Older than average parents.

[LennyBriscoe]

My parents were in their 40s when I was born , it was always a thing that they were older parents and a lot of emphasis was placed on this fact, especially as I am their only child. Growing up, the people I knew who also had older parents all had older siblings.

It seems like people place less emphasis on people having children in their 40s these days.

Does anyone here also have older than average parents ? Or perhaps you are one yourself? I'd love to hear your stories.

My mum was 33 when I was born and my dad was 42. I’m 40 now and both my parents are dead - my mum was only 18 when I died so that’s always been a bit difficult - even an extra 5 years and losing her when I was 23 seems ‘better’.

I was 35 when I had my son and my husband was 45. It doesn’t feel as big a deal to us at all, my husband is a young 50 and my 30s was the best time in my life to have a baby.

It was a big deal to have older parents when I was a kid but I don’t think it is so much now.

 

[birdiefly246]

It's become more common for women in their late 30s to mid 40s to have accidental pregnancies specifically because there's so much judgement. They repeatedly hear that at this age pregnancy becomes near-impossible, so they stop using birth control and then get pregnant ...

My sister, who had her first child in her late 30s had difficulty conceiving at first. She and her doctor assumed this was because of her age and she decided to have IVF so in preparation for that, she stopped smoking ... and got pregnant pretty much right away. Of course age IS an issue but it seems in her case it was smoking, lifestyle does seem to have an impact

my friend's brother and SIL had the same situation. Tried for years but didn't happen. On the waiting list for IVF, they stopped smoking and got a dog so were out walking all the time. Fell pregnant about 2 months later

 

[Happy35]

I had my son when I was 20, my sister had her children in her late 30s as until she met her current part at 35 her relationships were disasters. Where I live most parents seem to be 30+.

I was born in the 70s and my mam was 25 days off 26 when she had me and she was old compared to most of my friends parents; I think she has a very old fashioned outlook though so she probably seemed older than she was. My dad was 27 and also old fashioned.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

My sister had her first child at 37 and has just had another baby at 41. She doesn't seem too bothered by being an "older" mum especially since several of her friends have had babies at similar ages ...

My great-grandmother had her first child at 29; she'd been married far longer than that, but her husband was away with the Royal Navy much of the time. She was considered a shockingly old mother in her day!

 

[carriebooboo]

An American friend's parents retired just as she graduated uni. The biggest negative for her was that they moved down to Florida to live in a sleek condo in one of those 55+ communities. She was early twenties and she felt like she had no where to go for Xmas/Thanksgiving.

 

[Lovebugx]

Wow we have the same background! My parents were 41 when they had me and my dad died at 44 when I was 2, in the early 70s. They had had a stillborn son when they were in their early 30s and a couple of miscarriages afterwards and had kind of given up, my mum even said she thought she was getting early menopause when she became pregnant with me.

Growing up I was a little embarrassed as being the only one with an older mum, as all the kids on my street had mum's in their 20s nd 30s. Not massively embarrassed though, it was just a fact. Teachers at school didn't believe me at first when I said my mum and dad remembered the war as they were convinced I was talking about grandparents. However, I felt more different because of being an only child and from having a dad who had died young and that I didn't remember, rather than having an older mum. In the area I grew up in single parent families were more of a rarity then, whether through divorce or unmarried let alone widowed.

My mum died when I was 31 and it annoyed me at the time when people asked how old she'd been... I think they assumed because of my age that she must have been in her 50s or 60s, so when I said she was 73 some people would go "oh well then..." as if it was no longer worth their sympathy as she was "old" - sorry but it was still sudden!

Definitely less of an issue now for people to have children later in life.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum Forfoxsake , this is one of my biggest fears at the moment that I will one day in the not too distant future lose my mum she's 76 now and I'm 35 .
It is as you and everyone says so accepted now , parents of any age , but I just think it's the losing your parents at a young age that's so sad. I literally only have my mum ,I'm not close to my older brother and sister , of any extended family so for me it's like , I'll be losing that entire part of my life , there will be no one here that I've grown up with ,no one thats known me from the year dot .
Sad but a part of life we all have to accept I guess

It was such a thing then , it was often commented on. I do think people in their 40s and beyond were so different to younger people back then , they were from a different era , whereas now there doesn't seem to be such a difference .

Yes I agree , my mum has always seemed old , and old lady before her time she wouldn't be pleased if she heard me. But I guess when she was growing up in the 40s life expectancy wasn't what it is now , so someone in thier 60s 70s then seemed like a rely old person . Where as now , I work in a nursing home where average age is 80+ with quite a few over 95 !

 

[Heyguysswipeup]

My friends mum was in her 40s when she was born and her dad in his 50s. She is now 26 and her dad is close to 80. I feel a little sorry for her having to see the declining health (especially her dad) and as she is the only child she will have a lot to deal with just as her own personal life is developing (she has no kids yet)

 

[Platypusfattypus]

I kind of fall under the older then average mum for my youngest as I was 39 when he was born. I was 27 and 30 with my other two. But my middle child told me I'm the cool mum amongst her friends so I'll wear that badge with pride.

My parents were quite young, my mum was 23 when she had me.

 

[birdiefly246]

I think it's becoming more common now to have kids older, especially with women having careers etc. My mum was late twenties having me, and my dad was early thirties. I'm 24 now and I'd argue that is pretty normal. All of my friends growing up had parents the same age as mine besides one friend who's mum had her at 19.

