’s not fair

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I am not sure if this is the right thread but I am not sure where to post this and I have no one to talk to so I need to vent.

I am quite a shy person and do need some time to integrate well with new people. After 3 years working at my office, I started getting close to one of our IT guys. We had a project to do together so work got us close, and when we first started talking he was in a long-term relationship (4 or 5 years). After around 2 months of talking and getting to know each other, he split from his girlfriend and at around the same time one colleague of ours resigned and moved to her home country.

We started getting flirty with each other and both the colleagues at his office and at my office started to notice how our relationship evolved. At the same time, our company offered us some training with another company, and we used to take the same class and sit next to each other for each lesson. We even helped each other out during one of our exams! He used to get me breakfasts and lunches most of the time (without even accepting any money for it) and always seemed to think about me for these little things. During the summer our first year, we got really close at the office, he used to keep starting at my lips when I speak all the time, moving closer to talk to me however nothing ever happened. Maybe because I never wanted to kiss him in the corridor where there are many doors that can open and catch us doing such things!

During these months, the colleague that moved to her home country started chatting with him and told him that her favourite band will be having a small concert in her city and invited him to go to this concert with her, as she knew that he liked this band. She told him that he can stay with her during his trip and as lonely as he was after the breakup, he went up for it. After this trip, we were the same as before, flirty and caring about each other etc. None of us had to balls to ask each other out so we basically kept the same relationship during office hours only. After two months of his trip, this ex-colleague decided to visit the country for a job interview and since he stayed at hers when he went to her home country, he invited her to stay at his. There was some festival happening at the time, and they went together. I believe that at this particular time they were fwb. She got the job and moved back here and was renting an apartment for some time. During this time, they kept in touch as she was very persistent and whenever there was an event, she invites him to go with her. At this point they were definitely fwb and he used to hesitate to talk to me and say ‘my girlfriend’. Of course, as time went by we were not so close to each other as before and barely saying hello when we see each other (it was me who didn’t want to talk to him), but of course we kept the work relationship on good terms. After a year they broke up and he was on tinder. I did tinder just to see whats on the market at the time but still did not feel comfortable to swipe right when I saw his profile(I hate that I am that shy!). 3 months went by, and they got back together. Fast forward to now, they are living at his own place as she had some issue with the landlords, and he offered her to stay with him. Obviously, he now calls her his girlfriend, without any hesitation.

I still have feelings for him, and I believe he does too. Deep down I know that he is with her just to have someone to hang out with but I am not sure if he really feels the connection with her. I hate myself for never making a move especially when I see how his now-girlfriend used to invite him to events/trips etc. Nowadays, we get to a point when we are very close to each other like we were before but this lasts only a week or so and we go back to barely speaking. Like on Wednesday his team ordered some pizzas for lunch and they had over half a pizza left and he offered it to me, and yesterday during our break I went out to buy him some sandwich as he was caught in a meeting. Today I saw him in the corridor, and we just said hello to each other and went our ways.

I would like to know what you think (if you kept reading up till now!)

I’m sorry I dont mean to be blunt here but he is just using you for a bit of attention. I would cut my loses with him . I certainly wouldn’t be buying hI’m lunch. If he wanted to be with you he would have made it clear. Please don’t think him doing “little things” means anything. If he is living with someone else please dont get involved. It’s time to move on and forget about him.

 

[peachhes]

Just an update after my posts a few days ago

I picked up my first ever anti depressant prescription this evening and hopefully I start feeling better in the next few months

 

[CrystalWench]

Co parenting with a continuing violent ex, today he used his fist and pushed down on my jaw/cheek, I don’t know the whole side of my face hurts, he pushed down so hard that there was a weird sound in my ear. Don’t have parents, friends are probably sick of hearing about it, don’t have supportive siblings, all I have is this. It’s easy to say leave and call the police but he uses firstly so many threats against me about me losing our son that I’m shit scared and also I’ll have even less family and help. Life is so shit sometimes

 

[doodlebug]

Hey guys…

I have a quick dilemma and there wasn’t quite the right thread for it, so I hope it’s ok if I ask for advice here.

