Pregnancy #57

[Greencatfysh]

Never realised how much I actually complain until I joined this thread
Found out one of our friends sadly lost their baby so I was thinking of ways I could let them know without throwing it in their faces (I’ve been there, it’s not nice)
Anyway my fiance drunkenly told her boyfriend on a night out and she’s texted to congratulate me. I’m honestly so annoyed and this could’ve been avoided. We haven’t even told family yet as we are waiting until after my 12 week scan, and announcing at our wedding!

Ugh, men. That’s so annoying. I’d just explain to your friend that you were hoping to do it in a more tactful way and are sorry she had to find out that way.

I’ve had a similar thing but obviously not as bad, we’ve been telling people for a few weeks now except my husband has a few key family members/close family friends who he HASNT told and now I’m worried it’ll cause family drama because some of them will find out second/third hand. He’s like “yeah I’ll do it soon” but surely it takes 1 minute to write a WhatsApp. Why are they so useless!

 

[Nfj]

Never realised how much I actually complain until I joined this thread
Found out one of our friends sadly lost their baby so I was thinking of ways I could let them know without throwing it in their faces (I’ve been there, it’s not nice)
Anyway my fiance drunkenly told her boyfriend on a night out and she’s texted to congratulate me. I’m honestly so annoyed and this could’ve been avoided. We haven’t even told family yet as we are waiting until after my 12 week scan, and announcing at our wedding!

I think in a weird way, she probably preferred finding out like that and not in front of loads of people at your wedding. It means she can compose herself and be happy and there for you but still have that private reaction of sadness for her baby.

 

[Amylaauren]

Ugh, men. That’s so annoying. I’d just explain to your friend that you were hoping to do it in a more tactful way and are sorry she had to find out that way.

I’ve had a similar thing but obviously not as bad, we’ve been telling people for a few weeks now except my husband has a few key family members/close family friends who he HASNT told and now I’m worried it’ll cause family drama because some of them will find out second/third hand. He’s like “yeah I’ll do it soon” but surely it takes 1 minute to write a WhatsApp. Why are they so useless!

oh nooo don’t think it would cause drama!
a lot of our family won’t find out until the wedding and I’ll be 15 weeks, I know some will be annoyed we waited a little longer though. People are so entitled!

 

[Greencatfysh]

oh nooo don’t think it would cause drama!
a lot of our family won’t find out until the wedding and I’ll be 15 weeks, I know some will be annoyed we waited a little longer though. People are so entitled!

Oh yeah, a lot of our older family members defo feel entitled to the news, especially cos it’s the first baby for both sides of our families really other than a couple of second cousins.

 

[Amylaauren]

I think in a weird way, she probably preferred finding out like that and not in front of loads of people at your wedding. It means she can compose herself and be happy and there for you but still have that private reaction of sadness for her baby.

she wasn’t going to be at the wedding but I was going to drop her a message beforehand just to let her know x

 

[raspberryjuice]

I’ve officially reached the stage where I waddle at 2mph and old ladies look at me with sympathy as they pass me

HURRY. UP. BABY.

 

[Laughalong]

My boyfriend has wholly been obsessed with being there for me during my pregnancy from the start BUT to be honest, it’s because I miscarried in November. So I think it made him realise more. On the first one before I did, it was almost like he wasn’t acknowledging it (despite the fact he championed us having a baby!!!) and it really started to annoy me because it seemed like he wasn’t bothered. In reality, I looked the same and we hadn’t had a scan yet as it was so early - it hadn’t sunk in. Then we miscarried at 7 weeks. This time though because we went for the early scan basically straight away and having just had the loss a month before, he did way more in terms of asking and making sure every last thing was done for me. I haven’t made my own drink for the last 5 months . I love it.

He’s currently working an extra side job on the weekends to save for baby (we earn more than enough between us for a baby, we just want the extra finer things) and I really want to do the same, but can’t find a job that’s worth the money on the side. I found one yesterday waitressing near us and told him and he goes “I don’t want to be rude because it’s great you’re trying to think of things, but you’re past the point of being able to do this sort of work now. You really need to just be resting you and baby for the sake of an extra £60 odd a week” and I just thought it was really sweet . Like ultimately I think I’d be fine! But I’ll take it. Never ask me to work again ideally

 

[George01]

Just had a meeting in work about who will be taking over my job while I am gone, now I'm just trying not to have a breakdown over the inevitable state my role will be in when I get back in a year.
Hope I can leave and not give work a second thought once I am gone

 

