New baby and post birth advice #53 Find a good therapist!

[Tifastrife]

Thank you @fairylights2000 for the title suggestion .

@themuffinwoman the nursery should have a transition program, everyone does it slightly different but ours was always an hour stay and play with parent, then an hour alone the next day with parent in the parents waiting room and gradually build it up over a week or two. Could you ask what their policy/support for transition and settling in is and see if you could start a week or so before you go back to work?

I will say the age old thing though - for the ones that struggle settling, hanging around at drop off makes it worse. Once you’re out of sight it’s generally much easier to settle and distract them.

 

[Nosysamsie]

@WeHadFunRight she does have a few little comforters with teddies but doesn't really play much with them. I might start encouraging it more so it can go with her.
I just feel awful that I'm changing her world soon & that it'll cause her to be upset.

 

[Tifastrife]

@WeHadFunRight she does have a few little comforters with teddies but doesn't really play much with them. I might start encouraging it more so it can go with her.
I just feel awful that I'm changing her world soon & that it'll cause her to be upset.

I tagged @themuffinwoman instead of you on my last comment sorry asking about nursery transition
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Thank you @fairylights2000 for the title suggestion .

@themuffinwoman the nursery should have a transition program, everyone does it slightly different but ours was always an hour stay and play with parent, then an hour alone the next day with parent in the parents waiting room and gradually build it up over a week or two. Could you ask what their policy/support for transition and settling in is and see if you could start a week or so before you go back to work?

I will say the age old thing though - for the ones that struggle settling, hanging around at drop off makes it worse. Once you’re out of sight it’s generally much easier to settle and distract them.

ETA I meant to tag @noseysamie not mrs muffin- effing mum brain

 

[loveanatter]

@WeHadFunRight she does have a few little comforters with teddies but doesn't really play much with them. I might start encouraging it more so it can go with her.
I just feel awful that I'm changing her world soon & that it'll cause her to be upset.

It’s hard at front and so it’s not worth sugar coating it.
Even if she settles, the worry & change to routine! But I’ve done it twice and I still think going to nursery is a positive thing
I left my second having never been looked after by anyone else and handed him over outside thanks to Covid. He settled and came on in leaps and bounds. It’s so nice to hear what they’ve been up to at the end of the day and the look on their face when they see you is just something I wish I could bottle! X

 

[fairylights2000]

@WeHadFunRight she does have a few little comforters with teddies but doesn't really play much with them. I might start encouraging it more so it can go with her.
I just feel awful that I'm changing her world soon & that it'll cause her to be upset.

Baby L's comfort item is a sock, any sock we have a couple of those cute muslins with teddies attached but the heart wants what it wants! God knows how many we'll go through when he goes to nursery!

He's starting in January so I'm in a similar boat

Thanks for the new thread @Tifastrife

 

[Nosysamsie]

Thanks everyone. It hadn't even crossed my mind until today when I went for a wee. I felt so bad coz people were trying to eat & my little one was screaming the place down. Made me realise that she's probably gonna end up the same when she goes to nursery so my minds been working overtime.

 

[loveanatter]

Thanks everyone. It hadn't even crossed my mind until today when I went for a wee. I felt so bad coz people were trying to eat & my little one was screaming the place down. Made me realise that she's probably gonna end up the same when she goes to nursery so my minds been working overtime.

I’ll always remember someone saying to me how awful it is to think they’re upset but it’s so inevitable that wouldn’t I feel worse if they weren’t kind of thing.
sounds brutal when you write it down but I’m sure you know what I mean.
Ive been thinking about what starting nursery was like for my elder two - naps weren’t great and one didn’t eat much. If it helps you get yourself ready a little xxx

ETA - also don’t hang around if they’re upset at drop off. It just prolongs it for them🤍

 

[themuffinwoman]

Nobody told me how hilarious babies can be. Mini muffin blows raspberries to indicate unhappiness with anything. Doesn’t want more milk? Raspberries. No more food? Raspberries? Doesn’t like having her clothes changed? Raspberries. It’s an effective method of making me recoil/having porridge blown all over my face.
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I tagged @themuffinwoman instead of you on my last comment sorry asking about nursery transition
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ETA I meant to tag @noseysamie not mrs muffin- effing mum brain

No probs, also useful for me tbh as I’m simultaneously excited and dreading her going to nursery. One of my dogs (sorry I keep talking about them) is a nightmare to drop off at daycare, you would not expect a 60kg dog to need to be carried into daycare but here we are. And I almost always cry when leaving them, so god knows what I’ll be like with MM.

 

[Heyguysswipeup]

My baby crawled today for the first time me and dad both there to see it, we cried haha. Times going too fast.

 

[loveanatter]

Does anyone else do it without any family support? My friend turned up today without her baby because her Mum wanted her for the day… think I could have cried on the spot!
(Partly because I don’t have my Mum/the rest of our families don’t live close/what a dream!)

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Does anyone else do it without any family support? My friend turned up today without her baby because her Mum wanted her for the day… think I could have cried on the spot!
(Partly because I don’t have my Mum/the rest of our families don’t live close/what a dream!)

My in-laws are great when they visit but live 3 hours away, and my parents are local but can't have him on their own for more than an hour at most because of their health - my husband's aunt is retired and made a lot of noise about wanting to help out during the pregnancy, and loves visiting, but has always panicked and handed baby back when he cries, and when I offered for her to give him his bottle a few weeks ago she politely declined, so we're definitely not at the stage where she'd have him! It's hard because everyone says to get help where and when you can to give you a break and then you think "...what help?!" (Obviously I'm aware we're still fortunate just to have people around and willing, even if they're not able)

I'm sorry about your mum

 

[themuffinwoman]

@Pontiac_Bandit how’s your dad doing?