My parents turn 60 this year, and I got them Hamilton tickets and a hotel stay in London. (I was also joining them). I wanted to get really good seats and a nice hotel so the tickets alone were almost £500 for the three of us and with the two rooms in a hotel it was almost a grand total.

When I told my mum, she was moaning about how it’s not fair I didn’t invite my older sister, and how she would be upset to hear we all went without her. Like I said this was my birthday gift to them. Over the weeks my mum kept saying how she’s nervous to tell my sister because it’s not nice we’re all going without her?!

Suddenly tonight my mum sent me a text saying she gave her ticket away to my sister with some bullshit excuse about how she’s thinking of starting a new job soon and won’t be free (wtf).

For context, my sister is her favourite child (yes she’s admitted this) and is put on a pedestal and is treated differently from everyone else as a result. I also have a younger sister who of course isn’t invited either but my mum claims it’s not fair on my older sister as she lives round the corner from them and it’s not like my younger sister will travel across the country just to see Hamilton with us. (This is what my mum says when trying to explain she thinks it’s unfair…I’m aware this may not make a whole lot of sense…)

Anyway. Am I right to be upset? I planned this trip to spend time with my parents and celebrate their birthday with them and my mum has effectively ruined the trip with her annoying bias for my sister when it’s nothing to do with her?

I love my sister obviously but I don’t fancy spending hundreds on her for no reason. Am I a bitch for being annoyed that now she’s coming instead of my mum when she wasn’t invited? I really don’t feel like it was my mums place to do that.

 

[Squittel]

Sometimes when I get down I get really worried about my Grandma dying. I don’t have a mum or dad and my Grandma brought me up.

And like, she’s the only person I can call just randomly without anything to say, she’s the only person who’s just interested in my day even if it’s boring as hell. If something happens, good or bad she’s the first person I call. I have other loving family and my husband and friends, don’t get me wrong, but she feels like home. Sometimes I call her when I’m in a depressed mood just to hear her chat about her day and what she has been up to. I don’t tell her I’m in a bad mood, I just let her talk (she likes to talk) and it relaxes me. There’s no one else I can do that with. She’s 83 and in good health so it’s not like she’s unwell but she’s old and more and more I’m becoming aware that she won’t be around forever. I don’t think there’s a single person in the world who cares about me like she does. And that’s not meant negatively to my husband or anything like that but I just don’t know what I’ll do when she’s not here anymore.

A friend of mine had her mother die recently and had a similar relationship with her mother - talked a lot and was very close and it struck me just how lost and alone I’d feel.

I lost my mother young, and it messed me up but in some ways as I get older I wonder if it’s easier that way.

Sorry for the thought dump it’s just been on my mind and I needed to write it out somewhere.

 

[LaBlonde]

Just an update on my situation. My dad obviously spoke to her and she came to me and asked what the solution was that I wanted because she thinks that I always feel “hard done by” and she doesn’t want me to feel that way.

I said I wanted the three of us to go as planned. She said but she can’t do that because now she feels bad on my sister because she already told her she could come. I said if it was me in her place I wouldn’t feel bad because why would I accept something that wasn’t intended for me in the first place! My mum concluded that I simply have a problem with my sister so in the end my mum paid for a ticket for herself and now she’s going to sit by herself somewhere else because she gave up her ticket for my sister. (Even though the whole point was that I spent extra so my parents could have good seats etc. and we could all sit together).

She can’t have my sister sitting alone because as we’ve established she feels bad for my sister and treats her like a baby. (She’s 35 years old). Now I’m having to share a bed with my sister lol because I’m not booking a hotel room just for her.

