Peace of mind is priceless.
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Just wanted to say, I’m sorry this happened. What a horrendously crappy thing to do to someone! 9 MONTHS then ghosted? Disgusting treatment.this is a really lovely post and i could have written it too
i have huge issues with dating (for oh so many reasons) but spent most of 2021 dating a guy and thinking wow maybe this is it only for him to ghost me after nine months right before christmas in a year where i had already lost both grandparents.
my biggest fear with dating has always been that the person dating me will only be pretending to like me and will eventually just ghost with not explanation and that is exactly what happened.
i just don’t know if i have anymore dating left in me tbh. i’m terrible at small talk, terrified of rejection, apps are just a constant stream of making a move and getting nothing back or having replies just fade off. i’ve become super protective of myself and i’m just not thick skinned enough for it. i worry sometimes that i will get to a grand old age and realise i’ve never been romantically loved but, gosh, it’s TOUGH out there right now and is a man a prize, really? does a man validate my life?! nope.
your comments on bettering yourself are really wonderful and what we should all be aiming towards
Also I echo all the recent comments. I’d love to have a dual income but honestly can’t imagine fitting someone else’s thoughts/ feelings / interests etc into my life
thank youJust wanted to say, I’m sorry this happened. What a horrendously crappy thing to do to someone! 9 MONTHS then ghosted? Disgusting treatment.
Also I echo all the recent comments. I’d love to have a dual income but honestly can’t imagine fitting someone else’s thoughts/ feelings / interests etc into my life
it did a real number on me, and i don’t think i fully realised the impact of it until i went on my first date after it (at the end of last year). the fear of being treated like that again is just another reason why it’s easier not to date tbh xThank you for the kind wordsthis is a really lovely post and i could have written it too
i have huge issues with dating (for oh so many reasons) but spent most of 2021 dating a guy and thinking wow maybe this is it only for him to ghost me after nine months right before christmas in a year where i had already lost both grandparents.
my biggest fear with dating has always been that the person dating me will only be pretending to like me and will eventually just ghost with not explanation and that is exactly what happened.
i just don’t know if i have anymore dating left in me tbh. i’m terrible at small talk, terrified of rejection, apps are just a constant stream of making a move and getting nothing back or having replies just fade off. i’ve become super protective of myself and i’m just not thick skinned enough for it. i worry sometimes that i will get to a grand old age and realise i’ve never been romantically loved but, gosh, it’s TOUGH out there right now and is a man a prize, really? does a man validate my life?! nope.
your comments on bettering yourself are really wonderful and what we should all be aiming towards
I’m really sorry you had to experience getting ghosted, especially during such a difficult moment in your life. It’s very cowardly and I can only imagine the pain you must have experienced. I’m hoping you’re healing from this situation
Getting ghosted can trigger trust issues and fear of a repeated pattern. I can certainly emphasize. It ultimately just says a lot about the person who ghosted.
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It's really disappointing to have truly cared about someone who ghosts. I had the same kind of experience as @LaBlonde and I think it scars you, maybe not forever but well I don't think I'd want to experience that level of pain again. Mine was back in 2020 when I was suddenly blocked out of the blue, just as lockdown took hold. It was the loneliest and distressed feeling I could recall. Knowing someone else was now number 1 and you're not worthy of an explanation is the pits. Nope, I hold my own heart tightly now.
Decided to break up with my boyfriend last night. I don’t want to have to think about someone else’s happiness, he was getting annoyed I wouldn’t see him quite a lot during the week cos I’ve got my child and I’m busy with life/work/ my house/ my child.. I want time on my own. He was slightly controlling and made me feel guilty for spending time with my daughter just me and her. He expected to be invited everywhere with us. It got too much for me and I am done. I do not want to be in a relationship, I don’t have the time for one either and I don’t want to have to think am I making someone else happy when my priority is my daugher, my work and my own life 
BYE men x
BYE men xYeah I get that. Sometimes I think it'd be nice but then I really enjoy going home and just having no one to entertain or speak to. I like to just make tea and then loaf about on the sofa with full control of the remote. In theory, it'd be nice to have someone to do something with on the weekend but then the weekend rolls around and I'm too exhausted to do anything anyway. Today I got up at 11am and spent the day reading my book on the sofa and eating a pick n mix. Hardly relationship materialDoes anyone else just feel like they can’t even fit a man in their life or want to make time for someone except the odd day on a weekend? I’m too happy with my own time once my child’s gone to bed of an evening to share the 1.5-2 hours I get alone with someone else annoying me
Interesting article and lots of points I can relate to:
www.powerofpositivity.com
24 Reasons Someone Prefers Being Single Over A Relationship
Many young adults prefer being single over choosing to enter into committed relationships. Here are 25 reasons why they choose to fly solo.
