Single parents

[Roobalooba89]

Single situation is a bit of a disaster.. things were rough with her dad when I found out I was pregnant. he just wanted to spend his time out of work doing drugs and drinking.. baby was born 8 weeks early and we split up maybe 2 days after she was born.. it’s just gotten worse since then. Currently going through the courts atm over access.. what about you? If you don’t want to share, completely understandable!

that sounds super rough and hard! All of that going on on top of just being a mum! In glad you could get out of what sounds like a really hard relationship. I hope you’re getting some help elsewhere nice to have a reply on here!

my little girl is 4 and is my absolute hero. I split with her dadwhen she was about 1 during Covid, yay, so ittook me a while to move out but it’s the best thing I did! He was just very narcissistic and selfish and his work always came first, and he basically just wasn’t very nice to me.
now, id love to meet someone new or just date and have some fun but how do you do that as a single mum?!

 

[morsbar98]

I haven’t been abroad but go for breaks in the UK. A lot sometimes just a few night buts just to the coast is amazing to get away and we both love it. Depending where you are, Norfolk and Suffolk are fab.
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I know this is a massive generalisation but they just all seem so… shit? Like the bar is lowwwww.

I feel like since I’ve had my baby, I have set the bar so so so much higher? Like even little tiny things are a big no no. One guy I was chatting to kept saying about meeting my daughter and was quite forceful on meeting her when he met me for the first time which I was like no no big no no some men are just dirt tbh!
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I’m also a single mum to a teenager, she does see her dad but unfortunately he’s a total narcissist and him and his awful wife treat her appallingly but for some reason she still wants to go as they have a child together (daughters half sibling) thankfully I don’t have to see my ex but when you have a child it’s really hard as you never fully have that closure do you?! I feel nothing but hatred towards him after he walked out on us for this bitch of a woman and now struggle to trust anyone as a result! And that’s all his doing! I have to deal with the teenage rants & all the emotions whilst working a stressful/full time job, running our house, paying bills etc like you’ve all said it’s so hard by yourself! I have little family support and have learnt over the years to not rely on anyone due to being let down! I totally relate to each of you that have said how lonely it is being a single mom and it really is but I am thankful that the best thing to come out of my marriage is my daughter who can be challenging due to her age but she is my greatest creation and is so caring and wonderful at times, and I miss her so much when she’s not here, I like to think we have an extra close bond and she knows I’m always here for her, she’s not under any illusion as to what a POS her dad is as she’s sadly reached that conclusion by herself! I do think that we should all be proud of ourselves it’s the hardest but most rewarding job especially doing it by ourselves!
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Yes I have many times do it you won’t regret it I played it safe 1st time I took my daughter away albeit I only have one child so it’s a bit different! Do you have anyone that could go with you? I don’t and I am always on my own but we’ve mainly stuck to Canary Islands with a short flight time but have ventured to the US once where I do have family luckily! I’ve usually always got talking to other people whilst away and always go all inclusive as it’s easier for me and my daughter who’s now a teenager! Please don’t overthink it you will be absolutely fine just research the area/hotel of where you want to go first and trust me you’re very unlikely to be the only adult solo parenting on holiday it’s more common than you think! I have not yet booked anything for this year as I’ve left it late and not sure if I can afford it but hoping to still get away! We did go away in the uk last year which was equally lovely but after what I spent on travel, accommodation & food etc I could have gone abroad

Exactly like you said, we can’t get the closure! I’d love to never see him but I can’t obviously yet she’s way too small. My daughters fathers family is more interested than he is but look, like your daughter has seen the light I hope mine sees how vile they are when she’s older. I know I seen the light with my own dad when my parents split up, and even as I’ve gotten older and gotten boyfriends I’ve realised it more and more, which I’m sure your daughter will too!! You sound like such a strong woman! F your ex husband!

 

[FakeSmile]

and the way I see this is I would rather be on my own doing it all, than having a useless man around the house just sitting there.

I’m mum to 3 children under 5 and whilst it’s so so so hard it’s this that I tell myself daily. Their dad is barely involved and whilst I have massive issues with resentment, I take comfort in the fact that my children will know who it was that did everything for them and who was always there for them, and who it was that couldn’t be bothered.

