New thread title was from @Cjen84 , nominated by @reCAPTCHA 
love you both the hardest, sending you eight million Wild deodorants and a book so you can plan your funerals.
Last thread recap:
- Queen Lateetha is a bleep
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- Joshua Marshall was dismissed without notice from Devon and Cornwall Police for improperly accessing the police database, and using a false identity to contact members of the public.
- Slosh & Wrecks went off to pick Seb up from his weekend away with his mates, Bird Bothering Brian said he wasn't looking forward to having him home, he'd got used to him not being there. And then Bratsy's coming home tonight.
- Red Wine Raymond made Rambo porridge for breakfast, but she didn't eat any of it. Strong, independent boss babe who can't feed herself. Ok hun. So he made her a sandwich, like the bleeping doormat he is.
- back in the group chat, Joyce is throwing his weight around, telling Betsy she'll need an induction and house rules meeting. I love how he pretends any of those kids might pay attention to him, when none of them ever have.
- golden child BeKind is home, but Rambo didn't film her reunion with Wilbur because "he's only seen her on facetime for 3 months and it was too overwhelming for him". Except he saw her in Liverpool at Christmas, and then she came home
- BV Betty did a very, very, VERY long, rambling word vomit post on the PatreCON account all about teenagers. While Seb was away at the weekend with his mates they were smoking weed and doing balloons (which Rabies has never heard of, despite them being around for years). Seb was also at a party on NYE where someone got stabbed outside (but of course it was kids nobody knew, Seb and his mates were absolutely nothing to do with it). Bratsy's back, smelling different and with new clothes. Never one to miss an opportunity to throw Seb and Isaac's mum under the bus, she mentioned them going to stay with their auntie on their mum's side, but their mum won't be there. Lula's had a friend staying over for the last 16 nights. She'd had a tit day, so Rectum imparted the great wisdom that "this isn't forever, look at Betsy and Seb, you'll be like them in a few years". What an inspiration - drugs, drinking, underage sex, car crashes, stabbings.
- SUDDENLY IT ALL MAKES SENSE! The pissed up, coke fuelled ranting about a (non) troll who's a teacher on Saturday was all because old Rashflaps was jealous of Emily, who gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Ratchet obviously found out and it sent her into a rage, desperately looking for someone to direct her vitriol at.
- oooooh she's now trying to get people to buy her crappy book by giving them the chance to win a 3 night stay at Herpes Lodge. You too can sleep in a ramshackle shed in someone's garden with no toilet, and relax on the same bed that Torbay's power couple have loved each other the hardest on! Pre-orders not looking as healthy as you'd like, Raq?
- on a PatreCON live, she said that Lula had a fight with someone at school and kept ringing her, so she'd muted her calls (because talking tit to strangers is more important than parenting your child), and she also had left Wilbert in the lounge because he's not well and grumpy so he was "doing her head in". Another day, another load of tit about trolls, this time she reckons Linda the cleaner has been targeted (even though she's not on social media). "The trolls" have sent poor Linda a link to "the hate site" where we've all been slagging her off apparently (actually, nobody's slagged Linda off and we think she's a bleeping saint for putting up with all Rawhide's crap). Let's not mention that nobody would even know who Linda was if Rumblestrip didn't wander around filming her while she's trying to get Joyce's crusty y-fronts in the washing machine
- Rhubarb wants a pat on the back for getting Wiblet in the car and to school by herself without a meltdown (him, not her). Don't worry, it was short-lived, because he then had a "glorious meltdown" in the car park, and walked in clutching a chunk of Rawhide's greasy hair. The teacher took time out of their day to let her know that he'd settled down ok (or she had Jo on a fake account again).
- she's doing her one day a week at the centre, delivering the pound shop version of the Freedom programme. Unfortunately the bestselling author managed to title a section of the presentation as "the affects of domestic abuse on children". Not gonna lie, even if I didn't know anything about the Patreon Saint, the spelling mistake wouldn't fill me with confidence that the person delivering the course knew what they were doing.
- still desperate to be friends with Mrs Hinch, she tagged her in to a video of Wilbert reading Mrs H's tit book at school. You're not getting an invite to Hinch notaFarm hun, give it up.
- an advert for Tesco featured Rabies cooking up some vomfest meal (which aside from looking like something one of the dogs had thrown up, was clearly nowhere near enough food for a family of 8).