www.powerofpositivity.com
I love having nothing to do or nobody to piss me off on a weekend when my daughter is at her dadsYeah I get that. Sometimes I think it'd be nice but then I really enjoy going home and just having no one to entertain or speak to. I like to just make tea and then loaf about on the sofa with full control of the remote. In theory, it'd be nice to have someone to do something with on the weekend but then the weekend rolls around and I'm too exhausted to do anything anyway. Today I got up at 11am and spent the day reading my book on the sofa and eating a pick n mix. Hardly relationship material
sometimes it’s boring in summer though when I wanna go day drinking in a beer garden and all my mates are busy with their boyfriends
I barely have time to deal with myself, my needs, wants and feelings. A man is definitely not something I want to be bothered withDoes anyone else just feel like they can’t even fit a man in their life or want to make time for someone except the odd day on a weekend? I’m too happy with my own time once my child’s gone to bed of an evening to share the 1.5-2 hours I get alone with someone else annoying me
I honestly don’t see what a man can add to my life at this point except for him being an extra item in my schedule.
No, thanks.
I hope you're feeling happier without him - you've made the best decision for you and your daughter.Decided to break up with my boyfriend last night. I don’t want to have to think about someone else’s happiness, he was getting annoyed I wouldn’t see him quite a lot during the week cos I’ve got my child and I’m busy with life/work/ my house/ my child.. I want time on my own. He was slightly controlling and made me feel guilty for spending time with my daughter just me and her. He expected to be invited everywhere with us. It got too much for me and I am done. I do not want to be in a relationship, I don’t have the time for one either and I don’t want to have to think am I making someone else happy when my priority is my daugher, my work and my own life
I read some Reddit post this week where the commenter said something like, "a partner needs to be contributing something to my already happy and contented life, not taking away from it" and think it resonates with your post. Of course, this goes both ways and both people should be making every effort to enhance a partner's life, but I think a lot of men think just existing in your space is enough.
The last guy I was seeing came over to my place and spent the next 3 hours critiquing my home, my DIY skills, my decor choices, books on my bookshelves, and my hobbies. It was incredibly insulting and hinted at a major issue with social skills (later confirmed: they were terrible and it was embarrassing for me on our first, and final, date in public). Instead of showing me all his good qualities in the early dating stages, he negged me. Cool, I've done this dance before and I know what you're up to - see ya.
People feel sorry for me being single but I'm just exhausted with it all - I love my own company and am not pining for anything, and when I stick my toe back into the dating pool this happens
I'm embarrassed to admit I did the immature thing and ghosted him, but I just couldn't think how to express my feelings about it all.He also spent a long time telling me all the filthy things he'd do to me and the ways he'd make me orgasm; both times we tried he went floppy and also his oral skills really weren't up to par (he negged me again telling me how his ex had made him good at oral by instructing him and showing him all these different tricks - idgaf about past relationships, and trying to make me jealous doesn't work).
I couldn’t have wrote this better myself! I just can’t be assed to attempt to fit someone in my life at 8pm at night of an eveningI barely have time to deal with myself, my needs, wants and feelings. A man is definitely not something I want to be bothered with
I honestly don’t see what a man can add to my life at this point except for him being an extra item in my schedule.
No, thanks.
Great thread 
and it makes for some very
interesting reading.
I'm so happy for the people who have wised up, who won't be taken for granted, who don't want to play second fiddle and also want to have integrity and standards in how they are treated
That's a very healthy attitude to take imo and should be encouraged.
I wish more people (myself included) had just waited and took their time and went on their own voyage of self discovery before settling down instead of being in a rush to form attachments and bonds to someone who turned out to not be suitable or compatible.
