Thank you! you’re so right. i am beginning therapy soon thankfully with all that has happened. I find having just one child really hard tbh cos even now i’m in this middle funk where idk for sure what is happening with my health, people who don’t know what’s happened ask ‘when are you having another!’ or ‘are you giving your son a brother or sister?’ and i’m like i don’t know if i canHello! Anything health related can be really traumatic and I don’t think ppl talk enough about recovering just from that trauma (whether it’s fertility related or not!) let alone layering it up with the emotional shit brought about with family planning. You sound like you’re processing everything really well but definitely remember you can always talk this through with professionals who can help guide you through those thoughts, too?
Genuinely so happy to hear you’ve got access to therapy esp as from your comments on another thread I think we’ve got similar backgrounds and I’ve found therapy so much help!Thank you! you’re so right. i am beginning therapy soon thankfully with all that has happened. I find having just one child really hard tbh cos even now i’m in this middle funk where idk for sure what is happening with my health, people who don’t know what’s happened ask ‘when are you having another!’ or ‘are you giving your son a brother or sister?’ and i’m like i don’t know if i canand then people who DO know and i’ve said i just want to give up/i can’t anyway etc are like ‘you’re just gonna give up and not give him a little brother or sister!’ it’s EXHAUSTING
i don’t know what is so wrong about being a one & done tbh, there’s a bit of a stigma round it. like the standards have been set that kids need to have a sibling? if you know what i mean
Quoteing myselfWe have 1, at the time i did want more but as shes gotten older I know I dont, my husbands not intrested in anymore. I love being a famliy of three!
A bit sore from breast cancer surgery. My 4 year old daughter has been dealing with everything very well. She is wonderful. I have no regrets about my decision: my body has been through quite enough and I just want to enjoy the family I have. Haven't had a period in six months due to chemo and not sure they'll ever come back - can't say I really mind!Love the idea of a more active thread tho! How are other 1AD mums/dads (?) doing today??
Welcome! It’s good to hear your injuries and sleep have recovered.Saying hello to you all. I had a history of mc then a traumatic birth with life-changing injuries and a non-sleeping extremely loud baby.
The sleeping sorted itself out in due course and my injuries were 80% resolved after 9ish years but then lockdown hit and I'm now peri-menopausal although I did have a wobble in late 2020 when I nearly did a bit of surrogating for a close friend in emotional turmoil. I've never really been otherwise tempted.
I know so many people (myself included) who grew up as one of two and had such an appalling experience that I wanted one or three or none, so quit while I was ahead.
Hello my love! We’re in a v similar boat with a lot of stuff tbh so really interesting to read your posts, thank you for always sharing so candidlyThank you to @heretoreaditall2019 for directing me here. We're one and done, partly out of choice and partly necessity (nursery costs have absolutely crippled us, I'm in my overdraft every month despite earning a decent wage, so can't imagine doing that all again). My LO is 3 now and dotes on babies but has behavioural and sleep issues that are proving v challenging to deal with, plus I had PND and postnatal psychosis so dread to think how I'd cope with another.
I've come to realise that I'm not a natural mother/maternal type, and I'd rather focus my energies on parenting my LO as well as I possibly can. While keeping afloat financially and career-wise!
I know exactly what you mean, I've tried to explain to my family how I feel and they say 'you'll change your mind!' or 'don't leave it too late!' or even '[LO] will grow up weird!'. Every other mam I know already has 2 or is planning their second so I feel quite lonely sometimes.Hello my love! We’re in a v similar boat with a lot of stuff tbh so really interesting to read your posts, thank you for always sharing so candidly
Agreed completely re focusing on parenting one well, it’s funny cos even something SO child centric fills me with shame to admit out loud, like idk if I could say that to my MIL uno? Not pushing that shame onto you but it’s liberating to read it from someone else
Yes!! How do you find trying to plan play dates etc if you don’t mind me asking? Idk if it’s me projecting my insecurities re only having one but I worry about even bothering to ask if they’ve got older siblings especially, I also feel a lot of pressure to do it because LO doesn’t have in built friends in the form of siblings at home? It’s such an awkward interaction anyway lol.I know exactly what you mean, I've tried to explain to my family how I feel and they say 'you'll change your mind!' or 'don't leave it too late!' or even '[LO] will grow up weird!'. Every other mam I know already has 2 or is planning their second so I feel quite lonely sometimes.
So weirdly I've found the only mam friends I have via Twitter, because I noticed that we had kids a similar age and had similar vibes (politics, books etc). I live in a smallish city so kept bumping into them in real life and now we have playdates almost every weekend. They both have younger children though so I can't shake the feeling that they're somehow better/more capable mothers? Honestly I don't know how they do it, they are both superwomen.Yes!! How do you find trying to plan play dates etc if you don’t mind me asking? Idk if it’s me projecting my insecurities re only having one but I worry about even bothering to ask if they’ve got older siblings especially, I also feel a lot of pressure to do it because LO doesn’t have in built friends in the form of siblings at home? It’s such an awkward interaction anyway lol.
We’re starting a sports club thing this weekend in part for this tbh :/
Omg your description of your NCT group is spot on my experience too! Even down to the same job lol. Isn’t it funny how universal some of these things are. I’m jealous of your Twitter friends tbh, thank you for sharing re Facebook - I’ve just moved so need to do stuff like that, it’s just been a whirlwind thus far.So weirdly I've found the only mam friends I have via Twitter, because I noticed that we had kids a similar age and had similar vibes (politics, books etc). I live in a smallish city so kept bumping into them in real life and now we have playdates almost every weekend. They both have younger children though so I can't shake the feeling that they're somehow better/more capable mothers? Honestly I don't know how they do it, they are both superwomen.
Luckily there's some decent local parenting Facebook groups so I found a few people with common interests there too. Once I know which school my LO will be going to I'll probably post in there asking to meet up with others heading there so he can meet some pals.
I didn't gel at all with the NCT group we were in, they were very Radio 2/sad beige children/live laugh love if that makes sense. At the time my partner and I weren't married, all of them had v similar jobs, and we were the youngest by quite a way (early 30s but most of them were closer to 40) and they seemed to see us as bizarre countercultural hippies. The conversation about multiple kids came up a few times and they were all desperate to get cracking (I guess age plays a part which I totally understand) whereas we always assumed we'd have one, but said we'd see how we got on. Spoiler: not gr8, I'm terrible at it and exhausted and anxious even three years on!
Sorry for the essay. X
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?