A big Merry Christmas to my fellow Tattlers!!
I hope you'll all be able to have a good day whether this is how you've chosen to spend the day or if circumstances have meant you are unable to see friends or relatives - sending a big virtual hug to you all
I must admit in some ways I'm just trying to pretend it's not Christmas today! I know it's 'just another day' but it feels different being alone on Christmas day compared to any other day.
I'd really like to get your viewpoint on this...
**Warning: long ass message ahead**
This will be the second Christmas I've spent alone, last year I was too due to us being in lockdown.
I have multiple health conditions (one of which is issues with my immune system) and I need to be so careful with regards to catching covid as its highly likely that I'd end up in hospital and having complications despite having had all my vaccinations.
Just for a bit of background I live alone and would usually spend Christmas at my mums who lives nearby. She was in a long abusive marriage but along with my nan I encouraged and helped her to finally leave. Unfortunately in the last couple of years she's met someone, he comes across initially as nice but over time it's become apparent he's very controlling. He has no friends (which in itself is a red flag) so fills his time with seeing my mum. He doesn't like that my mum comes to see me once a week for a few hours (he drives, she doesn't - he brings her and collects her) and accused me the Christmas before last when everyone was out of the room and not within earshot that I take advantage of her and it's too much for her to be coming over. Now I'm the type of person that would crawl over broken glass before asking for help from anyone, to be thought of as this was really upsetting. I told my mum after he left and she said it's so unlike him but believed what I was saying because I don't make things up. He brushed it off and made out it was just out of concern for her which she believed. Of course he's sweetness and light around her and after being in an abusive marriage she cant see beyond the love bombing and sees the controlling behaviour as him being caring. With all the lockdowns and where I was shielding etc I've managed to avoid seeing him - they've been good for one thing at least!!
I don't see my father due to how abusive he was to me when I was younger and seeing what my mum went through. My sisters still see him and he tries to keep in their lives by buying their love. Sadly we've never been especially close but things have got more distant this past year (I had to go for tests for a suspected cancerous breast tumour and they didn't even bother to see how I'd got on which surely you'd do if you cared about someone? One example amongst many).
Last Christmas my mum spent with her boyfriend and one of my sisters. This year it's both my sisters, one of their boyfriends who she's only been seeing a couple of months and of course my mums boyfriend. I explained I wouldn't be able to come as one sister has only had the initial vaccination (purposely won't have the others) the other one and her boyfriend are just recovering from having covid and her boyfriend works in a very busy place in the city so in contact with lots of people. It was just too much of a risk what I could be exposed to especially how contagious Omicron is. My mum has just accepted that I'm not coming and seems more worried about making things nice for the my sisters boyfriend!
One of the worries my mum had when leaving my father was that she might be alone on Christmas or new year, despite the fact they'd never really do anything for NYE. I promised I would never ever see her on her own and have spent each year with her until she met her boyfriend. My sisters just went ahead and did what they wanted. I just feel so betrayed and a bit of a mug to be honest.
For some reason it's been worse this year the thought of being on my own and has made me feel really low despite being someone who enjoys their own company and adores Christmas. I've broken my ribs and ankle a couple of weeks ago which isnt helping.
My friends have been absolutely wonderful and I don't know what I would've done without their support. They've offered me to come and be with their families but its a special time and I don't want to impose where many are going to spend it at their parents or extended family too. My other relatives live abroad so unable to spend it with them, we'll zoom later which I'm looking forward to.
If you've made it through this far I salute you! It's all a bit Jeremy Kyle and I didn't want to turn this into War and Peace but it's a bit of a complicated one without the facts.
My question was, do you think I'm being selfish hoping that one of my family would offer to spend Christmas or some of the day with me?
I'm off in a bit to give my wonderful dogs a walk then expect to be face down in a tin of quality street by mid afternoon
