Older than average parents.

[HoGi]

My mum was 40 when she had me and 42 when she had my sister. My dad is 6 years older than her, so 46 when I was born and 48 when my sister came along.

They were some of the oldest parents when I was growing up. Meant they weren't friends with a lot of the other parents because of the age gap.

I feel like they gave us an amazing up bringing and spent more time with us and were less resentful (maybe a bit strong) than other parents as they had lived so much of their lives before we came along.

However as an adult I feel like I have lost so many years with them. My dad died 18 months ago and I feel like missed out on so much.

Even now my mum is 71 and I'm only 31, I feel like I won't have as much quality time with her in my adult life unlike my friends. I love spending time with her, but she is clearly aging. And I feel like most people would have decades of their adult life with their parents and I won't get that. Then again anything can happen and people lose parents when they are young.

I always said I didn't want to be an old mum because of my own experience but I am 31 and not getting close to having kids, and with covid robbing me of what will probably be 2 years of my life I can't see me having kids soon.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

My mum was 31 and my dad was 35 when I was born (they separated when I was 5 and never lived together). I started school in the millennium and most of my class mates had young parents. I remember one girl thought my dad was my grandad (probably didn’t help that he was bald).

My Nan was 32 and my grandad was 36 when my mum was born (she’s the youngest of 7), so my grandparents were already into their sixties, nearly seventies when I came along. I also had no living great grandparents.

My nan’s mum had my Nan when she was 33, she was the first and only child, which was quite unusual in 1932. My great Nan went through the menopause not long after.

I think the only thing I disliked about my my mum’s age was that she never seemed to have any energy. A lot of my class mates had young mums that would run around and be silly with them, my mum always seemed permanently exhausted!

 

[Heyguysswipeup]

My friends mum was in her 40s when she was born and her dad in his 50s. She is now 26 and her dad is close to 80. I feel a little sorry for her having to see the declining health (especially her dad) and as she is the only child she will have a lot to deal with just as her own personal life is developing (she has no kids yet)

 

[Ghostpumpkin]

My mum was 30 when she had me and my dad 21 at the time, so he is early 40s now and I’m early 20s, I always wondered how they managed with the age gap but it never seemed an issue, my dads a bit of a nob now so can’t image what he was like in his early 20s! My mum said she went for the looks! they stayed together 7 years.

 

[ChloChlo]

My parents were only teenagers and squatting punk rockers when they had me. My mum became pregnant with me and did what both their parents expected of them at the time, which was to marry in a very slapdash registrary office affair. She was done with kids after having 3 by the age of 21. Her parents were also young. They certainly did not fit that traditional "granny" stereotype at all. My nan was the youngest of 15 children! The oldest being 23 when she was born, so her mum would have been quite old. She often tells of back in the day where her mother would be mistaken for being her nan. She committed suicide when my nan was a teenager. My aunt had a child in her mid 40s, she has used her child as her emotional crutch for nearly 20 years. Almost as a surrogate partner.

My dads parents on the other hand were really old. My dad had a brother that is 12 years older than him, but the paternity of him is taboo, it was apparantly an illegitimate pregnancy outside wedlock, in a very Christian family and such a situation was extremely frowned upon at that time. They were proper Wonga Granny and Grandad types. My nan would knit jumpers, wore floral numbers and went to the Bingo, my grandad smoked a pipe, wore slippers, always read papers and bet on the horse racing.

I've often wondered if this particular stereotype of a direct grandparent exists at all with kids these days. When my mum was alive she was mortified at the thought of being associated with such a stereotype when I announced she was becoming a grandmother at 39.

 

[Happy Lady]

I don't think age matters when it comes to parenting. I think it's how much you love and care about your children.

I absolutely agree with you. However, there needs to be a point in life when we know we're too old to have children.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

It does bother me when I see people saying things like 35 is too old and "mother nature dictates you're too old to have a child!" Yes, that's what the menopause is for. Not a lot of women have gone through the menopause at 35

 

[under the ivy]

My mum had my brother at 37 - there’s a 16 year age gap between me and him. To me 37 is still young!

