gossip_guy
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The video's titled 'My Favourite Autumn Books' (the on-screen title says there'll be 50, but Ruby herself says she'll be sharing 15 "RACKOMANDATIONS" because it wouldn't be a Ruby video if she hadn't half-assed that shit and paid no attention at any point when filming, editing or uploading it). The implication being that Ruby has read so many autumn-related books that even her whittled list of faves was 15 strong. In reality, Ruby's not likely to have read 15 full books to completion in her entire life, unless they were aimed at small children.
According to Ruby, these books are only to be read when you have "CANDLES BARNING, a PLYATE OF CHOCOLATE BISCUITS and a LARGE, STRONG MOG OF TEA." Ruby claims she does this shit all year round, so I'm not sure what any of this has to do with autumn. She's also suddenly obsessed with biscuits, presumably desperate for sponsors to send her free ones that she'll fail to declare as gifted. She seems to love biscuits because she considers one of them a full meal and they usually crumble to bits when broken so she can call it a day after one laboured bite.
Ruby has also made her fake freckles especially visible for some reason. I guess each one represents a tiny autumn leaf to celebrate the season?
1. "MISS PARRAGRIM'S HYOME FOR PACKYOOLIAR CHILDRON."
Ruby focuses on aesthetics first (big shock), focusing on how BYOOTIFOL the book looks because it has pictures. Ruby likes pictures because it means there's less words for her to have to skip through.
Ruby flicks through the book and raves that the author PUT ACSKUAL PICTURES IN THAAHR BOCK, and provides a cramped split-screen of herself flicking through completely unrelated postcards, in case you were still unsure what pictures are. Ruby acts like including pictures in a book is an absolute revelation, even though she's spent the last few years reading almost exclusively picture books aimed at toddlers.
To commemorate the spooky Halloween season which is still almost two months away, Ruby has yet again made sure that the horrors of her child-sized bed are on display, with mattress exposed and soiled sheets which have gone unwashed and unchanged for what must be over a year now...
BOHT SHE AWLWHEYS MAYKES HAHHR BAD AVVERY DYAY!
She recites the premise of 'Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children' while excessively frowning and dramatic gesticulating for some reason, holding out her claw-like mitt and clutching at invisible objects, as though expecting someone might put some more charity money in there. I can only assume this strange behaviour is Ruby trying her best to convince everyone that she, too, is a peculiar child. She's half right.
Ruby says it's a book in which strange children have magical powers and one of them can "CONTROL THE DAD", which is a superpower that Ruby shares - she only needs stamp her feet and huff and puff and her dad drives across the country unnecessarily 100 times a year to collect her when she's strayed too far from home, like to university.
Ruby really likes the "WILD BUILDING", but does not provide any further details about this building, or mention if the world-building in the book was any good. Since she's a fan of "WILD BUILDINGS", she should love this beloved picture-book classic:
She likes the fast pace of MISS PARAGRIM'S, too, and to pay tribute, she's cranked the speed of this video to 1.7 times normal.
She says this book reminds her of Stranger Things, showing that she either hasn't read this book, hasn't seen Stranger Things, or both. The criteria for something being like Stranger Things is 'it has kids and strange things in it', apparently. This is a person who claims to be a bookworm who reads hundreds of books per year and her only point of comparison for this book is a TV show, when she claims she never watches TV.
After rambling incoherently and not getting any closer to clearly explaining what the book's about, why she enjoyed it or what it has to do with autumn, Ruby gives up and frustratedly huffs, "JOHST READ THIS BOCK, IT'S RILLY GUD."
2. "CWORALOINE."
This is "ANOTHA SPYOOKEE BOCK". Ruby rambles about Tim Burton for an inordinate amount of time, because Coraline has a movie adaptation which Ruby claims that NOT MANNY PEEPUL WILL KYOW is based on a book to make herself feel enlightened and special. This despite most people who're aware of the movie being aware of the book (and the opening credits making it very clear for anyone who isn't).
