"It wasn't syopposed tyo rain today," Ruby says ominously.
My dude, you're in England and it's April. Y'know, the month of
"April showers"?
"Can you hear the baahrds?" Ruby asks, awkwardly pointing her claw at the sky.
She's added pre-recorded birdsong noises onto the video again and cranked the volume of the audio layer so high that it's
louder than her narration. People will find it impossible
not to hear the baaaaaahrds. They may struggle to hear anything else, though, like whatever faux-whimsical nonsense Ruby's muttering about next to her desolate back yard crack den.
"It's quoyte a strange remoinda that you've ackshually been away from hyome for quoyte a whoile whan yeu comm back and awl your candles are dossty."
This is the same room that's covered in dust and dirt when she lives there, so I'm not sure how this is any different to what she usually finds in there.
Speaking of dirt and grime...
Ruby shows off her filthtastic kitchen and the gifted coffee machine that they clean once every two years. Look closely and you can see that there's a long hair hanging off the spout/nozzle and draping underneath, so everyone's coffee can pick up some unwanted hair follicle additives. Something something JARMAPHYOBE something something PARFACKSHONIST.
She rambles about TYEU-DYEU LISTS while advertising the planner she never actually uses. As always, she shows one that's suspiciously pristine and has no other pages filled out. She just grabbed this from a leftover pile of unsold stock to advertise a defunct planner. Meanwhile she still has yet to even pretend she uses the new scam planner that's actually on sale.
Ruby moans about how responding to one email is a daunting task which is stressing her out and she's been avoiding it for days.
She then reveals that the email was to her agent, presumably about the book that is/was out on submission to publishers (her latest in a long line of "debut" novels never to actually debut). It suddenly makes sense why she's avoiding it; her latest literary mess is no doubt going about as well as her degree.
I'm sure her agent will be overjoyed to see that Ruby left her on 'read' for days to go twirl in her garden harassing birds and eating sugar sandwiches.
Unsurprisingly, Ruby offers zero actual details about her book or what's going on with it (since that might verge on interesting content and we simply can't have that). Instead, we're treated to yet another bad AMMILEEE DICKINSON rip-off poem about birds and the weather in her back yard:
"Efferescent," Ruby writes and reads aloud. Add "effervescent" to the endless list of words she can't spell or pronounce and doesn't know the meaning of. Ironically, "thesaurus" is listed as a daily task on her planner.
Ruby makes a big production of going on a walk, forcing her sister/employee Martha to act as camera operator. She's pretending this day's just getting started, yet shows that it's 16:49.
After rambling incoherently about all the time-wasting activities in this seemingly 85 hour day, Ruby returns home and has somehow been hurled back in time to 1pm:
Oh no!
She brags that she got a VEEEGAN QWASSAUNT from a local cafe, moments after showing herself trying to load her leather backpack with random crap and before returning home to kick off her leather shoes. SYO VEEGAN!
I don't think it's a coincidence that this VARRY QUARRKEEEE video was haphazardly slapped together shortly after she got the chance to meet Daniel Handler (one of her MYOST FAVORAT WROYTAHS who she eagerly tried to blatantly rip off in one of her many rejected 'debut' novels,
yet couldn't seem to remember the name of). She was desperately trying to imitate LAMMONEE SNICKETT and nonsense poetry back when she was writing her "varry acksparamantal" book 'Penelope Peppermint and the Silver-Tipped Octopus' (which her agent rejected on the spot). Apparently she's back in that mindset.
Unfortunately, Ruby has no sense of humour, much less an effective one, so her attempts at QUARRRKEEEEE COMMEDEEEEEEEY just come off as weird and forced. And she's tacked that onto what was clearly intended to be a normal vlog full off all the usual pretend busywork, phony affectations and fake timescales, so she veers from her stilted performance as she desperately attempt humour, her usual fake "sincere" vlog voice and moments where the mask totally slips and her fake accent vanishes when she's talking to Martha. It's a total mess and a tonal disaster, and that's before the terrible audio levels.
I'm not sure offering up a mental breakdown with a side order of ED habits caught on video during a content drought is going to convince everyone that you're thriving at Oxford, Ruby.