- meanwhile, a local Tattler let us know that there had been an Options evening at Lula's school, but her mum was obviously too busy to attend, so she was accompanied by Sloshy instead. Interestingly, PA Jo was there with her own child, but was sat on the opposite side of the room.
- Relatable Rita has dropped almost a grand on an ugly chair to put in a stupid place (in the hallway inside the front door).
- a ramble up in the loft, apparently there are changes coming to the centres and all the staff dislike her. Joyce has been on a gull identification course (sounds bleeping thrilling), and Rambo asked if the bloke who ran it could come and tell her why she gets them nesting on the roof every year. You don't need an expert to tell you babe, it just comes with that sea view you're always banging on about. You're welcome. Booty Shorts Brian went to collect Edie from a club, and the lady running it recognised him from going to "bird club". Edie was "mortified" because the lady said he should come back and he can bring a bird to show and tell. Apparently he's buzzing, but we all know there's absolutely no way Racket will let him go out unsupervised. Wilbert has been invited to a party, of course Rabies was sobbing over it because she thought he'd never make friends
on to complaining about the kids fighting over who gets to sit in the front of the car. She usually lets Edie sit there because Lula and Isaac are old enough to get the bus. Last week Isaac got the bus, but Lula and Edie ended up having a fight, "dragging each other around on the driveway". Despite saying she's"raising them kind", Edie said Lula has "thin little lips", while Lula said Edie has "a fat forehead". The scrap ended when Edie licked Lula's jacket. Despite having booked her flight to Thailand, Bratsy didn't factor in getting the necessary jabs done, so is having to go somewhere else to get them.
- Queen Lateetha filmed 13 year old Lula prancing around in a towel in front of the big mirror, supposedly showing off her fake tan (available from the Snatchwork tat shop). This was followed by Lula in a figure hugging dress with a thigh high split up the side. Thirteen years old. A picture of Lula in the dress then went on the grid and on Facebook, and garnered a load of comments from the huns about how much she looks like Bratsy. Way to make the child feel like she's living in her sister's shadow.
- the tat shop (which is barely ever open) still has the Christmas window display, has Boss Babe Betty lost interest in her lush little project?
- Raq is doing some market research for the next drop of REBL, wonder why she didn't do that prior to the first lot of cheap tracksuits?
- Rancid bought Wilbert a play tent, which Sloshy was complaining about having to move around the house.
- Roast Dinner Ronald was at it again, with tit gravy and dinner served with no cutlery, drinks, or people at the table. A couple of the meals were served in bowls instead of on plates, has the PayPal cash not stretched to enough plates for the whole family? Then Bratsy had to drag Seb around after her to sit and eat her dinner so she wasn't lonely
- there was a Snatchwork Shitshow meeting, where PA Jo proved how amazing she is by making an agenda and putting pretty colours all over it. Tell me you're trying to fill out your time at work without telling me you're trying to fill out your time at work. There was also coloured print outs of tracksuits, fabric swatches, and a nice map of the UK with the header "book tour". For those of you who aren't aware, Rambo's book tour is not being arranged by the publisher, but all sorted and paid for herself. Then it turns out that "meeting" was Rabies, Jo, Jen (hiding from the camera as always, maybe the saviour of women could respect her wishes and stop bleeping filming her), her toxic mum, and Slosh, and was taking place in the kitchen with Lula, Isaac and another child sitting in. What a nightmare for a working mum! Except her husband "took a career break" to spend more time with the children, and she has multiple Snatchwork premises that she *could* have held the meeting at, but of course that wouldn't have given the "FML" content, would it?
- later, Ratface dragged her poor mum (who has cancer) up the stepladder stairs and through the hobbit door into the loft to help her sort out her clothes for Vinted (for "help" read "do everything while Toothy Tina films and snorts"). We thought all Rabid's old clothes that she no longer wanted were going to the free shop for "the women", she obviously decided she'd rather get some money for it and is flogging it all off instead.
- remember when they were calling Wilbur "coughing Colin" and "bronchitis Brian" the other week? They've finally taken him to the doctor and he's been prescribed an inhaler.
- Bratsy's plan for when she's in Thailand is to find a boy who will do everything for her, the way Sloshy does for Racket. She decided to leave Liverpool because she hadn't found her "ride or die" in the couple of months she's been there. Ok hun.
- Wilbert and his bob ate some cereal with a spoon at the table, with Ramshackle captioning it "doing something that once looked impossible". Yeah, because you never bothered to teach him, and he was never included in family meals to learn from his siblings, you useless prick.