She claims the visual style of the film and the "otherness" of the book means that Neil Gaiman is the literary equivalent of Tim Burton, without mentioning Henry Selick, who is the actual director of Coraline and responsible for the visual aesthetic of the animated films which Ruby attributes to Tim Burton. Again, Ruby is supposedly a voracious reader and claims she LOVES RESAARCHING AND LARRNING THINGS, but her only point of comparison for this book is a director who had nothing at all to do with the film adaptation.
After doing a terrible job of setting up this pick, Ruby shoehorns in some pretentious, faux-educational info:
"'Uncanny' as a WAHHRD comes from the JOMMUN WAHRD 'ONHOIMLICK', MEANING UNHOMELY."
And then she moves on to the "JANRAL PRAMMIS": A young girl named "CWORALINE" enters a parallel "WARLD" where "AVVERYTHING IS SLOITLY BATTER", but "AVVERYONE HAS BOTTONS FOR EYES".
"If you loike the film, you'll love the bock," she says, then says she used to read the book every year before the first day of school for some reason and claims it only took her an hour and a half every time, with a very smug face:
But this is Ruby talking, so presumably that was 20 minutes of quickly skimming through the book randomly, seeing that it's full of words for her to read and then just reading a short synopsis on Wikipedia instead.
She doesn't say anything substantial about the book outside the synopsis and makes no attempt to explain what makes it an autumn book. 0 for 2 so far.
3. "SHARRLOCK HYOMES BOCKS."
"NAXT, OF CWOARSE OIY'M GYOWING TYOO RACKOMAND THE SHARRLOCK HYOMES BOCKS," Ruby says.
Why "of course"? Sherlock isn't an especially "AUTOMINAL" series and Ruby doesn't have any special affinity for the series, so it's not an obvious inclusion beyond "Ruby can't think of many books, since she doesn't read many books".
She crams in her usual shoehorned bit of virtue-signalling, mentioning that you can get BYOOTIFOL, AFFWORDABOL "HARRBACK" editions from charity shops. She does not mention that, since the majority of the Sherlock Holmes series is in the public domain now, you can get ebook copies completely free from Project Gutenberg.
Ruby mentions that she owns the BBC editions, which are great because they "AWL HAVE INTRODOCKSHUNS BOIY THE CHARACTERS AND CREATORS OF THE SHOW". By "characters", she means "actors". No second takes, no attention paid in editing and no proof of brain activity.
"AWLL OF THAM ARE GREAT FWOR AUTOM--y'kyow, CLASSICMYSTERYSTORIES, I DYON'T HAVE TO ACKSPLAIN THAM TO YOO," she says despite a clear need for her to explain more of what the fuck she's talking about, as the sounds of someone apparently hammering her door shut reverberate in the background. No second takes. Ruby rambles about how Sherlock Holmes is an incredible character because he's dedicated to his work and we see him through the eyes of his assistant Watson. That's it. That's all she has to say about it.
She recommends The Hound of the Baskervilles be read around autumn, because it's set in Victorian London and has misty moors. I know my favourite autumn tradition is travelling back in time to Victorian London, so any book that'll remind me of me annually being flung into the late 1800s will be perfect for setting the seasonal mood.
4. "THE ONE AND ONLY THE PITCHER OF DORIAN GRAY."
Ruby included this so she could ramble about how she owns a 1915 copy of this book which she received as a birthday present.
"OIY LOVE HAVING NOICE ADDITIONS OF MOIY FAVOURITY BOOKS," she says, as she bends the book's spine open and you can audibly hear the binding strain and see pages start to come undone.
It's no surprise that she treats her books like shit - we've seen the state of her family library, she's often spitting toothpaste all over paperbacks because she insists on the performative habit of pretending to read while brushing her teeth, and this is the person who took a fragile vintage copy of Dombey & Son on a train trip with mummy and wondered why it fell apart after getting banged around in her bag.
