Single by Choice

[Tell.A.Tale]

Agree wholeheartedly with so many of the last few posts.
- The “single person tax” is so very real. My coupled friends have literally no idea how tough it can be to carry the full financial life load. Being in a relationship often makes sense financially, and to me that would be my primary driver if I did get into a relationship. Would just love someone to split the mortgage with as money is the thing I stress about the most so it would make my anxiety so much better. But of course - this is absolutely not a real reason to start a relationship
- I’m 39 and suspect in early perimenopause, I could not think of anything I’d like to do less than getting intimate. Genuinely - would just rather sleep thank you, and no I don’t want to share a bed.
- 100% there are some lovely people out there but the “every pot has its lid” sentiment is entirely false and I look at about 7/10 relationships and it’s simply not what I would want

 

[petitspois]

It would be interesting to see more non standard ways of living that weren’t strange. I think my ideal would be a cross between the Golden Girls and somewhere like Centreparcs so you owned property with female friends but had your own privacy and space.

 

[Quattro formaggi]

Agree wholeheartedly with so many of the last few posts.
- The “single person tax” is so very real. My coupled friends have literally no idea how tough it can be to carry the full financial life load. Being in a relationship often makes sense financially, and to me that would be my primary driver if I did get into a relationship. Would just love someone to split the mortgage with as money is the thing I stress about the most so it would make my anxiety so much better. But of course - this is absolutely not a real reason to start a relationship
- I’m 39 and suspect in early perimenopause, I could not think of anything I’d like to do less than getting intimate. Genuinely - would just rather sleep thank you, and no I don’t want to share a bed.
- 100% there are some lovely people out there but the “every pot has its lid” sentiment is entirely false and I look at about 7/10 relationships and it’s simply not what I would want

I don’t think I’ve ever had enough motivation to seek a partner as I’ve always had low attraction levels. When I was younger and I went out with my friends to them it was all about copping off or finding a date whereas I just wanted to have a dance and have fun! Pesky men chatting us up always irritated me.

 

[tomato_paste]

"every pot has its lid”

"and maybe I'm a cake tin" is my reply to that usually.

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

It would be interesting to see more non standard ways of living that weren’t strange. I think my ideal would be a cross between the Golden Girls and somewhere like Centreparcs so you owned property with female friends but had your own privacy and space.

Love this! Shall we start our own commune?

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

"and maybe I'm a cake tin" is my reply to that usually.

Yes! That’s great. I’m putting it in the bank to tell me auntie next time she says this. She says it every time I see her. Also her “lid” was a total PoS

 

[mousey]

I don’t think I’ve ever had enough motivation to seek a partner as I’ve always had low attraction levels. When I was younger and I went out with my friends to them it was all about copping off or finding a date whereas I just wanted to have a dance and have fun! Pesky men chatting us up always irritated me.

Wait are you me?! Ha ha ha. Very similar to my life experiences, don’t interrupt my dancing please!

 

[Lalla]

Tomorrow is 3 years since I split with my Ex; in that time I've gone through menopause and found it very freeing, for pretty much the first time ever in my adult life I don't feel compelled to seek out a relationship. I always felt I was missing out, that I had to find my 'lid' etc. and now I don't really care. I'm certainly not actively looking for anyone.

Like others I rarely see anyone I think is attractive. I bumped into a man in Morrison's the other day (neither of us was looking where we were going) and noticed he was quite handsome, but that's probably the first man I've noticed in at least a year. I do live in an area where men are pretty unappealing tbh

I can also relate to the financial downsides of being single and just the general slog of it all. Like I'm trying to sort out my garden at the moment and it's quite hard physical work (which I'm not used to). I'm kind of enjoying it, so it's not like I need someone to do it for me, more that when I finish it would be nice to not have to then do dinner and tidy up and everything else myself as well.

 

[hehehe]

It would be interesting to see more non standard ways of living that weren’t strange. I think my ideal would be a cross between the Golden Girls and somewhere like Centreparcs so you owned property with female friends but had your own privacy and space.

They have this in South Korea -- single women communities. Financially secure mostly young women, but all ages welcome. It sounds perfect.

 

[Amoo]

Like others I rarely see anyone I think is attractive. I bumped into a man in Morrison's the other day (neither of us was looking where we were going) and noticed he was quite handsome

Such experiences are then usually followed by the man's wife catching up with him. Bah.

 

[Zenchick101]

ladies as I am currently enjoying peacefully building my little dream life by myself I thought this recent tinder experience might be worth reposting here:
I just learned last night that one of the guys I hooked up with last year has a long distance girlfriend he cheated on twice last year (once with me). This is someone who is attractive, physically took care of himself, paid for the date without flinching, and who apart from the surprisingly really bad intimacy, I would have thought was an all around decent dating option. I am not the kind of person who does this stuff, I don't know that guys girlfriend.. (no way to tell her). This is not the first time someone has tried to cheat on their girlfriend/wife with me (last year I found two gems like that on Tinder).