- it's her niece's birthday, so of course we had to have a throw back to that time the poor child broke both wrists while in Rectum's care, and was denied medical attention. Oh, how we all laughed!
- there's yet another new bestie on the scene, someone called Tracy who apparently looked after Rawhide when she was 15 and "extremely broken". Who wasn't looking after her at the time, because it seems like every week a new bestie or foster family is being wheeled out.
- valentine's Day dawned, with a vomit-inducing montage of Toothy Tina and Titwank all over each other like a rash.
- because it's the day of love and romance, Rashflaps has bought a book to fill in all about what she wants to happen when she dies. Frankly babe, they can catapult you off into a rubbish dump for all I care
- Lula's been bought flowers by her boyfriend, and told Bratsy she's toxic. Standard behaviour in that house.
- Because it's Valentine's, Slosh & Wrecks simply had to go out for a meal, even though Wilbert's poorly and hates being out of his routine, but that's not important enough to stop them from loving each other the hardest as far away from the kids as they can get. No idea who was looking after the poorly, level 3 autistic, violent child, because BeKind was chauffeuring the couple of the year around.
- Sloshy's card to Racquetball said she has the best bum to touch, and he can't stop loving her even when she makes him watch her poo. Oh, the romance!
Running total of overnight breaks away since Joyce started his career break on 15 June:
Night at Herpes Lodge (midweek)
Night in Exeter (Saturday)
Night in London (midweek)
July:
Joyce's birthday - one night at Boringdon Hall (midweek), then two nights (Friday and Saturday) in a lodge in Cornwall with Arsetrid and Simon.
October:
Herpes Lodge (weekend), night in London (mid week in half term), Friday night in Southampton
November - 2 nights in London (Sunday and Monday)
December - 5 nights in Jubai
January - 1 night in London (Miss Greedy's book launch)
If you are new, please read the wiki (pink button at the top) and if you are in need of support or advice in relation to domestic abuse, there are some links and helplines listed at the bottom of the wiki page
love you both the hardest, sending you eight million Wild deodorants and a book so you can plan your funerals.Last thread recap:
- Queen Lateetha is a bleep
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- Joshua Marshall was dismissed without notice from Devon and Cornwall Police for improperly accessing the police database, and using a false identity to contact members of the public.
- Slosh & Wrecks went off to pick Seb up from his weekend away with his mates, Bird Bothering Brian said he wasn't looking forward to having him home, he'd got used to him not being there. And then Bratsy's coming home tonight.
- Red Wine Raymond made Rambo porridge for breakfast, but she didn't eat any of it. Strong, independent boss babe who can't feed herself. Ok hun. So he made her a sandwich, like the bleeping doormat he is.
- back in the group chat, Joyce is throwing his weight around, telling Betsy she'll need an induction and house rules meeting. I love how he pretends any of those kids might pay attention to him, when none of them ever have.
- golden child BeKind is home, but Rambo didn't film her reunion with Wilbur because "he's only seen her on facetime for 3 months and it was too overwhelming for him". Except he saw her in Liverpool at Christmas, and then she came home
- BV Betty did a very, very, VERY long, rambling word vomit post on the PatreCON account all about teenagers. While Seb was away at the weekend with his mates they were smoking weed and doing balloons (which Rabies has never heard of, despite them being around for years). Seb was also at a party on NYE where someone got stabbed outside (but of course it was kids nobody knew, Seb and his mates were absolutely nothing to do with it). Bratsy's back, smelling different and with new clothes. Never one to miss an opportunity to throw Seb and Isaac's mum under the bus, she mentioned them going to stay with their auntie on their mum's side, but their mum won't be there. Lula's had a friend staying over for the last 16 nights. She'd had a tit day, so Rectum imparted the great wisdom that "this isn't forever, look at Betsy and Seb, you'll be like them in a few years". What an inspiration - drugs, drinking, underage sex, car crashes, stabbings.
- SUDDENLY IT ALL MAKES SENSE! The pissed up, coke fuelled ranting about a (non) troll who's a teacher on Saturday was all because old Rashflaps was jealous of Emily, who gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Ratchet obviously found out and it sent her into a rage, desperately looking for someone to direct her vitriol at.
