Parents of teenagers!

[samwilzrhcp]

I’m at my whits end, just had a phone call from the school to say another parent has called up concerned about her daughter’s behaviour and while checking her phone is now concerned about my daughter. She’s Up sending messages until all hours of the night, screen shotting pornographic images off websites and sending them, there was also a video over the weekend of my daughter smoking (unsure if it was a vape or an actual cigarette) but she’s out of control. Feel like I can’t take her phone, as I work full time and she’s responsible for getting herself to and from school (I don’t get home until after 6) feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place and it’s making me so unhappy. I’m fed up of her attitude, her entitlement, her behaviour - everything is determined about how she feels and I’m sick of walking on eggshells because of her. If anyone could help or offer an advice I’d much appreciate it

Get her an old retro phone that doesn’t have access to the internet, think they do new versions of the old Nokias.

 

[boatofbubbles]

At 32 I suppose I'm first generation of playstations phones Facebook etc. But it's nothing like today my due to be 13 year old cannot sit through a tv programme, it either happens now or not at all. Taking him phone is not easy I get days of rants of How I'm wrong, how cruel I am, why he should have it back etc. But speaking to an older colleague today she said how she made her child sit at the table to do his homework and when he gave mouth she'd slap him. I'm not saying it's right, but as parents a lot of times children nowadays have the upper hand ( to add I would never have never raised hand to my children)

 

[Kim Mild]

My teenager is off to college for the first time today . They are a bit nervous cos it's all new to them .

I didn't want to say anything to them , but they have nicer clothes They could wear instead of the scruffy ones they've put on .

I'm also not sure how much they'll have to pay for bus fare as the under 21 special price has just changed and the bus drivers probably just end up charging adult fare.

 

[HumphreyB]

I have a 15 year old. Have had a lot of trouble with her violence and aggression, she can be quite narcissistic, manipulative, self centred and entitled. She very rarely goes to school, can be violent and aggressive to the point I've called the police out on her several times.

so sorry to read your message. there is very little help out there. i also feel parents are often really shitty and judgemental. it can make opening up and trying to share the load with a friend/family member difficult.

i hope you get somewhere with cahms

 

[Dizzy]

Do any of you examine your own behaviours and how you interact and speak to your teens? It might give insight into why SOME of you have teens that don't want to engage with you and seem to "ruin" holidays and be "arseholes".

Good point and yes, I constantly check myself on how I communicate with them - TBH I find parenting teenagers is all about questioning yourself and your reactions/behaviours, especially with ND teens when it seems a constant judgement call. But my teens are sometimes arseholes because they are sometimes arseholes, simple as that.
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I have a 15 year old. Have had a lot of trouble with her violence and aggression, she can be quite narcissistic, manipulative, self centred and entitled. She very rarely goes to school, can be violent and aggressive to the point I've called the police out on her several times. Her younger sisters were put on child protection register due to the risk of domestic abuse from eldest daughter. She doesn't care, has very little empathy and will only apologise If she gets something in return or if its too benefit her. Waiting for camhs to hopefully give a diagnosis or medicate her tbh. She is very close to going in to care. She sleeps all day and awake all night, isolates herself in her room on her phone alot. Does have friends but struggles to maintain long last friendships. Just don't know what else to do with her

Sorry to hear this. Just from what you’ve said and because I have an autistic daughter, it sounds like she may have autism. I hope you get support and help from CAMHS. Parenting ND kids is brutal at times.

 

[Rodneytrotter]

I need to have a chat with my teen tonight about the fact that she does nothing to help around the house.

 

[Megansnarkle]

My daughter currently has no technology and is grounded. What does everyone’s 12 year olds do to entertain themselves? Does anyone have any suggestions of books to read? Activities - I’m sick of hearing I’m bored and it’s only been 36 hours

It isn't your job to provide alternative entertainment during a punishment. If she has access to a shelf full of books or a library card then she's perfectly capable of finding a book herself. Alternatively she can come up with something she'd like to do. It's healthy for kids to be bored sometimes and far too easy for technology to be a solution.

 

[restingbtcface]

I've found remove his phone for a couple of days turns him back into the sweetheart I remember. Be warned it lasts 2 days max

Tried that. Banned him from his Xbox. It’s the raging at his Xbox then lying he wasn’t raging. He will NOT admit he was shouting and banging. I even voice recorded him on my phone and he still denied it.

