Rubbish friends, how did you decide your cut off point?

[Jaybtee]

i had a toxic, narcissistic friend for 20 years. we were joined at the hip, hard to get away from. Felt so much relief after cutting her off. she truly drained me and caused so much trouble in my life. feels amazing had no contact for 6 years

 

[Dogtanian]

I had a group of friends and although we had a lot of good times over the years, the bad times started to outnumber the good as I got older. After a couple of years, I started to feel bad in myself and that's when I decided to do the fade on them and in some cases, just ghost them.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

Met a new friend on the school run who first of all lied about her job (said she had a better job than she does), then kept saying we'll meet up, but whenever I pinned her to a date she would never turn up and never reply to texts. Then days later say she'd had an emergency. Lots of school run conversations which had red flags put me off...

She would basically just slag her whole family off and talk about how evil they are and what a victim she is. I found her instagram account and she is a Mrs hinch wannabe. She said she didnt text on my birthday because she dropped her phone down the toilet but I saw that she'd been posting on her ig account. I would also go as far as to say from things she says that she emotionally and financially abuses her husband. So I pretty quickly stopped trying with her. I still have to talk to her because our kids are very good friends but that's as far as it goes for me And I never go past just small talk.

She said she takes her husbands phone off him on a Sunday to annoy his family as she won't let them speak to him until they start helping with the kids. Imagine what she'd do to me if I became a friend

Eta i think when we meet new people its important to take your time to see if you want to be friends. I think its easy to jump in too quick. A bit like romantic relationships I guess.

 

[Rxt156]

Problem is when you’ve been friends with someone since early teens when you get to your 20s you’re very different people. I had a friend and we were close but she started making unreasonable demands for birthdays and Christmases (I won’t go into specific details as it’s boring and long) but I told her I wasn’t going to do what she asked as I thought it was OTT. I still went. She wasn’t happy that I didn’t commit to the whole escapade. She wasn’t happy I didn’t do as she wanted and kept badgering me with texts and phone calls about why I didn’t do what she wanted. Spoilt brat much!

We have hardly spoken since. This happened about 12 years ago lol. Bye bye ain’t got time for people that demand you do things their way and are funny with you when you don’t do it. Are you 7 years old???

F that!

 

[Catnmouse]

Drifting seems less brutal. I’m trying to do that at the moment, and finding it hard because it’s making me feel rude!.
I’ve a friendship group that I feel very much in the edges of. Some of it is my fault; I’m a quieter, more reserved person than the others and often don’t get a word in edgeways.
But I always remember what people tell me. if someone is going away, or something important is happening. At least I’ll ask how it went, etc., None of them seem to have any real interest in what everyone else is doing, unless it’s to copy or better it.
I once dropped everything to go and help one of them out in a crisis. A few months later, she was relating the story to me, as if I weren’t there; she’d completely completely forgotten! Which just made me feel so insignificant.
Another time I was with this same person when she picked up a box of Christmas Cards, saying that they’d do for neighbours etc, and she’d get better ones for close friends. She later gave one of them to me!! This year she did a similar thing; it’s all these little things that make me realise that i’ve been investing more in the friendship than them.
I had a Birthday recently. One of them remembered and sent me a card, another messaged a few days later to apologise for missing it. No one else knew or remembered. We’ve been friends for around 7 years now.
I’ve come to realise that, rightly or wrongly, I don’t want to feel the way they make me feel.
But I feel rude at the moment because I’ve not responded to a group chat about a possible night out. And I’ve agreed to something else that’s happening at the end of the summer that I now know I don’t want to go to.
It’s not easy. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time, and I hope you find a way through it.

I'm so sorry.

I can relate. About 4 years ago I felt like this with a friendship group. Not saying it's the same as what you're going through now because what you've described sounds very hurtful. But I know what it's like to feel as though you're on the periphery and that people are just unthinking.

I am back in the fold now and things are better, but I have made other friends so that I'm not reliant on one group as much.

Do you think that might help you?

 

[Warpaint]

Just let them drift off naturally. 'Cut' sounds a little too brutal.

