Siobh.Ohagan #12 Playing a game of Covid Dodge, all to stay in a Travel Lodge

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Dear Diary
Living Differently in a Pandemic

A few weeks ago,
I got a brainwave when eating,
To pop on a plane,
But that one troll was seething.

I arrived in Portugal,
To surprise my only sister,
She was turning 30,
And I really had missed her.

Some troll on my YouTube,
Created over 400 profiles,
To give me a thumbs down,
Because first class I did fly.

Portugal was great,
We had lots of nights out,
Despite restricts of covid,
Every rule I did flout.

I estimated calories,
To stay right on track,
And my shoes started smelling,
As my grandmother feet turned black.

I got sick of Portugal,
With the lack of fruit and veg,
I dropped hints to Leanne,
But she didn’t pick up on my beg.

James and Diren are back in London,
So I made my way here,
In preparation I have:
A hair free smooth rear.

I don’t like Fliss,
But she’s my way into the gang,
If I meet James at BJJ,
I’ll shift him with my fangs.

As coincidence would have it,
I’m missing my mother
By the time I fly home
I’ll qualify for one vaccine or another

I bought a Gucci bag,
It’s just for the grid,
What the sheep don’t know,
Is I’ll flog it for a few quid.

London is expensive,
And nobody knows me?
Even with my new bag
And my new shiny gee

its almost time again
For Mams Rocky road
But I can’t live at home
When I’m in binge mode

The furnace is flying
Lots of happy excel sheets
Spaces are limited
But Swipe up for the deets

I must sign off now
I’ve a dominos on the way
I have to reward myself
After all the BJJ

James still hasn’t noticed
That I’m nearer than ever
I wonder does he know
I got 500 points and I’m clever ?

 

[Londoncailín]

Thread title suggestion:

Waxed fanny, Sinead’s nanny. Block and delete, filthy feet.

 

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@Londoncailín especially for you :


A furnace review

One lucky day,
I happily swiped up,
To join the furnace
The day siobhan rescued a pup

My 12 weeks flew by,
Turkey burgers and water,
Shiv took the family away,
What an amazing daughter.

On my last day on plan,
I was asked to review,
On an excel spread-sheet,
Like it was 1992.

I scored the furnace,
A clean 10 out of 10,
The coaches were great,
Namely Cory and Lynn

I love the workouts,
The recipes and group chats,
Made out by siobhan
Who has a degree in maths

We had a Facebook group,
And a WhatsApp group too,
But spaces are limited
There’s only a few

So after my 12 weeks,
I’ll share what I’ve learnt,
Running for miles,
So food can be earnt!

I’ll tell all my friends,
This is the best plan I’ve done,
You eat what you like
And then you walk, sprint and run.

Calorie counting is easy,
I can do it at a glance,
Someday I’m hopeful
Siobhan will teach me to line dance

X

 

[Londoncailín]

Can I just say, this thread (and the previous one in particular) is getting me through such a tough time in my life.

 

[brandambassador]

Morning thoughts:

I never have much thought to the concept of time until I wore my DW watch yesterday. The Apple Watch tells me how many steps I have done, and calories earnt, but I am learning the true value of time from DW.

Sinead came to see me and I hope the trolls don’t start mentioning again that she doesn’t have a degree.

I have offered James Smiths nephew a place ok the furnace. I know he’s only a baby but really if we don’t entrain healthy habits now then the future is bleak. I’m calling to the house to help him sign up (at 8 months he doesn’t have access to a laptop yet), wonder if James might be there.

I might open spaces in the furnace this week. Sinead is expensive to keep. I was thinking of going home to Dublin on Wednesday and by fluke that’s the day my age group can sign up for a vaccine.

Anyway, have to go and do yoga and fart out all that dominos.

Xx Shiv ‘the gift of time is only precious if it’s a watch with an AF link ‘ O Hagan

 

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Come out ye ginger bitch
Come out and fight me in the ditch

 

[brandambassador]

Ok guys because of my contacts I was able to get my hands on the initial draft of that post before she edited it.

My name is Siobhan, pronounced ‘Shove-on’ like shove on your bikini James Smith is watching.

I was a high flyer in the corporate world and sold my ideas to Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. Money < experiences so I was happy to share if it means I could travel more.

I don’t want to have kids because there is a 50% chance I would have to make their lunches and dinners and really, life is short - I don’t want to die slicing a ham and cheese toasty for a whinging toddler.

I worked as a personal trainer but now I am focused on my typing speed instead of my rowing speed, I can complete a full typed goJek or Justeat order in 60 seconds flat!


I got my fanny waxed when I came to London because not every man wanted to hike the ginger forest, but even without my ginger pubes I am still Irish at heart.

I have a gold medal in ‘surprise’ flying places to visit family, I cannot give away all my tricks but let’s just say I pretend I am taking a day off social media and then I fly somewhere to surprise a family member.

Swipe up for more x

 

[Everybody]

Thanks for your concern Siobhan; but in fact I don’t sit around all day looking at what you are doing- but when I do see it it’s pretty infuriating. I have cared for 6 patients with the new variant of the virus today, and given CPR to 2 people. But sure what’s that in comparison to your eggs and toast pictures and daily coffee thoughts?

