Just some random thoughts this Sundayā¦
Do any of you people watch? I like to couple watch. I was in Nandoās today, and it was wild the amount of couples who were dressed up to eat their dinner in complete silence. Literally. Sitting across from one another at the table. Men looking out the window. So was the women. What is the point? Might as well eat alone.
Iām loving this era Iām in, where I am decentering men and instead centering myself. No sacrifice compromise, just all about what I want. Society has conditioned us to feel like this is a bad thing, and like we are selfish for not wanting to consider someone else all the time. But lately, Iāve been leaning more into the fact that I love being alone. I love the unconditional love that my daughter and animals give me. I donāt want to āworkā for love. I have no interest in dating apps, or chatting tit over WhatsApp with a variety of men. I donāt need or want validation from men. I just want to be love, which is what I already have right here, right now. In abundance.
I wont rule out a relationship for the future. But Iāll never actively look for one. I believe it sends the wrong message to our soul. It tells us that we are ādeficientā in some way.
Also, and this isnāt talked about much at all. But I used to feel that I had to āhurry upā to find someone because Iām getting old. And āmen donāt want old women.ā This misogynistic mindset controlled all of my behaviours when it came to seeking validation from men. I needed to be sexy, have long hair, and wear toe crushing heels. Iād be in so much pain, but it was worth it if a man wanted me right? I did endless self-preening for years and years, and if Iām honest it was a whole lot of work for very little long term payoff. Well, very little payoff of substance that is. I am a smart woman, with a big heart. But in my mind, that meant nothing if a man didnāt immediately think phroar when he looked at me. This is such a toxic mindset to have, yet so many women have it. I had it. I donāt anymoreā¦
You see this mindset on TV, TikTok. Ads. Conversations. Itās everywhere. This incessant ābeautyā talk is mainly for the purpose of a male gaze. Would we really want our lips done if we were on an island with just ourselves for company? Whatās it all for? I donāt get it.
Donāt get me wrong, I love expensive skincare, and nice bath products. But part of decentering men has been about being mindful of which aspects of beauty culture I subscribe to. Especially if my decision to partake in something, is fuelled by an inkling that this would make me more ādesirableā to a man.