- oooooh she's now trying to get people to buy her crappy book by giving them the chance to win a 3 night stay at Herpes Lodge. You too can sleep in a ramshackle shed in someone's garden with no toilet, and relax on the same bed that Torbay's power couple have loved each other the hardest on! Pre-orders not looking as healthy as you'd like, Raq?
- on a PatreCON live, she said that Lula had a fight with someone at school and kept ringing her, so she'd muted her calls (because talking tit to strangers is more important than parenting your child), and she also had left Wilbert in the lounge because he's not well and grumpy so he was "doing her head in". Another day, another load of tit about trolls, this time she reckons Linda the cleaner has been targeted (even though she's not on social media). "The trolls" have sent poor Linda a link to "the hate site" where we've all been slagging her off apparently (actually, nobody's slagged Linda off and we think she's a bleeping saint for putting up with all Rawhide's crap). Let's not mention that nobody would even know who Linda was if Rumblestrip didn't wander around filming her while she's trying to get Joyce's crusty y-fronts in the washing machine
- Rhubarb wants a pat on the back for getting Wiblet in the car and to school by herself without a meltdown (him, not her). Don't worry, it was short-lived, because he then had a "glorious meltdown" in the car park, and walked in clutching a chunk of Rawhide's greasy hair. The teacher took time out of their day to let her know that he'd settled down ok (or she had Jo on a fake account again
). - she's doing her one day a week at the centre, delivering the pound shop version of the Freedom programme. Unfortunately the bestselling author managed to title a section of the presentation as "the affects of domestic abuse on children". Not gonna lie, even if I didn't know anything about the Patreon Saint, the spelling mistake wouldn't fill me with confidence that the person delivering the course knew what they were doing.
- still desperate to be friends with Mrs Hinch, she tagged her in to a video of Wilbert reading Mrs H's tit book at school. You're not getting an invite to Hinch notaFarm hun, give it up.
- an advert for Tesco featured Rabies cooking up some vomfest meal (which aside from looking like something one of the dogs had thrown up, was clearly nowhere near enough food for a family of 8).
- meanwhile, a local Tattler let us know that there had been an Options evening at Lula's school, but her mum was obviously too busy to attend, so she was accompanied by Sloshy instead. Interestingly, PA Jo was there with her own child, but was sat on the opposite side of the room.
- Relatable Rita has dropped almost a grand on an ugly chair to put in a stupid place (in the hallway inside the front door).
- a ramble up in the loft, apparently there are changes coming to the centres and all the staff dislike her. Joyce has been on a gull identification course (sounds bleeping thrilling), and Rambo asked if the bloke who ran it could come and tell her why she gets them nesting on the roof every year. You don't need an expert to tell you babe, it just comes with that sea view you're always banging on about. You're welcome. Booty Shorts Brian went to collect Edie from a club, and the lady running it recognised him from going to "bird club". Edie was "mortified" because the lady said he should come back and he can bring a bird to show and tell. Apparently he's buzzing, but we all know there's absolutely no way Racket will let him go out unsupervised. Wilbert has been invited to a party, of course Rabies was sobbing over it because she thought he'd never make friends
on to complaining about the kids fighting over who gets to sit in the front of the car. She usually lets Edie sit there because Lula and Isaac are old enough to get the bus. Last week Isaac got the bus, but Lula and Edie ended up having a fight, "dragging each other around on the driveway". Despite saying she's"raising them kind", Edie said Lula has "thin little lips", while Lula said Edie has "a fat forehead". The scrap ended when Edie licked Lula's jacket. Despite having booked her flight to Thailand, Bratsy didn't factor in getting the necessary jabs done, so is having to go somewhere else to get them. - Queen Lateetha filmed 13 year old Lula prancing around in a towel in front of the big mirror, supposedly showing off her fake tan (available from the Snatchwork tat shop). This was followed by Lula in a figure hugging dress with a thigh high split up the side. Thirteen years old. A picture of Lula in the dress then went on the grid and on Facebook, and garnered a load of comments from the huns about how much she looks like Bratsy. Way to make the child feel like she's living in her sister's shadow.
- the tat shop (which is barely ever open) still has the Christmas window display, has Boss Babe Betty lost interest in her lush little project?
- Raq is doing some market research for the next drop of REBL, wonder why she didn't do that prior to the first lot of cheap tracksuits?
- Rancid bought Wilbert a play tent, which Sloshy was complaining about having to move around the house.
