Sarah Everard #2

[lime]

Sorry but I know men who look like Phil Mitchell on a bad day and have hearts of gold. A book by its cover and all that. I don't really believe in someone having evil in their eyes it's a bit of a stupid media stereotype. You can also be conventionally beautiful/attractive and be evil.

 

[thegirlscout]

Saw this from a journalist

 

[No style rocky]

My Dad was a copper in the met for 27 years, I will always trust the police but I am biased. I remember when I was a teen Dad telling me not to let the worry of being attacked stop me going wherever I wanted whenever I wanted to, firstly because it was very unlikely that a stranger would attack me and secondly because if I stopped doing what I wantEd then the criminals win. He also told me that if I did ever get attacked to fight back and get their dna under my finger nails. Because if I didnt fight back a misogynistic old judge would not believe me and assume I wanted it. I was chatting to Dad tonight he said that people in the DPL had a rep for joining the service as they liked to peacock with guns, often behind locked gates but where they could be seen strutting but were safer than the average copper. Most police offficers are decent, doesn’t mean their managed or led well though. Anyways just wanted to share these comments as it may reassure some people..... it may not though so if you’ve read this far hope you don’t worry too much

 

[bantybrownley]

A colleague of mine was telling me last night that there’s an app or a feature on phones that can be down quickly and swiftly to alert of your location and an emergency. It’s definitely something I will be setting up now. I must ask again for what it is.

I think all the chat about apps, sharing location, makeshift weapons like hairspray, keys etc. is great because it allows women to feel we have some control back.

But I have to wonder if in a situation like that - would any of them be that effective? Will you be able to grab the hairspray buried in your bag in a split second? Your phone being knocked out of you hand immediately isn't going to allow you to press the side button 5 times. Is the person you've shared your location with going to be watching the whole time? And if they are and notice something fishy, are the police going to be able to help right away?

I've always liked to think that if anything ever happened like that to me that I would fight back, kick and scream but this case has made me feel like we're honestly totally helpless, when in reality, most men could overpower any woman in a second.

 

[queenfeline]

Sorry but how could all the BLM protests, etc, happen in summer without issue but now there is a big hoo-ha about allowing this vigil to happen? Ridiculous.

In general, can we please not pit BLM against what is going on here? BLM isn't the group making this difficult and I am positive that many from the BLM community and leadership also want to come out in solidarity for this.

 

[MyLittlePony25]

I’ve just seen where they are searching the garage and it’s sent a shiver down my spine. I go on many walks around those tunnels and the drop redoubt, sometimes alone.

I can’t stop thinking about Sarah and her family, she wasnt much older than me. I live alone and don’t have funds for taxis so I often walk alone. I have been attacked before on the tube in the middle of the day, I experienced DV & SA as a child so I’m always hyper vigilant anyway but I’ve just been lucky to come away with my life.

A woman was raped and murdered by a taxi driver in a park in the small city I lived in. I was only a child and her young son played in our simply soccer team that played in that very park where she was found. That was when I became aware that this world is really a cruel place.

The comments I’ve seen from many men over the past few days show that they don’t give a shit and think we are complaining for nothing. I wonder if they would feel the same if we treated them the way they treat women? Of course we know it’s not all men but how are we to meant to see the bad guys among the good? It’s not like they have a red light above their head or ‘rapist’ across their forehead?

sorry for rambling and ranting. I’m tired and emotional!

 

[Pinkblush]

I find some comments quite alarming specifically the ones where women say luckily I live in a safe area or citing clapham as a rough area. These sick monsters don't discriminate. They don't refer to a list of postcodes before stalking/attacking.
A lot of sex crimes are opportunistic. Just because nothing like this has happened in your area doesn't mean it won't. I've lost count of how many times I've watched crime docs where you have locals saying ' this is a small town, we're a close community. Everyone knows each other, nothing like this has happened here before. Its a really nice area'
I wonder how many times sarah did that journey without incident until he happened to drive by.

 

[Burrito88]

I have read a lot of comments that say: "I hope she didn't suffer."

I don't understand why someone would make this comment. She was kidnapped on the way to her home by a man who then killed her and presumably raped her before.
Of course she suffered.
She must have feared for her life the second he took her, he was surely violent and hurt her and she must have realised at some point that he would kill her.

This is what makes it so horrific.

I feel like by saying "I hope she didn't suffer" people are making light of what happened.

I think we all know that, but for Sarah’s sake we are hoping it was over quickly for her.

 

[calmyourritas]

The thing is taxis are not always a safer option? There have been many times where I’ve got a taxi alone somewhere and felt uncomfortable. I’ve been questioned when being picked up from home about who I live with. I’ve felt like I needed to lie and say that no I don’t live alone. I’ve pretended to be on the phone in the back of a taxi to someone waiting for me at home. I’ve sat there and desperately tried to memorise the cab number on the back of the seat in case something happens.

On the other hand, I have also rang a taxi company before and been told they wouldn’t take me because it was only a 5 minute walk!

 

[lalalanded]

I do feel this has also changed my thinking, and this isn’t directed at anyone in particular, but the emphasis on how she was ‘such a nice girl’ etc is a little backward - she could have been the biggest cow around and she still wouldn’t have deserved to get abducted and murdered.