[littlepup]

my partner is being a bit of a wick.
He still isn’t over keen on feeling baby move and seems to expect me to be 100% on the ball which I’ve exploded at a few times.
We went up to the hospital for reduced movements again last night and he came, he always gone alone before. Were there a few mins and he put the golf on his phone
But he then said he just hates it all, he hates the worry, he hates hospitals, he hates what happened to me last time, he just doesn’t want to deal. He’s terrified we’ll lose baby, or something will happen to me, so it like he doesn’t want to become attached or acknowledge it all. What can you say?
I could say ‘step up, I need your support’ but that would dismiss his fears and trauma from last time so I guess I just have to go with it and accept he’s finding it hard.
He’s usually such a supportive sort and he’s turned quite selfish so I just hope this is all about self preservation rather than a genuine shift and try to be understanding. But that is hard when you feel like you’re carrying the whole load, literally.

 

[Tazzie]

Just had a meeting in work about who will be taking over my job while I am gone, now I'm just trying not to have a breakdown over the inevitable state my role will be in when I get back in a year.
Hope I can leave and not give work a second thought once I am gone

That’s a horrendous feeling, totally get it x

 

[odetotheseaweed]

Just had a meeting in work about who will be taking over my job while I am gone, now I'm just trying not to have a breakdown over the inevitable state my role will be in when I get back in a year.
Hope I can leave and not give work a second thought once I am gone

I felt like this both times I left on maternity leave, spent ages worrying about it but the second I walked out those doors and got into car I just didn’t care anymore. I figured I’d just deal with it when I got back hopefully you will feel the same when you have finished x

 

[Elle Woods]

I felt like this both times I left on maternity leave, spent ages worrying about it but the second I walked out those doors and got into car I just didn’t care anymore. I figured I’d just deal with it when I got back hopefully you will feel the same when you have finished x

I'm really hoping this is the attitude I'm going to take when my maternity starts although I know I'm going to struggle!

 

[Elisha97]

she wasn’t going to be at the wedding but I was going to drop her a message beforehand just to let her know x

a message is the best way! Face to face puts too much pressure on it. It’s awful either way but that’s going to be the least upsetting. Message her at a time you think is best, ie not when she’d be at work and not on a weekend 🩷
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my partner is being a bit of a wick.
He still isn’t over keen on feeling baby move and seems to expect me to be 100% on the ball which I’ve exploded at a few times.
We went up to the hospital for reduced movements again last night and he came, he always gone alone before. Were there a few mins and he put the golf on his phone
But he then said he just hates it all, he hates the worry, he hates hospitals, he hates what happened to me last time, he just doesn’t want to deal. He’s terrified we’ll lose baby, or something will happen to me, so it like he doesn’t want to become attached or acknowledge it all. What can you say?
I could say ‘step up, I need your support’ but that would dismiss his fears and trauma from last time so I guess I just have to go with it and accept he’s finding it hard.
He’s usually such a supportive sort and he’s turned quite selfish so I just hope this is all about self preservation rather than a genuine shift and try to be understanding. But that is hard when you feel like you’re carrying the whole load, literally.

I’m so sorry. We have a charity local to us that does all sorts of counselling around baby loss, pregnancy, post natal etc and they do couples counselling. This is free but a bit of a wait list, but I’m sure there’s private too if that could be an option. That might be a good way to discuss your points of view and be guided by a trained therapist who could give their insight? We found it helped us because we grieve and ‘wait’ for pregnancy related news so differently. I’m a ‘try and be positive/ enjoy everything’ kind of woman and he’s ‘don’t tell anyone, don’t get too involved and definitely don’t get excited’ kind of man so it was good for us to meet in the middle

 

[George01]

Ah thank you @Tazzie @odetotheseaweed it feels silly being frustrated over something, I didn't feel like this with my last one I basically stopped working as soon as I found out
Dunno what it is this time round! I think I've worked so hard in the 2 years I've been back since my son that I don't want it to feel all undone!
I'm sure as soon as I leave and start watching all the reality shows I've been saving for mat leave I won't have a care in the world about the place haha

 

[JombleWomble]

Hi everyone
I found out last week that I'm pregnant! It was a bit of a shock, but a good one. My first antenatal appointments has just been booked, which is making it start to feel a bit more real. I'm only somewhere between 5-7 weeks and I'm already exhausted! I'm so excited but also trying not to get ahead of myself as I know things are a bit fragile in the early days.

