New thread title thanks to
@Roma890 
edited for the swear, the original version was "The Patchwork Family: Cunts in capes and kids with vapes". You've won yourself your very own tacky as fuck cape, emblazoned with "Tattle bastard" on the back, with a bonus PayPal logo!
Last thread recap:
- Rachaele Hambleton is a ginormous cunt
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- Joshua Marshall was dismissed without notice from Devon and Cornwall Police for improperly accessing the police database, and using a false identity to contact members of the public.
- a card from her literary agent congratulating her on the book being published had handwriting suspiciously similar to Ratchet herself. But she wouldn't send herself cards just to post for attention, would she?
- Rambo's been for a spray tan, which means a party or big night out is looming.
- Shit Mum Sharon got on the front page of some newspaper that nobody's ever heard of, with an article full of lies to promote the book. Here it is for anyone who wants to print it out and highlight all the bullshit (although your highlighter will probably run out before you get to the end)
https://12ft.io/proxy?q=https://ine...s-theres-probably-some-kind-of-trauma-2211224
- BeKind uploaded a screenshot from a facetime with her "beautiful mumma" looking old and rough.
- Lip Filler Lucy was disappointed that "the trolls" didn't come out to give the book bad reviews. What a sad little life when even your haters can't be arsed with you! Hi
- turns out the spray tan was for a book launch party, seemingly arranged by Racket herself (what screams "self publishing" more than arranging and paying for her own book signings and launch party?). She had ordered a dress from the same place she got the one for her birthday (in case anyone's forgotten, it looked like a pink towel strategically draped to cover her nipples and flange, and not much else). She sent them her measurements, the owner told her she'd need a large, she decided he was wrong and ordered a small instead. Surprise, surprise, she tried to put it on and burst out of it like an overstuffed sofa, so had to wear a back up dress. Which unfortunately looked like a dressing gown with the top gaping open to show off the chavvy under-tit tattoo she insists on showing off all the time.
- highlights from the party included biting Linda on the head, with a caption of "best mum in the world" (she's not your mum), captioning a photo of her and Mannah with"best sister ever" (she's not your sister), 9 year old Edie slut dropping in a skintight mini dress, doing baby Guinness shots with Jezza the weirdo estate agent (despite hating the taste of alcohol), Joyce sporting a zip-up shirt, in case he's too pissed to undo buttons later. Seb and Edie were both there, while Wilby was left being babysat by a teacher from his preschool, and there was no sign of Tallulah and Isaac, so they were either outside vaping, or at home having an unattended party.
- Racket is STILL sharing posts from Bratsy, and trying to pretend she's only just met the people she's with, despite Betsy herself saying that one of the girls was her ex's cousin. Just let the girl have her travels in peace and stop stalking her and her mates, it's fucking weird
- for Mother's Day, Cabernet Colin shared a load of VERY OLD photos of Racket and the kids, clearly longing for the days when he actually found her attractive, instead of the buck-toothed, filler- laden face he has to wake up next to now.
- while on a live on PatreCON, Mum of the Year said about Tallulah "I birthed her, and I don't want to be around her". What a shitty, shitty thing to say about your child.
- then it was sharing her Mother's Day text from Bratsy, making sure to let everyone know that she's shipped out the rest of the kids and is at home with only Wilbert for company. But remember everyone, they're the perfect patchwork family who all love each other the hardest! While she was up in the hobbit loft cleaning it, violent, level 3 autistic Wilby, who is non verbal and has no understanding of anything (
) was playing unsupervised in his room.
- once Shiraz Shaun was back from whatever he was out doing, it was back off to the venue of the shittest launch party in history for a Sunday lunch. Not a nice family meal to celebrate Mother's Day, because only Wilbur and Edie came. Then on the way home, Rumblestrip filmed Wilberforce while he screamed in the back of the car.
