Niomi Smart #67 Lordon's pointy pencil peen is the very worst thing we've ever seen

[ElenaK]

Oh an awkward Forky-Lordon run in would be hilarious. Please, Mama Baaahli, make this happen

Just try to imagine the interaction between these two dimwits! And Niomi at the centre!! The parody writes itself!
Forky, all smug: 'You should try radical upper body strength training, it builds muscle!'
Lordon, indignant: 'I have tried it! Niomi, MY fiancee was literally on my back!'
Forky: 'WomAn are so funny, aren't they?'
Lordon: 'They're so silly and sometimes scary, but Niomi is in her feminine energy now, she's safe!'
'She made me move all her boxes to her shed when we dated!'
'She made me pack all her luggage for this trip!'
'Them females, what would they do without us strong mens!' (chest beating)

 

[SnowFairy88]

So she bought the flowers to sit and die in an empty apartment?

 

[Mrs.Scamander]

 

[scummycustard]

No disrespect to this lama, but it reminded me of Lordon

 

[earlgrey]

Walking past a pub with 8s in it:
Niomi: It’s a sign! I’m on the right path! Thank you universe!

Her relationship bracelet breaks in the night:
Niomi:

 

[Critchley]

Oh my god, 'The Surrender Experiment.' Really.
No shot she actually recommended that airport guy a book she HASN'T EVEN OPENED YET?!?!

The gall of this woman, I swear...

 

[ElenaK]

I guess Charlotte didn't ''get the spiritual stuff''. I mean, she was there for some of Niomi's hardest moments and lowest points, but she doesn't see the figure 8 in a glass stain, so she's out. I'm glad for Charlotte's sake.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Oh my god, 'The Surrender Experiment.' Really.
No shot she actually recommended that airport guy a book she HASN'T EVEN OPENED YET?!?!
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The gall of this woman, I swear...

I think she meant '3 new books that I can't wait to carry around as props for a year'. Easy mistake to make Nimbobs!

 

[Shutterbug99]

It is strange how they settled in Ireland (not that Dim is settled) as it isn't as if Lordon has a job and needs to be tied to there.
I presume they have the free flat there but Dim isn't short of money.

I think it's a control thing with him. He calls the shots in Dublin and they are surrounded by his friends and family. Nims is very isolated there and everything is on his terms. I think he makes all the decisions in the relationship and if she questions him at all (if she ever actually does that) then he shuts her down/holds her tight/calls her batshit. London is her place, it's where she has (had) friends and her family is also near. He didn't fit in with her glam London lifestyle at all and probably felt uncomfortable surrounded by the Rosanna's and Caggie's of this world. I think if they had stayed in London, then she might eventually have come to her senses and left the relationship. Instead, they ditched the 5K flat after a few months and she ditched Charlotte (who maybe advised her against moving so fast with the relationship) because that's what he wanted her to do. He probably felt a bit panicked when they were in London by Charlotte/Verity's disapproval and their influence on Niomi and so he had to get her out of there.

It's clear she hates living in Dublin, so if he actually loved her and had her best interests at heart, they'd move somewhere else. They have no reason to be in Dublin, but there's the free flat owned by his dad. That puts him in the position of power and decision making as he is actually providing a place for them to live (Well, his dad is). Nims was probably paying the majority, if not all the rent on the 5K London flat, and he won't have liked that.

He was bumming around Bali for a couple of years before she showed up. He knew all about her and her bank account when he 'challenged' her. His parents were funding his nomad lifestyle then and Niomi is doing that now. That's what this is all about. That's the kind of lifestyle he wants; he doesn't want to work or settle down. What he wants is culty sex parties and druggie festivals, and now he's somehow brainwashed Niomi into thinking that's what she wants too. Meanwhile, she's still not-so-secretly pining for the 'big country house' life she would have had with Joe.

 

[Rosie34567-2]

If I wanted to go to Greece, I'd just go on a vacation. If I wanted therapy, I'd get a licensed professional.
It sounds like this trip is the worst of both worlds: you can't fully relax and you're not getting actual therapy.

Wtf does Caggie have to offer these people? Nothing. This sounds like a retreat for wealthy narcissists to circlejerk each other about how eNLiGhTenEd, sPeCiAL and DeEp they all are.

ETA: Lol "birth chart reading"...Pfft, I'm not giving some washed up D-list celebrity $5,000 to read my horoscope to me.

 

[imsorryabtthisacct]

Call me conservative but it’s a tad embarrassing to publicly go through your first ever shroom phase in your 30s…

 

[imsorryabtthisacct]

I went out with a guy who made me try breath work in his yoga room. He was completely serious. I was just horny enough to not roll my eyes…

 

[Mr.Mistoffelees]

What would Donkey Donk need an assistant for? He doesn't do anything!

 

[TheGlossy]

T

Those items she bought were on sale. I couldn’t find the other two, but safe to assume they were too.

I’ve got far too much time on my hands tonight.

 

[Callan]

Kinda ironic that she's going to a lush place like Bali that is more about nature but before going she jumped on a plane to London to get her hair done and her lips as well. Living her best honest life lmao!

Just to clarify it's none of my business if people get fillers, etc, you do you.. but she preaches this natural lifestyle, staring at the sun, the moon and random bugs and blades of grass and her version of truth but in the end is just an egotistical influencer who craves attention.

 

[judgejohndeed]

The potato comment is SO weird. Personally I’d love it if potatoes were offered everywhere with everything…not everyone is scared of carbs Niomi.

 

[Bonjour92]

When is she gonna finish this book?

 

[Callan]

Such an odd scene that was, all those bottles of booze in trash cans, crooked lamp shades... her family looking down at the floor pretending that it's not really happening.

 

[Lionsden]

She'll haunt your dreams/nightmares. Looks like the Joker sans makeup.
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Right - because after all the months and months of rain in Dublin she still doesn't own or pack a raincoat. I hope her grandma changed her diaper as well.

 

[ElenaK]

Bali babes, Niomi needs your help to learn how to breathe. Which is apparently the latest on her list of hard concepts to grasp. Also, if I hear about the rain one more time, I'm personally going to hunt her down and force feed her potato bread!

---
Let me rage at my own post for a moment! Where to start? The pensive look, meant to convey depth of thought, although we know that's an empty head right there.
The pretentious 'Bonjour'.You French now, Ma Cherie?
They are going back to Bali, because of course they are. A few days of rain make Nims an even grumpier gal. She needs her beach, her bum needs the beach!
Where the best place to study breath work? Where?! IS there even a where that we are not aware? Life is full of such beautiful, sacred mysteries! Breathing to be revealed next with our enlightened guru magical princess divine diva!
Namaste, Au revoir!