 

[Kim Mild]

This is part rant, part wondering if anyone else has a similar experience.

My 18 year old has just done their a levels and finished school . They are in the house all of the time and never do anything or go out . Them being in the house all the time is getting on my nerves a bit now as they often seem to be in the way .
They've been applying for jobs , but haven't had any success. I've suggested volunteering at a charity shop to gain experience but nothing has come of it.

They also have skin issues that is trying to be sorted medically , which doesn't help their confidence and I can't help but think people are judgemental about.

I think back to when I was 18 and I was so much more independent.

Roll on September when they go to college.

 

[Kim Mild]

Aww I hope today goes well for them

Thank you . College is such a big change .

 

[Rodneytrotter]

My daughter is 13 and lovely but absolutely addicted to her phone.

 

[HumphreyB]

@Summer2011 its screen time on my iphone. if you go into settings you can see your screen time. we set up family and added the kids. so we
control their apps. if they want a new app the requests comes to us first. we have to approve. same with their usage. it’s a little fiddly to start but once it’s up and running it’s great. our friends had it and recommended when we were having issues around their phone use

 

[Dizzy]

Anybody else counting down the days til back to school?

HELL YES!!

 

[boatofbubbles]

Happy to hear it’s not just my teen who’s an arsehole he has amazing qualities too but I’m surprised I haven’t pulled my own hair out yet

Do you have one extreme or the other no middle ground? Like who is this gobby moody person/sweet as pie (I have my daughter/son back). They can switch in a word. Was I this bad as a teen?!

 

[Allaboutthehashtag]

I’m just entering this stage with my twins, had to check myself as I told my daughter not to look at me like that, I invented that look! After she gave me proper side eye.

My OH said he’s taking up golf again to escape the hormones

 

[Summer2011]

For context, I had my daughter at 19 she’s now 12 and I’m 31. Her dads not in her life (his choice) and me and my boyfriend don’t live together as we’re not from the same city, eventually I will move there but not until my daughter has finished school (at least 5 years) and although he stays over, he’s always taken the I’m your mams boyfriend not your step dad role.
my daughter is wild, that’s the only way i can describe her, she refuses to go to school, is lazy, doesn’t do anything I ask. And I’m fed up with her.
I’m curious to know if most 12 year olds have bedtimes, chores, down time without their phones? Is this something I should implement? I understand there will be a transition period and a lot of anger from Her and probably a lot of resistance. I’m fully aware these are problems I’ve created & believe me I carry that guilt everyday, everytime I look at her. I really feel like I need to regain control now before it really is too late. I just want her To grow up & be a hard working good human and currently she’s the opposite. Any help or advice would be much appreciated!

 

[Dizzy]

My friends son did this and got on so well. He did an engineering qualification and is now halfway through an apprenticeship with a huge employer in the area, loving it and progressing really well. Before he went to college, there was a definite risk of him going off the rails (lack of a positive male influence in his life, in with the wrong crowd, getting involved with drugs) and it has honestly been the making of him. The college looked after him brilliantly - from what my friend said, the kids on these these courses aren't just left to their own devices, they are managed much more than the kids a couple of years older.

 

[Allaboutthehashtag]

This gave me a laugh, one of my daughters refused to get out of bed 1 day of our last holiday which was infuriating

 

[HumphreyB]

@Summer2011 has she always been a difficult child? i think some kids are simply more willful than others. personally i wonder will it make them more successful as adults but they are definitely harder to parent.

mine are a little older but yes we have a bedtime. would have been 9pm at that age. i don’t do set chores as such but when i ask for help/something to be done i expect it’s done without huffing or puffing. in exchange i’m happy to drop them to friends/give money for cinema etc. i see it as a give and take. no phones allowed in bedrooms at night. we have screen time on their apps which we manage during term time. so they get x time on apps and when the time runs out it runs out.

i do think it’s worth trying to implement boundaries and rules. it will help you both but she will push back for sure.
maybe start with chatting to her. i always think pick your battles some things aren’t worth fighting over

 

[boatofbubbles]

I've seen baby/toddler advice but can't seem to find a teen one so sorry if there is one I've missed.
Parents of teenagers. What advice do you give? Or what questions would you like advise on?

I'll kick off first, my (okay few months off) teenager, I found a vape in his room how would you go about this?