- on a Patreon q&a, she said that Betsy and Lula's older sisters "ripped out their hearts and stamped on them". Except we know that isn't what happened Raq
- while live again, Rancid decided that the trolls weren't giving her enough to moan about, so decided to slag off a list of people who have been branded "toxic". She said she doesn't visit her mum much, because her sister lives 3 doors down so it's "not safe". When she was with Waynbo and his other kids would come and visit she hated it because "it felt like my house wasn't my own". Thought you previously said you were practically a mother to those broken babies, and carried on calling them your stepdaughters for years after you split with their dad, right up until their mum stood up to you because she knew your CIC was going to be a dodgy as fuck scam? Joyce's ex also got a slagging off, with Ratface saying things like "Seb stayed with her for a year before he told us anything that was going on". She wanted to put more in her book, but had to cut a load out for legal reasons. She went on to say she'd had an argument with Edie's dad because she came home once with sunburn so Racquetball lost her shit and shouted. She also said that it's important not to slag off your kid's other parent, then obviously carried on slagging off Edie's dad, saying that she hates the fact he smokes in his house. Because it's so much better for her to be around Pissed Up Pete and Cokehead Camilla
- she also revealed on PatreCON that she started writing another fiction book (seemingly the same story YET AGAIN from a different character's perspective), but the publisher thought it was shit, which is why she wrote her made up life story again, but she still has the bit she wrote so she may release it for more money via the Patreon
- after the Sunday lunch out, she was carrying Wilby who was whinging, she rolled her eyes and huffed. If you don't like kids Rabies, why did you keep having them?
- it turns out the ugly trainers and ugly jeans she was wearing were her Mother's Day gifts from Slosh. Most mums are happy with a card and little bunch of flowers or box of chocolates, Rach has to have a £300 pair of jeans and £145 pair of trainers.
- of course she had to show off all her cards from the kids, with their heartfelt messages about how amazing the life she's made for them is. I can smell the bullshit from here. Seb's card was interesting, how many 17 year old lads would use a silver metallic pen? And he'd written it to "mum" and underlined "mum" in his message, except we all know he never calls her mum, he never refers to her as his mum. Was he bribed with weed money and told what to write by Sloshy who didn't want to upset the most beautiful woman in his world on her special day?
- on to a little bit of trying to guilt Bratsy into coming home by sending a picture of an Easter egg and captioning it "when I pick up your favourite Easter egg, then remember you're not here"
just let the fucking girl live her life, she's left the country and you're STILL on at her all the time.
- Ravioli shared a bit of a Patreon live, where Seb was going through revision for his theory test and slagging off the questions, all while she giggled and snorted at him instead of helping.
- on a PatreCON live, Seb said he'd come in from a long day at work, "did his thing" and appeared to mime rolling a joint, which Ratchet appeared to understand because she said "we don't need that on here". Her entire demeanour changed when she saw a comment from someone saying their daughter had seen Bratsy in a bar. Never mind your travel plans Seb, it's straight back to Rabid's favourite
later on the same live, Seb called Sloshy "an all round bellend" and "a professional wanker" go on, Seb lad! He also said to Rabies "oh you won't remember, you were fucking hammered when you got back from your book thing". Is this the same stepmum who claims that they can't drink around the boys due to trauma associated with their mum, and also hates the taste of alcohol? He also said that if he wants anything, he knows to ask her when she's hammered as she'll buy him whatever he wants.
- BeKind has settled down to read the book, and is finding it so emotional and triggering. But apparently all the kids had already read it?
- more troll bollocks, starting with sharing shit from Greedy, nd followed by a screenshot from the family group chat, where Slosh and Wrecks *have* to tell the kids to block people because they are trolls who follow the whole family
maybe don't encourage your kids to have open profiles, so that anyone and everyone can follow and message them
- Rumbaba shared a video of bacon cooking and said "guess where I am". No guessing needed, she was round at Gangster Granny's getting treated like a toddler. Lickarse Jo was along for the ride, simpering like a twat when GG was showing her little notes from her husband in books that he'd bought her. Granny's phone went off in the background, and Ratchet said "that'll be Sebastian, he's just rung me". So she's such a present and available parent that her drugged up, teenage stepson rings her and she ignores it because she's busy looking at a dead man's writing in a book. At least his grandma loves and cares for him.
- Rumblestrip put her all into an ad for Rescue Remedy, filmed while in the car with Jo. Ever the professional. Then followed an equally well done and for Iconic with the Snatchwork raffle, where she said they were going to be doing some work making the Paignton centre into a community fridge.
- the gruesome twosome headed out for an uphill walk, because the gym is closed. Of course Ratchet complained the whole time "it's really hard, I'm so hot" etc. It had started with them frog marching down to the sea, with Bucket Hat Bob holding onto Ratchet's neck (trigger warning? Never heard of her, mate!). We're all pleased to hear that the human turd is still on the bench, nice that Joyce remembered how much she loves poo and took her up to see it for herself. Apparently they had the lushest time, as they always do when they're child free.