I’m low-key fuming because as I said this was a birthday gift from me to my parents. But I just look evil if I object or insist my sister sits alone or finds her own hotel etc.

your sister should not be going along with all this - it’s extremely poor behaviour on her part. she’s 35 years old?!?!!! tell her to sit alone and sort out her own hotel if it’s so important that she comes along with you all.

i feel awful that a thoughtful thing you planned for your parents has been manipulated in such a way from what you wanted it to be. honestly i feel i would let the three of them sit together and i would take the seat by myself, and probably find my own hotel room too. your mother’s behaviour is out of order but your sister is beyond words for me. has she expressed an opinion on any of this? how babified is it possible for a grown woman to be?

i’m extremely petty so i get if you wouldn’t do this but i would honestly cancel the whole thing. sell the tickets, get your mum to sell the ticket, cancel the room. the lovely thing you wanted it to be has been messed up through no fault of your own

 

[Pinhead Larry]

I am not sure if this is the right thread but I am not sure where to post this and I have no one to talk to so I need to vent.

I am quite a shy person and do need some time to integrate well with new people. After 3 years working at my office, I started getting close to one of our IT guys. We had a project to do together so work got us close, and when we first started talking he was in a long-term relationship (4 or 5 years). After around 2 months of talking and getting to know each other, he split from his girlfriend and at around the same time one colleague of ours resigned and moved to her home country.

We started getting flirty with each other and both the colleagues at his office and at my office started to notice how our relationship evolved. At the same time, our company offered us some training with another company, and we used to take the same class and sit next to each other for each lesson. We even helped each other out during one of our exams! He used to get me breakfasts and lunches most of the time (without even accepting any money for it) and always seemed to think about me for these little things. During the summer our first year, we got really close at the office, he used to keep starting at my lips when I speak all the time, moving closer to talk to me however nothing ever happened. Maybe because I never wanted to kiss him in the corridor where there are many doors that can open and catch us doing such things!

During these months, the colleague that moved to her home country started chatting with him and told him that her favourite band will be having a small concert in her city and invited him to go to this concert with her, as she knew that he liked this band. She told him that he can stay with her during his trip and as lonely as he was after the breakup, he went up for it. After this trip, we were the same as before, flirty and caring about each other etc. None of us had to balls to ask each other out so we basically kept the same relationship during office hours only. After two months of his trip, this ex-colleague decided to visit the country for a job interview and since he stayed at hers when he went to her home country, he invited her to stay at his. There was some festival happening at the time, and they went together. I believe that at this particular time they were fwb. She got the job and moved back here and was renting an apartment for some time. During this time, they kept in touch as she was very persistent and whenever there was an event, she invites him to go with her. At this point they were definitely fwb and he used to hesitate to talk to me and say ‘my girlfriend’. Of course, as time went by we were not so close to each other as before and barely saying hello when we see each other (it was me who didn’t want to talk to him), but of course we kept the work relationship on good terms. After a year they broke up and he was on tinder. I did tinder just to see whats on the market at the time but still did not feel comfortable to swipe right when I saw his profile(I hate that I am that shy!). 3 months went by, and they got back together. Fast forward to now, they are living at his own place as she had some issue with the landlords, and he offered her to stay with him. Obviously, he now calls her his girlfriend, without any hesitation.

I still have feelings for him, and I believe he does too. Deep down I know that he is with her just to have someone to hang out with but I am not sure if he really feels the connection with her. I hate myself for never making a move especially when I see how his now-girlfriend used to invite him to events/trips etc. Nowadays, we get to a point when we are very close to each other like we were before but this lasts only a week or so and we go back to barely speaking. Like on Wednesday his team ordered some pizzas for lunch and they had over half a pizza left and he offered it to me, and yesterday during our break I went out to buy him some sandwich as he was caught in a meeting. Today I saw him in the corridor, and we just said hello to each other and went our ways.

I would like to know what you think (if you kept reading up till now!)

I think the thing with men is, when they want to be with you, and it’s mutual, they’ll make it happen. They could’ve been talking for a long time before the relocations and you just didn’t know. It’s a lot to fly abroad to stay over at an ex colleagues house so they must’ve had some level of outside of work friendship at this point. I understand why you feel that way but fundamentally you’ll have to respect his decision

 

[Littleelf]

I'm so unhappy in my life, my job and my relationship. My relationship isn't bad, but I just don't think he's who I'm meant to be with. I think I missed out on the love of my life because I was young and immature.