 

[littlepup]

I’m so sorry. We have a charity local to us that does all sorts of counselling around baby loss, pregnancy, post natal etc and they do couples counselling. This is free but a bit of a wait list, but I’m sure there’s private too if that could be an option. That might be a good way to discuss your points of view and be guided by a trained therapist who could give their insight? We found it helped us because we grieve and ‘wait’ for pregnancy related news so differently. I’m a ‘try and be positive/ enjoy everything’ kind of woman and he’s ‘don’t tell anyone, don’t get too involved and definitely don’t get excited’ kind of man so it was good for us to meet in the middle

Thank you. I’ve only 6-8 weeks to go now and in every other way our relationship and communication is really strong so I’m hoping it’s just a mental block like I say.
(Previously he’s not come to appointments like that due to Covid or having to stay home with our eldest, not that he didn’t want to, he is there when it counts despite his own reservations just not in the way I’d like)
We usually follow the thing of 50/50 but when one of us is struggling the other picks up the slack. Unfortunately in this instance neither of us have the capacity to pick up the slack I guess. So my reaction is “stop being a selfish wick” but actually, he’s struggling in his own way. I also probably go OTT due to hormones.
I do wish we’d have addressed his birth trauma because he really went through it, probably more than me as I was prepared for what could go wrong. He was easy breezy, so when it didn’t happen that way it terrified him.

I’ll just for now it’s temporary. I’m trying to convince him to take some shared maternity and he totally gets that so I think he appreciates what’s coming.

 

[Bumblebee2019]

I'm really hoping this is the attitude I'm going to take when my maternity starts although I know I'm going to struggle!

Me too!! My brain keeps swapping between wondering if they’ll employ someone amazing to cover me and will suddenly think I’m useless (despite no sign of this in the years I’ve been in the job) or there won’t be any cover and I’ll come back to unpick madness while also trying to be a Mum. I’m hopeful I’ll just switch off and not care… or win the lottery so I never have to work again
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Thank you. I’ve only 6-8 weeks to go now and in every other way our relationship and communication is really strong so I’m hoping it’s just a mental block like I say.
(Previously he’s not come to appointments like that due to Covid or having to stay home with our eldest, not that he didn’t want to, he is there when it counts despite his own reservations just not in the way I’d like)
We usually follow the thing of 50/50 but when one of us is struggling the other picks up the slack. Unfortunately in this instance neither of us have the capacity to pick up the slack I guess. So my reaction is “stop being a selfish wick” but actually, he’s struggling in his own way. I also probably go OTT due to hormones.
I do wish we’d have addressed his birth trauma because he really went through it, probably more than me as I was prepared for what could go wrong. He was easy breezy, so when it didn’t happen that way it terrified him.

I’ll just for now it’s temporary. I’m trying to convince him to take some shared maternity and he totally gets that so I think he appreciates what’s coming.

I don’t have any specific advice for you but I hope you know you’ve got the love and support of all of us on here! You are always so reassuring and kind to all of us no matter what questions and comments we have I am sure like you say it’s a mental block and self preservation, it sounds like it was really hard to go through.

I’m not ready for those of you about to imminently have your babies to leave this thread yet

 

[Elisha97]

Thank you. I’ve only 6-8 weeks to go now and in every other way our relationship and communication is really strong so I’m hoping it’s just a mental block like I say.
(Previously he’s not come to appointments like that due to Covid or having to stay home with our eldest, not that he didn’t want to, he is there when it counts despite his own reservations just not in the way I’d like)
We usually follow the thing of 50/50 but when one of us is struggling the other picks up the slack. Unfortunately in this instance neither of us have the capacity to pick up the slack I guess. So my reaction is “stop being a selfish wick” but actually, he’s struggling in his own way. I also probably go OTT due to hormones.
I do wish we’d have addressed his birth trauma because he really went through it, probably more than me as I was prepared for what could go wrong. He was easy breezy, so when it didn’t happen that way it terrified him.

I’ll just for now it’s temporary. I’m trying to convince him to take some shared maternity and he totally gets that so I think he appreciates what’s coming.

They’re super quick to get you in (I had my first appointment same week I was referred) but you do know yourself best and it’s something you might try and find isn’t right for you anyway. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you as well, pregnancy is a tough, high pressure time and it causes so much stress. I hope everything goes well 🩷

 

[odetotheseaweed]

Yes, please don’t leave guys, I feel like we are a family now

 

[raspberryjuice]

Mr R is literally my maternity cover! Which is good because he’s brilliant at his job so I know when I go back it will be ok, but I feel like I’m not even off sometimes cus he brings it all home and updates me every day.

Sending you love @littlepup hope he sorts himself out when baby arrives. It sounds difficult