Sali Hughes #22 pretty narcissistic

[bignose28]

If Becky is real, this is astonishing stuff.

Reader of - not previously a poster on - Sali's threads here. One of the lurkers she's ostensibly addressing in the FO4 programme (& possibly one of the last surviving R4 listeners in the wild... ).

((Also several pages behind and I realise how that can go some times))

If Michael Daly is an example of the audience SH is hoping to reach then she's welcome to him and it. Taking a difference of opinion and bringing physical violence into the equation is EXACTLY what you expect to happen on Twitter that NEVER happens on Tattle. For the record, like.

And to Becky (if you're still around): the shame she's trying to heap all on you isn't yours to carry. Passing comment on the behaviours of those in the public eye is NOT a shameful thing to do.

I've never seen a clearer case of online bullying and (attempted) intimidation. But then I hang around the shallower (clearer) waters of the internet and haven't had my moral compass permanently skewed by living my life on Twitter

 

[Corbyn'sCat]

Has this been posted here before?

 

[Million Copy]

I have also ended up here due to the BBC article/ad for her radio thing.
On reading it I knew something sounded off. I know the difference between a gossip forum and a troll. Unfortunately the BBC does not, but hey what do facts and accuracy matter in this day and age.
I had never heard of this site before, or SalI Hughes. One google search found this.

I have only really come across gossip sites when a blogger/vlogger/influencer has said something that seemed a bit off. Like something was not quite adding up or they completely contradicted something they said in the past.

I was really taken in by influencers in my younger years. I genuinely thought they were just normal people like me, in their bedrooms giving honest reviews of products.
I actually think these influencers (and that’s what SalI Hughes seems to be, not a journalist) have a huge negative impact on so many aspects of modern culture. It’s a bit different now they should declare ads, but the lines are still so blurred.

Forums like this are important. Everyone in society should be held up for scrutiny somewhere. OK there may be some very dry cutting humour mixed in, but at the heart of it is that many people find places like this not because they are looking to bash influencers but because they trusted someone and that trust was broken. They go looking for the truth and find like minded people.

 

[elodiejones]

I am an ex-journalist de-lurking to say I love this thread (like a lot of people I came here after Freaky Friday to see what all the fuss was about), for its unbiased recommendations and the insightful commentary on influencer culture. Anyway, about sharing recordings: not only is it completely unethical, I think it might also be illegal. Something to do with data protection

 

[Yel]

To be fair the pile on Sali caused, while not very pleasant, if Esther is writing about her children and parenting then people are going to talk about it. Sali is perfectly entitled to call someone's article reductive.

It's the ridiculous double standards. Sali is allowed to shit talk other people along with her blue tickers in very prominent way. But nobodies on a forum doing the same is totally unacceptable, ruining her health and criminal laws are needed to stop?

Free speech doesn't mean people are only allowed to say things that you agree with Sali.

 

[GTL Old-Timer]

Got it. At 16 mins 25 secs she says how she needed a nanny when she was a single mum and now no longer does because her partner lives with her:

 

[Skiddidlydaddle]

Exactly, this is why I'm convinced she is a figment of Sali's imagination, based on Sali's fantasy of how she imagined a troll encounter would go. (The crying, begging for forgiveness, flagellation, etc)

If she is real, Sali has no journalistic integrity whatsoever

I just can't grasp it. Getting in touch with a woman, telling her you want her to give her side of the story, meeting in public, she is probably extremely nervous, giving her the Sali sniff and head tilt back look, woman pours her heart out, her words are possibly misconstrued in a radio interview, two days later Sali and her friends slag her off on twitter and state they don't know how you didn't punch her in the face.

 

[SqualorVictoria]

@Million Copy your post is spot on. Ironically, Sali says "can they not conduct these conversations on what's app" but she conducts conversations with close friends (and we're all strangers to each other) publicly on Twitter all the time

 

[Lreb88]

People on Twitter are replying with their examples of trolling, for example a woman said she was told to kill herself because she was disabled, but what Sali has experienced is nothing like that at all.
It almost feels like she is exploiting people who have been genuinely trolled with vile comments by pretending she has suffered the same. At worst the comments here have been bitchy (something Sali is also guilty of and to a much bigger audience) but no one has ever threatened her or wished her harm.

 

[GTL Old-Timer]

Message to Sali in light of today’s stories:

 

[Too Much]

I really don't mind that 'Becky' talked to Sali, and have no bad thoughts or feelings about her or her contribution to Sali's programme. I think that may be true for the vast majority of people here - I haven't sensed any 'bitch left the pack and betrayed us' sentiments.

I feel sad that Sali has exploited Becky's vulnerabilities, used her for her own ends (possibly leading her into sympathetic soundbites and misunderstanding/misrepresenting what she said), and spat her out the other end after she no longer needs her.

I think it's especially galling, as others have said, that Sali 'played nice' for 35 mins during their conversation to get what she wanted out of it rather than meet someone's honest vulnerability, proudly advertised this manipulation and how it served her, and then proceeds to slam and entertain criticism about her interviewee.

Becky can't not be affected by this?!

 

[Missypissy]

Big lurker first time poster here. Any of you enjoyed the recent Alan Partridge podcast where he rails against his trooooles? He kicks off because someone tweeted to say they have seen him swimming widths at the local pool. Put me in mind of Sali and her lamentable documentary.

 

[Skiddidlydaddle]

Let me get this straight. It’s ok to go on radio and refer to people here as sewer rats. That’s not trolling, it’s not directly landing in our inboxes, it’s a general announcement.