 

[Roobalooba89]

I have been a single mum to my teenager since she was born so I don’t know any different. Our bond is amazing and she’s so fun to be around. We enjoy spending time together, pampering ourselves, shopping, meals out or a cosy weekend takeaway.. She’s really like a mini version of me and a best friend.
Her father has never been involved (his choice) but I have had partners and dated.

The hard days do get easier.

@PumpkinKing I think you need to take some control back. The older ones should know better and everyone should be helping out around the house.

That is really lovely to hear about your strong bond and relationship I hope I can grow that with my daughter. There are a lot of bonuses to being a single parent!

 

[Roobalooba89]

Stopped getting notifications about this thread so totally forgot about it
Has anyone been on holiday with their kids on your own? I’d like to take mine away although can’t afford this year, but I’m terrified of being the only adult. I’m 39 and only ever been on holiday with my parents bar 1 time when I took my then 2 and 4 year old to Disney land Paris. I was only 23 and wonder how the fuck I did it! I have anxiety and just overthink everything, plus I’m not good with people. A villa would be perfect but no doubt way more expensive.

I haven’t been abroad but go for breaks in the UK. A lot sometimes just a few night buts just to the coast is amazing to get away and we both love it. Depending where you are, Norfolk and Suffolk are fab.
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I’ve tried tinder and it’s just a nightmare I have the complete fear when it comes to men, I’ve been out twice since I had my little one and I just can’t even talk to men I have the fear of absolutely everything Awh no that’s awful about the guy at work.. my child’s dad, I met through work.. really would never ever recommend it I wish I had advice on how to meet men but I really don’t

I know this is a massive generalisation but they just all seem so… shit? Like the bar is lowwwww.

 

[Helloimnew]

Not exactly the same but I have a 3 year old too, her dad has an older child and I have an older child.
Dad won't let her stay the night because he doesn't 'think' his other child would like it. So she's not allowed to stay over point blank. I said so if my older child didn't want her to stay here then would it he acceptable for me to not have her either? No it bloody wouldn't.
I HATE HATE HATE the double standards and pathetic excuses men use. Either man up and be a parent or wrap it up and don't reproduce.
I hope you're ok, I know how frustrating it is, especially when it's your child being pushed out x

It’s just so frustrating, I had family and friends travelling to see us today, go out for a meal then drinks after wards and I can’t now
There was no “when the baby is born we need to settle in, can’t see our son for a few days”
Just “baby’s born, can’t see him need to settle in. See him next week”

ETA - him and his new baby mom don’t even live together and aren’t together so that makes it more frustrating knowing he is home by himself and could have our son

 

[PumpkinKing]

Stopped getting notifications about this thread so totally forgot about it
Has anyone been on holiday with their kids on your own? I’d like to take mine away although can’t afford this year, but I’m terrified of being the only adult. I’m 39 and only ever been on holiday with my parents bar 1 time when I took my then 2 and 4 year old to Disney land Paris. I was only 23 and wonder how the fuck I did it! I have anxiety and just overthink everything, plus I’m not good with people. A villa would be perfect but no doubt way more expensive.

 

[morsbar98]

This happened me a few years ago a guy I went to school with realising I was single was messaging me asking me to go for coffees and asking about my daughter I shut him down but he was so persistant I ended up blocking him. Saw him a few months later being outed on FB as a paedophile with an interest in girls my daughters age

Holy shit!! Like I hadn’t even met him and he was talking about us taking my daughter to the zoo and wheeling her around in her buggy.. it just didn’t sit right with me. That and his sister has a little girl and you’d swear he’d gone through everything.. like he would act like he knew everything about teething and a baby not sleeping and just acted like he’d raised 100 children that he was an expert on all things babies and telling me what to do I know I sound like such a b**ch but when your running on maybe an hour of sleep and some assh*le is telling you what to do, I seen red and that is the reason I’ll just be staying single forever

my friend has gotten a promotion in work and is talking about going for drinks on Saturday, I hope it falls through my mum jumped at the chance to mind my little one fml

 

[morsbar98]

hats off to you too
you’re so right it is lonely. it’s everything! Your little one is still so tiny, it will make sense, apart from when it doesn’t, but that’s how it goes! What’s your single situation like?

