Older than average parents.

[DCICassieStuart]

My grandmother didn't get married until she was 36, absolutely ancient in the 1940s. She went on to have 5 children in quick succession. Her first at 37 and her last (my father) at 43.

My father was in his twenties when I was born, but he's a man who should never have had children. To him, his children were just an annoyance who got in his way.

My FIL was in his forties when his first child was born, and in his fifties when the last one was born. He passed away a couple of years ago at the age of 92 and was in very good health and very active up to a couple of months beforehand.
He was a fantastic father, grandfather and an absolutely lovely FIL to me and his other daughters/sons in law.

I don't think age matters when it comes to parenting. I think it's how much you love and care about your children.

 

[Fizzwhizz2020]

It does bother me when I see people saying things like 35 is too old and "mother nature dictates you're too old to have a child!" Yes, that's what the menopause is for. Not a lot of women have gone through the menopause at 35

Exactly. I’m nearly 40 and don’t have any kids. Not through choice, but due to relationship breakdown etc etc. It didn’t happen. It’s not my fault. I’m not one to go out and just have a kid with any person. Trying now and if it happens it happens and if not, then that’s ok. Feel like quite a lot of people judge people for having kids when they’re older. Whilst I love my life and everything that I’ve experienced in it, I think I’d make a pretty good parent x

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I absolutely agree with you. However, there needs to be a point in life when we know we're too old to have children.

Obviously the older you are, the more risks there are but a couple I know had their first baby last year. She's 42 and he's 52. It's knocked years off him. He looks much younger and seems so much more lighthearted. I've never seen him as happy.

 

[Lovebugx]

My mum was 41 when she had me , my dad died when I was 2 so we were also a single parent household.
It was a huge thing back then , 80s/90s . Kids at school used to take the piss and say she was my gran. If my sister took me out , she was mistaken for my mum , she was 22 when I was born. My brother got married and had his first child (my niece) when I was 18 months old!
I hated it , hated my mum for a while because of it , hated the fact she was " old " , to be fair she is of that older generation where an older person acts an older person if that makes sense ?
As a teenager I just wanted a "normal aged mum"
Now of course it's not even a thing is it

 

[HoGi]

My mum was 40 when she had me and 42 when she had my sister. My dad is 6 years older than her, so 46 when I was born and 48 when my sister came along.

They were some of the oldest parents when I was growing up. Meant they weren't friends with a lot of the other parents because of the age gap.

I feel like they gave us an amazing up bringing and spent more time with us and were less resentful (maybe a bit strong) than other parents as they had lived so much of their lives before we came along.

However as an adult I feel like I have lost so many years with them. My dad died 18 months ago and I feel like missed out on so much.

Even now my mum is 71 and I'm only 31, I feel like I won't have as much quality time with her in my adult life unlike my friends. I love spending time with her, but she is clearly aging. And I feel like most people would have decades of their adult life with their parents and I won't get that. Then again anything can happen and people lose parents when they are young.

I always said I didn't want to be an old mum because of my own experience but I am 31 and not getting close to having kids, and with covid robbing me of what will probably be 2 years of my life I can't see me having kids soon.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

It does bother me when I see people saying things like 35 is too old and "mother nature dictates you're too old to have a child!" Yes, that's what the menopause is for. Not a lot of women have gone through the menopause at 35

 

[aimzalicious]

Yes, my parents had me in their 40s (mum early 40s, dad was nearly 50) and it's made me want to do the same when I have kids. They lived their life fully, went travelling for long periods of time (went across America and Australia, went to Greece for 3 weeks etc), moved around the country various times, and basically did everything they wanted in their 20s and 30s without having young kids to take care of. They finally had me in their 40s when they were more financially stable, and settled in their house (which they still live in).

The only downside of having older parents is I hate seeing them get older, slower, more unwell whilst I'm still in my 20s. It feels like something I should face in my 40's, not now.

(Edited to say: I'm not suggesting you can't live your life fully if you have kids! just the amount of travelling and moving my parents did would have been very tricky with a child I'd imagine)

 

[Cantstandspanj]

I had my first child two weeks before my 38th birthday. So I guess I’m an older mum. I would love another but it hasn’t happened yet. I hope that it does soon as I don’t want my daughter being left to deal with me and her dad in our old age on her own!
Side note that’s not the only reason I’d like another child it’s just a thought I have sometimes that’s relevant to this conversation!

 

[No style rocky]

My parents were 24 when they had me, never occurred to me that they were older or younger than the other parents. I just thought all parents were ancient! I was 35 when I had my son as that’s when I finally felt old enough to have a kid. My son, now 8, told me that im the oldest of his friends parents but that i don’t look the oldest, so that’s something I guess

 

[Forfoxsake]

My mum was 41 when she had me , my dad died when I was 2 so we were also a single parent household.
It was a huge thing back then , 80s/90s . Kids at school used to take the piss and say she was my gran. If my sister took me out , she was mistaken for my mum , she was 22 when I was born. My brother got married and had his first child (my niece) when I was 18 months old!
I hated it , hated my mum for a while because of it , hated the fact she was " old " , to be fair she is of that older generation where an older person acts an older person if that makes sense ?
As a teenager I just wanted a "normal aged mum"
Now of course it's not even a thing is it

Wow we have the same background! My parents were 41 when they had me and my dad died at 44 when I was 2, in the early 70s. They had had a stillborn son when they were in their early 30s and a couple of miscarriages afterwards and had kind of given up, my mum even said she thought she was getting early menopause when she became pregnant with me.