I feel like a complete idiot I have everything I ever wanted but its with the wrong person

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

One of my lovely best friends just got engaged. She’s five years younger than me, I’m mid/late 30s. I’m single after my last serious relationship ended when he cheated just before we moved in together and basically went back on some major life changing promises he made me and all the plans we had made.

I’m genuinely happy for her, I really am, and would never in a million years be anything but delighted and share in her excitement in person / on the phone. And I truly am excited for her and want to be as much a part of it as she wants me to be.

But alongside that happiness is a deep sadness and loneliness and tbh a building sense of panic that my life just isn’t going how I thought it would. And maybe it never will. And I don’t know if I can ever be truly OK with it not happening for me.

No response needed, I just had to get it out and I wouldn’t say it to any of my friends, if nothing else because I don’t ever want them to think they can’t share their own good news! I hope I don’t sound like an awful bitter old cow, I promise I’m not.

 

[Wophie]

Hey guys, hope everyone is well.


I've come over here to have a vent, because I genuinely can't get my head around what's happening.

My sister has been "working" (selling laughing gas, club rep etc) abroad for coming up to three months now. My mum gets married next week.

Before my sister (who is in her early twenties) went abroad I wasn't too impressed with her behaviour - very self centered, not making time for family, constant excuses to not see us, moaning about being broke and then the same day flashing new nails, clothes, lip filler etc. This was upsetting me, but I was putting it down to her recently splitting with her boyfriend of a year.

Fast forward and she was meant to be coming back home end of July. She postponed this to early August, just before my mum's birthday. She postponed yet again to 5 days before the wedding. My mum suffers quite badly with anxiety and has to be medicated for it, so was worrying about how close her return would be to the wedding. Add into it the fact my sister was no longer returning in time to get her bridesmaid dress altered, which has caused more stress.

Well the day of the flight came and she text my mum to say it had been cancelled by the airline, and she can't get put on another until the day before the wedding. But she's lying, because she broadcast on what she thought was a private social media (whilst probably high as a kite) that she'd purposely cancelled the flight to stay out a few more days.

But the lies keep coming. I already had worked out the flight never got cancelled by the airline as I sat and watched the departures and not a single flight leaving the airport of the country she is in was cancelled that day. I watched the flight she claimed to be getting fucking fly across Europe on flight radar. She now tells my mum that the airline are asking her for £200 to move her flight, and that she doesn't have the money. I'm happy to say my mum won't give her it. She doesn't have the money. But she's so so hurt and upset by my sister, as am I. I can't believe she would act so selfishly and put all this on my mum. I'm doubtful she will even return on the next flight (she's spun some story to a distant family member who is supposedly now paying for the flight). But if she does she will return to my mum's house with less than 24 hours before the wedding, being a completely cranky cow as is in her nature.

Sorry for the long one. I'm 39 weeks pregnant and feel so upset and stressed for my mum. I've only contacted my sister once to find out about what flight she was getting and she ignored me. She has a real nasty streak and I don't want to end up more stressed by getting into a fight with her... though I bloody want to let her know exactly what I think.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I’m just fed up of being so socially isolated. I feel like my brain is going to explode with my own thoughts and like I’m being suffocated by it.

I’m sick of always being that person that no one is arsed about, no one wants to be friends with, that colleague people just cba with.

I feel like if I speak, then people get irritated and snappy or they don’t want to engage in conversation with me. So I stop making the effort. I then feel trapped, do I speak and risk annoying people or do I not speak and risk people disliking me anyway for being weird and boring?

I’m much younger than everyone in work, minus my male manager who’s around the same age (I’m 27), the others are like 40s+, but I just feel like they aren’t interested in talking to me. I just feel alone. It’s been like this in every job, in school, in uni, people just don’t want to engage with me. It’s just hurtful I guess.