 

[sephylily]

My parents are older, particularly my dad. I have older siblings so I never felt really embarrassed bc I thought it made sense for them to be the ages they are. My dad parented me differently to the way he parented my siblings and he absolutely adores me and I adore him. Idk if that comes from having more experience or what.

 

[ChloChlo]

My parents were only teenagers and squatting punk rockers when they had me. My mum became pregnant with me and did what both their parents expected of them at the time, which was to marry in a very slapdash registrary office affair. She was done with kids after having 3 by the age of 21. Her parents were also young. They certainly did not fit that traditional "granny" stereotype at all. My nan was the youngest of 15 children! The oldest being 23 when she was born, so her mum would have been quite old. She often tells of back in the day where her mother would be mistaken for being her nan. She committed suicide when my nan was a teenager. My aunt had a child in her mid 40s, she has used her child as her emotional crutch for nearly 20 years. Almost as a surrogate partner.

My dads parents on the other hand were really old. My dad had a brother that is 12 years older than him, but the paternity of him is taboo, it was apparantly an illegitimate pregnancy outside wedlock, in a very Christian family and such a situation was extremely frowned upon at that time. They were proper Wonga Granny and Grandad types. My nan would knit jumpers, wore floral numbers and went to the Bingo, my grandad smoked a pipe, wore slippers, always read papers and bet on the horse racing.

I've often wondered if this particular stereotype of a direct grandparent exists at all with kids these days. When my mum was alive she was mortified at the thought of being associated with such a stereotype when I announced she was becoming a grandmother at 39.

 

[Kim Mild]

I think there is a class related gap.

I lived in a really affluent area of London for a few years over a decade ago (I'm unapologetically working class) I sent my son to the local, sought after school and noticed I was really young compared to all the other parents. I had my eldest at nearly 22. Alot of the parents seemed wealthy, well educated with good careers. My son was almost certainly the only child with a mum under the age of 35 in that class. I then moved to an underprivileged area in a Northen town, the school my kids attended while here, almost all of the parents were young, some a hell of a lot younger than I was!

That's interesting. It certainly seems like teenage parents are often from the less affluent areas , or at least that is the stereotype.
Some of the parents at my teenager's school look old , I'd place them at 50s -60s , but I don't know if they have adult children too.

 

[Happy Lady]

I don't think age matters when it comes to parenting. I think it's how much you love and care about your children.

I absolutely agree with you. However, there needs to be a point in life when we know we're too old to have children.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

I think there is a class related gap.

I lived in a really affluent area of London for a few years over a decade ago (I'm unapologetically working class) I sent my son to the local, sought after school and noticed I was really young compared to all the other parents. I had my eldest at nearly 22. Alot of the parents seemed wealthy, well educated with good careers. My son was almost certainly the only child with a mum under the age of 35 in that class. I then moved to an underprivileged area in a Northen town, the school my kids attended while here, almost all of the parents were young, some a hell of a lot younger than I was!

It follows that people with more educational/career opportunities would wait longer to have children - although in my experience it's been the reverse (I know quite a few middle class people who married and had kids young after meeting at university, or because the wife wanted to be a SAHM and could afford it; and with the exception of my sister most of the "older" mums I know are working class ladies with big families who've continued having kids into their late 30s/early 40s)

 

[Ghostpumpkin]

My mum was 30 when she had me and my dad 21 at the time, so he is early 40s now and I’m early 20s, I always wondered how they managed with the age gap but it never seemed an issue, my dads a bit of a nob now so can’t image what he was like in his early 20s! My mum said she went for the looks! they stayed together 7 years.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Just read an interview with the actress Mena Suvari who is 41 and about to have her first child, she said that doctors had repeatedly told her she was too old to have a child but it happened naturally. I think it's important to recognise that yes, age affects conception but at the same time that if you haven't had the menopause there is still a chance of getting pregnant ...

 

[Rlaw1978]

It was the opposite for me, growing up everyone I knew had ‘older’ parents, only child or not. (Grew up in a very rural area) My parents were in their mid20s when they had me & were the youngest parents in the playground. They always felt like they were being judged for their age.
I’m 39 & about to have my 4th, the only difference I can see on a practical level is the amount of energy I have this pregnancy. It’s really take it out of my physically. That said I’d still love one more.

 

[Itsallaboutmememe]

My grandparents met,married and had their first in their 20’s
3 kids later they where done-no more
when my aunt turned 15 my granny fell pregnant with my dad-she was in her late 30’s/early 40’s (in those days that was almost dead)
he said it didn’t bother him having older parents-the only thing that went tits up is she died when he was 19-he got married a year later to my mother and 7 years later they had me

 

[ChloChlo]

Alot of the children in my sons affluent SW London school appeared to be the only child. One single father (mother had passed on) in his reception class had a 5 year old daughter (only child) and could have easily passed as 60. I felt most of the parents in that school snubbed me and I was never quite sure if it was a class thing or an age thing, I tried to get involved with a few activities with the school but often got the vibe the other parents there thought I was a silly, little girl. I was probably being about 26-28 when my son would have been attending there and no where near as young as some of the mums at his northern school.

 

[ChloChlo]

I think there is a class related gap.

I lived in a really affluent area of London for a few years over a decade ago (I'm unapologetically working class) I sent my son to the local, sought after school and noticed I was really young compared to all the other parents. I had my eldest at nearly 22. Alot of the parents seemed wealthy, well educated with good careers. My son was almost certainly the only child with a mum under the age of 35 in that class. I then moved to an underprivileged area in a Northen town, the school my kids attended while here, almost all of the parents were young, some a hell of a lot younger than I was!