- Roast Dinner Ronald was at it again, with tit gravy and dinner served with no cutlery, drinks, or people at the table. A couple of the meals were served in bowls instead of on plates, has the PayPal cash not stretched to enough plates for the whole family? Then Bratsy had to drag Seb around after her to sit and eat her dinner so she wasn't lonely
- there was a Snatchwork Shitshow meeting, where PA Jo proved how amazing she is by making an agenda and putting pretty colours all over it. Tell me you're trying to fill out your time at work without telling me you're trying to fill out your time at work. There was also coloured print outs of tracksuits, fabric swatches, and a nice map of the UK with the header "book tour". For those of you who aren't aware, Rambo's book tour is not being arranged by the publisher, but all sorted and paid for herself. Then it turns out that "meeting" was Rabies, Jo, Jen (hiding from the camera as always, maybe the saviour of women could respect her wishes and stop bleeping filming her), her toxic mum, and Slosh, and was taking place in the kitchen with Lula, Isaac and another child sitting in. What a nightmare for a working mum! Except her husband "took a career break" to spend more time with the children, and she has multiple Snatchwork premises that she *could* have held the meeting at, but of course that wouldn't have given the "FML" content, would it?
- later, Ratface dragged her poor mum (who has cancer) up the stepladder stairs and through the hobbit door into the loft to help her sort out her clothes for Vinted (for "help" read "do everything while Toothy Tina films and snorts"). We thought all Rabid's old clothes that she no longer wanted were going to the free shop for "the women", she obviously decided she'd rather get some money for it and is flogging it all off instead.
- remember when they were calling Wilbur "coughing Colin" and "bronchitis Brian" the other week? They've finally taken him to the doctor and he's been prescribed an inhaler.
- Bratsy's plan for when she's in Thailand is to find a boy who will do everything for her, the way Sloshy does for Racket. She decided to leave Liverpool because she hadn't found her "ride or die" in the couple of months she's been there. Ok hun.
- Wilbert and his bob ate some cereal with a spoon at the table, with Ramshackle captioning it "doing something that once looked impossible". Yeah, because you never bothered to teach him, and he was never included in family meals to learn from his siblings, you useless prick.
- it's her niece's birthday, so of course we had to have a throw back to that time the poor child broke both wrists while in Rectum's care, and was denied medical attention. Oh, how we all laughed!
- there's yet another new bestie on the scene, someone called Tracy who apparently looked after Rawhide when she was 15 and "extremely broken". Who wasn't looking after her at the time, because it seems like every week a new bestie or foster family is being wheeled out.
- valentine's Day dawned, with a vomit-inducing montage of Toothy Tina and Titwank all over each other like a rash.
- because it's the day of love and romance, Rashflaps has bought a book to fill in all about what she wants to happen when she dies. Frankly babe, they can catapult you off into a rubbish dump for all I care
- Lula's been bought flowers by her boyfriend, and told Bratsy she's toxic. Standard behaviour in that house.
- Because it's Valentine's, Slosh & Wrecks simply had to go out for a meal, even though Wilbert's poorly and hates being out of his routine, but that's not important enough to stop them from loving each other the hardest as far away from the kids as they can get. No idea who was looking after the poorly, level 3 autistic, violent child, because BeKind was chauffeuring the couple of the year around.
- Sloshy's card to Racquetball said she has the best bum to touch, and he can't stop loving her even when she makes him watch her poo. Oh, the romance!
Running total of overnight breaks away since Joyce started his career break on 15 June:
Night at Herpes Lodge (midweek)
Night in Exeter (Saturday)
Night in London (midweek)
July:
Joyce's birthday - one night at Boringdon Hall (midweek), then two nights (Friday and Saturday) in a lodge in Cornwall with Arsetrid and Simon.
October:
Herpes Lodge (weekend), night in London (mid week in half term), Friday night in Southampton
November - 2 nights in London (Sunday and Monday)
December - 5 nights in Jubai
January - 1 night in London (Miss Greedy's book launch)
If you are new, please read the wiki (pink button at the top) and if you are in need of support or advice in relation to domestic abuse, there are some links and helplines listed at the bottom of the wiki page
before coming downstairs. Her bottom lip looks very wet.
.
.
I'll have to pass on the death book as my youngest son lost his great nan couple weeks back and today was funeral. Sooooo ended up at Duxford ANNNNDDDD the kids saw Ryan Reynolds as there filming something. 
It’s plain weird, who the heck does that. 