I have a husband and everything is fine there and I get on with his immediate family & mine, so that’s fine. Apart from my dad doesn’t want to know since I turned 18 and my elder half sister called me poisonous…

My mum emotionally neglected me growing up due to alcohol addiction & I was left to my own devices a lot, so maybe my social skills are poor, who knows I know I’m a nice polite person, not a know it all or anything. Maybe people just take me the wrong way?

I just needed to vent. If anyone has any threads for people with no friends please point me there.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

I've spoken a bit on this thread and the what do you want to rant about thread about my life situation. (summary: left an abusive relationship, ex a nighmare, still being controlling and coercive).

I hit a bit of a wall about 4 weeks ago. I was forced to stop really because I became physically unwell. This has helped in a way because since then I've been able to renegotiate my hours at work. I'm incredibly grateful this has been possible but also very aware that I'm leaving colleagues in the shit.

Today I went for a very bog standard appointment and found my eyes leaking in the waiting room. I'm usually very in control of my emotions but it was just happening. When the nurse called me in she noticed I was upset and I just blubbed.

I have sought help in the last few weeks but I've been told that although my depression and anxiety scores are high, they are in line with my situation (which is true I suppose). I'm having some counselling with Relate but I've had to swap my counsellor due to a change in my work hours so now it's delayed.

I'm really struggling. I have a last option which is to access some support through work which after today, I think I might have to take up.

I'm tired. Mentally I'm extremely drained, my home life is complicated (autistic children and the associated difficulties) and physically I'm not feeling 100%. There are days when I feel like I just can't do this any more.

I've got an exam in a couple of weeks so I'm focussing on that as well as having to chose a specialist school for one of the children who had just been awarded an EHCP. (The word awarded in this circumstance enrages me but that's how it's phrased).

I wish I could press pause because I need it all to stop.

 

[Tove_drew]

I'm gonna rant about myself, I need to get it off my chest and I can't put this anywhere. Please bare with me, it might get long and I don't actually know what I'm asking for, other than that I need to get it out to sort my brain.

I'm (I'm turning 33 next month) in a very longterm relationship with my partner (16 years, living together since 8), we aren't married. I love him, he is the person I want to talk to first thing about everything and anything and all that, we can be completely silent for hours or completely stupid together and still have a great time. Even after all that time together, we still have great and lengthy conversations about the most random things, which I really enjoy.

However:
I started a new job last month and there's a guy on my team I instantly really liked, even just from online meetings. We were on business trips twice now and meeting in person only brought it on stronger, seeking out each others company, having discussions on a level I would never have had with a "regular" colleague, as we went into personal stuff quite quickly. He told me he has a girlfriend, but when we took a walk he also revealed that he thought they were on the verges of breaking up. Cue my effing brain going into a bit of overdrive that there could be more than a bit of a spark between us. I probably shouldn't flatter myself that whatever spark I may have felt could be a contributing reason here.

I'm alone now in my hotel, guy has gone to his hometown, which makes me both very relieved as I won't need to see him until we have our next business trip together, but also a bit sad, as I don't know when that will be. I actually offered that he could talk to me about personal stuff if he felt like it after he told me about the potential breakup. I like having friends at work, it was something I really missed at my last place, as I'm quite introverted and need someone to get me out of my shell. I like to work in a place where it's normal to open up about personal things, but I wonder whether I haven't opened a terrible can of worms here.
I really don't know why my fucking brain is going into this direction, my relationship is stable and really good, my boyfriend is a great guy. But at the same time I'm really fucking scared that something could happen at a business trip. We live in different countries, so no unplanned meetings, thankfully. I'm not a big drinker of alcohol in general, but I was extremely careful to not drink on this trip to avoid my brain making very wrong judgements.
I'm aware that some people have a "work husband" or "work wife" and while I never used that term, there was a guy in my previous job with whom I also simply got along really well and all that, but it never went into quite personal issues, so this thing here feels a bit threatening. And I don't want to ruin my relationship.

Definitely a dangerous situation. Can I be frank?