So, by the same token, why is it not ok to be on here, questioning what someone else does,(whilst having never, to the best of my knowledge, stooped so low as to hurl insults like sewer rat)? Which are not landing in her inbox or directed to her on social media. I’m genuinely baffled.

Yesterday someone responded to her on twitter stating that Tattle ‘deletes evidence’. Which I thought was pretty ironic given the deleting sprees that have occurred on twitter...

Exactly! How dare she delete her horrible history as one of Twitters head mean girls and then come barging into a conversation in a corner of the internet (which she does not need to visit and does so through choice) and try to silence us. While simultaneously making little threats on twitter. I've never spoken to her, interacted with her yet she is apparently coming for me (all of us). Who is the bully here?

 

[The Dowager]

I also want to add that as women we are taught by society that we must care for others: our partners, children, family, friends and even others who we do not know well or have never met.

This burden is laid at our door and caring traits are prized in 'good' women in a way that is not true of the male experience.

I think that women internalise this with the effect that we feel 'bad' for 'not being nice' to other people, especially other women, even when we have no real obligation to 'look after' these people's welfare.

I think that Sali looks at this site through this lens - that we have an obligation to 'be nice' to her - and that, likewise, past guilty commenters feel bad for 'talking badly' about Sali and 'upsetting' her [for the record, I do believe that Becky is real].

Part of empowering women so that we can live lives with equal chances is allowing us to have more control over those we choose to care for. This may involve not automatically being the allotted carer to an old parent, or not assuming the majority of household chores when both partners work the same hours; it might also involve not always being the go to parent for parental 'admin' or emotional support (Ruth Bader Ginsberg's remark on her son's school only calling her when they needed to consult a parent springs to mind).

Lastly, and most pertinently, this may involve not being responsible for all of the internet's feelings, including those of people you don't necessarily like or who have not been good for your own wellbeing.

Women are allowed to unshackle themselves from this obligation to care for and 'be nice' to everyone disproportionately, which may have no healthy boundaries, and can have the effect of depleting and exhausting us so that we have nothing left to give to the people in our own lives who are most important to us, as well as ourselves.

Attempting to guilt women into having feelings that they have 'let people down' by ever expressing negative or critical comments is policing our inner lives in a way that is not conducive to progress.

Leaving a 'heart' reaction didn't seem quite enough, I think this post is excellent. Every day feels like it comes with a micro challenge; my housemate not bothering with housework until told to so, my boss making sexualised and sexist remarks, the women I work with being described as scary rather than assertive, the expectation that 'women support women' and we're witches if we don't, planning for Christmas being left to the women in my family because heaven forbid the menfolk do anything other than whinge about having turkey, and I feel quite energised by what you've written.

And with that, I'm off to fight the patriachy!

 

[Rosie878]

Jesus Christ she can’t let it go about Coren, can she? What a weird thing to say to your partner in the public realm too. Very emasculating.

 

[Raindropsonkittens]

@Aude You’ve hit the nail on the head for me too. I can’t seem to ignore the dissembling & lies, the constant manipulation of the truth & the lack of accountability. I think it is because unlike many media figures & ‘semi-celebrities’, Sali was someone I related to & felt was trustworthy. Even her snippiness felt ‘real’ & authentic. I knew who was in her gang, who she admired & often, who she despised or disrespected. I didn’t really like her or warm to her but she seemed someone with integrity. Since coming on here after being perplexed by Freaky Friday (and I admit, I was irritated she’d blocked me on Twitter for contradicting her about something tiny), the truth has become clear. I feel duped & not a little frustrated/annoyed how someone could trade on a reputation that has so little substance. How the truth isn’t acknowledged but is bent & distorted to suit one person’s narrative & how because that person has a bigger platform, the distortions become fact. It doesn’t matter who gets hurt or unfairly treated as long as it isn’t Sali. It is the injustice that burns. And though Do’P & Lauren & Esther don’t need anyone’s help, I feel angry on their behalf.

 

[Skiddidlydaddle]

Exactly. I saw Sali say to someone on Twitter once that she was sock puppeted by Giles Coren and the Tattle response was that she wishes she was married to him. First of all, there's no "Tattle response". One persons post is not representative of everyone. (I happen to think her husband is quite fit). It's not like we all get together and agree on a collective "Tattle response"

She just likes to seize on a comment that was made and blow it out of proportion



Also, why would you constantly want to remind your partner about something someone said about them nearly 2 years ago? So what if that poster might not fancy Sali's husband and prefers Giles Coren. What difference does it make?

Right, a few times she has said something like "they call my friend fat" (apparently meaning Lauren). I don't know whether she was called fat but imagine writing it repeatedly on Twitter about one of your best mates! Very f*cking empathic.

 

[melfish]

Yes, this is all very intriguing. Is it normal for a member of the public who agrees to be interviewed on condition of anonymity to have the recording shared with the journalists friends? Had it been for a TV programme would it be ok to share the footage with friends without putting the person in silhouette or blurring their face?

It comes across as very vindictive and unprofessional and should make anyone think twice about providing confidential interviews to journalists if this is how it's treated.

This is because she's not a trained journalist. She just calls herself one. She's never worked in a newsroom. She writes fluff pieces from home

 

[bloke]

You may want to go directly to the source for this. She was, after all, the single most important interview for Sali, and she hung out in the sewer!

Yes, thanks. I already did so yesterday.

Sadly she said that she was unable to provide one single example of what she was talking about as she is currently at capacity with 'uni stuff'.

I also advised her that the comments described in the documentary were highly unlikely to achieve the threshold required under existing hate crime law and that age and sex are not hate crime categories. She did not disagree.

 

[Yel]

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