Single situation is a bit of a disaster.. things were rough with her dad when I found out I was pregnant. he just wanted to spend his time out of work doing drugs and drinking.. baby was born 8 weeks early and we split up maybe 2 days after she was born.. it’s just gotten worse since then. Currently going through the courts atm over access.. what about you? If you don’t want to share, completely understandable!

 

[swimming]

I am a solo mummy too. My son is only 16 months old though.

firstly, you are not a bad parent. Not at all. It’s fucking hard hard graft being on your own. Doing everything. Even down to things like taking the bins out, washing the pots, and as for looking after yourself and any type of self maintenance, it’s impossible!! We’re not octopuses and we’re only humans.

I don’t have any advice to offer regarding your older kids as I’ve only got a baby, but please take it from me that you’re doing so well even by just getting through the day.

and the way I see this is I would rather be on my own doing it all, than having a useless man around the house just sitting there.

 

[boatofbubbles]

At what point do I let my daughter know the truth about her dad?
I'm assuming it'll be age appropriate information, but she's so happy and in childhood bliss.
In context, her dad wasn't exactly nice to her older brother (my son/half sibling) he was in therapy afterwards . Her dad orchestrated a suicide campaign against me, after he battered me to get full custody of our daughter. Me and both children were eventually put under a emergency police protection which I can't remember lasts 48/72hrs. Eventually he killed himself as he was under investigation for... erm trying to put it the correct way is hard but I guess child pbotos

 

[Roobalooba89]

I am a solo mummy too. My son is only 16 months old though.

firstly, you are not a bad parent. Not at all. It’s fucking hard hard graft being on your own. Doing everything. Even down to things like taking the bins out, washing the pots, and as for looking after yourself and any type of self maintenance, it’s impossible!! We’re not octopuses and we’re only humans.

I don’t have any advice to offer regarding your older kids as I’ve only got a baby, but please take it from me that you’re doing so well even by just getting through the day.

and the way I see this is I would rather be on my own doing it all, than having a useless man around the house just sitting there.

agree so much about the Doing Everything! The load is crushing isn’t it! My little girl is 3.5 and she’s bloody amazing, but I feel so sad and lonely at the moment and don’t feel like I can help myself and do something about it. Really pleased to find this thread

 

[MrsBsDayOff]

Not a single mother myself but I have friends who are, and my sister in law is one. I take my hat off to you as I've seen how hard it is being 2 parents in 1, and how lonely it can be. I've also seen how amazing a single parent can be at bringing up their kids well.

 

[morsbar98]

omg I’ve been on there about a week, it’s a ride isn’t it! I also have a broken heart after randomly meeting a guy at work having a situationship for a year and a half and having to call it off as he was so hot and cold and it was breaking me so also trying to get over him and how much I’m probably in love with him.
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How can I do this, apart from apps, any ideas? And which apps do you guys use if you partake

I’ve tried tinder and it’s just a nightmare I have the complete fear when it comes to men, I’ve been out twice since I had my little one and I just can’t even talk to men I have the fear of absolutely everything Awh no that’s awful about the guy at work.. my child’s dad, I met through work.. really would never ever recommend it I wish I had advice on how to meet men but I really don’t

 

[PumpkinKing]

I am a solo mummy too. My son is only 16 months old though.

firstly, you are not a bad parent. Not at all. It’s fucking hard hard graft being on your own. Doing everything. Even down to things like taking the bins out, washing the pots, and as for looking after yourself and any type of self maintenance, it’s impossible!! We’re not octopuses and we’re only humans.

I don’t have any advice to offer regarding your older kids as I’ve only got a baby, but please take it from me that you’re doing so well even by just getting through the day.

and the way I see this is I would rather be on my own doing it all, than having a useless man around the house just sitting there.

Thank you. I had a bit of a shitty weekend and when that happens everything just feels 10 times worse in that moment.

You are right, I know I’d be even more miserable if he was here as he was useless, I guess it’s just all on me if anything goes wrong, they turn out to be little terrors etc. like it’s just my failing because I’m the one that’s brought them up.

Do you get any time to yourself? I know at that age they require a lot of attention, at least mine did!
Thank you again for replying.

 

[morsbar98]

Just want to echo what another poster said, so proud of you for taking that step to leave! It always seems so much harder to leave when there are children involved.. have you tried putting yourself out there? @Roobalooba89