But hearing her talk about her love of "nice editions" as she's in the process of destroying one is the ironic icing on the cake.
She rambles for a bit about Oscar Wilde, spouting lots of adjectives but not actually saying anything of any merit or meaning, while the off-screen banging continues. Has Ruby boarded up Blakeney in a cupboard to keep her from running away to live an adult life? Quite possibly.
Ruby rambles about physiognomy, and if it sounds familiar, it's because Ruby's just recycling everything she said every other time she talked about Dorian Gray. And that, in turn, she stole from lecture handouts.
She moans that this book should NAVVAR be made into a film, even though she knows there's already been one (there's been ten, Ruby, and countless more TV adaptations - but you should know this, since it's apparently your favourite book and you love RESARRCH). She moans that it's impossible to tell the story because a movie would have to show the painting throughout. Because Ruby dismisses an entire art form and her brain can't fathom the idea that films are capable of nuance, subtlety and leaving things to the imagination.
5. "THE BOINDING."
Ruby reads the cover blurb, and says she LOVELOVELOVES "the SATTING", but is instantly unsure when or where it's set - it's possibly autumn, and maybe takes place sometime between 1600 and 1800. Alternate history and anachronistic melding of eras in fantasy literature is a concept apparently lost on Ruby so she just screws up her face and moves on: "IT'S VARRY AUTOMINNAL."
Apparently this book is great because "all the characters' decisions eventually make sense". High praise indeed!
There's no detail in Ruby's review/recommendation, so I assume she didn't read this at all and assumes it's "AUTOMINAL" because there are amber leaves on the cover.
6. "THE PARKS OF BEING A WARLFLOWER" by "STEPHEN QUBOSSKI".
After mangling another book title and author's name (Chbosky is actually pronounced "Shhboski"), she claims she read this twice but still has nothing to say about it. She rambles a bunch but says nothing of value.
She says she had VARRY DIFFERENT THWOUGHTS about the book each time she read it. She gives no indication what those thoughts were, or how they differed from each other.
She claims this book was VARRY ahead of its time in removing the stigma of talking about "MANTLE HALTH", because depression and therapy were never mentioned in literature before 1999, apparently. There's zero mention of what makes this an autumnal book.
7. "THE DISTANCE BETWEEN LOST AND FOUND" by "KATHRYN HOLLUMS".
Ruby somehow mispronounces "Holmes", either thanks to her increasingly thick fake Emma Watson accent or just sheer stupidity.
"It's been a whoyle since I rad this one, syo please forgive me if this review is a little bit rusty," Ruby says, as though there's been anything in her prior reviews beyond basic plot blurbs and cryptic vagueness.
Ruby mentions this is "BOLLYING BOCK", then says she read it around 2016 - y'know, the period when she was writing Erimentha Parker and grabbing every YA/middle-grade bullying book she could get her hands on to rip off ideas, having experienced zero bullying herself (she would then miraculously "remember" that she had been bullied when it was time to self-publish the book).
She says she can't remember the book (always a great recommendation) but somehow remembers that there is lots of very beautiful, romantic nature imagery and descriptions. She says this book explores the idea of culpability and the difference between luck and chance, which says nothing at all about the book.
This book takes place in the woods and therefore it's an autumn book, apparently?
8. "CATSAI BY MARGARET ATWOOD."
In a babbling, sped-up ramble, Ruby recites the plot of the book. It somehow still didn't make it any clearer what the book is actually supposed to be about.
But Ruby really loves this book because it apparently focuses on the relationship with our childhood selves and how this shapes us as adults, but also "the power of FRANCHIP". Ruby refuses to make any friends or enter adulthood, so who knows what she got out of this.
There is absolutely no indication of what makes this an autumnal book.
9. "ACKSTREMELY LOUD AND INKRADDIBLY CYLOSE."