It's not really a good thing to be defined by your relation or relationship with others, tbh it just reeks of co dependency...(I should know I have been there) and that's not a fulfilling way to live your life, but I feel like that's been encouraged even recommended to a lot of women (and some men, because bad relationships happen to both genders) but yes traditionally speaking though, marriage has always benefitted men more than women.
That's not a good thing and a lot of people have suffered because of that.
It's good that we are finally waking up to this, for too long their has been a massive imbalance of power and too many women have exhausted themselves or found themselves trapped into people pleasing mode and tricked into thinking that they should be all things to all people but to never know themselves? Or encouraged to spend time to process or evaluate situations or people, and to keep on basically giving too much of themselves away to others, that don't really appreciate it?
It's so draining and unhealthy no wonder so many of us are finally saying enough is enough.
We should live the way we want to live and not how we have been conditioned to live by past conditioning.... here's hoping that more and more people reject all the things that are bad for them and move on to better happier lives.
and it makes for some veryinteresting reading.
I'm so happy for the people who have wised up, who won't be taken for granted, who don't want to play second fiddle and also want to have integrity and standards in how they are treated
That's a very healthy attitude to take imo and should be encouraged.
I wish more people (myself included) had just waited and took their time and went on their own voyage of self discovery before settling down instead of being in a rush to form attachments and bonds to someone who turned out to not be suitable or compatible.
It's not really a good thing to be defined by your relation or relationship with others, tbh it just reeks of co dependency...(I should know I have been there) and that's not a fulfilling way to live your life, but I feel like that's been encouraged even recommended to a lot of women (and some men, because bad relationships happen to both genders) but yes traditionally speaking though, marriage has always benefitted men more than women.
That's not a good thing and a lot of people have suffered because of that.
It's good that we are finally waking up to this, for too long their has been a massive imbalance of power and too many women have exhausted themselves or found themselves trapped into people pleasing mode and tricked into thinking that they should be all things to all people but to never know themselves? Or encouraged to spend time to process or evaluate situations or people, and to keep on basically giving too much of themselves away to others, that don't really appreciate it?
It's so draining and unhealthy no wonder so many of us are finally saying enough is enough.
We should live the way we want to live and not how we have been conditioned to live by past conditioning.... here's hoping that more and more people reject all the things that are bad for them and move on to better happier lives.
Definitely been feeling very estranged from friends recently, feel like I have nothing to contribute to constant conversations involving their partners and their lives together. It seems to be very hard to make new friends who are 1. single and 2. also not obsessed with dating and chasing men!
Exactly how I’m feeling right now. Most of my irl friends are in relationships and the single ones are constantly telling me to “get out there”. I hate the insinuation that I’m some kind of hermit because I don’t go out chasing men on a weekend!
Got into work this morning and took the lift up from the car park with a member of our security/reception team that I always chat to. He was grilling me saying "why aren't you married yet? what are you waiting for?!" and offered to help "fix" that 
I told him repeatedly I am happily single and don't want a relationship - what concern is it of him??? He has a wife and children, why does my life affect you??
I told him repeatedly I am happily single and don't want a relationship - what concern is it of him??? He has a wife and children, why does my life affect you??
Stupid mole. She's welcome to him. Probably thinks you're desperate for a bag (him).
yikes how inappropriate! how nice for his wife and children that he’s offering to “fix” that for youGot into work this morning and took the lift up from the car park with a member of our security/reception team that I always chat to. He was grilling me saying "why aren't you married yet? what are you waiting for?!" and offered to help "fix" that
I told him repeatedly I am happily single and don't want a relationship - what concern is it of him??? He has a wife and children, why does my life affect you??
i had an old boss who was obsessed with me being single too (though nowhere near as inappropriate as this man has been with you). i could have gone into work and told her i’d single handedly brought about world peace, cured cancer, won millions on the lottery and she would still have said “got a boyfriend yet?”
this deeply ingrained societal belief that a romantic partner is the absolute pinnacle of what anyone can achieve is toxic.
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i hate “get out there” with a PASSION.
yes thank you, i will go and roam the streets with a huge sign and a survey, shall i? what does it even mean?!