 

[Fizzwhizz2020]

It does bother me when I see people saying things like 35 is too old and "mother nature dictates you're too old to have a child!" Yes, that's what the menopause is for. Not a lot of women have gone through the menopause at 35

Exactly. I’m nearly 40 and don’t have any kids. Not through choice, but due to relationship breakdown etc etc. It didn’t happen. It’s not my fault. I’m not one to go out and just have a kid with any person. Trying now and if it happens it happens and if not, then that’s ok. Feel like quite a lot of people judge people for having kids when they’re older. Whilst I love my life and everything that I’ve experienced in it, I think I’d make a pretty good parent x

 

[SpiceWeasel]

My mum was 2 weeks shy of 42 but my dad was pretty average age at 29. It did bother me when I was younger and I’d always lie and say my mum was younger when asked. I was born in the 90s and think it just wasn’t as common then. My mum did and does still look a lot younger than she is though so it wasn’t obvious. It has stuck with me though and ideally I would like to be a mum before I am 34 at the oldest.

 

[Kim Mild]

I absolutely agree with you. However, there needs to be a point in life when we know we're too old to have children.

I think if you have unprotected sex and get knocked up, you are not too old biologically, although people may judge and say you are

Having fertility treatment to have a baby when your child bearing days are over is completely different.

 

[TheScarletgirl]

A lot of people i know have had babies late 30's to 40's . It is becoming a lot more common. People seem to date for years before they really Settle down.

A girl i went to school with is still with her school boyfriend they are still dating (don't live together) and have been for 13 years.

 

[Forfoxsake]

My mum was 41 when she had me , my dad died when I was 2 so we were also a single parent household.
It was a huge thing back then , 80s/90s . Kids at school used to take the piss and say she was my gran. If my sister took me out , she was mistaken for my mum , she was 22 when I was born. My brother got married and had his first child (my niece) when I was 18 months old!
I hated it , hated my mum for a while because of it , hated the fact she was " old " , to be fair she is of that older generation where an older person acts an older person if that makes sense ?
As a teenager I just wanted a "normal aged mum"
Now of course it's not even a thing is it

Wow we have the same background! My parents were 41 when they had me and my dad died at 44 when I was 2, in the early 70s. They had had a stillborn son when they were in their early 30s and a couple of miscarriages afterwards and had kind of given up, my mum even said she thought she was getting early menopause when she became pregnant with me.

Growing up I was a little embarrassed as being the only one with an older mum, as all the kids on my street had mum's in their 20s nd 30s. Not massively embarrassed though, it was just a fact. Teachers at school didn't believe me at first when I said my mum and dad remembered the war as they were convinced I was talking about grandparents. However, I felt more different because of being an only child and from having a dad who had died young and that I didn't remember, rather than having an older mum. In the area I grew up in single parent families were more of a rarity then, whether through divorce or unmarried let alone widowed.

My mum died when I was 31 and it annoyed me at the time when people asked how old she'd been... I think they assumed because of my age that she must have been in her 50s or 60s, so when I said she was 73 some people would go "oh well then..." as if it was no longer worth their sympathy as she was "old" - sorry but it was still sudden!

Definitely less of an issue now for people to have children later in life.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

I think if you have unprotected sex and get knocked up, you are not too old biologically, although people may judge and say you are

Having fertility treatment to have a baby when your child bearing days are over is completely different.

It's become more common for women in their late 30s to mid 40s to have accidental pregnancies specifically because there's so much judgement. They repeatedly hear that at this age pregnancy becomes near-impossible, so they stop using birth control and then get pregnant ...

