My partner cheated

[CoffeeMamma]

Pretty grim truth be told. He's staying in a hotel for a few nights, clearly not ready to own up to family what he's done. I broke down when he left.

Finally found a way into one of his email accounts and history so I know where they stayed on Saturday but not much else. Does look like it is very recent. He finally said sorry. He does appear concerned about what happens if it is definitely over, I've said not my problem, he should have thought about that really shouldn't he?

It’s really not your problem, if he didn’t think about the consequences of his actions!! Take care of yourself tonight. Nice cool bath/shower, starfish in the bed. Cold glass of something (I’m a lime cordial sort of girl ). Put your comfort show on x

 

[KayleighA]

Screw him! The disgusting pig. After everything he has done he is more concerned with telling his Mum and where/ how he might live than the unbelievable hurt he has caused you. Despicable.

Look after yourself sweetheart. I know it feels like a fault on your part but it isn’t. This is all him. Let yourself lean on your family and friends. If the truth embarrasses him then so be it xx

 

[CrazyGiraffeLady]

You’re so much better off without him 🩷 each moment that hurts now is one moment closer to getting through it all x

 

[ChubClubThug]

When you lose someone who's been in your life for so long it will literally feel like a death. I'm so glad the house is yours. He will find out pretty rapidly that the grass IS NOT GREENER! You can do this. Stay strong it's never ever too late to start again. You could even take in a professional female lodger. There's always options. He sounds like a total fool. Let mummy deal with him, the absolute loser!

 

[Tunacanoe]

Same thing happened me with my ex he cheated and house was solely in my name I got a certain satisfaction from him being sent back to his mothers box room . Of course hes concerned about it being fully over not because hes sorry about what hes done but because he had a certain level of comfort hes now realised he has lost!

 

[ChubClubThug]

Pretty grim truth be told. He's staying in a hotel for a few nights, clearly not ready to own up to family what he's done. I broke down when he left.

Finally found a way into one of his email accounts and history so I know where they stayed on Saturday but not much else. Does look like it is very recent. He finally said sorry. He does appear concerned about what happens if it is definitely over, I've said not my problem, he should have thought about that really shouldn't he?

He's only sorry he got caught. He's taken your kindness for weakness. Sod him. For him to go to the effort of getting viagra, to go to a hotel with another woman?? Jesus christ I'd want his head on a spike I bet she's not the first. You are worth a million of this man, don't let him break you down

 

[If i told you …]

So sorry that you are going through this. It's one of the worst things that you have to endure and can feel like a huge challenge. My advice is to trust your instincts and protect yourself. If he hasn't left his keys get the locks changed asap and close any joint accounts or credit cards. You need to be one step ahead now. Gather his things up tomorrow like official documents passport, driving licence etc and either post them to him or take them to his mothers.
Write down a list of things he needs removed from like council tax, insurance, will and make a date to do them in the next week or so. When the dust has settled a bit.
You will have time to grieve and collect yourself but for now it's all about protecting what is yours.
Good luck going forward and trust people when they say to you that it will be for the best in the long run and that you will be happy again x

 

[Cat33]

I’m so sorry your going through this. I am also going through it. 8 weeks ago I discovered my husband of 21 years was having an affair. I also discovered he had set up Snapchat and Twitter accounts in a fake name to obviously message other women. I have two children and we are all heartbroken as we never suspected anything and we thought he was the best husband/dad so it been a massive shock to us. My children were with me when I found out about the affair. They are 17 and 12. He has moved out straight away and is living with a relative.

 

[SophSpinsSillyStories]

So sorry you’re going through this. I know it feels like your world has fallen apart right now, but trust me - you will recover from this in time.
My ex led a double life for 18 months, he gaslighted me when I suspected something but came clean when the woman he was sleeping with threatened to tell me on Christmas Day. We owned a house, had shared friends… it was just a mess. I tried to work through it but it was sending me crazy. I found out what he’d told me was only just the start of it and ended up on anti depressants as I went down rabbit hole after rabbit hole trying to find the truth. In the end my brother told me that I would hold it against him for the rest of my life and would ‘pull it out of my a’ in every argument. And he was right, I would have.
I told his mum myself, kicked him out, bought him out of the house and rebuilt my life. Years later I met a wonderful man and had two amazing kids. My life is exponentially better than it ever was.

You will get there. Surround yourself with people who will make you laugh, listen to you cry, join in when you witch about him and eventually it will stop hurting.

sending lots of love! X

 

[Cat33]

Thank you, I’m currently trying to buy him out of the house. It’s all a mess. I thought we were forever and had my whole future planned with him. It’s so hard at the moment thinking of a new future without him but I know I am better off without him, once a cheat always a cheat.