I'm just saying being single - not so bad. Love yourself first and foremost.

--------

Personally last time I was in a relationship? I had to sacrifice everything, what I ate, couldn't only have the food I wanted in the house, I was treated like a slave, he was the dirtiest person around and didn't clean up to extreme levels, he cheated a bunch, he was abusive, I needed a therapist afterwards.. 3 years later I'm in my career, I've exponentially grown financially, lost 25 pounds, grown back hair (I had bald spots from being abused in my mid twenties), skin looks refreshed, I have more friends, I sleep peacefully, I travel. No one asks me to cook, clean for them.. My stress level is down.

 

[RainbowFuzz]

I'm 45 and have been single for 15 years. At first I was healing from being in a 6 year relationship that was full of cheating (on his part) but now I just simply can't be bothered! I'm perfectly happy on my own, in the 15 single years I have bought my own flat, had 3 promotions at work and have travelled further and more often than I would have done before. So why can't other people see that? Why do others feel like they either have a right to know every detail about my lovel life (or lack of) and why when I say I'm happy alone do they then feel the need to assume that I must be a lesbian as I travel with my best friend? Honestly, it's exhauting sometimes!

 

[Zenchick101]

ladies as I am currently enjoying peacefully building my little dream life by myself I thought this recent tinder experience might be worth reposting here:
I just learned last night that one of the guys I hooked up with last year has a long distance girlfriend he cheated on twice last year (once with me). This is someone who is attractive, physically took care of himself, paid for the date without flinching, and who apart from the surprisingly really bad intimacy, I would have thought was an all around decent dating option. I am not the kind of person who does this stuff, I don't know that guys girlfriend.. (no way to tell her). This is not the first time someone has tried to cheat on their girlfriend/wife with me (last year I found two gems like that on Tinder).

I'm just saying being single - not so bad. Love yourself first and foremost.

--------

Personally last time I was in a relationship? I had to sacrifice everything, what I ate, couldn't only have the food I wanted in the house, I was treated like a slave, he was the dirtiest person around and didn't clean up to extreme levels, he cheated a bunch, he was abusive, I needed a therapist afterwards.. 3 years later I'm in my career, I've exponentially grown financially, lost 25 pounds, grown back hair (I had bald spots from being abused in my mid twenties), skin looks refreshed, I have more friends, I sleep peacefully, I travel. No one asks me to cook, clean for them.. My stress level is down.

also started learning a third language. life is good

 

[peachesandcreamz]

Right gang, going to be blunt so avert your gaze if you're easily offended - but I'm sorry to say I need a bag!!!

I know a lot of people can be happily single and still get laid, but it's been nearly 6 years now and I just cannot imagine being intimate with someone. I need to know and deeply trust a person before I could even entertain the idea so Tinder & co are out of the question. What's the answer!!!

Yours sincerely,
A should-be Love Honey shareholder xx

 

[Zenchick101]

Right gang, going to be blunt so avert your gaze if you're easily offended - but I'm sorry to say I need a bag!!!

I know a lot of people can be happily single and still get laid, but it's been nearly 6 years now and I just cannot imagine being intimate with someone. I need to know and deeply trust a person before I could even entertain the idea so Tinder & co are out of the question. What's the answer!!!

Yours sincerely,
A should-be Love Honey shareholder xx

Friend that means you're going to have to actively start dating till you build that sort of relationship with someone. They're out there but rare and I personally don't feel like filtering through an endless amount of options to find one, hence highly picky usually.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

If said bag was guaranteed to be a satisfying experience for YOU then I would say go for it but in my experience and many other app defectors, it's a bit like a needle in a haystack, ie. Rather unlikely!

 

[Quattro formaggi]

Right gang, going to be blunt so avert your gaze if you're easily offended - but I'm sorry to say I need a bag!!!

I know a lot of people can be happily single and still get laid, but it's been nearly 6 years now and I just cannot imagine being intimate with someone. I need to know and deeply trust a person before I could even entertain the idea so Tinder & co are out of the question. What's the answer!!!

Yours sincerely,
A should-be Love Honey shareholder xx

Would a vibrator not suffice?

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

Post menopause I’ve gone from being someone who loved sex to someone who is totally uninterested. It’s very freeing. I appreciate it’s hard if you’re not there yet!

 

[Zenchick101]

If said bag was guaranteed to be a satisfying experience for YOU then I would say go for it but in my experience and many other app defectors, it's a bit like a needle in a haystack, ie. Rather unlikely!

probability is indeed low, can confirm that

 

[petitspois]

Yes, I think a device is your best bet. I did read a review of a plug in vibrator that seemed to have rave reviews but maybe you’d never leave the house @peachesandcreamz