My sister, who had her first child in her late 30s had difficulty conceiving at first. She and her doctor assumed this was because of her age and she decided to have IVF so in preparation for that, she stopped smoking ... and got pregnant pretty much right away. Of course age IS an issue but it seems in her case it was smoking, lifestyle does seem to have an impact

 

[LennyBriscoe]

My parents were in their 40s when I was born , it was always a thing that they were older parents and a lot of emphasis was placed on this fact, especially as I am their only child. Growing up, the people I knew who also had older parents all had older siblings.

It seems like people place less emphasis on people having children in their 40s these days.

Does anyone here also have older than average parents ? Or perhaps you are one yourself? I'd love to hear your stories.

My mum was 33 when I was born and my dad was 42. I’m 40 now and both my parents are dead - my mum was only 18 when I died so that’s always been a bit difficult - even an extra 5 years and losing her when I was 23 seems ‘better’.

I was 35 when I had my son and my husband was 45. It doesn’t feel as big a deal to us at all, my husband is a young 50 and my 30s was the best time in my life to have a baby.

It was a big deal to have older parents when I was a kid but I don’t think it is so much now.

 

[birdiefly246]

It's become more common for women in their late 30s to mid 40s to have accidental pregnancies specifically because there's so much judgement. They repeatedly hear that at this age pregnancy becomes near-impossible, so they stop using birth control and then get pregnant ...

My sister, who had her first child in her late 30s had difficulty conceiving at first. She and her doctor assumed this was because of her age and she decided to have IVF so in preparation for that, she stopped smoking ... and got pregnant pretty much right away. Of course age IS an issue but it seems in her case it was smoking, lifestyle does seem to have an impact

my friend's brother and SIL had the same situation. Tried for years but didn't happen. On the waiting list for IVF, they stopped smoking and got a dog so were out walking all the time. Fell pregnant about 2 months later

 

[Holidaybobs]

My (ex)stepdad’s father was 63 when he had him and his mum was 57. They were both widows and had 13 children between them. He was openly a ‘mistake’. Most of his siblings had children of their own when he was born. He was bullied tremendously at school in Glasgow for his parents ages, especially as his father was the lollipop man.

My grandma had my mum at 23 in the 60s and then had her youngest at 36 which was a happy accident. At the time in the 70s my mum said many people would make a big deal out of it but, it soon blew over. She said, her younger brother had a much better life as they had more money when he was born and time as my mum and her brother helped out.

My mum had me at 31 and my dad was 36 when they had me. It never bothered me until I was around 10 and classmates stated how old their parents were and I figured out they were all 18-24 when they had them. I never realised as my parents looked the same age so it never bothered me. When I got to high school, my best friends mum was 10 years younger and she could never believe the age difference between herself and my mum (which she loves). I preferred it though, as we had a better quality of life as my mum focused on her career before she had us so we had a nice lifestyle - I know this isn’t always the case.

My brother had his first child at 24 and his wife was 25, their son has just started school and they said they feel really young as everyone is mid30s. I think times just go through curves and you have a baby when you are ready. I’m 26 next week and want to have my first 30+ as I think your 20s are for being selfish and living your life. I adore my nephew but, I’m glad when he goes home Plus, my mum will be retired then so no nursery fees.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I absolutely agree with you. However, there needs to be a point in life when we know we're too old to have children.

Obviously the older you are, the more risks there are but a couple I know had their first baby last year. She's 42 and he's 52. It's knocked years off him. He looks much younger and seems so much more lighthearted. I've never seen him as happy.

 

[Happy Lady]

Obviously the older you are, the more risks there are but a couple I know had their first baby last year. She's 42 and he's 52. It's knocked years off him. He looks much younger and seems so much more lighthearted. I've never seen him as happy.

That's brilliant

 

[Belulah]

I always said I didn't want to be an old mum because of my own experience but I am 31 and not getting close to having kids, and with covid robbing me of what will probably be 2 years of my life I can't see me having kids soon.

I would like another but am trying to accept I’m now too old. Like you I’m thinking we can write this year off and I had my first baby by myself but it’s tremendously hard and I don’t think I would want two by myself.
Your bond with your mother sounds beautiful.