He shouldn’t be telling you about his relationship troubles. It’s the start of emotional cheating and pretty manipulative. I get it, maybe he’s all pent up but if there’s a vibe between you (and it sounds like there is), all it does is allow for the groundwork to emotionally cheating. You offering to be his shoulder to cry on or sounding board is dangerous. It would be maybe fine if you guys were seriously just platonic and friends (zero vibes) but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. To me it sounds like he’s testing the waters, trying to get closer to you. Maybe all he wants is for the messaging to increase, for some that’s enough. But is that fair to either of your partners?

In my experience, crushes inside relationships happen because some aspect of your current relationship isn’t ticking the boxes. It would be worth being honest with yourself about what’s different about this guy that your BF doesn’t possess or you’ve forgotten about. If you want to stay in the relationship I would put your energy into your BF and being more guarded with your work colleague. I hope you figure out what you want x

 

[Spacemonkey1972]

Hi all. I just want a bit of a vent cos I’m feeling so utterly crap
*I’ll just start this by stressing my husband is a good man who I love very much. And my kids are grown up and live away with my grandkids. We talk every day*
Back in 2020 I suffered a bad stroke. I lost my left side but worse was the fact I lost half my eyesight. I’m now registered blind and have a white cane. I’m still struggling to come to terms with it to be honest. I can’t go out without someone.
So my partner works dam hard every day. Leaving at 6 or 7am every day and coming back gone 6pm every night. We have tea, he falls asleep on the couch, wakes up we go to bed. Then at weekends he’s so knackered he lies in Saturday and we just stay in. Sunday is shopping day-the 1 day I get to go out. Woohoo. Same old. Go to Aldi, go home. And that’s my life. Today I’m not even shopping cos there’s a package delivery so I’m staying in. Can’t even do my 1 ‘exciting’ day out. I did have a dog as my company but sadly she died a few months ago. So all day every day I sit looking at 4 walls and later watch him sleep. And that’s me. I’ve lost loads due to this stroke (job, independence) and I’m done. I want to move back to my children and grandkids (it was me who moved away 10yrs ago) but money won’t let me. And before anyone says go for a walk, I’m likely to get mugged/stabbed/attacked. I’m so lonely, so fed up, I’m feeling such resentment to my partner even though he works his arse off for us. And that’s why I don’t want to bring things up. Cos I don’t feel fair doing it. But I’m losing my mind and worryingly I feel depression really taking hold.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I was bought a dyson hair dryer for Xmas and lent it to my mum. I’d barely used it and it was in perfect condition. Got it back off my mum after 5/6 months and the pink paint has chipped off it and she’s obviously dropped it as there’s big chunks of the paint missing. She claims she never dropped it and always put it in a mat or kept it in a dust bag. I’m fuming. I called dyson to see if my guarantee covers it and the closer I looked at it, I noticed she has tried to cover it up with pink nail polish! I challenged her and she denied it and then I said I need to know cos dyson will see it’s been tampered with. She was like, oh yeh, i maybe did. I said you should have just left it and told me straight away!!! I’m so upset/annoyed.

Edit. I’m annoyed because I was wanting to keep it in good condition as I was going to maybe sell it on as I already have a dryer I use. I said to her, you can buy it off me since you’ve been using it. She’s now said she doesn’t want a dyson and wants a different make of hair dryer

 

[Ingognito.Queen]

Just made a mistake in work - nothing major and it was easily fixed. I work hard and take pride in my work and I like my job. My boss looked disappointed in me.

I burst into tears in front of the office.

I am mortified and feel pathetic.

 

[Princess of Scots]

Just writing this as I need to get it off my chest.

Yesterday I received a text from the last guy I dated. He met my friend at a party. He said it was obvious that I am the less fun of the two. I know that they have been messaging each other since then.

I know it's such an insignificant thing to be down in the dumps about but it's just something I feel is reflective on me and my personality.

I feel like I'm a very forgettable person. I'm not the type of person to have a lasting impression.I've got no fucking charisma or personality. Nobody even knows me or remembers me. I blend in. It's like I'm invisible.

I feel like life is happening and I'm stuck frozen with time passing by. If I were to disappear tomorrow very few people would notice.