 

[loveanatter]

My in-laws are great when they visit but live 3 hours away, and my parents are local but can't have him on their own for more than an hour at most because of their health - my husband's aunt is retired and made a lot of noise about wanting to help out during the pregnancy, and loves visiting, but has always panicked and handed baby back when he cries, and when I offered for her to give him his bottle a few weeks ago she politely declined, so we're definitely not at the stage where she'd have him! It's hard because everyone says to get help where and when you can to give you a break and then you think "...what help?!" (Obviously I'm aware we're still fortunate just to have people around and willing, even if they're not able)

I'm sorry about your mum

I’m so with you. My Dad and my in laws are amazing but they’re 2.5 and 3.5 hours away, so there’s no day to day help and infact clearly don’t want all 3 as they haven’t had them since little one was born I feel like if we had an event to go to then we could arrange it but we haven’t and I was so jealous today! My other friend then said she leaves her 2 with her Mum to go food shopping! (Her Mum also does all the nursery runs 3 days a week!) just made me a bit jealous I suppose xxxx

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Does anyone else do it without any family support? My friend turned up today without her baby because her Mum wanted her for the day… think I could have cried on the spot!
(Partly because I don’t have my Mum/the rest of our families don’t live close/what a dream!)

We don’t have anyone. I’ll be honest, I try and block out anything about anyone getting support from family as it would make me really sad and bitter if I dwelt on it.

 

[WotsitG1]

Maybe silly question but when do you start giving baby a cup of water to just have all through the day. At moment baby wotsit has water at meals.

 

[loveanatter]

We don’t have anyone. I’ll be honest, I try and block out anything about anyone getting support from family as it would make me really sad and bitter if I dwelt on it.

Agreed. My Dad asked me why I was so sad on my mums anniversary and I was brutally honest.. school pick up, grandparents, soft play in the week, grandparents, shopping centre, mums on maternity leave and their Mums.
meanwhile I’m on my own so much (husband works away but that’s affording me not going back to work) that I can’t even imagine just having someone to call all the time never mind a babysitter at the drop of a hat x

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

@Pontiac_Bandit how’s your dad doing?

He's not too bad thanks my mum is sometimes a gatekeeper of important information because she doesn't want to worry me (we've had words about this!!) but it sounds like he's tired and sore but doing ok - he's on a fat free diet to help manage things and will be booked for surgery to remove his gallbladder within the next couple of months. I haven't had chance to see him since it happened because we were away and then baby bandit has been screaming lots and full of snot so I don't want to take him round there, but hopefully I'll see them soon how are things at your parents'? I hope you, mini muffin and the dogs are enjoying it there and that you're getting a chance to recover from a difficult few months

 

[fairylights2000]

Nobody told me how hilarious babies can be. Mini muffin blows raspberries to indicate unhappiness with anything. Doesn’t want more milk? Raspberries. No more food? Raspberries? Doesn’t like having her clothes changed? Raspberries. It’s an effective method of making me recoil/having porridge blown all over my face.

Baby L spits water at me like a fountain sometimes when he decides he didn't actually want it he also does this very languid dismissive flicking with his fingers when he doesn't want any more food, they are so funny aren't they!

I went to visit a nursery on Monday where they have the little cots/beds in the main baby room, and there were at least 3 babies snoozing away and one woke up while I was talking to the staff member, and looked around all confused and sleepy just like baby L does I was amazed they were asleep with the lights on, and other babies and staff everywhere but she said they just get used to it.

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

I’m so with you. My Dad and my in laws are amazing but they’re 2.5 and 3.5 hours away, so there’s no day to day help and infact clearly don’t want all 3 as they haven’t had them since little one was born I feel like if we had an event to go to then we could arrange it but we haven’t and I was so jealous today! My other friend then said she leaves her 2 with her Mum to go food shopping! (Her Mum also does all the nursery runs 3 days a week!) just made me a bit jealous I suppose xxxx

Same - it's our dating anniversary in January and I'd quite like to go out for dinner just us, so if we ask his parents in advance they can plan a trip down, or if we ask his aunt she can visit more to practice looking after him (and if there was an emergency our neighbour could step in or a couple of fairly local friends), but there's no-one day to day that I could call on if I just needed a couple of hours at short notice to have a breather and recharge. Some people at work do compressed hours/have dropped to part time so they can be regular childcare for their grandchildren one or two days a week while the parents work and I'm like "what bleeping alien concept is this?!" My mum is really upbeat but recently said "sorry you've got useless older, disabled parents who can't help out more" (not prompted by anything I'd said/done, I'm always really grateful for anything they do and make sure they know it!!) and I had to reassure her that they're amazing grandparents and that baby bandit loves seeing them, and that it doesn't matter that they can't support as much as some grandparents

 

[WeepingCassandra]

Had our 9 - 12 month review today. HV is going to return at the end of January as she feels that whilst LOs gross motor skills are getting there his fine motor, communication and imitation skills aren't in the 'ok' boxes yet. We did talk quite a bit about how big the age range is and how much difference there can be between a just 9 month old born at 37 weeks and an 11.5 month old born at 42 weeks is so I don't feel worried, she's a lovely lady and it was nice to have a chat!

We're looking at getting a smaller stroller/pushchair as the Cosatto is getting on my tits and we're running out of space but it looks like a lot of them say they're only good up to 15kg and roughly 4 years old. LO was 10kg when we weighed him about 3 weeks ago so I expect he'll be hitting 15kg fairly early (he's very long and has a massive head ) in comparison to 'normal' babies. Any recommendations?