Yes, I agree. This is also needs to become part of the wider conversation although it's probably not the right time. Sarah and women like Jo Yeates are middle class nice girls. The media and society at large tend to have more sympathy for these sort of victims than sex workers or drug users (statistically more likely to come to harm). No women should be more deserving of our sympathy. A lot of people have mentioned cases here that I have never even heard of.

 

[Merpedy]

How many more women will need to die before something changes?

I think the problem is that this is such a hard thing to change. It's deep ingrained in our society and there's not just one 'cause' that can be changed.
I said it yesterday elsewhere but I really didn't realise how many experiences I've had that weren't normal, how much of my behaviour is very 'automatic' that I've been socialised into. It's just so so normalised, and I think looking at some comments from men it's also a very normalised thing that we should just follow stupid rules and limiting our freedom for them. I just feel really pessimistic about the future tbh

 

[lalalanded]

It is very depressing to look back and think how many times I have been sexually harassed and assaulted but put the blame on myself. It's crazy how something can be ingrained in you without even realising it.

I'm hopeful that some change will come from this tragedy.

My thinking/bias also did not shift until my 30s but up until then I always blamed myself for going out on my own or coming home late. I literally cannot believe that was what I believed for so long. I was 100% resigned to the fact that if you stayed out late then you deserved whatever happened to you. The internalised misogyny was real. I am so grateful to social media for turning that narrative in my head around.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

They’ve charged the cunt!

 

[LDNtea]

I think the problem is that this is such a hard thing to change. It's deep ingrained in our society and there's not just one 'cause' that can be changed.
I said it yesterday elsewhere but I really didn't realise how many experiences I've had that weren't normal, how much of my behaviour is very 'automatic' that I've been socialised into. It's just so so normalised, and I think looking at some comments from men it's also a very normalised thing that we should just follow stupid rules and limiting our freedom for them. I just feel really pessimistic about the future tbh

I was discussing earlier with a friend and have thought about this before that there are so many layers like an onion even just to actual sexual assault

by this I mean (I hate typing long messages cos the box is small and I feel I lose track so bear with me Lol)

There is the “extreme” assault of a violent rape or attack; assaults on minors etc

there is the kind of assault I’ve experienced which I never count even tho it’s assault (which shows how conditioned even I am that I’d feel a fraud to say I’ve been assaulted as I didn’t have lasting emotional damage and the assaults were either minor or stopped before full rape. Falls into that idea where u feel like you’re reaching or exaggerating because it wasn’t “bad enough” which I’ve even heard a lot of full on rape victims say they struggled with. Hell I’ve read of kids that blame themselves for molestation cos they didn’t resist or it wasn’t “painful like you read about in other cases”

there is the rape I’ve heard about where the victim is to scared to resist so there is no violence involved (but equally traumatic for victim)

the most common and insidious of all - sexual coercion - I’ve had several guys in the past that I WANTED to sleep with but not right then, push it anyway EVEN THO I said no. Even tho I was half resisting(in the way you do when you are attracted to someone but you just met them, or don’t wanna look like a slag etc). This makes it rape I know. But it’s a different layer of the rape onion and so much harder to tackle as it’s way more prevalent. That idea of a girl just “acting up” is one I’ve heard from boys a few times. I’ve been told to stop acting up actually.

 

[calla123]

Forgive me, I'm not having a go at either of these posters, but how on earth can any of you think that a bloke with a shaven head looks either "normal" or "friendly"? He just looks like a psychopath.

JFC. What a horrible thing to say

 

[Eureka]

How do you want men to change?

Try actually listening to the concerns of women for once and cut out the smart comments. That would be a good place to start.

 

[Mascaragirl]

In case anyone’s having a hard time understanding.

 

[Notredamn]

That is not something that "all men" need to stop doing. Do good men need to change? No. So saying all men need to isn't fair.

For goodness sake, are you being deliberately obtuse or are you just a bit thick?

 

[chandlercheesecake]

I remember a couple of years ago, I walking to the shop at about 11pm and this car slowed down with a group of lads in it. They rolled down the window and started to say something to me. I immediately started running, and all I could hear was them roaring with laughter at me running away, then they sped off... I was so scared, but I felt more embarrassed by my reaction, to immediately start running. Them laughing just made me feel even more humiliated. I think I probably did the right thing to run, but at the time I felt so ashamed of doing that.

 

[Flowergirl14]

I was getting into my car near my house at 9pm one October night. This man was walking along the street stood by the car and started w@@@ing. I locked the doors and pressed on the car horn. I remember being frozen with fear. My husband came out and I told him and he followed the guy and got his number plate. The WPC said you must pursue this as in a few years this man could move onto rape. The male PC really was disinterested and the feeling was why are we making a fuss. Same from all my work colleagues, it was deemed funny. In the end he was found guilty after he appealed and got a suspended sentence and a fine where he had to pay £5 per week. He also lost his job as a children's nurse.
Been flashed at on the tube, and whilst waiting outside the changing room of a mans clothes shop. I was so young, I never even thought to report it.
Flashing should always be reported, you could be stopping a future rapist.
The police need to take it seriously.