 

[Ro98]

Oh this makes me so sad. As a daughter of someone who cheated (my mum) it has affected all of my relationships, because if your own parent can betray you & lie what can someone else do? I will never forgive her but for my own sanity have put it aside, and my parents stayed together (god knows how but lots of resentment & 0 trust there.) So you are both doing the right thing getting rid - that’s not a life you want always wondering who they’re texting, who they’re out with, are they really at work today etc.
I hope you ladies are taking care of yourselves. What absolute pigs. Karma will come back for them.

 

[Justwishfulthinking]

Same thing happened me with my ex he cheated and house was solely in my name I got a certain satisfaction from him being sent back to his mothers box room . Of course hes concerned about it being fully over not because hes sorry about what hes done but because he had a certain level of comfort hes now realised he has lost!

Am I right in thinking if married they still have a right to a certain percentage of assets etc?

There is a woman on tiktok and Facebook called the legal queen. She’s on the ball. I am not in a marriage but my sister has recently gone through a divorce with no kids. She is happier than ever and stayed in an unfulfilling (for both of them as over the years they wanted different things) relationship. It’s not going to be nice and it’s scary but maybe better to leave than live in constant mistrust. His actions do seem very calculated. He’s gone to but viagra and condoms…least he’s using protection. Wonder if his friends and their partners know. People may want o not get involved for multiple reasons including it casting light and doubts onto their own relationships. X

 

[Tunacanoe]

Am I right in thinking if married they still have a right to a certain percentage of assets etc?

There is a woman on tiktok and Facebook called the legal queen. She’s on the ball. I am not in a marriage but my sister has recently gone through a divorce with no kids. She is happier than ever and stayed in an unfulfilling (for both of them as over the years they wanted different things) relationship. It’s not going to be nice and it’s scary but maybe better to leave than live in constant mistrust. His actions do seem very calculated. He’s gone to but viagra and condoms…least he’s using protection. Wonder if his friends and their partners know. People may want o not get involved for multiple reasons including it casting light and doubts onto their own relationships. X

Not necessarily entitled if one person owned the house before marriage they would only be entitled to what they paid into the house for example if they contributed 20k towards an extension they would be entitled to that back but not 50%.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Hey there’s enough of us to do a whole Strangers on a Train situation…
(Too soon for humour?)

 

[PixieMum]

Hey there’s enough of us to do a whole Strangers on a Train situation…
(Too soon for humour?)

Not too soon, gave me a much needed smile this morning!

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Not too soon, gave me a much needed smile this morning!

Mission accomplished!

 

[Justwishfulthinking]

Not necessarily entitled if one person owned the house before marriage they would only be entitled to what they paid into the house for example if they contributed 20k towards an extension they would be entitled to that back but not 50%.

Good news. I find it all really complex x
---

Not too soon, gave me a much needed smile this morning!

I just want to say I really feel for you. Have you heard of Esther Perel? Her work is really interesting and around how complex relationships are. X

 

[Mel Donte]

I found out today that my ex was seeing her current girlfriend before we broke up. It's a strange feeling. I thought I was done with mourning that relationship. What really gets me is that she was pushing non-monogamy HARD for about four months before we broke up. Now it looks like she was just trying to make her affair "legitimate".

 

[SwishSwing]

I found out today that my ex was seeing her current girlfriend before we broke up. It's a strange feeling. I thought I was done with mourning that relationship. What really gets me is that she was pushing non-monogamy HARD for about four months before we broke up. Now it looks like she was just trying to make her affair "legitimate".

Years ago an ex started dating "a friend" of mine a few months after we split. They dated for longer than he and I did, was rubbish but these things happened. About a year into their relationship I found out that not only had they started dating sooner than they'd told me but thst they'd been seeing each other for months behind my back too. And not only that but ALL of our other "friends" knew the whole time. It was HORRIBLE. I was no longer bothered by this point but it still stung.

People are, quite frankly, the worst.

I'm sorry you had to go through thst too. But you'll get through it again, I promise. Just know you're a better person than both of them! Sending love.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

I found out today that my ex was seeing her current girlfriend before we broke up. It's a strange feeling. I thought I was done with mourning that relationship. What really gets me is that she was pushing non-monogamy HARD for about four months before we broke up. Now it looks like she was just trying to make her affair "legitimate".

Ugh that sucks. You deserve better lies hurt worse sometimes and you have every right to feel however you fee