Single parents

[PumpkinKing]

I’ve not seen a thread for single parents so thought I would start one.
I don’t really have anyone in real life I can vent to so I’m going to dump all my feelings here.
I’m a single mum to 4 children, totally alone, no fathers involvement and no partner. It’s fucking hard. Made harder by the fact I suffer with my mental health and it has impacted on my parenting, I’m probably the cause of their own poor mental health. I’m so resentful towards my exes, fucking off and leaving me to deal with EVERYTHING! I can’t cope most of the time, I’m a shit parent, I’ve become a lazy parent and I’ve spent so much time feeling like I’ve failed my children. They hate each other and it breaks my heart, but it’s probably my fault, how I’ve raised them. I want to change. I want to be a good, fun and loving mum.
My anxiety had got worse, I worry all the time that something is going to happen to them, whenever I hear them cry I feel like I can’t breath and won’t cope if they really hurt themselves. It was so bad at one point that I stopped them all playing on the trampoline, that’s how ridiculous I am.
I’m sick of the arguments, fighting, doing all the housework alone. I constantly nag as they don’t listen and I lose my temper. I’m trying to let some things go, ignore it etc but my god some times it’s hard.
I thought now my eldest 2 are 20 and 18 it would be easier but it’s not, and my younger 2 copy what the older ones say.
Just now my daughter has come down and mocked me for watching the queen’s funeral, saying she never did anything for me/us. I just told her to go back upstairs.
God I’m just ranting, I feel drained. I know I chose to have my children, they didn’t ask to be born, it’s my duty etc but I don’t think I’m made to be a mother. I’m shit at it. Maybe it’s depression talking, I don’t know. I love my children but there are days when I feel like they would be better off without me because I’m doing such a terrible job. At the same time I couldn’t live without my children.

Apologies for the long nonsensical moan, hopefully this thread can be a place to just vent like this, offer advice etc without judgement.

 

[FakeSmile]

I tried Tinder and Plenty Of Fish a couple of times but I just kept attracting weirdos! The one guy who seemed nice and normal practically shat himself when I told him I have a child. So I told him where to go and deleted the apps.

To be honest I'm happier on my own anyway.

It was a good distraction for a while and gave me a confidence boost. But I'm now finally, after a very very long time, realising that I can actually cope on my own as a single parent and that I dont need these apps anyway. I'm learning that it's most important to make myself happy and that I can't rely on anyone else to make me so.

 

[Tunacanoe]

I feel like since I’ve had my baby, I have set the bar so so so much higher? Like even little tiny things are a big no no. One guy I was chatting to kept saying about meeting my daughter and was quite forceful on meeting her when he met me for the first time which I was like no no big no no some men are just dirt tbh!
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Exactly like you said, we can’t get the closure! I’d love to never see him but I can’t obviously yet she’s way too small. My daughters fathers family is more interested than he is but look, like your daughter has seen the light I hope mine sees how vile they are when she’s older. I know I seen the light with my own dad when my parents split up, and even as I’ve gotten older and gotten boyfriends I’ve realised it more and more, which I’m sure your daughter will too!! You sound like such a strong woman! F your ex husband!

This happened me a few years ago a guy I went to school with realising I was single was messaging me asking me to go for coffees and asking about my daughter I shut him down but he was so persistant I ended up blocking him. Saw him a few months later being outed on FB as a paedophile with an interest in girls my daughters age

 

[hol20x]

I tried Tinder and Plenty Of Fish a couple of times but I just kept attracting weirdos! The one guy who seemed nice and normal practically shat himself when I told him I have a child. So I told him where to go and deleted the apps.

To be honest I'm happier on my own anyway.

 

[FakeSmile]

I don’t use Tinder for anything serious but find it a good way to get myself back out here and just have some fun. I originally went on there as an overweight separated mum of 3 under 5 - I thought no one would be interested in someone like that. But just having some fun chatting to people has been such a confidence boost, without any pressure to meet up in the flesh!

 

[Pink blancmange]

Just found this thread.
single Mummy of a 3 year old. It’s been just us since I was 10 weeks pregnant
curious - has your child’s father gone on to have other kids?
my child has, and he’s saying he doesn’t want to see our son for a while as he needs to settle in with the new baby? Am I wrong for thinking this is vile? I get the first night,and could understand if our child didnt Sleep through the night but he does and is soo good he wouldnt be any bother.

