Thank you for writing about it on here. Do you manage to pursue any legal recourse with the incestuous abuse?
I opened up about it 7 years ago this month. It took place from when I was 13-19, (something I used to feel embarrassed about because I didn't realise back then that though I was eventually age of consent, I had been groomed and coerced since childhood).
I gave a video statement to police who, I must say, were incredibly warm and believed me and did not once make me feel bad. My old GP told me that incestuous abuse in my town is rife and he does not know why.
Two relatives told me things - one had witnessed my abuser in my bed but he made excuses. Another relative saw photos of me, (not compromising but in a folder with pornography), on the abusers computer. Neither of them would give statements to the police. My close family had all been subjected to mental abuse my the perpetrator and he used his tactics, once bailed, to weedle his way in and get back into the family home.
None of my family visited me. I had to go to them. They questioned me and doubted me. They pressed and pressed and wanted to know if I had been raped via penis - as if then it would be bad enough. I hadn't been but I know they would have all still found a way to continue with their protection of my abuser and their cognitive dissonance. Two of my very close relatives who could have helped me once I disclosed everything instead chose to brush everything under the carpet. They still, to this day, drink with and socialise with my abuser.
Because of my MH and lack of support I felt I had no choice but to tell the police I could not support a prosecution. I very much regret this now. Everything remains on file and should my MH improve sufficiently I will seek justice even without familial support. For too long I have felt blame, guilt and shame.
The police were, in my case, exemplary. A female officer did my statement but a male visited me on the day I said I wouldn't support a prosecution. The CPS obviously did not prosecute because I was my evidence. My abuser is bare-faced. He told me he would never admit to anything because he deserves a life. He told me he was sorry. He is not.
My whole childhood I thought that if I ever was brave enough to tell then my family would flock around and lift me up. They did not. They stood with the man - the source of money. I am still glad I spoke up though because it has enabled me to engage with MH services to receive adequate counselling.
I might as well say - it was my father who did this to me. My mother still resides with him for financial security. I feel as though I have been kicked repeatedly by people who should love and protect me. Protect the abuser eh. Even my old GP told me not to make a fuss. A man, of course.
Sarah Everard had family who adored her and would have protected her at all costs. I wish she knew that. I hope she died knowing that had her cries been heard, people would have been desperate to help.
www.bbc.co.uk
and the one in 2015....and his nickname within the force...