Ruby recites the plot blurb and says she likes how the book visually represents autism, which is probably as close as she's gotten so far to actually reviewing one of these books, but even then there's not much.
The protagonist is apparently one of Ruby's favourite in all of literature, although she shares nothing about him. Presumably it's because he's 9 years old.
There is absolutely no indication of what makes this an autumnal book.
10. "MARY SHALLEY'S FRANKENSTEIN."
"I KEEP SAYING THESE BOOKS ARE MOIY FAVOURITES BOHT THAT'S WHOY OIY KEEP ON RACKOMANDING THAM!"
They're her favourites, yet she's struggled to explain what most of them are even about, let alone why she'd recommend them.
Ruby gives another vague plot blurb - "DOCTOR FRANKANSTEIN GETS DAD BODIES AND SEWS THAM TOGATHER TYOO MAKE A MAN". Evidently, Frankenstein was ahead of its time in removing the stigma of the "dad bod".
Ruby feels VARRY SMART because she points out that this book mirrors Paradise Lost, which is "the creation story". Her copy of Frankenstein has a Paradise Lost excerpt in it. She does not mention Prometheus, which inspired Frankenstein. Whoops.
There is absolutely no indication of what makes this an autumnal book.
11. "MISTAH CREECHA."
A YA book inspired by Frankenstein where a scary giant teams up with a pickpocket. That's all the plot we get. Ruby says it "forces us tyoo lyook paahst appearances and lyook at people as people". I guess Ruby had never tried that before?
There is absolutely no indication of what makes this an autumnal book.
12. "MOIY NAME IS MONSTAH."
Another one that Ruby can apparently barely remember, but somehow remembers enough to know that the first three chapters aren't very good, but after that it gets better. We can probably take this to mean that Ruby skimmed the first few chapters, bailed and then gave it 5 stars.
There is absolutely no indication of what makes this an autumnal book.
There's a suspicious amount of Frankenstein-related books here, so expect her next book to be called "Gertrude Porter: The Productive Prometheus". It'll be about an 11-year-old overachiever whose favourite teacher dies on a Friday. When the school announces they will be closed the following week due to the tragic death, Gertrude uses her science skills brings him back from the dead so she doesn't have to miss any classes. After that, it'll be the exact same plot as Erimentha Parker.
Ruby interrupts the video to say she's going on a SAPTAMBAH WAHLK with her mum and sister, but she'll be back in FWORTY-FOIVE MINATS to continue the video.
She returns to say the walk was VARRY AUTOMMINAL and she'll soon be leaving for SCWOTLUND which she hopes will be EVEN MWOAR AUTOMMINNAL! She shoehorns in another robotic casual magic ramble about how THE LEAVES ARE TARNING.
This isn't a vlog, so why is this here? Other than giving Ruby a flimsy excuse to ramble about the weather and pretend her life is full of busy activities, there's no reason at all.
13. "DOPPLAH BY ARL AND LOW."
Ruby rattles off a basic plot blurb, then says this book is set between November and April. That's it.
14. "THE CHILDRUN ACT."
Ruby rambles some incomprehensible nonsense about children's legal rights, but doesn't explain what the book is about. She says the film with Emma Thompson is VARRY GUD. But Ruby also claimed this was a Dark Macademia book the last time she talked about it, so I don't think she's read it or understands what most words mean.
There is absolutely no indication of what makes this an autumnal book.
15. "LANNY."
According to Ruby, the protagonist "embodies the romantic CHOYLD that we see from...BOULDER-LAIR".
It's also apparently about a child who has a casual magic, awestruck by nature approach to life and who goes missing, so I guess we know another book that Ruby ripped off for her never-gonna-get-published-at-this-rate book 'Lottie Parton is a Bad Friend'.
Ruby threatens that she'll be doing one of these lists of book recommendations for every season. Since practically none of these books were related to autumn, expect three more "Ruby reads the cover blurb of 15 books she doesn't appear to have read" videos that have nothing to do with the season in question.