Not exactly the same but I have a 3 year old too, her dad has an older child and I have an older child.
Dad won't let her stay the night because he doesn't 'think' his other child would like it. So she's not allowed to stay over point blank. I said so if my older child didn't want her to stay here then would it he acceptable for me to not have her either? No it bloody wouldn't.
I HATE HATE HATE the double standards and pathetic excuses men use. Either man up and be a parent or wrap it up and don't reproduce.
I hope you're ok, I know how frustrating it is, especially when it's your child being pushed out x

 

[hol20x]

that sounds super rough and hard! All of that going on on top of just being a mum! In glad you could get out of what sounds like a really hard relationship. I hope you’re getting some help elsewhere nice to have a reply on here!

my little girl is 4 and is my absolute hero. I split with her dadwhen she was about 1 during Covid, yay, so ittook me a while to move out but it’s the best thing I did! He was just very narcissistic and selfish and his work always came first, and he basically just wasn’t very nice to me.
now, id love to meet someone new or just date and have some fun but how do you do that as a single mum?!

Your story is similar to mine! Split from my 5yo's dad just as covid was starting, she was almost 2. He was narcissistic and a gaslighter. Leaving was the best thing I ever did!

 

[morsbar98]

I’m a single mum to my nearly 11 month old little girl. None of my close friends have kids and it is quite lonely. I feel like I just can’t find myself anymore. I don’t know who I am. When do things make more sense

hats Off to all you amazing mums!

 

[Roobalooba89]

well done for getting away from a relationship that wasn’t good it’s so hard especially when children are in the mix, you feel it all… guilt, fear, happiness, more guilt, sadness! And then the logistics kick in!

 

[candyland_]

I have been a single mum to my teenager since she was born so I don’t know any different. Our bond is amazing and she’s so fun to be around. We enjoy spending time together, pampering ourselves, shopping, meals out or a cosy weekend takeaway.. She’s really like a mini version of me and a best friend.
Her father has never been involved (his choice) but I have had partners and dated.

The hard days do get easier.

@PumpkinKing I think you need to take some control back. The older ones should know better and everyone should be helping out around the house.

 

[lila11]

Just found this old thread and hope I can get some advice from single mums who raise an only child.

My ex left almost three years ago and for the past two years and a half my daughter and I have been living with my parents (and my sister who still lives there as well). It really helped me after the separation as I was feeling very lonely and anxious back then.

I started looking for a new apartment a few months ago and have found one very close to school, work and my parents. We are moving in a couple days and I am starting to feel the anxiety coming back. My daughter (6 yo) also seems quite anxious and has been extra cuddly with her granny.

I know it’s the right choice to move but I am just worried we’ll feel lonely. Does anyone have any advice on how to make a family of 2 feel like an actual family? To make our house feel like a home? Little routines or rituals maybe? I would just love to hear from mums who have gone through this…

 

[FakeSmile]

that sounds super rough and hard! All of that going on on top of just being a mum! In glad you could get out of what sounds like a really hard relationship. I hope you’re getting some help elsewhere nice to have a reply on here!

my little girl is 4 and is my absolute hero. I split with her dadwhen she was about 1 during Covid, yay, so ittook me a while to move out but it’s the best thing I did! He was just very narcissistic and selfish and his work always came first, and he basically just wasn’t very nice to me.
now, id love to meet someone new or just date and have some fun but how do you do that as a single mum?!

Tinder is how I do it

 

[Roobalooba89]

Tinder is how I do it

omg I’ve been on there about a week, it’s a ride isn’t it! I also have a broken heart after randomly meeting a guy at work having a situationship for a year and a half and having to call it off as he was so hot and cold and it was breaking me so also trying to get over him and how much I’m probably in love with him.
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Just want to echo what another poster said, so proud of you for taking that step to leave! It always seems so much harder to leave when there are children involved.. have you tried putting yourself out there? @Roobalooba89

How can I do this, apart from apps, any ideas? And which apps do you guys use if you partake

 

[boatofbubbles]

Just found this old thread and hope I can get some advice from single mums who raise an only child.

My ex left almost three years ago and for the past two years and a half my daughter and I have been living with my parents (and my sister who still lives there as well). It really helped me after the separation as I was feeling very lonely and anxious back then.

I started looking for a new apartment a few months ago and have found one very close to school, work and my parents. We are moving in a couple days and I am starting to feel the anxiety coming back. My daughter (6 yo) also seems quite anxious and has been extra cuddly with her granny.

I know it’s the right choice to move but I am just worried we’ll feel lonely. Does anyone have any advice on how to make a family of 2 feel like an actual family? To make our house feel like a home? Little routines or rituals maybe? I would just love to hear from mums who have gone through this…

With my eldest we were a family of 2 for about 6 years.

Don't put pressure on yourself, you'll find your way of living in your space. Make it your own as much as possible (you might have to be creative if renting/money) just make it yours.

It might take a week it might take a couple of months to fully settle, but I promise one night you'll sit there and be like I've done this myself. It's a real proud moment.