I will admit I am a very awkward person. I'm almost 22 with the same level of awkwardness of most 13 year olds. I was suspected to be autistic but I was found not to have it after being tested. I feel like I often come across as boring because l struggle in social situations. I am very much an introvert and I hate that about myself. I do have my own passions, but it takes a long time for me to warm up.

I wish I was a social butterfly,a party animal even. I feel like I need to totally change who I am as a person. I feel like I should try and reinvent myself.

I don't drink often. it gives me stomach problems and I hate wasting a whole day in bed feeling hungover and ill. Neither of my parents are particularly big drinkers either.

Perhaps this is just the British drinking culture that's ingrained in me but I always feel like the fact I'm not a hard partier and big drinker only just adds to the feeling I am boring. I live in a place where it is difficult to get taxis home, it isn't unusual to wait several hours for one. I do feel that often is an influence in choosing not to go out as often.

I would say I do have a lot of hang ups. I am an extremely self conscious of how I look. I am very much a plain Jane. I do dress well but I'm do have a plain face. I don't tend to get approached or much attention. In terms of dating, I find that a lot of guys only want me for the one thing or just to keep their options open. I'm never treated as a priority, just an option. I rarely get past the talking stage.

Would it be flippant to force myself becoming a better person, more outgoing and extroverted? I know it will utterly exhaust me but I feel like I need to force myself to be uncomfortable in order to fix myself for the better.

I feel like my best solution is to never ever say no to anything and to stop worrying what if? Who cares what implications it has, I'm young.

Perhaps I'm being flippant but I feel like I need to stop thinking with my head.

I feel like in order to be a better me, I need to start creating a different me and even change who I am completely.

I know I sound like such a daft little girl, I'm 21. It's ridiculous for me to be posting something like this here but I feel like I am drowning in my own head.

 

[btw]

I really don’t know if this is the right place to post but I guess it is because I just want to get it off my chest.
I’m struggling and I’m overwhelmed.
I’m a single mum to a 5 and half year old and tonight for the first time he told me “i wish you wasn’t my mummy” during a meltdown about it being bed time. His behaviour is hard work at the minute with just general not listening and meltdowns when it doesn’t go his way. I know it’s normal kid behaviour, he’s a good little boy 80% of the time but that 20% when he has meltdowns and bad behaviour it’s hard.
It’s just me, I’m always going to be the bad guy having to discipline and seem unfair, there’s no one to take over when it gets too much for me, there’s no one to sit down with after and tell me it’s okay and I’m doing a good job. It’s so isolating and lonely. None of my friends can relate as they all have partners so have that support. It’s the lack of emotional support that gets to me. No one to appreciate me as a mum.
Sorry I just needed to vent

 

[LaBlonde]

I hope no one minds me posting here but I’m at a loss for what to do and I can’t shake this sadness
I became badly depressed earlier this year after a messy break up from a brief relationship. I’m now on my 5th different antidepressant and I’ve done my CBT already but I seem to have such nasty lows still. I keep waiting for things to get better but they seem worse.
I had my antidepressant dosage upped about 3 weeks ago and I think I feel worse if anything. I’m so emotional I cry over everything, the thought of working makes me feel physically sick and I wake up every morning at 5am.
I don’t feel like going back to my GP because I don’t know what else they can do! I’ve tried everything.
I’m 32 and I’ve been single for over 10 years. I live with mum still and I feel like such a failure and like I’ll never find love. I know a man would sort my problems out but I feel too depressed and beaten down to date.
Sorry it’s a bit much! I needed to vent x

to be blunt, you have to break away from the “I know a man would sort my problems out” - that puts a huge amount of pressure on both you dating and whatever man you may meet. they’re just men: they cannot save you from your problems and their existence won’t solve everything. thinking this is just putting huge weight on your own shoulders x

you are the most important relationship you’re ever going to have. focus on that. go back to your gp and discuss how the medication is making you feel. think about what makes you happy. you’re young, anything can happen, not having a boyfriend doesn’t make you a failure, but you also have to bloom where you’re planted a little bit.