Growing up I was a little embarrassed as being the only one with an older mum, as all the kids on my street had mum's in their 20s nd 30s. Not massively embarrassed though, it was just a fact. Teachers at school didn't believe me at first when I said my mum and dad remembered the war as they were convinced I was talking about grandparents. However, I felt more different because of being an only child and from having a dad who had died young and that I didn't remember, rather than having an older mum. In the area I grew up in single parent families were more of a rarity then, whether through divorce or unmarried let alone widowed.

My mum died when I was 31 and it annoyed me at the time when people asked how old she'd been... I think they assumed because of my age that she must have been in her 50s or 60s, so when I said she was 73 some people would go "oh well then..." as if it was no longer worth their sympathy as she was "old" - sorry but it was still sudden!

Definitely less of an issue now for people to have children later in life.

 

[Kim Mild]

My parents were in their 40s when I was born , it was always a thing that they were older parents and a lot of emphasis was placed on this fact, especially as I am their only child. Growing up, the people I knew who also had older parents all had older siblings.

It seems like people place less emphasis on people having children in their 40s these days.

Does anyone here also have older than average parents ? Or perhaps you are one yourself? I'd love to hear your stories.

 

[Readread]

My Mum did. My Granny was in her 40s and my Grandad was in his 50s! They met later in life, Grandad had children with his previous wife.

My Grandad died when I was not even 1, so I sadly had no relationship with him. My Granny lived until she was 88 so had a fair run but she was definitely older than my friends Grannies.

I'm still in my twenties but I don't have any issues with people that chose to have children in their 40s. Not everyone physically can have children in their 20s/30s. I'm glad it's not really a big deal to have kids in later life nowadays.

 

[Kim Mild]

I absolutely agree with you. However, there needs to be a point in life when we know we're too old to have children.

I think if you have unprotected sex and get knocked up, you are not too old biologically, although people may judge and say you are

Having fertility treatment to have a baby when your child bearing days are over is completely different.

 

[Wanttoseethescreenshots]

I had young parents, my mum was 19 when she had me in the early 90’s. I thought I’d be a young mum but I never met anyone and I ended up spending my 20’s working, holidaying and going out. I’m 30 now and I honestly feel like I’m at such a cross roads, I feel like it’s such a confusing age, I have friends with kids who will be teenagers soon and I have friends with new borns. I also have friends with no children. I wasn’t 100% certain if I wanted them until I met my boyfriend a year ago, now i just feel like I want us to have a few years together first and being selfish and doing what we want but also worry I’m running out of time because I also don’t want to be leaving it too long before starting but I also feel like there is so much of the world I haven’t seen that I would love to do first! Covid has actually taken a year of our lives which has also been playing on my mind a lot too!

 

[Porky_Goes_Pop]

My mum was always the oldest mum when I was at school, she was “only” 33 when she had me.
It’s always stuck in my mind, I never wanted to be that “old” mum.
I was 26 when I had my one and only child. While I was on the recovery ward talking to other new mums it turned out I was the oldest one on the ward and it just freaked me out.
This was one of the (many) reasons I don’t have any more kids.
However, now they’re a teenager and I’ve had all those years of mixing with other school mums etc, it really isn’t a big deal having kids at a much older age. I’ve several close friends who’ve had babies in their 40s.

 

[Kim Mild]

My mum was 41 when she had me , my dad died when I was 2 so we were also a single parent household.
It was a huge thing back then , 80s/90s . Kids at school used to take the piss and say she was my gran. If my sister took me out , she was mistaken for my mum , she was 22 when I was born. My brother got married and had his first child (my niece) when I was 18 months old!
I hated it , hated my mum for a while because of it , hated the fact she was " old " , to be fair she is of that older generation where an older person acts an older person if that makes sense ?
As a teenager I just wanted a "normal aged mum"
Now of course it's not even a thing is it

It was such a thing then , it was often commented on. I do think people in their 40s and beyond were so different to younger people back then , they were from a different era , whereas now there doesn't seem to be such a difference .

 

[TheScarletgirl]

A lot of people i know have had babies late 30's to 40's . It is becoming a lot more common. People seem to date for years before they really Settle down.

A girl i went to school with is still with her school boyfriend they are still dating (don't live together) and have been for 13 years.

 

[derbyshiregirl]

My mum was about to turn 41 when she had me and my dad 46. There’s a massive age gap between me and my siblings which I think is the main reason why we aren’t close - we didn’t grow up together and don’t have that much in common.

My parents are amazing but I do feel a little resentful that no matter what age my parents live to be, my siblings will have had about 20 extra years with them than me xx

 

[SpiceWeasel]

My mum was 2 weeks shy of 42 but my dad was pretty average age at 29. It did bother me when I was younger and I’d always lie and say my mum was younger when asked. I was born in the 90s and think it just wasn’t as common then. My mum did and does still look a lot younger than she is though so it wasn’t obvious. It has stuck with me though and ideally I would like to be a mum before I am 34 at the oldest.

 

[Patsy Stone]

It’s the opposite for me. My mum and dad were 16 & 17 when I was born. All happened in a whirlwind and my mum moved in with my dad and his parents when I was born - we moved out when they were 21 & 22

My mum says when I was little in a pram people would look down on her, some people would even think we were sisters. The same when I went to nursery she got very judgy looks at the school gates and none of them bothered with her. Whereas my gran was 44 when I was born and she loved it as people thought I was her daughter

2 of my best friends and my boyfriends parents were all 40+ which I thought was old when I was a kid but looking back it wasn’t at all it was quite common

My parents are a world away from the stigma of teenage parents - they are still together, married & worked hard to get good jobs. They struggled having children afterwards but ended up having my twin siblings when they were 31 & 32 after IVF