The hardest time is when your daughter goes to bed, that's when you think okay what do I do now. Have a bath/ read/ good film? Just anything to stop the mind.

Best of luck.

 

[Chrisxo]

Just found this old thread and hope I can get some advice from single mums who raise an only child.

My ex left almost three years ago and for the past two years and a half my daughter and I have been living with my parents (and my sister who still lives there as well). It really helped me after the separation as I was feeling very lonely and anxious back then.

I started looking for a new apartment a few months ago and have found one very close to school, work and my parents. We are moving in a couple days and I am starting to feel the anxiety coming back. My daughter (6 yo) also seems quite anxious and has been extra cuddly with her granny.

I know it’s the right choice to move but I am just worried we’ll feel lonely. Does anyone have any advice on how to make a family of 2 feel like an actual family? To make our house feel like a home? Little routines or rituals maybe? I would just love to hear from mums who have gone through this…

I don’t have any advice I’m sorry but I just want to wish you the best of luck in your new home

 

[Roobalooba89]

hats off to you too
you’re so right it is lonely. it’s everything! Your little one is still so tiny, it will make sense, apart from when it doesn’t, but that’s how it goes! What’s your single situation like?

I’m a single mum to my nearly 11 month old little girl. None of my close friends have kids and it is quite lonely. I feel like I just can’t find myself anymore. I don’t know who I am. When do things make more sense

hats Off to all you amazing mums!

 

[cupofteaandsomecake]

Just found this thread. Single mam also to a 5 Yr old.
I always read about how lonely it is being a single parent and I never understood it but it's suddenly hit me the last couple of months.

Anyway you aren't alone. The older ones should be helping you out with the little ones now that they're older?

 

[Belulah]

I met my fiance at a wedding...he knew I had a child straight away (she was with me) so that made things easier.

 

[allthingschocolate]

I’m also a single mum to a teenager, she does see her dad but unfortunately he’s a total narcissist and him and his awful wife treat her appallingly but for some reason she still wants to go as they have a child together (daughters half sibling) thankfully I don’t have to see my ex but when you have a child it’s really hard as you never fully have that closure do you?! I feel nothing but hatred towards him after he walked out on us for this bitch of a woman and now struggle to trust anyone as a result! And that’s all his doing! I have to deal with the teenage rants & all the emotions whilst working a stressful/full time job, running our house, paying bills etc like you’ve all said it’s so hard by yourself! I have little family support and have learnt over the years to not rely on anyone due to being let down! I totally relate to each of you that have said how lonely it is being a single mom and it really is but I am thankful that the best thing to come out of my marriage is my daughter who can be challenging due to her age but she is my greatest creation and is so caring and wonderful at times, and I miss her so much when she’s not here, I like to think we have an extra close bond and she knows I’m always here for her, she’s not under any illusion as to what a POS her dad is as she’s sadly reached that conclusion by herself! I do think that we should all be proud of ourselves it’s the hardest but most rewarding job especially doing it by ourselves!
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Stopped getting notifications about this thread so totally forgot about it
Has anyone been on holiday with their kids on your own? I’d like to take mine away although can’t afford this year, but I’m terrified of being the only adult. I’m 39 and only ever been on holiday with my parents bar 1 time when I took my then 2 and 4 year old to Disney land Paris. I was only 23 and wonder how the fuck I did it! I have anxiety and just overthink everything, plus I’m not good with people. A villa would be perfect but no doubt way more expensive.

Yes I have many times do it you won’t regret it I played it safe 1st time I took my daughter away albeit I only have one child so it’s a bit different! Do you have anyone that could go with you? I don’t and I am always on my own but we’ve mainly stuck to Canary Islands with a short flight time but have ventured to the US once where I do have family luckily! I’ve usually always got talking to other people whilst away and always go all inclusive as it’s easier for me and my daughter who’s now a teenager! Please don’t overthink it you will be absolutely fine just research the area/hotel of where you want to go first and trust me you’re very unlikely to be the only adult solo parenting on holiday it’s more common than you think! I have not yet booked anything for this year as I’ve left it late and not sure if I can afford it but hoping to still get away! We did go away in the uk last year which was equally lovely but after what I spent on travel, accommodation & food etc I could have gone abroad

 

[Helloimnew]

Just found this thread.
single Mummy of a 3 year old. It’s been just us since I was 10 weeks pregnant
curious - has your child’s father gone on to have other kids?
my child has, and he’s saying he doesn’t want to see our son for a while as he needs to settle in with the new baby? Am I wrong for thinking this is vile? I get the first night,and could understand if our child didnt Sleep through the night but he does and is soo good he wouldnt be any bother.