I got blocked also asking if she plans to settle for awhile longer in London, giving the cases are on the rise and she is not vaccinated. Maybe spare a thought for the people who are fixing up the mess, of the ignoant people who continuously ignore the pandemic.Have a think about that tomorrow with your black coffee- instead of where in London sells the best coffee.
I haven’t seen my grandparents in almost 2 years either-wish she would stop acting as if she is the only Irish person to ever move abroad and live away from their families

 

[Sparklelife2304]

Another little ditty dedicated to all you beautiful tattlers:

A touch of makeup and the fanny done
Keeps James Smith on the run
Can’t do pushups to save my life
Only losers become a wife
The little troll group spoil my fun
No IFS, just a cinnamon bun
I don’t track weight but I weigh a tonne
Its hard to be an Insta hun

 

[Elliebellie1978]

New thread title? Hot girl summer, ready to mingle, instead sits alone with pizza and pringles.

 

[brandambassador]

Morning coffee thoughts, Why don't they have chicken fillet rolls here?
So deep. In years to come instead of talking about Freud people will be talking about O'Hagan.

Philosophy lecturers in 2066:

But was Siobhan really talking about the chicken roll here? Maybe it was an expression that the chickens should have had the right to live differently? Perhaps Siobhan was trying to tell us that when you remove the right from the chicken to live differently, you are forcing them to live with other chickens, in the one place, marry a cock, and then have baby chickens because society forced that narrative. The mention of the chicken roll in O'Hagans musings from 2021 are just a reflection of her own life choices, and showing how she had the freedom to live differently, unlike the chicken who ultimately, ended up in a chicken roll. Some scientists believe this too is why O Hagan went vegetarian from 21st Feb 2019 to 23rd February 2019, in solidarity and empathy.

Today we are moving on to O Hagan's discussions on the rain.
Did she really have a deep rooted hatred for the wet weather? Or was this a childhood trauma resurfacing where many summers she was forced, as a 4 year old, to Wexford with her family where it would rain 90% of the time. Other theorists say there is a strong correlation between not liking rain, and not wanting to practise self hygiene.

Lecture 3 tomorrow at 9am x

 

[spillthetea123]

Sorry - is she complaining about the price of accom in one of the most expensive cities in the world when she, literally 48 hours ago, spent between 1-2 GRAND on a TINY HANDBAG?!

Stop the world. I would like to get off.

 

[brandambassador]

Can I just say, this thread (and the previous one in particular) is getting me through such a tough time in my life.

Look we wil do what we can, but have you considered joining the furnace ?

 

[brandambassador]

I’ve had a lot of interest in Lecture 3, Philosophy Class of 2066 based on OH-Hagan musings from the 21st century.

Im going to open up spaces for the lecture on Monday. Please swipe up to add yourself to the waiting list. It will be €79 a month for 3 months, and even though I’m telling you that you can opt out after one month that is untrue as the minute you log in once we assume you could have downloaded everything digitally (this is actually true with the furnace - I know this for a fact).

anyway I will be discussing the below :

Mindset in a My Protein Set
Mindset in a My Protein Set in a Deficit
Mindset when my fitness pal incorrectly estimates calories of a large dominos pizza as a ‘banana’ and how this affected the millennials

OH Hagans tier of hierarchy which has overrode Maslows theory

Hierarchy is based on financial freedom as the Oh Hagan method shows us that paying €5000 to fly first class says more about your personality than paying €5 for a Ryanair seat. Oh Hagan also is known to have hated her own self image for years, and openly discussed fanny waxing and face picking.

It is unknown why she buried a time capsule in 2040, but scientists are still analysing her Apple Watch, iPhone and the iFurnace, which was the renewed 2035 version of the ‘oh furnace’, thought to be named after the hairfree fanny (Furr-nest) but was actually named because Microsoft Excel crashed and burned meaning the furnace had to move to an app 30 years after every other PT.

I require full attendance to all lectures.

 

[Elliebellie1978]

I don't care if our Shiv main lines Dominos pizza or snorts sausage rolls. I don't care if she works out like a beast. I don't care her form is shit. I'm not bothered by her waxing her growler or even if she bleaches her bum hole. (If she did we'd know about it) I'm not interested in her Gucci bag or her first class flights but the woman is such a massive contradiction!
London is super expensive but buys a designer bag.
Says she needs to fuel her body correctly then turns into Pacman when pizza is placed within her reach.
Says she isn't bothered by the scales but knows her weight to the ounce at any given time of day.
Eat the pizza! Lie there with your belly hanging out and then say, 'That was nice' and move on without all the stupid justifications.
Maybe if living differently was replaced with living authentically and she was true to herself and her real likes and dislikes she wouldn't be half as bloody annoying as she is.

 

[generalb@stard]

SOH: 'little group where they notify each other'

Ahhh here - I dont think this is a little group SOH, there is plenty of ppl here disgusted by your behaviour.
There is more engagement here that you do on your page.

I think its really sad that she thinks every1 who does not agree or wants to challenge her behavior is a 'troll'

 

[Londoncailín]

Oh Jesus, they are now in The Ship, in Wandsworth. The pub that JS, Dirat and Olima always meet up in. This is beyond pathetic.
I’m getting #singlewhitefemale vibes.

If you know, you know!

 

[G+T]

I saw this thought of Siobhan and James

 

[Biscuit or cake]

Oh my gosh, her lack of self awareness is staggering. Oh honey, you exude none of these values. I challenge anyone here to read this list and not break your shite laughing at the irony. My god.
View attachment 622800

The fact that the list is alphabetical shows it's not like she spent time thinking about her her own values... Just picked them from a list

 

[brandambassador]

Guys I’m out of office for the next hour I’ll be writing the next poem for the new thread

#WBYeats