 

[Catnmouse]

I had a so called friend before. Lol the cheek of this girl. She come round my house one day and I'd just been out clothes shopping. I have the chest of an overweight pre pubescent boy, she had/has enormous massive melons. She was also 2 dress sizes bigger then me. She tried on my (expensive) new jacket. I calmly explained to her that the reason the jacket was riding half way up her belly and she couldn't zip it up properly was cause it didn't fit. Oh no that couldn't possibly be the reason, it just fitted us 'differently'. She left after a bit and I thought nothing of it. Later in the evening I realise one of my bags and all my new clothes were missing - she had smuggled my clothes out my house using my bag to do so, the nerve lmao. I go to ask her about it and I've been deleted on fb, number blocked and all sorts. So I put a public post on fb asking mutuals if they could let her know I'd like my stolen items back please. Her mother sent me some big long angry message about how she's the most loyal friend I'd ever have, I better watch my back and if I want my stuff I need to come and ask for it.

Last time I checked she has a child now - doesn't appear to be a father on the scene. Lol.

You've just reminded me of a psycho friend from school who stole from me on multiple occasions, then when I called her out on it called me mad, and told everyone from school that i was mad (not that they listened.)

She's a very derranged person and a compulsive liar. Had an affair with a teacher in sixth form. Married now but I suspect not happily as she seems obsessed with her teacher ex...

 

[mee43]

I'm so sorry.

I can relate. About 4 years ago I felt like this with a friendship group. Not saying it's the same as what you're going through now because what you've described sounds very hurtful. But I know what it's like to feel as though you're on the periphery and that people are just unthinking.

I am back in the fold now and things are better, but I have made other friends so that I'm not reliant on one group as much.

Do you think that might help you?

I definitely feel that I have to broaden my horizons a bit and meet new people. Or just find new interests to pursue and content myself with those and with my family.
It annoys me that I worry so much about being rude and cutting myself off from people who don’t care either way
I’m glad you got to a better place

 

[pepe le pew]

Please could you update with why she was at your door three years later? Or didn’t you answer? I’m very invested

My daughter reckons it was because she needed cash. She knew my very generous family gave me cheques for Xmas instead of gifts as we are on benefits. One Xmas she cracked her halogen hob and I ended up buying her a new one, not paid back of course. When I asked her for some money towards it she said, and I quote, ‘It wasn’t your money anyway, why should I pay you. You can see I’m struggling too.” (40 a day ciggie habit and hoarder). God I am so glad she’s gone.

 

[Catnmouse]

I definitely feel that I have to broaden my horizons a bit and meet new people. Or just find new interests to pursue and content myself with those and with my family.
It annoys me that I worry so much about being rude and cutting myself off from people who don’t care either way
I’m glad you got to a better place

Don't put loads of pressure on yourself, but great that you have that mindset and also you're not being rude.

I'd also say that even if you think the door is almost closed on a friendship, people can surprise you. For me, there were some difficult circumstances I was in that meant I cut myself off a bit without realising and at the time it seemed like my friends' lives were completely great/rosy. Fast forward a few years and they've been through some tough things themselves. Think it has helped them get a bit of perspective.

You're well within your rights to put yourself first.

 

[Lucyxxxx]

She stole from you and her family have the nerve to threaten you as well. WTF!!!

The mother never liked me any way. Apparently I humiliated her daughter. No she did that herself by stealing someone who was a friend to hers belongings.

 

[boatofbubbles]

I'm going through a pretty rough time, at what point did you realise that some of the people around you wasn't all that great? And how do you cut them from your life and survive afterwards?

 

[shadowcat5]

Problem is when you’ve been friends with someone since early teens when you get to your 20s you’re very different people. I had a friend and we were close but she started making unreasonable demands for birthdays and Christmases (I won’t go into specific details as it’s boring and long) but I told her I wasn’t going to do what she asked as I thought it was OTT. I still went. She wasn’t happy that I didn’t commit to the whole escapade. She wasn’t happy I didn’t do as she wanted and kept badgering me with texts and phone calls about why I didn’t do what she wanted. Spoilt brat much!

We have hardly spoken since. This happened about 12 years ago lol. Bye bye ain’t got time for people that demand you do things their way and are funny with you when you don’t do it. Are you 7 years old???

F that!

