I've been with my husband for about 13 years in total now. When we first got together, I couldn't believe me luck. He was so unbelievably out of my league; clever, funny, handsome. Truth be told he was rebounding out of a previous relationship, and that is probably the only reason he ever looked at me. But we have lasted and put the work in, through periods of long distance and difficulty, to where we are today.
I was so infatuated I made some mistakes in hindsight. I dropped my family and life at home to move across the country to be with him. I trained for a job I am poorly suited to, but gives me the ability to move locations easily, so we could make it work.
Fast forward to today. I am in a job I am poorly suited to and dislike, that leaves me emotionally drained. I am living away from my support network. I haven't developed a close network in this new location in nearly 10 years - I am introverted, and left so tired by work I struggle to make meaningful connections and use my spare time to rest. We live in this area because we are close to my husbands family - grandparents, aunties, mum and dad, sisters and brothers. He would never move from here.
It has been made apparent to me recently that these people do not like me. They have made excuses to not spend time with me on holiday and stay in close contact. After some digging, they wanted to meet. I texted to ask if there was an issue, and got a snappy reply that this was inappropriate to discuss over text, they wanted to meet face to face a week later. I met with my sister in laws alone, and they said that they find me rude, I make them feel uncomfortable, don't get involved with anything and that I have no relationship or connection with any of them, and make no meaningful effort to be a part of their life.
I am destroyed by this. I completely see where they are coming from. I am shy, socially awkward, and just drained by my job, so I do sit back and watch. I never realised we were on such poor terms though, embarrassing as that is. I am now in a position where I feel like my husband deserves better than me; someone who will fit into his life with his extroverted family and enhance it. I now am struggling to attend the (numerous) family events that crop up so often at the weekends. I'd rather not go now in all honesty; knowing everyone doesn't like me makes me feel so uncomfortable. However, they would consider this rude. If I go anyway, well; they already think me being my natural self is rude, so again a bit of a lose. If I go and put on a fake face, I would feel so false and unnatural, and already know I can't sustain this for too long.
They have been reluctant to tell me husband this, because they don't want to damage the relationship they have with him. He is now unwilling to register it as a problem and talk about it, because he finds it so uncomfortable. I'm struggling to get perspective on the a) severity of the issue b) the best course of action to proceed. This all feels so magnified because I feel very alone.
Any help would be so, so appreciated.
I was so infatuated I made some mistakes in hindsight. I dropped my family and life at home to move across the country to be with him. I trained for a job I am poorly suited to, but gives me the ability to move locations easily, so we could make it work.
Fast forward to today. I am in a job I am poorly suited to and dislike, that leaves me emotionally drained. I am living away from my support network. I haven't developed a close network in this new location in nearly 10 years - I am introverted, and left so tired by work I struggle to make meaningful connections and use my spare time to rest. We live in this area because we are close to my husbands family - grandparents, aunties, mum and dad, sisters and brothers. He would never move from here.
It has been made apparent to me recently that these people do not like me. They have made excuses to not spend time with me on holiday and stay in close contact. After some digging, they wanted to meet. I texted to ask if there was an issue, and got a snappy reply that this was inappropriate to discuss over text, they wanted to meet face to face a week later. I met with my sister in laws alone, and they said that they find me rude, I make them feel uncomfortable, don't get involved with anything and that I have no relationship or connection with any of them, and make no meaningful effort to be a part of their life.
I am destroyed by this. I completely see where they are coming from. I am shy, socially awkward, and just drained by my job, so I do sit back and watch. I never realised we were on such poor terms though, embarrassing as that is. I am now in a position where I feel like my husband deserves better than me; someone who will fit into his life with his extroverted family and enhance it. I now am struggling to attend the (numerous) family events that crop up so often at the weekends. I'd rather not go now in all honesty; knowing everyone doesn't like me makes me feel so uncomfortable. However, they would consider this rude. If I go anyway, well; they already think me being my natural self is rude, so again a bit of a lose. If I go and put on a fake face, I would feel so false and unnatural, and already know I can't sustain this for too long.
They have been reluctant to tell me husband this, because they don't want to damage the relationship they have with him. He is now unwilling to register it as a problem and talk about it, because he finds it so uncomfortable. I'm struggling to get perspective on the a) severity of the issue b) the best course of action to proceed. This all feels so magnified because I feel very alone.
Any help would be so, so appreciated.
It took me a long time to realise that this is their problem, not mine, but it doesn't make things any easier. 