- next up ol' Beggy Mitchell is back, asking for a hoover for a warrior, who was apparently housed in an HMO with 4 men
never mind the fact she's got 8 million #gifted vacuums of various shapes and sizes, and has many streams of income "for the warriors" so *should* easily be able to buy one, it must be a second hand donation from a hun. And of course, someone comes through with the goods, meaning Ratshit gets to play at being the saviour without actually having to put her hand into her pocket.
- Ratface is still desperately trying to get people to buy tickets to her book tour, which are all really small numbers "so I have got time to chat to you all". Sure, Jan, keep telling yourself that. A mention of being reported for talking to Sloshy while he was driving (another thing that definitely didn't happen)
- most of her content now is reposts of people reading her shitty book, and reposting whatever Betsy posts.
- on PatreCON, we were treated to Sloshy's Shit Joke (so bad it's not even a dad joke), and an inspirational saying for Edie to go to school with "be the heated windscreen so someone else can see the way". Even Edie's face said "WTF".
- meanwhile, a Tattler had contacted D&C police asking whether PC Joshua Marshall was still employed by the police, as they feel his online presence is bringing the force into disrepute. The reply came denying the FOI request, as "Release of personal information or even confirmation or denial that such information exists would breach the General Data Protection Act 2018 (GDPR). If I were to confirm or deny that the information requested is held, it would be default be confirming that the individual in your request is or is not employed by the Force, which would then become public knowledge. This would not be fair to the individual in question and would be a direct contravention of the GDPR"
- Oh dear, BeKind has found out that not everyone has a good and kind heart, and not everyone is looking out for her like mummy always said they would be. Bratsy and her new best mates (who she definitely didn't know before she went to Thailand
) met a couple who said they owned a club and invited them along with the promise of free drinks. Off went the naive youngsters, enjoyed a night of drinks, snacks and dancing, then when they tried to leave they were told they had to pay £150. Being the arrogant little chav she is, Betsy argued with them and then tried to run away (which would mean leaving her new found friends in the club). She ended up paying the money, and Racket thought this was all hilarious. It wouldn't be so funny if they'd all got beaten up, arrested, or worse. Maybe Bratsy could do with some lessons in not being so dim to expect something for nothing, and how to conduct yourself when Mummy isn't there with the magic credit card to make it all go away
- Ratshit posted a long, rambling Facebook post, waffling on about the cost of living and the horrific temporary accommodation that women are housed in (often WITH MEN, apparently). It backfired slightly, with the huns rushing in their droves to offer donations of blankets, duvets, things from Amazon wish lists etc. Oh you silly huns, Racket doesn't want actual useful donations, she wants you to send cold hard cash (or vouchers). Blankets, dressing gowns and coats won't pay for her Gucci jewellery and new trainers every week! PayPal, PatreCON, or buying the sweatshop tracksuits only, please!
- Lula had a load of friends round before going out for a meal to celebrate her (early) birthday. Given that the kids are all 13-14, they were all in bodycon dresses and crop tops
While they were upstairs posing for photos with their boobs and arses pushed out
Joyce was busy downstairs pretending to fall over all their shoes, which they had taken off and lined up neatly in the hallway. Remember, Seb can't wear his trainers for a driving lesson in case he creases them, but Chablis Shaun can throw his entire weight onto the trainers of other people's kids, squashing them all. What a prick
- She's back on the Times Bestsellers list again, not number one but we won't talk about that. She's got a lush cape to wear to celebrate the occasion (which costs almost £100 and has a 3 week lead time). Wilby could have knocked something together at preschool which would have looked nicer but never mind. The truth is, to get on that list she only had to sell 3875 copies, which isn't much considering her follower numbers
plus people had to buy one to get a ticket for her book signings, and she's given away a load of copies to other Instatwat grifters.
Running total of overnight breaks away since Joyce started his career break on 15 June:
Night at Herpes Lodge (midweek)
Night in Exeter (Saturday)
Night in London (midweek)
July:
Joyce's birthday - one night at Boringdon Hall (midweek), then two nights (Friday and Saturday) in a lodge in Cornwall with Arsetrid and Simon.
October:
Herpes Lodge (weekend), night in London (mid week in half term), Friday night in Southampton
November - 2 nights in London (Sunday and Monday)
December - 5 nights in Jubai
January - 1 night in London (Miss Greedy's book launch)
February - 1 night in London after dropping Betsy at the airport
If you are new, please read the wiki (pink button at the top) and if you are in need of support or advice in relation to domestic abuse, there are some links and helplines listed at the bottom of the wiki page
.)
ok then rach we believe you!
🥹 
Emosh babes.
by it all. I listened to people with far more knowledge and experience than me. I’m still learning every single day. 