This is so true. Your 20s really makes and breaks friendships imo. Some people mature quicker than others so you end up the same age with different mindsets. I got to a point where I had had enough of childish games and sick of the high school girl drama

 

[orla1989]

I had a so called friend before. Lol the cheek of this girl. She come round my house one day and I'd just been out clothes shopping. I have the chest of an overweight pre pubescent boy, she had/has enormous massive melons. She was also 2 dress sizes bigger then me. She tried on my (expensive) new jacket. I calmly explained to her that the reason the jacket was riding half way up her belly and she couldn't zip it up properly was cause it didn't fit. Oh no that couldn't possibly be the reason, it just fitted us 'differently'. She left after a bit and I thought nothing of it. Later in the evening I realise one of my bags and all my new clothes were missing - she had smuggled my clothes out my house using my bag to do so, the nerve lmao. I go to ask her about it and I've been deleted on fb, number blocked and all sorts. So I put a public post on fb asking mutuals if they could let her know I'd like my stolen items back please. Her mother sent me some big long angry message about how she's the most loyal friend I'd ever have, I better watch my back and if I want my stuff I need to come and ask for it.

Last time I checked she has a child now - doesn't appear to be a father on the scene. Lol.

Wow that is insane, what a nut job she and her family are

 

[Kim Mild]

After deciding they were rubbish friends, I gave them the benefit of the doubt.and then one last chance. Then I basically stopped bothering with them.

 

[Mollywobbles]

I had a so called friend before. Lol the cheek of this girl. She come round my house one day and I'd just been out clothes shopping. I have the chest of an overweight pre pubescent boy, she had/has enormous massive melons. She was also 2 dress sizes bigger then me. She tried on my (expensive) new jacket. I calmly explained to her that the reason the jacket was riding half way up her belly and she couldn't zip it up properly was cause it didn't fit. Oh no that couldn't possibly be the reason, it just fitted us 'differently'. She left after a bit and I thought nothing of it. Later in the evening I realise one of my bags and all my new clothes were missing - she had smuggled my clothes out my house using my bag to do so, the nerve lmao. I go to ask her about it and I've been deleted on fb, number blocked and all sorts. So I put a public post on fb asking mutuals if they could let her know I'd like my stolen items back please. Her mother sent me some big long angry message about how she's the most loyal friend I'd ever have, I better watch my back and if I want my stuff I need to come and ask for it.

Last time I checked she has a child now - doesn't appear to be a father on the scene. Lol.

I would have contacted the police

 

[rainbowlemon]

Girl 1: After someone cancelled on me for the third time in a row, but I had already waited an hour outside. We started talking again after three years, but I realized that if I didn't call her first she wouldn't ever call me. At times I did feel like I was a third wheel in that friendship group with four others. I didn't know she was pregnant until a mutual friend told me. I did think of getting a gift for her as I had known her for so long, but my brother, was right in asking me what was the point? Not spoken to her in around two years now.

Girl 2: Someone who used to be in my class but she was very mentally ill. She would not start therapy. Was hanging out with the wrong crowd. Doing drugs. I tried to help her but I just couldn't. It was always just asking me for money which I knew would never get paid back. I stopped being so available for her.

My two friends that I do now talk to regularly are both gay men and I feel a lot more comfortable knowing their not interested in me. Honestly just so much less drama. Not saying I'm such alluring beauty, but it has just been weird otherwise for me. I was asked to be a friend with benefits by one I used to spend hours talking to on the phone. I declined- but it got awkward between us. We were supposed to go to a show together but I flaked. The second boy I was previously close with got angry at me when I said I didn't want to date him. It just didn't feel right.

I'm a lot better with boundaries now then I was at age 24. I am just no longer willing to put up with nonsense.

 

[boatofbubbles]

I thought I'd give a little context, friend A began seeing friend b's ex. Everyone else knew except friend b. Friend b had her suspicions and made it clear that she was hurt about it. So friend A pretended to break it off. Long story short friend A kept going with the ex, and kept trying to drag me in, by tricking me into a night with them and giving me constant updates on how it was going. But it was made out to be just a laugh for friend A and friend B should just get over it. I was very uncomfortable with the situation as I repeatedly told friend A and told her I didn't want to know so I stopped answering calls and messages. Which would have been fine until friend A began to question my child (preteen) on the street. So I couldn't help myself but to say something to friend A as far as I'm concerned that's a dirty trick. This proceeded to friend A to bad mouth me to everybody else. I guess I'm best out of it.